Ask V.I.~ I Lied And Told Him That He Is The Father

family walking down the street

Hi V.I.,

I just need to unburden myself to someone. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have a 9 month old daughter. During our relationship I can admit that I haven’t been very faithful to him. The sex isn’t stimulating to me. He’s a good guy, but when it comes to sex he’s very one-dimensional. So, I started getting it elsewhere. I was doing pretty good until I started feeling sick and throwing up all the time. I thought I had the flu until I went to the doctor and she did a urine test. I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. I had to make the decision if I should keep the child when I wasn’t sure who was my child’s father. I decided to tell my boyfriend it was his child. He was more stable financially than the other guy and frankly I knew he would be there and provide for her the way she needed to be cared for.

Now that my little girl is growing into her features I’m noticing that she resembles the other guy than her “father”. As a matter of fact she looks like his 2-year-old son. I’m so afraid that my boyfriend will question her looks. Last week he said that it’s interesting that she’s not getting any darker and wonders where she got her hazel eyes. I lied and told him that my grandmother had the same eyes so she got it from my side. I am so afraid that he’ll find out. He loves her so much and she adores her daddy. How can I tell him that he’s not the father? Should I take this to the grave while never telling him and her the truth? Should I tell him and risk him leaving us and having no one to provide for us? Please help me.

Living a Lie

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Ask V.I.~ I’m His Sex Buddy, But Want To Be His Girl

woman straddling man

Hi V.I.,

I’ve been messing around with one of my best friends oldest cousin. Its been 2 & half month everything is sooooo perfect,but when something doesn’t go they way I want it to I call my friend. He doesn’t try to cover for him but he always says ” don’t expect so much from him ” so I don’t know!?  We haven’t argued about anything, when I call he comes. Something just doesn’t feel right. He hasn’t gave me a reason to leave but other people always have something to say! Our sex is amazing we talk and text all the time. I recently got pregnant and lost the baby but when I first told him he said it’s whatever you wanna do! A part of me feels like he’s hiding something because if were doing so well why not make me his girlfriend?

Pleaseeee help me!!

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Ask V.I.~He Made Me His Girlfriend, Then Took It Back

father and sons

Hi VI,

So I started dating a full-time single Dad of a 2yr old. In the beginning it was great then he put a label on it making me his gf.  Then he starred pulling away and when I would complain we never found anytime for me (weekdays weren’t good cause if the kid.. Daycare etc.   But weekends he wanted to just chill and have alone time) he freaked our saying I was pressuring him, overwhelming him it was too much. I’m a pretty easy-going chick so when I say complain I mean “hey babe am I going to see you this weekend ”  Finally I had enough of being a gf of convenience and ended it but remained friends..which turned into a booty call or so I thought.  Yes we had sex and lots of it (more than we had in the 2 months we were together combined) but we talked hung out laughed and during the talk he said this was better no pressure and didn’t want to stop seeing me.  He doesn’t want to see or fuck anyone else either.     So my question is.. Did the label gf/bf really freak him out even though he pushed for it  and introduced me to his family and why?  And even if you remove the label but we’re exclusive isn’t that the same thing?

 Confused and Sexually Satisfied

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Ask V.I.~ I’m Single, But It’s Complicated

arguing couple Hey V.I,

Me and guy has been broken up for several months now, I’ll say about 7months. We were high school sweethearts, we even did the long distance thing when I went off to college. When I say we’ve been through so much together, like seriously. But unfortunately, we had hella issues that just ruined our relationships. Mainly insecurities, infidelity, and psycho exs. Anyway, when we first broke up he’ll randomly contact me with the “I love you, You’re the one I need” all that bulls$&@! during that time I pretty much had a F@$! You mentality towards him. So I wasn’t trying to hear that, and honestly was trying to move on and find someone better. Over the months, I’ve gained closure. I’ve also learned to forgive him for all the drama and vice versa.

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Ask V.I.~ He’s Crazy, But We Had A Baby


couple fighting

I have a one year son with a man I’m no longer with. He comes to see the baby, but I don’t see him because I work late. I was very happy that I dot see him because he tends to start up a fight or wants to get friendly. I hate that. He figured out I get home late so I stay out later. He has a woman that he says he will never leave or that they have a understanding. He believes that we will still be together for some crazy reason. Why is he acting like a dick? He didn’t want a family so leave me alone and deal with the child. I believe he’s scared of his woman.  He told me they have a crazy relationship but they’re good. But when his family and  close friends tells the story they say she was the controlling one and he just deals  with it because that’s all he knows. Lol. This is a 40 year old talking. He’s 40 and she’s 42, and they live like teenagers. I don’t have any thing to do with him personally, but he keeps on pushing the cause. When I reject him he gets all upset and then  tries to man handle me. We get in to it. When I start to tell him the truth he get all upset and defensive. Nothing is his fault. Everything just happen the way its suppose to. I just need to let him know I have a life and I will have a man in my life with my kids and he cant stop that.

My Baby Daddy Is A Nutcase

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Ask V.I.~ He Needs To Learn How To Make Me Squirt?

vaginal pleasure

Hey V.I.,

I just started reading your blog & I love it!
I need some advice. I’m one of those females who loves knowing what they’re doing in bed. So when I’m not having sex with my boyfriend, I’m looking up topics like “Ways to make your man cum faster” or “Tips for riding dick.” And I’ve found some really good tips and whatnot. All I want to know now is how to introduce them to my man. I feel as if I tell him he needs to this or do that will knock him off his high horse of being a “sexpert”.

