I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.

Have you ever loved someone that loved someone else? It’s the toughest pill to swallow. I once had feelings for a friend. We were friends for a number of years and during that time I guess my feelings were always there. The thing was he had no clue how I felt. It’s not that I was ashamed in how I felt, my friend was a damn man hoe. The fact that we were friends I knew the games he played with unsuspecting chicks. The thing was as someone who was just my friend I got to know a different side of him, but I knew he was a man hoe so I never said anything. So a few years passed and I noticed that my feelings were getting stronger. Now by this time he has tamed his dog-ish ways and looking for something more meaningful. Basically we were both longing for the same things, but for some reason we never looked at it in each other. Well at least in my mind he never looked for it in me. Any way, after a few years I couldn’t take it anymore. The more I sat on my feelings the worse off I started to feel. I felt I needed to say something, but was afraid of the reaction. I wasn’t too afraid that he would be so uninterested that the friendship would end, I knew it wasn’t gonna go that way. I just thought the shit would be uncomfortable if we had the discussion and it wasn’t a mutual feeling. Basically I was running away from rejection, but deep down I had to know.

Just when I worked up the nerve to say something, I found out that he’s was seeing someone and by the way he spoke about her he was now in love. Ya’ll if you know how it feels to be ran over by a runaway train moving at 140 mph, that’s how I felt. Like I got knocked the f*ck over. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit HURT me to my very core. Even though I was dying inside I listened to him rant and rave about her. What a wonderful person she was, how he was so happy. I put on my fake smile and asked questions, although I’m in love I’m still the “friend.” I was watching the man I had feelings for be excited about someone other than me. I decided not to tell him at that moment. I guess it’s the fact that he seemed so different. I never heard him talk about no chick in that way. I felt defeated! All the times we did movie nights or just hung out I wished I said something to make what I felt known, but always threw those feelings in the back of my emotional closet. I didn’t want to deal with them, so I didn’t deal with it.

The more you hide your true feelings the more it will eat you up inside. It’s still killing me because I have yet to tell him. He has no clue to this day. Will I ever tell him…not sure. I decided to just let him be happy where he’s at. You never know what happens when you do express yourself. It can be the best thing you ever did or the worst. The whole thing is once you get it off your chest you feel a weight just lifted off of you. I will eventually say something one day. This whole situation reminds me of the movie “My Bestfriend’s Wedding.” Julia Roberts character finally told ol dude how she felt about him a day before he was set to get married. She kissed him and his fiance played by Cameron Diaz saw the whole thing and turned to run away. Cameron’s running, dude’s running after Cameron and Julia is running after him. Julia calls her friend played by Rupert Everett and told him what’s happening. He says and I quote “He’s chasing her, your chasing him. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Got it?” That quote alone is enough to not make you even say shit right? lol

Holla at me: Have you ever been in love with someone and they never knew it?

Ya’ll know I am somewhat of a ball breaker right, so there are just certain things I refuse to tolerate when it comes to men. I firmly believe men should act like GOD gave them common sense and not make me get gutta on their asses. I am as sweet as cotton candy, but there is just some bullshit that will make me dump your ass in a heartbeat. I try to give you fair warning before you decide to try me, but I guess some people just don’t get it as fast as others. This blog is dedicated to the men I dated and dumped. These are the reasons I dumped you. This one’s for you boo. *Marlo Hampton jailhouse wink*

6. Men Don’t Nag, Bitches Do~ I hate a nagging man. Yes, men nag too. I just don’t understand the need for it. Why you kept sweating me about dumb shit was beyond me. I tell you I’m out with my girls and you accuse me of cheating. You showed too many insecurities and frankly my dear that shit was a straight turn off. You moved like less than a man and more like a bitch. I don’t do weak fellows.

