I realized I have never touched on this topic on my site, but this is one that seriously needs to be talked about. There are a lot of men out here dealing with mommy issues. It’s common for women to have daddy issues, but men seldom discuss the issues they faced with their mothers. Over the weekend I watched the highly anticipated episode of “Iyanlya Fix My Life” with life coach Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla decided to help DMX get his life together and hopefully “save” him from himself. Now everybody that knows Earl Simmons knew that this wasn’t going to be the easiest shit to do. DMX had a lot of issues like drugs, women, anger, family and hurt. DMX was nothing but a hurt man who basically gave up on himself and it all steamed from the issues he had with his mother. His mother according to him basically treated him like shit. It seemed like she never really gave a damn about him and showed it. When his career was hot he sang a song called “Slippin” which he rapped about his mother and their horrible relationship. That’s when we all found out what he went through as a child. DMX became a product of his household, he just stopped caring because his mother just didn’t. That relationship fucked up every relationship he had especially with the one woman who loved him…his wife. She went through hell with this man and subsequently their children witnessed the same hell. His issues as a child growing up with a woman who didn’t love him destroyed his relationships as an adult.
I’ve always heard the term ‘You gotta fake it, till you make it”. Like there is no way you can get to where your going being who you really are? Nowadays I see that it’s true that no matter how “real” you pretend to be, everyone fakes it. If you haven’t doctored up something in your life to make it more than what it really is, your not to be trusted. We see it all the time; fake friendships, fake career, relationships hell even faking it sexually has all of a sudden become popular. I remember a man once told me, “Even if I’m not satisfying you sexually, just pretend I am so I can feel like I did something”. This is the shit I’m talking about. People accepting what’s fake and taking it for reality. I just don’t understand when did fake become the new real?
I always believe that one should be themselves. Cut all the fake shit and just rock in their reality. I don’t claim to be someone I’m not. I don’t spend money I know my broke ass don’t have to floss for motherfuckers I don’t care about. I don’t keep fake friends in my circle, and trust me if I find their is some fake shit going on I have no problem dropping your ass to the curb. Basically I’m a realist about mine and don’t put on for others. I’m the same way in relationships as well. I’m not perfect or pretend to be. I have my flaws and I make sure I advise your ass of such. If I’m unhappy in a relationship we either discuss and try to work things out or we part ways. I know a lot of people that claim to be in these “wonderful” relationships, but behind close doors they’re miserable and unhappy. Because they don’t want folks to think that they aren’t capable of keeping someone so they fake it. Faking it for the benefit of others.
Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe living in real-life is just played out and I need to be like everyone else and “fake it till everyone believes in it”. The thing about me is I could give a solid portion of a fuck what others think. Shit maybe that’s why I don’t fuck with a lot of people. I feel if I’m giving you the real me, I expect the same thing from them. I refuse put on for folks. Men pretend to be “ballers” to attract the groupies, who pretend to be “real women” to attract the ”ballers”. Bringing out their representative, showing folks who they wanna be and not showing what’s real. I always use the example of a used car salesman. He’s gonna tell you all the wonderful shit about the shiny car and even make shit up so the car can appeal to you. It looks great on the outside, but you don’t know it’s actually messed up under the hood. He’s not gonna discuss how the engine is fucked up, the brakes don’t work and the oil pan has a leak. He’s gonna show all the outside shit you can see and down play all the shit you can’t see with the naked eye. Truth be told if someone exposed what was really under their hood, would you really wanna stick around? So I guess continue faking it, maybe that’s the only reality some people have.
So I just realized that today is my 4 year blogiversary. I feel like I’ve been doing this shit forever and a day. There were moments I loved, and there were moments I wish I could just forget. I’m really thankful that I’ve been doing it for this long, and I promise I will try my best to start back on a regular basis. I know I haven’t been blogging like I normally do, but I have a good reason. Well I don’t have a reason other than I just can’t come up with topics like I use to, but I promise I will try my best to get back to it.
Thank you all for being patient with me. I get hit up several times a day about when I’ll start blogging again. Thanks to all the devoted readers who have been there from the beginning. You guys truly motivated me to keep pushing and I thank you. I try to help and guide, but truth be told this writing thing has helped me out as well. Years ago I was boxed in, I couldn’t figure out why I was always put in certain situations when it came to relationships I had no one to help me figure shit out because no one I knew experienced half the shit I experienced. By writing out what was going on it not only helped me to understand, but helped heal a lot of shit that I repressed in my mind. My goal has always been to educated and talk about what women are afraid to speak out loud. The shit we like and don’t like in relationships, life and friendships. My goal has always been to keep it on level 10. No sugar coating, no bullshittin. Sometimes you need tough love to see what your doing wrong.
So again, thank you ladies and gentlemen that read my blog but pretend that you don’t. I love all ya’ll tenderly. Yes I said tenderly.
No matter the culture, religion or race people are ostracized everyday for being gay. They get taunted, teased and beaten for simply just being who they are. It’s like being gay has become a punishment for some. It has to be very difficult at any age having these feelings and being too afraid to say something to anyone for fear of criticism and disappointment. You may have known a little boy growing up who always seemed a little feminine. Or there was this tomboy that always hung around with the fellas and seemed a little rough around the edges. Before knowing anything you might have labeled them as “A gay in training”. What about those who grew up “normal”? They dated a lot, didn’t act differently growing up what happens when they say “Mom and Dad, I’m gay”. Would you reject them or continue to show them your love?