The main thing I want to teach him is how to make me squirt. I know how to make myself squirt, btw.


Hurting For A Squirting

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Ask V.I.~ I Lost My Virginity To My F*ck Buddy



Hi V.I.,

Well I just found your candy diaries today. And I was just reading on your article on friends with benefits … and you have amazing advice!  So I was hoping you could maybe find some time to help me on the topic ?  It would mean the world.
Well to start from the beginning I’ve had this guy who I was on and off with a couple of years ago. We’ve known each other for 7 years.. and three years ago we lost our virginity to each other. Ever since then we’ve been friends with benefits.  And we made a deal that we’d only be with each other, and no one else. So for this long now we’ve just had each other.  He says he doesn’t wanna be with me. Now I’m on the chubbier side. But his sister (who happens to be my best friend) he’s opened up and told that he’d be with me if I lost weight. Everyone knows were friends with benefits but that he doesn’t wanna be with me. So it’s not like I’m a hidden secret. So back to my story, we’ve been at this for three years. And after he says he doesn’t wanna ‘be with me’ he gets mad at me if he thinks I’m with other guys,  questions if I’ve been with other guys,  wants to know where I’m at, what I’m doing who I’m with etc…
I’m so confused.
After all of this he’s sooo mean to me half the time … its like he’s super bipolar. But I need help on what I should think of the situation or do?  .. to this day if we go to hook up, we still make sure that neither of us has hooked up with anyone else (which we haven’t)  . And on top of that he hasn’t dated anyone since the first time we ever hooked up ….
When it’s just me and him he can be so sweet to me like he still cares like he used to,  but in front of people he acts cold… help!  Pleaseeeeee!

-Sincerely,  wish I knew what to do!  .

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Ask V.I.~ I Want Him Hooked On Me…Please HELP!!



Dear V.I. ,

Please help me!! Me and this guy are sex buddies and I’m honestly cool with that like I know what it is when he calls me and vise versa but it’s getting old that he hasn’t caught feelings yet usually I have to beg guys to leave me  alone and this guy is just different… I don’t want anything special like a relationship I don’t even want to be a sideline and spend the night every once in a while I just want him wrapped around my finger…. PLEASEEEEEEE tell me how I can get him to get like that and obviously the sex isn’t gonna be the answer to that because he can have ANY girl I need to know some psychological shit I can do to have him hooked on me please get back to me soon!!


Want That N*gga Whipped

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Ask V.I.~ The Girl I’m Dating Was a Porn Star, But Never Told Me

sexy black model

Hi V.I., 

I need your advice. So I just found out this chick I have been dating for about a month used to be a porn star. Don’t ask how I found out, I’ll let you guess. I’m not talking about someone who did a homemade movie or two…she was a porn star, her name comes up on most porn sites and she is on the cover of a couple of dvds. I’m almost positive that it’s the past but should I bring it up that I know? Should I be mad she never told me? Should I wait for her to tell me? Should I even take her serious and keep dating her? What would you do?

Dating A Porn Star

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My boyfriend and I have great great great SEX!!! But one HUGE problem-he doesn’t cum. We could go for 2 hours and he still won’t! ! He came once in our whole 9 month relationship and I just believe it was built up and we hadn’t had sex for about 4 weeks. We have sex often and he tells me over and over its amazing and I have the best p**** hes ever had (which I’m confident is true after stories he told me about past 3 girls) but I don’t get it! My ex was a total 1 minute quitter!!! So its  refreshing to have a guy with stamina out of this world but still I wanna gt him off. I give him head for an 1 hour and a half till my jaw was numb and he still didn’t! !! I can even sometimes feel him close but he just doesn’t hes even said he gets real close to cumming but doesn’t  Idk what to do tried various positions and i tried my best tricks! He thinks it has to do with his only masturbating for a year but idk….help!!!!!

Can’t make him nut

Dear CMHN, 

Girl what’s wrong with your man’s dick? Lol iKid iKid. Just trying to lighten the mood. I know how you’re feeling right now, because this would make any woman sorta question her abilities  You start to take it a little personal. The goal in sex is to make your partner buss that well deserved nut and when we’ve gotten ours and they don’t get theirs we feel guilty. The good news is it might not be you. If he’s had this issue in previous situations with other women he might have an actual sexual condition called Delayed Ejaculation.

Delayed ejaculation is a medical condition in which a male cannot ejaculate, either during intercourse or by manual stimulation with a partner. Ejaculation is when semen is released from the penis.

You stated that he only masturbated for a year; that actually can be the reason why he’s now having difficulties cumming during sex. It might be a nerve issue and he might need to see a urologist to get tested. 

I know it’s difficult, but once he finds out exactly what the issue is this string of dryness may continue. I know most men don’t like to go to the doctor especially if it involves their beloved dicks, but I think this is something that needs to be addressed. 

If your man is open to this idea I want you to try something. If you have a vibrator, bullet or some other thing that vibrates at a rapid pace place it in that area. If nothing happens and he’s still having the same issue he might have a problem with his nervous system. He needs to seek help from a professional. Hopefully things work out for him. 

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!