I remember as a little girl hearing “Always marry someone that loves you more than you love them.” I wondered why would I do something like that? It didn’t seem fair to me or him. I thought love should be equal, but as I got older I realized there is no such thing as equal love. Sure you can both love each other greatly, but one’s love always outweighs the other. The idea to marry someone that loves you more than you love them basically means they would treat you like a queen and never do anything to hurt you. That sounds wonderful at the end of fairy tales and shit, but in real life shit happens. Marrying someone who loves you more  than you love them sounds fool proof, but you would have to be a fool to think something like that won’t bite you in the ass in the long run.

When it comes to love, I love hard. I’m an Aries woman. Sure I make it damn near impossible for you in the beginning, but the second I let some of those bricks out of the wall I have up I can easily fall in love. It has always been a gift and a curse for me. A gift because by the time I let you in I already know that my feelings are real and not just some spontaneous feeling. A curse because once I open up and let you know I leave myself open for anything. I once fell in love with someone and I fell hard. He loved me and I loved him. The issue was, after we confessed our love and all that pretty shit I was unsure of how much I really loved him. Sure he had my heart, but I wasn’t sure of in what capacity. There were things about him I just loved. We had fun together, we could talk about anything for hours. He was  wonderful, but when it came to other things I wasn’t interested. For instance if he cheated, a part of me wouldn’t really care. Ok, I would care but it wasn’t like “OMG he cheated I want to die. I hate him” type of thing. Let’s put it this way, my reaction would have been for his benefit and his benefit only. A woman can fake more than just orgasms boo. The love was there, but when it ended I realized that maybe it wasn’t as there as I thought. He truly loved me more, but I wasn’t satisfied with my lack of love. I just couldn’t be the woman that he needed and he wasn’t the man that I wanted.

I always express how love is a 50/50 shot; with love comes pain. When you’ve convinced yourself to settle for someone who loves you more just because you want to be in a relationship you’re not being fair to the other person or to yourself. Love isn’t equal, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for the idea of love. I remember one of my friends getting married a few years ago to this guy that just wasn’t her type. I know sometimes your type is always the right type, but this dude had nothing appealing to him physically. Yes, he was a very nice guy but her ass was vain as hell so dating a dude that looked like a less attractive Craig Mack just wasn’t something I thought she would do. She started dating him and the next thing I know they got engaged and went ahead and got married. One day out of the blue she said to me “I love him because of how much he loves me. I never had that before.” I asked was she really “in love” with him and she said no but she won’t leave him because he loves her too much for her to leave. Being in a relationship where you’re the only one not in love is like being trapped in prison. You want to get out, but have no way of doing so without killing someone in order to escape. Good luck with that tho…

Question: Have you ever settled in a relationship because your partner loved you more?

We all know that marriage is the final stage. Well for some  it’s the final phase in your life where you’ve done every nasty ass shit you can think of and now ready to settle down with one person who you can become fat and pregnant. Marriage is beautiful isn’t it? The thing is the older you get the more marriage seems to be a more important issue in your life. You’re no longer in your 20′s…hell you’re damn near on the cusp of 40 and you’re still without a family of your own. At this point marriage isn’t just a “someday” thought, it becomes your whole goal. You need to get married. You crave the white wedding. You’re ready for that wedding ring that symbolizes ” I belong to someone and that kneegrow belongs to me.” You’re ready, but are you too ready? You may have slowly drifted into a stage in life that you never realized. You might be husband hungry. Marriage is the only thing you have on the brain and every man you meet is analyzed unknowingly as “husband material.” No matter who you meet you visualize marriage and eventually scaring him away because of your eagerness to walk down the aisle within a year.

It’s ok to want the husband, the white picket fence, the dog and the 2.3 kids. You’re human and settling down with a special person is everyone’s main goal one day, but trying to see that future with every man you meet is just nuts. Not every man you meet is husband material, so why are you treating this ordinary ass dude like he’s about to put a ring on it? Women can sense just how serious a guy might be when she gets to know him. You can figure out if he’s ready for something serious or still into playing the field. A husband hungry woman bypasses all that shit and focusing on the fact that he’s a man and he might be the one. Girl you besta chill with that right there. I am a firm believer of devine love. Sometimes the one for you isn’t someone you’re looking for or even initially interested in when you first meet them. The shit happens when you least expect it. Basically stop looking and it will come. Why are you so focused on making that dude your hubby when he doesn’t even view you as wife material?