Over the weekend I was talking to someone and we were discussing relationships. He asked me about my opinion on the matter and I told him straight out as I usually do. He just looked at me and said “Not all men are dogs”. It tripped me out because he was actually the second person who said that to me in a week. I actually started to think; do I give out a vibe that I think all men are bitch asses? In the back of my mind I do believe these types of men exists, but when all you meet is the trifling ass dudes your perception of men shift. Then I started to wonder: Ok, so these men exist. Is this how they were raised or they had to be the grimy ass dude first, and then realize that being grimy just isn’t the business?
I believe anyone can change if they really wanted to. If a guy was a straight up slut, I do believe if he wanted to be the right man to the right woman he could definitely do it. He just would have to want it more for himself, than for her. There are some men that just are good men. Someone once told me it’s how a man was raised. I don’t fully agree with that theory. There are men that grew up with a respect for women because of their respect for their mothers. Then there are men that treat women like shit, but still value and respect moms. Same thing goes for men brought up with a father in their lives. I don’t think being a good man can necessarily be thought, but when you have great examples in your life I think you can definitely learn something. At the end of the day everything is up to you. How you treat women, how you respect yourself, how you handle your business.
So now the question on every woman’s lips: Where are all the good one’s hiding? We already established that there are some out there; we just can’t seem to find them. I got news flash ladies; we found them we’re just not focused on them. The same guy I was speaking to said “All women say they want a good man, but when they find one they say he’s boring”. I totally agree with this statement. Most women want a man that brings some sort of excitement into their lives. Majority of the time those are the n*ggas that got drama out the ass. Yes, I am saying that there are some women out there that are just addicted to drama shit. It makes you stay on your toes, it makes you show emotion. That’s what women want, but their looking for it in all the wrong places. Another News Flash: The really good men don’t have all that drama. So if it’s women calling your phone, baby momma slicing your tires, or him not calling you and shit. Well maybe you don’t need a good man. I’M JUST SAYING…
Holla at me: What are your thoughts on Good Men?
I’ve heard this time and time again; crazy bitches got the best pussy. I always wondered what was it that made men attracted to women that ain’t got the good sense God gave em, but now it all makes sense. The drama-filled, bipolar, can’t get right pussy must be something to write home about. You ever known a man with a crazy bitch? I mean this woman stresses this man out to no end, but he stays with her and you wonder why? Cause she got that fiyah. I always wondered how these same men know the bitch crazy and marry her anyway. I thought it was because men loved a challenge, naw cause that coochie keeps em trapped.
So we’re in day two of the new year and I refuse to believe that you people will subject yourself to the ratchet bullshit that was thrown at us in 2012. Last year seemed to be the year of the ratchet, and I just think we need to do better in 2013. I honestly think when the Mayans said Dec 2012 was the end of the world, I think they were referring to all the bullshit that we’ve endured as a people last year. I love some ratchet shit, but I draw the line at a certain point. Here are my 5 top ratchet ass things that should have stayed in 2012. Oh by the by don’t comment about how I’m a hater and shit, because frankly this hater don’t give a fuck who hate that I got thangs to say.
Ok, so I can admit…I’m a flirt. I think I get it from my momma. I definitely flirt, especially when I’m drankin. I consider myself a very harmless flirt tho, well other folks don’t see it that way. Flirting is something that just comes naturally for most. It’s nothing wrong with it, but I realized that sometimes being such a big flirt can help and harm your love life. When it comes to flirting, do you think that people will look at you more in a negative light than a positive one?
So like I stated earlier I’m a big flirt. I don’t flirt with every Tom, Dick and Harpo but I do flirt when I met or I see certain people I know. Don’t get me wrong this is the single me we’re talking about. In relationships I’m cool. Don’t do all that shit, but it seems I do it more when I’m unattached. Nothing harmless; just talk shit, dance with a guy or maybe pretend to take his number. Nothing crazy, but I find that the more I flirt *harmlessly* the more I’m known as a tease. I’m not sure how one became the other, but I was recently called a tease by someone, I NEVER EVEN FLIRT WITH BEFORE. So now I’m wondering is my harmless flirting being read as something else. That’s why you just can’t flirt with everybody. Now if I met a guy I like in my social circle, do I have to worry that someone may mistake my flirting for something else and “warn” him? Then I may lose out on the guy I like because someone took something the wrong fucking way. See that’s why flirting is so damn dangerous.
I have definitely learned that flirting is like drinking liquor…You gotta do it in moderation. At the end of the day as long as you’re secure with who you are, then fuck everyone else and what they think. If someone you’re interested in takes you flirting as a sign of something else then that’s on them. Obviously they aren’t secure enough to even deal with you. If you aren’t taking your flirting to a major level where it is deemed disrespectful, then fuck it. If you’re single, you answer to no one. If you’re in a relationship and you do that shit, you might get your ass whooped so um yea don’t do it.
Holla at me: Do you think being a flirt turns the good guys away?
Fellas, please help me understand…what’s the fascination with a fat ass? I am being so damn serious right now. What is it about a woman with a fat ass that makes you sign over your damn paycheck? For centuries men have fallen over their own feet the second they saw a chick with “a body.” It’s really not just the ass, but the whole shabang. The bitch can look like Phillip Banks in the face, but if her booty fat and waist small, she’s the pick of the litter. Why do men worship the booty and why are women so desperate to be worshiped?