Ask V.I.~ My Baby Daddy Keeps Us A Secret From Everyone

Hey, V.I.

I’ve been with my daughter’s father for over 7yrs now. When I met him he had a 8 month old son and told me that he was no longer with his child’s mother. We have a 4yr old daughter. I’ve never seen his son and nor has my daughter. He doesn’t allow his family to come around our daughter or even to call her. I don’t know where he lives or any family members. I had to put him in child support court to get him to help me with my daughter and he hasn’t paid in awhile. He has never been to any of her birthday parties and hasn’t been around for any other holiday. I know that he is in the street but I feel that he uses that as an excuse to cover up his b.s. i only see him once a week if that and if I’m flooding he doesn’t show up.

He might see his daughter once a month if i beg him or make him feel bad but if I’m not happy with him then she doesn’t exist at all. I’m past the point of staying for my daughter and now I don’t know why i stay or accept his b.s. Even though I feel that he is lying i may never know the truth he is very selfish, self center & can be a a’hole most of the time. He has potential, a big heart and he is my best-friend. I just don’t know how he can say that he loves us and treats us the way that he does. I don’t feel like we are a priority or of any importance to him unless it benefits him in some way. Please tell me what you think of this situation & what you think that i should do I’ve been knowing for awhile now but i’m so in denial I need to wake up I don’t know what its going to take, I can’t let go.

In Love With A Loser

Dear ILWAL,

You’re selfish! Yes I said it. I’m not about coddling grown people so I’m just gonna tell you flat out. You’re more concerned about how you’re feeling than your child. This man has you and your baby as a secret and your saying that he has potential? Girl that man is either married or heavily involved with someone else. Maybe his son’s mother. I don’t care how much in the streets his ass is, if he’s not supporting his child or even seeing her  HE’S A F*CKING DEAD BEAT.

Rather than do what’s right for you and your child you’re focusing on your feelings for him. Yes you love him, but he’s playing you and your daughter and you’re allowing him to do it. If it was you then fine do what you want, but you have a child that is absorbing your actions. This man basically doesn’t give a damn about his child, but you’re still allowing him to come and go as he pleases. Do you think your child isn’t noticing that? Trust me even at the age of 4 a child knows when they’re not wanted. He won’t even let his family contact her? You’re suffering from a bad case of denial. He doesn’t want you two. He keeps you around because you have put up with his bullshit for 7 long years. You need to do what’s right for your child. She doesn’t need to grow up and see that shit. That’s a bad representation of a man and if you continue your daughter will be putting up with the same shit when she gets older. As a mother you have to be stronger than ever. Don’t let your baby look back at shit and have to say “My mother cared more about herself  and HIM than she did me.”

I don’t know if you’re scared to be alone or what, but there has to be something better than this. He gives you whatever little affection he can and then goes home to whoever. You really need to snap out of this. You’re better than this. God made you stronger than this. Please don’t say she needs a father in her life that’s why you’re staying. Frankly, he’s not in her life so saying that little mantra to yourself every day is just making you feel better. Reality is she has no father. The man that laid down to get her isn’t man enough to take care of his reprehensibility. Why would you want to have that in your life when you know you can do better?

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!