5. Hoes in Different Area Codes~ For some strange reason I always attracted the n*ggas that can’t help but have more than one chick on their roster. I’m assume having different women makes them feel like the man, but you sadly…you ain’t boo. I think I am that damn good that I didn’t need to share you with random women. Hell if you were gonna cheat on me you could’ve at least cheated with a chick that can make me say “Damn I see why he did it”. Don’t cheat with a Dollar Menu Cheeseburger bitch when you got Steak’ Ums at home.

4. Dead Dick Don’t Do Me~ Your dick didn’t work! It just laid there like a limp dish rag. Fool kill yo self…and any chick that told you, you had that good dick. Bitch wouldn’t know a good dick if it came up and slapped her in the face and did the Harlem Shake.

3. Weakness is an Acquired Taste~ I can’t stand a weak man. If you constantly showed your weakness I looked at you as less than a man. I love a confidence, and boo you never had it. How the f*ck you gonna say “I want to marry you, but I’m afraid you’re gonna cheat on me in 7 years”. First off, where the hell 7 years come from? Then you had the nerve to cry and ask me to promise not to cheat on you. Yo, when a man cries over bullshit he imagined I can’t help but chuckle. That back and forth trying to convince you otherwise mess just isn’t for me. If you don’t know where you stand with me, then maybe I’m not the woman for you.

2. Liar Liar, Dick on Fire~ I HATE LIARS. I HATE LIARS MORE THAN I HATE COMMUNISM. LOL. I just don’t understand why people gotta lie about everything. You told me “Oh that not my child. It’s my god-son. “. N*gga that’s your child. He looks like you gave birth to him your damn self.  What kind of fool you took me for. I must not have looked in the mirror often cause if I did I would have seen the word “Stupid ass” written on my forehead. One thing I hate is a man denying his child. That is some low ass shit. I’m glad that chick took your simple ass to child support. Lying for bullshit reasons.

1. Crazy Son of a Bitch~ *Blankness and Despair* It ain’t cute to be crazy. You actually dumped me and turned around and asked me why did I dump you *Taylor Swift confused look*. You seemed like a perfectly normal individual when we first met, then you started getting all “It rubs the lotion on its skin” crazy. That shit wasn’t a good look especially given the fact that you were a lot older than me and was “suppose” to be more mature. Chile stop!! Oh and by the by you had too much f*cking body hair. That shit is so gross. You looked like you were wearing a sweater…like all the time.

I can go on and on with this topic, but I have a life. I just wanted to list some of the reasons I might have left your awkward ass. I don’t know how I ever survived kicking it with you, but thank the lawd above I got the hell on. You don’t need a relationship, you need a team of doctor’s studying your stupidity. No normal woman should ever give ya’ll the time of day. All ya’ll need spiritual guidance.

Ladies, we all know the Girlfriends Code: NEVER DATE YOUR FRIEND’S EX. This has been embedded into our brains ever since we were allowed to date. Now just because there is an unspoken code between friends doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Some people think once the relationship is over and the friend has clearly moved on, she should have no problem in who her ex dates. Others are adamant when it comes to the rule, and no ex should be considered a potential mate even though he may be fine as f*ck. This is written in the Girlfriend’s Handbook, but if they clearly weren’t a match and you have chemistry should you disregard the girlfriend’s code?

In my personal opinion real friends don’t date each other’s ex’s. I don’t care how the relationship ended or how much they hate each other’s guts, that shit is a no ma’am. I’ve respected my friends and stayed with the girl code. Plus between you and me my friends and I don’t got shit in common when it comes to men. Who they fancy I ain’t into, and vice versa. So having different taste in men has always helped  me. Another reason I’ve never dabbled in trash collecting is because I don’t wanna be loving up on no dude and have the image  of him breaking my homegirl’s back. I’m sorry but I can’t sit well knowing that my new man done f*cked my friend…if she’s still my friend. Some women just don’t care, but it’s not completely her fault tho. Here is the major issue “Women have a tendency of talking about what her man can do in the bedroom.” Yes, when a woman is all happy with her man she always shares it with her best girlfriend. You’re yapping your mouth telling her how much p*ssy he loves to eat and that little thing he does with his tongue and she’s taking mental notes. If she’s a grimy friend she wants to experience what’s in the story. She wants to be in your position and that’s where the plotting and scheming comes in.