*I wanted to use the term wifey, but I fucking hate that word. Sounds so “I fuck with you and I will call you wifey to make you feel like you’re in something real, but really you just the bitch I’m fucking when my main girl is at work.” That’s how it sounds to me, so that term will not be used on this here website. Thank you*

Marriage is a serious thing that a lot of folks take too lightly. You’re connected to this person for the rest of your life. Sure you can get a divorce, but chances are if you have kids and took his last name that n*gga with you FOREVER. Wouldn’t you like to marry someone that you know you truly loved and loved you back. Sure a lasting marriage is never guaranteed, but at least you can say you really married for love and not just loneliness. Too many people view marriage as some sort of sick game. They get married because they wanna be at the center of the attention. They wanna be the one that caught the man, even if his ass ain’t shit. Ladies, take the institute of marriage as a serious step and don’t try to groom every dude you meet cause he got a big dick and a nice car. Get some standards about yourself. When it’s your time, boo you will know it. If it’s now, why rush it? You will only regret it when you realize that asshole laying on your 1000 egyptian cotton sheets was the wrong one.

Holla at me: Is there any point you felt you were “Husband Hungry?”

Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man that was just not “emotionally” available? No matter how hard you tried to get close to him he seems to have you at arms length? You can’t understand why he’s so distant when clearly there is something about you he’s feeling. Well this isn’t at all uncommon. The same way how you keep certain men at a distance, there are men out there going through the same thing…a broken heart. Some men are so traumatized by getting their heart broken they refuse to let anyone in all the way. The sad part is these are the men you’re feeling the most, but they won’t let you  bypass the gates. You like each other  and want to continue with the relationship, but how do you deal with a heart you clearly didn’t break?

There are so many misconceptions when it comes to men. Most women think all men are dogs and all they do is play games. I never believed that was true, but I do believe that some that are dogish use that as a defense mechanism. Their afraid of being hurt or getting played by another woman, so they dog the ones they got. The thing about men and women is that women are emotional beings…men aren’t that way. The second they feel any ounce of hurt the completely shut down, leaving the good bitch in a dangerous spot because she’s now up for getting her heart broken. A man isn’t gonna let a woman in even if she seems like the right one. They will continue to push her to the limit until she can’t take it anymore and move on about her business. That is the risk you have to take dealing with a broken hearted man. The old bitch made your role impossible to deal with, so now your stuck.

I remember dating a man that was a nice guy, but was clearly scarred by a relationship in his past. He liked me, but he never let me get too close. It was like he was fighting with two sides. He wanted that deepness with me, but at the same time didn’t trust me for shit. I understand that happens, because it happens with women also. I stuck around because I wanted him to see not all women out here are just out to play a dude. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t break the skin. He was hardcore to the surface and no matter what I did I was not getting there. I couldn’t take his emotional unavailability anymore. There was no point to it. I was dealing with a man that could not get over his past. I wished him well and went along my merry way. Years later I saw him and we had a conversation and he admitted that he wished he was better to me back then. I was clearly a good person…not woman but person to him and he took it for granted, because he couldn’t deal with letting someone in again. I accepted his apology because sometimes it takes time for you to realize shit and I’m glad that he realized just how emotionally stunted he was back then.

Fellas, I know sometimes breakups are hard to deal with but taking it out on the next woman is a no no. This goes to men and women who have allowed a no good motherfucker to dictate their lives…IF THAT PERSON WASN’T WORTH IT WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKING THEM RELEVANT? You’re allowing someone who didn’t value who you are to run your life years after they left it? Chile stop. People come and people go, but you gotta control that situation. A broken-heart can happen when you open your heart. I need people to realize with love comes pain. This love thing is a gamble. Sometimes you come out on top and sometimes you fold. The shit is a 50/50 chance thing. You can’t let another motherfucker shut you off from the joys of love. If you’re still dealing with it and afraid to let anyone close to you right now, stop pursuing these people. A breakup is a death. Yes, you have your time to grieve but then you gotta rejoin the living. The greatest part of this life we live is we have the ability to love. That shit shouldn’t be taken for granted. So if you’re dealing with someone who clearly hasn’t gotten over the breakup they had in 1992 then you might need to cut your loses and move on. There is nothing about you that can change that person’s thoughts about love. They have to be adult enough to realize that not all men/women are the same and love has two sides. Until you’re ready to accept the possibility of love, you need to move on from your past hurt. That’s the only someone real can enter your life.

Let me put this out in the open; people cheat. You may not like or condone it, but it happens. Maybe you’ve been cheated on and remember the heartbreak you faced when you found out. *Rubbing back* It’s gonna be ok …you know why because this blog isn’t for you. Go to another room because I’m talking to the folks that wanna cheat but don’t know what the best approach is. I’m not promoting cheating of any kind, but if you do decide to get your shit somewhere else wouldn’t you like to do it the best possible way? I’ve came up with 6 tips to ensure that you are a successful cheater.

1. Think before you cheat~ I hate dumb ass people that decide to cheat with someone they know isn’t mature enough to handle it. The whole purpose of cheating is not to get caught. This idiot knows you’re in a relationship and the minute he/she starts feeling themselves a little too much, they wanna blow up your shit. Pick someone that has just as much to lose as you do. That way they can’t try you without you trying them. Simple!!!

