Hi V.I.,
Since this is where my wife seems to air all of our problems out, I thought I might get involved. Recently, my wife and I have been have been growing distant in our relationship. In all actuality, I have found someone else that makes me happy. She is an island girl. I love to hear the way she talks, I love her conversation, I love her smile, and I love the way she does those ‘Jamaican’dances. On the other hand, the sound of my wife’s voice has become painstakingly irritable. My boy said that I should leave her but I asked him if he didn’t see the Benz parked outside or in fact the layout of my condo; a divorce won’t be cheap.
And I know everyone is turning up their noses right now but in all actuality, I am the victim in this situation. You see my wife cheated on me. I actually caught her at a hotel at 3am in the morning with another man. I had never cheated on her. She was just being greedy. So why should I divorce her now and give her half of everything. She would be winning twice. I do not think it is fair. I know this is a woman’s forum so your responses may be biased but I believe that I should stay married to her and carry out my affair with my ‘island girl’. What do you think?
Married Yet Still Single
Dear Married Yet Still Single,
Now that is an interesting dilemma, but I think you answered your own question. I’m not sure how many people will agree with me on this, but I won’t give you wrong if you continued doing what you’re doing. I do think that you went about the whole thing wrong as f*ck though. When you found out she was cheating you should have proceeded with a divorce. Chances are if she was the one at fault you probably wouldn’t have to pay her spousal support. Hell I ain’t a lawyer what do I know. I just think you would have been better off dissolving the relationship at that time. The fact that she cheated has changed your relationship and your dynamic as a unit. You no longer trust her so you no longer care. You’re looking at this other woman because she brings something that you’re lacking in your home life. She’s something new and doesn’t remind you of your broken marriage. If you stayed with your wife to make it work, then that’s what you should have done. If you knew you could never trust her again, why stay married?
So, how did you meet this other woman? The reason I ask is because most women that hook up with a married man knowing that he’s married would expect him to leave the wife for her. They do extraordinary shit to make sure he sees something else in her. Is she happy knowing that you have no intention on leaving your wife? I think people should do what makes them happy, but you are messing with this other woman’s emotions and probably unaware of it. You’re already doing what you want to do, so telling you anything otherwise would just be a waste of time. Like I said in the beginning you answered your own question. Just know this, now you have left yourself open to get f*cked. If your wife decides to divorce you, you will look like the bad guy. The fact that she cheated will go out the window because you decided to stay in the marriage. Now you’re the bad person, so whatever happens in the end of this I hope all the drama will be worth it.
I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see it. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted.
V.I.
xoxoxox
GoodasGal
Comment made on April 9, 2010 @ 5:25 pm
Where do I start? First, your wife airs all her problems on this website and you choose to respond by letting her know that you have a island girl and your wife's voice has become painstakingly irritable. That's bold of you. You might think it's easier to keep her than divorce her, and hey you're entitled to your opinion, but you do realize that YOUR WIFE CAN FILE FOR DIVORCE!! She doesn't have to stay in a marriage just because her husband doesn't want to split his assets. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!!!! Don't try and twist the situation in your favor…yes, she cheated on you, but YOU stayed. YOU decided to get back at her for cheating on you, 2 wrongs don't make a right. Anyways, it seems like you're not interested in saving your marriage, so FYI: IF YOUR WIFE DECIDES TO DIVORCE YOU, SHE CAN STILL TAKE YOU FOR HALF.
SN: From your description of your island girl, I think that you are enamored by her and her "exoticness" or newness because she is different – her attitude, language, dances etc. What are her expectations of you? How long have you two been "together"? Did you ever even try to work on your marriage? As VI stated, you've set yourself up to get fu@ked.
vichick
Comment made on April 9, 2010 @ 5:37 pm
You're so right GoodasGal…two wrongs damn sure don't make a right. He has left himself open to get screwed. He thought keeping her was the easy way out, but he's gonna learn that she now has the upper hand. Like we both said He took her back that implies that he forgave her and wanted to work things out. Now that he's cheating or maybe he was cheating all along it gives her leverage for divorce. When you try to play you end up getting played.
PA_Worldwide
Comment made on April 10, 2010 @ 1:02 am
The only thing i see in this is mess and more mess waiting to happen. The grass aint greener on the otherside, that grass has a lot of fertilizer. Plus any woman looks good or better when the woman at home is giving you grief. You cannot win either way. My advice is to search your heart because if you just looking at this whole thing as a money issue, then dude you got your priorities mixed up because your money wont bring you peace whether she gets or not. She gonna get it either way, whether you stay or not. lol Like VI said, when she cheated, you should have bounced, but i gotta feeling that you didnt leave because you was thinking about the money… Well here you are clown, thinking about the money. Work on your marriage and leave that woman alone. Its cheaper to keep her, since all you really thinking about is the money anyway.
Tracy Renee Jones
Comment made on April 19, 2010 @ 4:44 pm
Do you bruh, I ain't mad at you. You're just doing what people have been doing for years with spare bedrooms and hushed conversations. There are wack husbands and there are wack wives; it's your marriage. Feel free to do as you please with it but thanks for letting me watch!
earringsbytraci
Comment made on July 26, 2010 @ 11:52 am
First off SIR, seems to me you are concern about the wrong things. You’re more concerned about her getting half of everything and winning twice than her violating the marriage. So I ask you, are you really serious about yourself right now?! People love to say it’s cheaper to keep her, but at what cost? This is a recipe for disaster. Do you really think anything good will come out of this? Two wrongs don’t make a right. You should have shown better character traits here and ended the relationship if you really didn’t think you could get past it. WINNING IS BEING AND DOING BETTER THAN THE NEXT PERSON. SO YOU DO BETTER AND BE BETTER AND WIN!
If He Cheats…Should You? | Candy Diaries
Pingback made on October 11, 2010 @ 9:31 am
[...] few months ago I received an email seeking advice called “Married Yet Still Single“. If you remember the post the husband wrote into Candy Diaries because he was having an [...]