I remember I worked with this chick  back in the day. We became really close and started talking on the phone and hanging out after work. So I got invited to party by a male friend of mine. He wasn’t my man or anything, but we did have a little somethang go on before. I made the mistake of doing two things; taking her to his house and telling her about the dick. So at the party when me and my male friend were talking I noticed the way she looked at him. I didn’t say shit because hey this was my friend. Maybe she was trying to size him up for me. In the next few days all she did was bring him up, but she did it in a slick way. She wouldn’t just bring him up like she wanted a piece, she would say shit like “Girl you can clearly see that man is into you” or “When you two are together you can tell ya’ll have something going on.” I mean real sly ass shit.

So about a year passed and the guy and I kinda lost touch with each other. One night while on the phone this hoe bag brought him up again. Then she said “Girl if you don’t want him I’ll fuck him” and laughed. I’m dead quiet on the phone and said “WTF did you just say?” She said she was joking and tried to change the subject. Naw kid, this chick wanted that dude and she couldn’t wait for the day to come where we were no longer kicking it. That’s when I saw the griminess in that girl. Although he was just a friend and wasn’t mine to claim she was dead ass wrong. I’m sorry but I don’t keep them kinda bitches in my circle of life, so I let her ass go. The “friendship” was null and void. I saw what she was capable of and frankly my dear I gave a f*ck.

For this very reason is why the girlfriend’s code was designed…too keep real friendships alive. Even if your girlfriend said she didn’t mind if you dated her ex, you think she really means it? Sure she acts cool in the beginning, but let you or that negro get sprung on each other. You will see all kinds of jealously seeping out of her pores. You will now be known as “That bitch.” She will eventually confront you about it which in turn you will say “You don’t know why she has an issue and she didn’t even want him” and she will bring up the code “Thou shalt not get involved with her friend’s ex.” Then you lose your friendship and if karma hits you, you lose your man. Now every time someone ask your ex-friend about you her reply will be “Oh that bitch, yea we ain’t cool.” No man is worth that bullshit, but if you’re a real friend you wouldn’t go against the code.

Ok, so I was having a conversation with a homegirl and she asked me something that just threw me for a loop. She asked if I would ever consider being in an open relationship. *Does a spit take* I was perplexed because she knew the type of person I am, so to ask me that was just crazy. She was looking at me to honestly answer her. Being the selfish bitch that I am, I kindly responded in my best Miss. Sophia voice “Hell no”. Then this heffa really went further with it… “Why not”. Well, besides the fact that I never liked to share I can’t see my man having sex with someone else and being OK with it. She confessed to me that she was  considering asking her man about starting an  open relationship, but was unsure on how to approach the subject. I don’t have much expertise in this subject, but I starting to think about it.  I know she’s reading this so…girl I came up with some rules/guidelines that ya’ll asses need to follow. Ol nasty ass…lol j/k…not really.

Sometimes, this subject might be a touchy one because in most instances sleeping with someone else while in a relationship isn’t that cuteness. If you really want to start this conversation and he sounds like he MIGHT be interested set these ground rules first.

1. Tell the damn truth~ If you are in an open relationship and you see a little tender that you wanna give that open coochie to, tell your partner first. It makes no sense being in an open relationship and you gotta lie to your boo. If you keep an open line of communication then you should be good. If they feel uncomfortable about the whole thing…DON’T DO IT.  In an open relationship the objective isn’t to hurt your partner.

2. Never get caught up~ Sometimes when having sex especially good f*ck your mind up sex, emotions can get mixed up in it. Remember, this isn’t an emotional thing. It’s the pure rush of sex. If you get easily caught up then your simple ass don’t need to be in an open relationship. You need to have thick ass skin to be involved in a relationship like this. If you know you cry at Hallmark commercials and always need to have sex with Maxwell playing in the background, leave that other dick alone.

