So I was sent an “ASK V.I.” email last night and I had to address this right away. I was blown away by what the hell the letter said and that made me start to get pissed off. I’m not a parent but I do know right from wrong , and some of you single mother’s out there need to get your shit together. I’m talking about the single mothers that put a nigga *yes I ain’t bleeped that shit out* before your children. What kind of parent are you that would allow some dumb ass lame to gank you, and then talk about you still love him? Let me run down the letter so ya’ll can get a bigger picture for ya’ll.
Hi V.I.,
I’m wondering if you can give me some advice. I am involved with this man for 3 years off and on. We’ve had several issues in our relationship with cheating. I’ve tried to work things out with him, but we always seem to end up in the same situation. I’m also a mother of a 5 year old *he isn’t the father* and a 2 year old *she is his*. I worked two jobs for 4 years and recently got laid off of one of them. My boyfriend never seems to want to get a job and help out around the house.
About a month ago he asked me to lend him some money to buy a car because he was tired of asking folks for a ride. I gave him $2000 dollars of my savings which he promised to pay back. Once he got the car he stopped coming over to see me or his daughter. Every time I asked him about the money he would give me the run around. Part of that money was my rent and now I don’t have enough to pay it this month. He came over last night and all he seemed that he wanted was sex, and then he was gone again. I don’t know what to do. I need my money, but he doesn’t seem to want to pay me. Do you have any advice for me?
First of all, this shit really makes me upset. I don’t have sympathy for this type of behavior. She knew this man was no good yet she kept giving him chance after chance. Then his broke ass gonna have the nerve to ask a woman with two kids for money to buy a car? What’s worse is that she GAVE him the money and really expected it back. You have two children that you cannot properly care for because you’re taking care of a grown motherf*cker. I view that as bad parenting. I don’t care if I sound too harsh, but that shit makes me question any woman’s judgement. Now you’re about to be evicted because you can’t pay your rent. I don’t feel sorry for you one bit. I feel sorry for the children. Instead of using that money to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kids, you spending it on a nigga that ain’t got shit and treat you like shit.
You said he’s unemployed yet you honestly thought he would pay you back? Last time I heard people don’t shit money. The sad thing is you’re not the only woman that does this. There are so many women out there that would put someone else before their kids. Is it low self-esteem? Is it lack of parenting skills? There are so many questions that need answering. Women in general need to learn how to deal with their responsibilities. We talk about men not doing what they’re suppose to do as men, but there are a lot of women out there doing the same things. As a parent your main priority is your children, not some dude with good dick. Constantly putting a man over your children will only alienate your children from you. It’s like you put up with anything because you’re scared to be alone. Is that an example you want to show your children? A man can run over you as many times as he wants and all you have to do is grin and bear it? I’m sorry but I  and a lot of woman out there wasn’t raised that way.It pains me to write this post because some people just don’t realize shit until it’s too late. I give tough love because watering down the truth doesn’t sink in all the way.
This is the time when you need to make shit right. I don’t think you will ever get your money, but you need to take this as a lesson. I know he is the father of your child, but he is useless to you and her. Don’t talk shit about “he’s her father he should be able to see his daughter”. That is true but you said yourself that he only comes over there to fuck you and doesn’t even check for her, so what’s the point of him being in the picture. If shit is broke throw it away. You need to get your shit together and focus on raising your kids, so they don’t turn out battered and bruised. Believe it or not your kids are watching every move you make and if they see mommy getting treated like pure shit, they will think it’s normal and ok for someone else to treat them that way too. Get your shit together, if not for you but for the future of your children.
V.I.
lollipopnews
Comment made on April 15, 2010 @ 2:38 pm
Wow! Tough love is exactly what Miss V.I. gave out and I must say I agree. Sweetheart, first and foremost you have to begin to value you! Because you are worth it! When loaning out money-don't loan it unless you can stand to lose it. Okay moving right along. I pray you have friends and family near that can assist you and your precious children in this time of need. As far as your guy and child's father is concerned…cut that zero and get you a hero. You can do bad all by your damn self. As fabulous and fly as you are on your worst day you are still a queen. So, act like it and start loving you and yours! May God bless you my sister. This too shall pass. We grow as women and mothers from lessons learned.
Isalah
Comment made on April 15, 2010 @ 4:57 pm
Well said V.I. We ladies have got to hold higher standards for ourselves. So what if we end up single? A strong respectable queen will take that any day over being mistreated by some ol bum. To the young lady, you really don't need him and there is nothing wrong with holding your own and being single. Your kids will respect you a whole lot more for it and you will feel much better knowing that you've recognzed your self worth. good luck!
PA_Worldwide
Comment made on April 15, 2010 @ 11:06 pm
wow… the generosity of women never ceases to amaze me. VI, well done thats all I can say. How you gonna give some clown…(i dont care if he is your baby daddy 2,000 (part of which you knew was your rent money… why because he was tired (with his broke azz… asking for rides?) Charge it to the game and let it go. You not getting your money. You gonna get with you been getting because trust VI she not gonna leave him alone. I dont even know why she sent you an email… that is a crying shame and would be down right hilarious if you didnt have kids involved.
keepinit100
Comment made on April 16, 2010 @ 5:31 am
That was the best thing I read all day. What boggles my mind is why she would have sex with him after he owes her money and has been avoiding her. She needs to get her act together and stop acting like a victim when clearly she's an enabler.
Dave
Comment made on April 26, 2010 @ 7:09 pm
Well said V.I. We ladies have got to hold higher standards for ourselves. So what if we end up single? A strong respectable queen will take that any day over being mistreated by some ol bum. To the young lady, you really don’t need him and there is nothing wrong with holding your own and being single. Your kids will respect you a whole lot more for it and you will feel much better knowing that you’ve recognzed your self worth. good luck!
Jeff
Comment made on April 27, 2010 @ 12:11 am
wow… the generosity of women never ceases to amaze me. VI, well done thats all I can say. How you gonna give some clown…(i dont care if he is your baby daddy 2,000 (part of which you knew was your rent money… why because he was tired (with his broke azz… asking for rides?) Charge it to the game and let it go. You not getting your money. You gonna get with you been getting because trust VI she not gonna leave him alone. I dont even know why she sent you an email… that is a crying shame and would be down right hilarious if you didnt have kids involved.
Ian
Comment made on April 27, 2010 @ 3:57 am
Wow! Tough love is exactly what Miss V.I. gave out and I must say I agree. Sweetheart, first and foremost you have to begin to value you! Because you are worth it! When loaning out money-don’t loan it unless you can stand to lose it. Okay moving right along. I pray you have friends and family near that can assist you and your precious children in this time of need. As far as your guy and child’s father is concerned…cut that zero and get you a hero. You can do bad all by your damn self. As fabulous and fly as you are on your worst day you are still a queen. So, act like it and start loving you and yours! May God bless you my sister. This too shall pass. We grow as women and mothers from lessons learned.
Lee
Comment made on April 27, 2010 @ 7:03 am
Well said V.I. We ladies have got to hold higher standards for ourselves. So what if we end up single? A strong respectable queen will take that any day over being mistreated by some ol bum. To the young lady, you really don’t need him and there is nothing wrong with holding your own and being single. Your kids will respect you a whole lot more for it and you will feel much better knowing that you’ve recognzed your self worth. good luck!