Dear V.I.,
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed about a situation that’s been going on for the past 4-5 yrs. Let me start at the beginning I had a homegirl(T) who met this dude. Thinking that it’ll be cool to double date, buddy hooked me up with a friend. We all hung out one day at the bowling alley. Now guy thought I’d fuck him and he was soooo wrong, so me and dude never chilled again. However, me and my friend continued to hang with just her guy. He would cook for us and take us out. Now I never noticed that buddy was too friendly with me but my homegirl thought so. So one night after we were at his house she left me there I was like WTF! Well nothing happened but I could tell buddy liked me so they got into an argument over me. They eventually ended but I must admit I liked buddy so I confided in my other BFF (K) and she was like go for it.
 Like two weeks passed and she(K) told me she met a guy so we went out and guess who it was it was buddy from my the (T) situation.So we went out and guess who it was it was buddy from my the (T) situation. That night he was like he wanted me to come back to his house and I was like no and even told my friend(K) he hit on me. She was like oh ok . Well buddy called me and needed me to help him w/ something technical w/ his computer. Looking back I should’ve just said no but he was so sweet. Nothing happened that time but there was sexual tension in the air. I chilled w/ him like two other times before we hooked up. Now him and (K) stopped hanging and it was just me & him off and on. Well recently she (K) decided she wants to hook up with him again and I’m pissed but I’m like do I have the right to be??? I’m mad, jealous, and want to kick his ass b/c he tells me that we should have an exclusive cut friend relationship but I’m like I don’t want to fuck with him if he’s fucking my friend again?
What should I do? VI????  I’ve been messing with dude since 06″. I’m scared to tell her and now if I do it’ll seem like I’m dirty and just don’t want her to be with him.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You have officially gotten yourself in deep shit. As I read this email I had to ask myself “Why the hell is this dude circulating between 3 friends”. Every last one of you has gotten smashed *I assume* by this dude and now you might loose a friend over it. Let’s start off with your first friend you mentioned…”T”. Now, first off hanging out with your homegirl and her beau is a no no. You became the third wheel in their relationship. If they invited you over, it was because they thought it was a nice gesture…you shouldn’t have accepted. Like you said you sorta liked him and you knew he liked you so you continued to tag along. Looking at that situation from “T” perspective I can tell why she would be upset.
Now you met up with him a second time and your other friend “K” was dating him. From that moment you should have backed the f*ck up when he started dating her. If he disrespected your homegirls if you hooked up with him chances are he would have done the same to you. You purposely put yourself in a situation where you wanted to be around him, because like you said in the beginning you were digging him. Now WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU AGREE TO A DAMN CUTT RELATIONSHIP IS BEYOND ME. Plus, you’ve been f*cking with this dude 4-5 years and you’re still the cutt buddy? If you went into this situation thinking the only way you could be close to him is to become a jump-off, then you need to figure out why are your standards so off. Having a cutt relationship is ok if you are just seeking out sex, but doing it for this long is a no no. You get comfortable, you get possessive and that’s exactly what has happened. Now that you’re girl wants to see him again you’re upset, because for 5 years you’ve thought of him as yours. If this man wanted to be with you, you would not be subjected to being just another “f*ck”.
I think the best thing to do with your homegirl is tell her the truth. You’ve hid this for years, and the minute she starts dating him again it’s gonna eventually come out. No matter how and when she finds out she’s gonna be pissed at you. You broke the girlfriend’s code: Never f*ck or suck your best friends ex boyfriends. You’ve had her sloppy seconds now. The fact that you waited so long to tell her, she’s gonna look at you as someone who can’t be trusted. Friends don’t do that to each other. Plus, she’s not the only friend you back stabbed. This guy will now come between you and your girls. You might end up loosing your friends while he can sit back and say he done f*cked all ya’ll.
I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.
Thanks
V.I.
xoxoxoxoxo
GoodasGal
Comment made on March 23, 2010 @ 12:01 am
VI, I really like your honesty and how real you keep it with your responses.
Apple
Comment made on March 30, 2010 @ 8:51 pm
VI is so right. You broke the girlfriend’s code. you should’ve never gone there. I think you did it purposely. You cannot expect your friends or anyone else for that matter to think otherwise. After all, there are so many other guys out there. Why’d you have to mess with one that was in a relationship……………WITH YOUR BFFs????? I dont want to judge you at all but just so you know many ladies and men have caught the eye of a friends significant other and vice versa. for a split second but then you fall back and snap back into reality. hanging out as a 3some is never a good look. I would suggest dating a NEW guy to get over the old and allow your girl to date this trick if she so chooses. Although she shouldnt. but if you tell her not to, you will look like a hater. so all in all, live and let live and leave your friends men and ex men alone.
Apple
Comment made on March 31, 2010 @ 8:08 pm
VI I really need your advice on this one. I am a 28 year old professional with no kids. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, its just the 2 of us at home. After I completed grad school, I had a lot of extra time on my hands. I was bored! He works late, and I dont have much friends here (I’ve lived here for almost 5 yrs, but i’ve been busy with school most of it) so for the most part I would be at home, just chilling until he gets home from work. In 2010, I made a promise to myself to start being more outgoing and stop waiting for someone to take me places. I got on the net, and found a few professional organizations that I could get involved in. I’ve recently become a coach on the neighborhood soccer team. So for a couple of nights a week I get home, sometimes after he does. When I tell him about my community involvement he makes negative remarks, like “how is this benefiting you, this is a waste of time, I am sure you have better things to do”. Now I know this might seem minor but the psychologist in me wonders if this could be a bigger problem. It almost seems like he has a problem with me getting involved in things separate and apart from him. Does this man have control issues, or even insecurities? or am I making a big deal out of nothing? I dont know, it just bothers me that I may have to sneak around to be do what I think are positive things for our community. After all, what the hell else am I gonna do, sit home twiddling my thumbs until he gets home. I think he is a bit selfish for not being supportive. Is this normal for guys to trip about these things?
sunshyne84
Comment made on June 30, 2010 @ 10:19 am
WTF? & Why does the friend wanna get back with him?
kilizzy
Comment made on November 23, 2010 @ 1:29 pm
Hey just for a update I have started seeing a new guy to distract me from “buddy” but i do still occasion fall back through to “Buddy” for sex. My friend never hooked up with him again so I never confessed. I still feel guilty but no one seemed to read the part where I told her(K) that I was interested in “Buddy” and she said I should go for it. Not making excuses but she knew that he was liking me and she started seeing him. All around the situation is fucked up but I feel the only person I would owe an explanation to is (T) because she introduced me into the situation. As for me “tagging along” I refused several invitations and most time I went there they said a friend would be there to keep me company. I wasn’t intentionally third wheeling it (lol). I just thought I’d shed some light on to the situation. Also, I do deel like this has been one of the worst mistakes I made I wish I’d never met dude but it is what it is and I am attached to him and I know exactly what we mean to one another.