3. Strap tight~ Protection is always important. Never engage in a situation like this and be foolish enough to raw dog it. You don’t want him to plug some random chick and get  her pregnant or worse…give you some shit that antibiotics can’t cure.

4. Never f*ck mutual friends~ Yea I know James is fine as f*ck, but you must not f*ck his frat brother. Not only is that in poor taste, but you don’t want people that you both know getting in the middle of this. A relationship like this should only be between the two of you and the random people you decide to sleep with. If he decides that he wants to f*ck your friend you know your ass is gonna start thinking that he wanted to f*ck her from jump street.

5. Listen to each other~ If for some reason one of you feels uncomfortable about it at any point… you need to end it. Open relationships is about you and your partner working together to “enhance” your relationship. If he feels uncomfortable seeing you with other men or vice versa then you should listen to what they have to say.  If you continue the relationship against your partner’s wishes, then that basically makes you a cheater. The whole thing done turned into something else.

I don’t really think you can develop any concrete rules to a situation like this, but having some sort of guidelines can help. I don’t know if she’s planning on really doing this or just talking out her ass, but this is a big transition. I’m not saying a relationship like this can’t work between two people , but can you actually feel comfortable laying in bed watching tv while your man is out giving YOUR $5 foot long to some other chick? Well women end up in that same situation everyday and don’t know it. At least this technically isn’t considered cheating. To each his own. I’m not here to judge…yes I am..j/k…really I’m not.

Holla at me: Would you ever consider an open relationship?

I always wondered what happened to a cougar when the MILF Hunter no longer wanted to be in the “keeping an ol lady” business. Meaning, do these young men really want to spend their lives with these older women? The idea might sound good in the beginning, but once you really sit down and think about it; marrying a older woman really doesn’t benefit the man. Recently Vivica Fox *47 * and her fiance Slim *27*called off their engagement. Actually I heard that Slim called it quits on the old bird because she was too drama-filled. Now I’m not sure what the drama was, maybe her senior citizen wig line was getting in the way of her going to the clubs. I’m not sure, but am I the only one that saw this “marriage” thing as a bad idea? When a man in his 20′s marries a woman in her 40′s can the love survive without obvious issues?

Being a cougar seems to be the in thing nowadays. These mature women go after these young tenders and basically try to whip them into shape. Now sometimes it works, but after a while you may run in to a few difficulties. Take Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher for example. Now when they got married he was 28 and she was 44 years old. In my opinion they should have never gotten married in the first place. In my mind a cougar hookup should be just that…a hookup. Marrying a 20 something young man may be the envy to all your friends, but when that man gets in his 30′s your up shits creek without a paddle. One of the issues in this marriage other than Ashton cheating is, Demi cannot conceive kids. I don’t think he thought that through at 28, but now that he’s in his 30′s chances are he wants to have kids of his own. Demi came equip with kids damn near Ashton’s age. At 20 a man isn’t thinking about settling down and starting a family until he’s in his 30′s. He realized that he was stuck in a situation where he wasn’t winning. Therefore he started to stray…now they’re getting divorced. Plus, I don’t care how many young girl outfits Demi wears she’s still getting older. Once the wrinkles start being more apparent a man in his 20′s isn’t gonna find all of that so attractive anymore.

I’m not bashing the cougar population. All I’m saying is in my mind marrying a younger man in his 20′s seems ok in theory, but a few years down the line the man in his 20′s will be a man in his 30′s and will want different things out of life. Once you cannot give that man what he wants and desires, how will your marriage survive? So my advice to the cougars in training; let it be just a fun screw. Yes you might be searching for love, but at the end of the day marrying a younger man makes you and him realize that the things he wants, you can’t provide. So MILF Hunters beware of what you’re getting into because being with a cougar might be hot today, but when your 30′s and ready to settle down how exactly is your cougar suppose to help you with that?

