Carpet Munching For Dummies *Vintage Blog*

Not every man has the knowledge of satisfying a woman orally. Some just go down there and eat that shit like they’re in a hot dog eating contest, while others devour that coochie like a fat kid with an ice cream cone. I’m not sure if eating the cooch puts too much pressure on a man that he goes in there like he’s retarded, or he’s just inexperienced in the art of making her cum with his tongue. *My Infomercial Voice*Here are some rules and techniques that can help you *pointing finger* become a better lady coochie eater.

Oral sex is better when wet by other means. Sure she can get wet from it, but would you rather do something that can get her wet and throbbing first then go in for the kill? I have some rules when you actually get down there. First rule in coochie munching; never bite a clit. *Warning: If you bite her clit, she will knock you the f*ck out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you* A woman’s happy button is a very sensitive instrument; you can’t go in there like you’re jaws and crunch and munch it. Nibble on the grissle, suck on the clit flesh just don’t bite it. You have to tease and taunt her with your mighty tongue. Take your tongue and massage the labia *that’s the p*ssy lips to you non-educated men out there* work your way around all the crevices. That way you can make her extra excited with your wetness, and that would create the perfect situation to do your job more effectively.

Another rule I have when giving her oral stimulation: Never hit it and quit it. This isn’t a marathon son; you can’t just give her two shakes and ready to stick your d*ck in there. You know you get mad when she tries that shit with you, so why do it to her? Work that tongue like it’s your man meat and tongue smash her. I know it’s a smaller instrument to work with *well some of you might feel right at home*, but you have to know how to do other things than just lick on the top. Go in and out, move it from side to side; do something that can make her scream your name or her man’s name or whoever. Flip her over and eat it from the back. Ladies, get that man in the Ear Muff position; that’s when you’re both laying on your sides and he gets between those thighs and you grip his head with them. Not only is that shit fun, but you can apply as much pressure to his head to make him continue until you’re done.

My last and final rule to carpet munching: Don’t be afraid to get glazed with her juicy goodness. Don’t be afraid of cum…cum is your friend. Hell cum is your reward for a job well done. When she’s spent from all the tongue lashing, you can enter her with your mighty peen and make her double back on herself. I’m sure you will take heed to the information I have bestowed on you. *Slapping ass* Now go off in the world and be somebody.

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3 thoughts on “Carpet Munching For Dummies *Vintage Blog*

  1. lovely darlin. and u gotta let them know that sometimes when were guiding thier head they might need to follow our lead cause sometimes this is when there hitting the spot and they continue to move away from it when were at the verge of reaching our peak. damn that shit does feel oh so goood. lol. but u on point my girl

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