6 Reasons Why I Dumped Your Ass *Vintage*

Ya’ll know I am somewhat of a ball breaker right, so there are just certain things I refuse to tolerate when it comes to men. I firmly believe men should act like GOD gave them common sense and not make me get gutta on their asses. I am as sweet as cotton candy, but there is just some bullshit that will make me dump your ass in a heartbeat. I try to give you fair warning before you decide to try me, but I guess some people just don’t get it as fast as others. This blog is dedicated to the men I dated and dumped. These are the reasons I dumped you. This one’s for you boo. *Marlo Hampton jailhouse wink*

6. Men Don’t Nag, Bitches Do~ I hate a nagging man. Yes, men nag too. I just don’t understand the need for it. Why you kept sweating me about dumb shit was beyond me. I tell you I’m out with my girls and you accuse me of cheating. You showed too many insecurities and frankly my dear that shit was a straight turn off. You moved like less than a man and more like a bitch. I don’t do weak fellows.

5. Hoes in Different Area Codes~ For some strange reason I always attracted the n*ggas that can’t help but have more than one chick on their roster. I’m assume having different women makes them feel like the man, but you sadly…you ain’t boo. I think I am that damn good that I didn’t need to share you with random women. Hell if you were gonna cheat on me you could’ve at least cheated with a chick that can make me say “Damn I see why he did it”. Don’t cheat with a Dollar Menu Cheeseburger bitch when you got Steak’ Ums at home.

4. Dead Dick Don’t Do Me~ Your dick didn’t work! It just laid there like a limp dish rag. Fool kill yo self…and any chick that told you, you had that good dick. Bitch wouldn’t know a good dick if it came up and slapped her in the face and did the Harlem Shake.

3. Weakness is an Acquired Taste~ I can’t stand a weak man. If you constantly showed your weakness I looked at you as less than a man. I love a confidence, and boo you never had it. How the f*ck you gonna say “I want to marry you, but I’m afraid you’re gonna cheat on me in 7 years”. First off, where the hell 7 years come from? Then you had the nerve to cry and ask me to promise not to cheat on you. Yo, when a man cries over bullshit he imagined I can’t help but chuckle. That back and forth trying to convince you otherwise mess just isn’t for me. If you don’t know where you stand with me, then maybe I’m not the woman for you.

2. Liar Liar, Dick on Fire~ I HATE LIARS. I HATE LIARS MORE THAN I HATE COMMUNISM. LOL. I just don’t understand why people gotta lie about everything. You told me “Oh that not my child. It’s my god-son. “. N*gga that’s your child. He looks like you gave birth to him your damn self.  What kind of fool you took me for. I must not have looked in the mirror often cause if I did I would have seen the word “Stupid ass” written on my forehead. One thing I hate is a man denying his child. That is some low ass shit. I’m glad that chick took your simple ass to child support. Lying for bullshit reasons.

1. Crazy Son of a Bitch~ *Blankness and Despair* It ain’t cute to be crazy. You actually dumped me and turned around and asked me why did I dump you *Taylor Swift confused look*. You seemed like a perfectly normal individual when we first met, then you started getting all “It rubs the lotion on its skin” crazy. That shit wasn’t a good look especially given the fact that you were a lot older than me and was “suppose” to be more mature. Chile stop!! Oh and by the by you had too much f*cking body hair. That shit is so gross. You looked like you were wearing a sweater…like all the time.

I can go on and on with this topic, but I have a life. I just wanted to list some of the reasons I might have left your awkward ass. I don’t know how I ever survived kicking it with you, but thank the lawd above I got the hell on. You don’t need a relationship, you need a team of doctor’s studying your stupidity. No normal woman should ever give ya’ll the time of day. All ya’ll need spiritual guidance.