We all know what’s going on with this economy. Jobs are being lost and shit just doesn’t come as easy anymore. So what do you do when you’re single and dating? What’s the etiquette when it comes to paying on a date? Do you go dutch? Should the guy pay? What should you do on a first date? There are certain avenues you might want to take when it comes to the check.

About a week or so I was asked out on a date. This guy and I have been talking casually for about a month and once our schedules were both clear we finally decided to meet up. The first meeting was just a casual meet up.  We just wanted to have that initial meeting. The meeting was really good and we were both enthusiastic to get to know more about each other. So the next day he asked me was I free to see him. I told him I was and he said we can go get a bite to eat. I was cool with that so I met him at a restaurant near my neighborhood. Now everything was going good. We were laughing, talking and even giving each other those “I think I kinda like your ass” looks. The waitress brought over the check. Now I might be wrong for what I did, but f*ck it, it’s whatever. The waitress naturally placed the check in front of him. I saw that he was kinda reluctant to look at the check.He looked at it took some cash out of his wallet and I took some money out to leave the tip. This is when I noticed that his good demeanor turned into some other shit. He wasn’t as talkative as he was before. I brushed it off and continued to enjoy the rest of the date. We hugged parted ways and went about our business.

Later on in the day I noticed that he hadn’t texted me. Normally we texted on a regular, but I noticed that he hadn’t texted me since we had our date. I didn’t trip I just continued to do my thang. Then the next day no texts either. I’m thinking what the hell happened between the date and now? I didn’t want to assume shit, so I texted him to check his temperature. He replied, but it wasn’t as personable as he usually was to me. I sat back and thought of the whole date and tried to pinpoint the moment things turned to shit for him. Then I realized, it had to have been the check thing. In my mind if you ask me out on a date to a restaurant I assume that you will be paying for whatever we eat/drink. When growing up we’ve been taught as little girls that it is customary for men to pay. Shit, when did this stop?

If it wasn’t a date cool. I have no problem with coming out of pocket, but if you ask me out then um yea. Now I haven’t heard from this guy since. I ain’t sweating it because if you tripping like that over $40.oo then son, we ain’t ever going together. If you know you can’t afford to date, don’t date. Don’t ask someone to a certain spot and then get mad cause you gotta come out of pocket. I don’t know if I was in the wrong for not grabbing the check and pretending to pay for my own shit. I assume men like to feel like king shit at this time. If you grab the check, they wanna be the one that says “No baby I got this.” I really don’t know. All I know is that was not the coolest situation to happen to me. Nowadays men got this whole courting shit twisted in a knot. I heard a few men say “I ain’t taking no body out because I ain’t spending my money on a random chick.” Is it just men have gotten cheaper or the economy has gotten worse? I have no idea; but if I go on another date again, meet my ass in the park. That way you don’t catch an attitude if I decide that I want a bottle of water.

Holla at me: On a first date, who should pay?

Ladies, sometimes you gotta learn when to move the hell on. I know it’s rough when you’re in love and blah blah blah, but if he’s treating you like day old bread it might be time to kiss his dumb ass goodbye. There are so many women out here that put up with way too much shit. It’s like if he ain’t treating you wrong then the relationship just ain’t right. I’ve learned that no matter how much you wish someone could treat you better, it’s not gonna happen if you’ve allowed them to mistreat you. Some people stay wishing that shit would change, but like I always say a man won’t change unless something major happens and he decides to change. Other than that you crying every other day about the shit he constantly does to you isn’t gonna help your situation.

When it comes to breaking up with someone it’s seems like people are too worried about hurting feelings. Hell a break-up ain’t suppose to be all butterflies and rainbows boo. The shit stings!!! I personally tell the truth no matter how hurtful it may be to the other person. We’re breaking up so there must have been something you did to me, so why should I make sure your feelings are intact? Then there are some times depending on how you feel about the other person you kinda hint that you want to break up, but you don’t really come right out and say it. You’re so scared to say “It’s over” then hear them say “Cool”. You really don’t wanna let go but you really want to. If you see yourself in a situation where you’re ready to move on, here are a few tips to help you get them out of your system.

1. Delete, Delete, Delete~ Never ever ever keep the phone number of the person you just dumped. I have to delete numbers, texts, emails and shit because god forbid I have a weak moment and call…looking like a fool. You want to give yourself time to heal. Ain’t nothing worse than going out with your girls drinking a few shots of Patron and drunk dialing that n*gga’s phone at 4 in the damn morning. Crying and shit talking about you still love him and you don’t know why he can’t act right. Not only is that embarrassing, but half the time you don’t remember you did it until your girlfriend reminds you the next day. *sigh* I may have did this once or twice in my hay day.

2. How Much “Closure”You Need?~ Women have this thing about getting closure. Once it’s done it’s done. Closure is just another word for one last f*ck before I have the courage to f*ck another. It’s an excuse to have the ex in the same room as you. Yea you may argue and scream, but half the time the next thing to pop off is your bra. Let go of the “closure” excuse. You know, I know and he knows all you want is one last stab from his mighty dick head.

3. Memories Live, But Not Right Now~ If you’re in the process of getting over a break up, having pictures of happier times plastered on the wall isn’t really gonna help with the transition. I’m not saying you gotta destroy them, but put them in a place where you don’t have immediate access…like the box in the back of your shoe closet. Having all these reminders about the better days won’t help you move on at all.

4. You’re Still Alive, So Live That Life~ When women and some men face a break-up they wanna stay in the house in the same funky pajama, listening to Ready for Love by India Arie on repeat, while crying your eyes out while you look at his picture. Yes you do need time to grieve over the death of your relationship, but how long is too long? Wash that funky cooch and get the hell out of the house. Call your girls and do something fun. Hell the first thing black folk do after a break up is go to the club. Hell do that…just do something that allows you to take your mind off of him. The minute you see a cutie flirt with his ass. I’m not saying you gotta get all biblical with him, but a little casual flirting never hurt nobody.

5. Find A Flunky Quick~ This does not apply to everyone, but there are some people out there that just need a male body around. I don’t suggest jumping into a relationship or anything sexual, but hey if you wanna rub that noni on some dude go right ahead. I think when you’ve just gotten out of something you need time for yourself. You know…let the heart rest before putting anyone else in the mix. I know it’s not about feelings, only feeling the head of another but sometimes our heart confuses feelings. I don’t want you to run the risk of confusing sexy feelings for love feelings. Then you get hurt all over again, cause a rebound is just that…he’s there to  bounce on until you’re ready to date again.

There are so many different methods when it comes to getting over someone. You just need to remember that it’s about moving on. It will be hard at first, but as time goes by you will think of him less. Well until you’re out one night and you see him with another girl. Wouldn’t you be so happy that instead of crying your eyes out at the crib eating Chunky Monkey ice cream, you took that energy got into the gym and now your rocking that damn Amber Rose body? While his chick damn near sporting  a triple chin  he’s looking at you like “Damn she never looked that fine when she was with me”. Let’s be honest the best revenge…f*cking his head up witcho fine self.

Holla at me: What is one of the things you do after a break-up?

*In my Sophia from Golden Girls voice* Picture it…you’re out in the park having lunch alone. A handsome stranger walks up to you and engages you in small talk. He makes you blush and you give him your number. He calls you later on that evening and and you talk about going out on a date that weekend. You’re excited because let’s face it you haven’t been on a date since Lil Kim’s breasts were real. Before you pick out your “let him imagine me nekkid” dress you pull out your computer and Google the sweet guy you have a hot date with. You find out he has filed for bankruptcy twice, wanted for child support in 3 states and lives with a woman that shares his last name *momma or wife you pick* either way not a good sign. So what do you do with this tidbit of information? Do you ignore what you read and go out with him anyway? Do you call Mr. Wonderful back and tell him to take a long walk off a short pier? Does Google really help or harm your love life?

Hell you have to be a lame ass if you don’t google the people you date.  I do it and I find out all kinds of interesting shit. I googled this guy one time and I found out he was married. When I confronted him about it he told me she was his mother and she bought the house but  he just lives in it. That was his reason as to why her name showed up when I googled him. I guess his dumb ass didn’t realize her age showed up as well. I don’t know what planet  his momma was from, but to be a year younger than her own son is something that should be in Ripley’s Believe It or Not. You find out so much about people when you plug their name into a search engine.  Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t have to be all bad news, but are you taking away the mystery in getting to actually know the person? We always hear don’t believe everything you read on the internet, but once we read something interesting we are so quick to judge.

The one thing I know women do all the time when they meet a new man is to…search for him on Facebook page. You can learn a lot by a person’s page, friends and their updates. You search a man’s page and see that 99% of his wall is covered with comments by women. You see him uploading pics of a big booty he felt up on at the club. You instantly know what kind of guy his Facebook page makes him out to be. A womanizer who goes to the club every weekend to get as many numbers as his HTC EVO can hold. By the time you get on the date you already have a sarcastic demeanor about yourself, because you feel like you know who you’re out with and he’s just fronting. Automatically the date is ruined, because you don’t trust the man even though you don’t know him. If you already know all his business then you won’t really be as interested as you were when you knew nothing at all. Remember…you’re taking all the suspense out of getting to know him.

Ladies, if you do decide to background check the man, please don’t mention anything you learned online. First off, that just makes him think you’re crazy. Second, let him divulge the information before you start asking him about the 3 years he spent in Rikers . Ok, maybe it may not be that bad, but don’t let him know you’ve sleuthed his ass. Imagine being in his shoes and having a stranger recite your life in the first 10 minutes of your first date. Not only will you not get a call back, but this man will tell all his boys about the crazy bitch that he went out on a date with. You will no longer be known by your name…it will be that CRAZY BITCH.

If you do find something from his past the best thing is to keep an open mind. Who you were 5 years ago isn’t who you are now right.Why is that? You’ve grown and changed right? Well don’t you think that he has done the same? On Sunday my pastor talked about the story of Jabez and the meaning of his name. *I’m getting religious on ya’ll but trust me I will prove my point* The name Jabez means “he makes sorrowful”. The reason Jabez had that name was because his mother went through a lot of pain while giving birth to him. She basically looked at him with a disappointing heart. My pastor said because of his name Jabez  he was looked at by everyone as being sorrowful just because of his past. He was labeled as nothing but sorrow, but he was one of the most honorable men in the kingdom. The issue we have is people look at who you are back then, and automatically think that’s who you are now and forever. Jabez refused to allow his name to determine who he was as a person, so why would you let someone’s past determine who they are now?

Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the imaginary world of the internet, that we refuse to live in real-life. So many things we see and read online allows us to judge someone without knowing all the facts. There is nothing wrong about finding out who you’re dating, but keeping into perspective not everyone tries to hide or is even ashamed of their pasts. Don’t be so quick to write off someone because of who they were 15 years ago. The art of dating is getting to know each other. You learn so much more than you would searching their names on the internet. Plus, if men were as smart as us and googled you, what would you think they would find?

Holla at me: Do you google the people you date? If so, what was the most outrageous thing you found out?

It always amazes me when I hear that certain women become engaged. Not that most women don’t deserve to be happy, but it’s the bitchy one’s that seem to lock a man in. On Sunday I watched an episode of Bridezilla, and I was amazed that these dudes that looked perfectly sane even asked these crazy heffas to marry them. I know the majority of these women show out for the camera, but there is always some truth to the madness. So this shit leads me to believe, that crazy bitches always prosper while the sane chicks are left single and in search of Mr. Right.

Back in college I had a roommate that dated a guy for about 2 years. He was a very handsome guy, but I wondered why he stayed with her. She was not only verbally abusive to this man, but she was physically abusive as well. This chick cheated on his ass with every Tom, Dick, and Harpo. I remember one time this bitch stabbed this man and slashed his tires. That fool went to the hospital, got stitches, and the next day he was back in the crib. I wondered what the fuck she worked on this fool, to forgive her for STABBING him? Don’t get me wrong, she was my home girl until that bitch thought she was gonna whoop my ass. *Somebody done told her wrong* I just didn’t understand the hold she had on him. Why would a man want a woman like that? After the altercation between her and I ,our friendship ended and I never spoke to that short, pimpled face bitch again. We would see each other over the years, but I never uttered a word to her. Fuck her! Shit. *Can you tell I still have feelings of anger over that chick?*

Fast forward to 2008… I was online looking at some outdoor spots for my wedding. *Yes I was briefly engaged, but I will talk about that another time.* And I came across something that made my hypertension spike. How about I saw this bitch and this idiot taking wedding photos on the beach. This bitch stabbed him, and he thought “Oh well, she almost killed me but I’z loves her anyway”. See, that’s the shit that puzzles me. Why would you marry a woman that is clearly a donut short of a dozen? That would just be 11 fucking donuts…..that ain’t complete. The chick is loco, not right in the head, psychologically unstable. That made me realize that crazy bitches have powers that us normal sane women don‘t.

Seriously, I think this all has to do with men having low self-esteem. Who does shit like that? If all I need to do is shoot a motherfucker to get his ass to marry me, then pass me the .22. It’s not fair, but hey life isn’t fair. I guess that shit will come back on her ass in the long run. I still don’t understand why he married her. The good girls *like myself* *cough* can’t catch a break, but the bitches find a way to beat and cheat the system. Smh!

In this day and age is it still cheesy for people to admit they’ve met someone online? I know back in the day if you said “Oh yea I met him on Black Planet” people look at you like you just told them you’re the Unabomber. Since the internet is growing so much and the social sites are popping up everywhere, it is kind of impossible not to meet anyone that tickles your virtual fancy. I can admit I’ve met new friends and um dated some folks from these here internets. The question on my mind; do you think it is possible to find your true love online?

I can admit that I’ve met some folks online. I wasn’t just searching the web looking to meet anyone or anything like that. You know how you just get into conversations with someone and BAM some other shit happens. A few years ago I was a member of the social site. Now my friends sent me invites for almost a year before I decided to join. The night I joined I started searching through the different Caribbean groups to see if there was anyone I knew so I could add them as a friend. I stopped as soon as I hit the first group. He was the first person on the first page, and even though it was a thumbnail pic I knew it was him. I remembered him from high school. He was a few years older than I was but every time I saw him I just stared. He was so damn sexy, but I was invisible to him back then. I clicked on his page and saw more pics. Even though it had been 8 years since I last saw him, that negro still looked good enough to f*ck…I mean eat…you know what never mind. I decided to grow some balls that night and wrote him a testimonial. Now I just thought it would automatically add on to the page, and would go unnoticed by him. I didn’t know he had to actually approve it.

The next day I got a message from him, sending me his IM info so we could chat. We talked everyday after that, and after a month we were already calling each other “baby”. All this time we never saw each other face to face, due to the fact he lived in another state and I lived here in the ATL. It took 4 months to actually see each other, and by that time we were head over heels in love. That man and I were together for two years and I can honestly say I have never loved anyone the way I loved him. He made me realize that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone and not just go through the motions. Even though we ended things a few years back we still remain close. I actually still think of him as my…again never mind.

I said all this to say; love can happen when you least expect it. You can be online, at the car wash, or on an airplane. You just never know who your gonna meet. I never thought that I could actually love someone the way I loved him. It just doesn’t matter how you meet the person, it just matters how you vibe with each other. I know people say “Oh there are crazy people on the internet” well there are crazy ass people in real life so what’s your point? The same way you have to be careful and think with your brain when you meet someone in person, is the same way with someone on the internet. According to a study by the IDC; people send 32.7 hours a week on the internet, so you’re bound to meet someone on this thing. Your future wife/husband may have a twitter account, but your not following each other. Makes you think huh?

Holla at me: Do you believe in love at first site?