2. Wrap it up~ There is nothing more ridiculous than getting pregnant by the person you’re cheating with or vice versa. Plus, why the f*ck would you screw that person unprotected anyway? If your not f*cking your man unprotected your gonna do it to your side dish? Who the hell does dumb ass shit like that? Wrap that dick up nice and tight. That way you’re not only protecting yourselves, you’re protecting your main chick, your side chick and your wife. The minute you give one of them something that makes her vulva itch that bitch will sho nuff cut that dirty nasty disease infested dick off.

3. Keep your shit together~ I think the best thing to do is keep your lies to a minimum. The minute you start telling a bunch of lies, you won’t remember anything. My momma always says “A liar has no memory”. Why you gonna tell your man you’re out with your girls and then forget you then say you were working late? Wait…actually men are the one’s that can never keep their lies straight. Ladies, never mind!!! Well there are some dumb chicks out there too so keep your shit together people.

4. Never catch it~ One of the most important things you need to learn as a cheater is *grabbing mega phone* NEVER EVER EVER CATCH FEELINGS*. That is the fastest way to a downfall. The moment you catch feelings for the person you’re cheating with, you better call it a wrap. There is no way in hell you’re getting out of this relationship. Keep it business as usual. Get in there, do your thing, and get out. No need to lay and talk about your hopes and dreams, or your future plans. This relationship needs to be on a day by day basis. The minute you start making commitments you’re not just screwing, you’re in a second committed relationship with a bitch that knew you were already committed. This is just bullshit.

5. Shut the hell up~ Ray Ray and em’ don’t need to know you’re boinking Jaquita from up the block. Keep that shit under wraps. Everybody doesn’t need to know your business. That is the quickest way to get your shit out in the streets and back to your boo. If you’re cheating only you and the other person should know. A whole bunch of people in your sauce will only make your situation worse.

6. Never leave evidence~ If you’re dumb enough to sex someone in your apartment, then you’re dumb enough to get caught. This is actually one of the first things people mess up on when cheating…the evidence. If your coochie contributor says “Hey baby let me take a pic of you, you look so sexy” Knock that camera out of her hand. That my friend is evidence that can be used at a later time; your stupid ass just doesn’t know it yet. Some people program numbers in the phone, and try to put a name that doesn’t seem suspicious. Your girl goes through your phone and she sees a new name in there and guess what she’s gonna do…call it. The issue is she knows all your friends so naturally she’s gonna get a little suspicious. I think the best thing is if you do decide to program a number I would use a business name like Craig’s Auto body or Pizza Hut. She probably won’t get suspicious of the auto shop and all you gotta do is tell her that’s the number to the Pizza Hut by your job. Easy!!

**Bonus**Please oh please do not cheat with a friend of your partner. That is the dumbest shit you can ever do. Fellas, why the hell you gonna sex your girl’s friend anyway? You already know she’s trifling for f*cking with you in the first place. The minute she gets pissed at you guess what she’s gonna do…run and tell dat. Ladies, men talk just as much as women do. Sure he might not tell your man that he dug your ass out, but chances are he will tell another friend. Now you just look like a homie hopping hoe.

I hope these tips can help you in any future cheating endeavors that you may have. Again, we don’t condone cheating of any kind here at Candy Diaries, but we don’t wanna seem like we’re not allowing cheaters to be Exceptional! I just hope the cheating is worth the risk, and if you happen to get caught by some random act of stupidity I hope you’re ready for the consequences of your actions. Straight up….that might be the night your sweet dick gets cut the f*ck up.

Ladies, you meet a guy and it seems that you two are feeling the hell out of each other. You go out on a few dates, you talk on the phone for hours even meet a friend or two.  Then the next thing you know he ends the relationship. You’re left standing there wondering what the hell happened. Men are some of the most unpredictable people I’ve ever met. You could have everything going on between the both of you, but once reality sets in it’s all over. You’re now having a  WTF just happened moment. Here are a few played ass reasons a dude might dump a woman he actually likes.

Awwwwww isn’t new found love grand? You cuddle every chance you get, have those long never ending conversations on the phone at night and you have sex more than you eat. New beginnings are amazing!! Even though we get all open and happy there are still a few things a woman will not do in front of her man. She actually doesn’t want him to head for the hills if she introduces her true self to him. I remember an episode of A Different World right after Whitley and Dwayne got married. Whit woke up 5 mins before Dwayne every morning and washed her face, combed her hair and brushed her teeth. Then she would run back into the back just before the alarm rang and pretended to be asleep. Whitley did this so when he woke up every morning and looked at her he saw how beautiful she was when she slept. There are just some things that women don’t want their men to see or even know they do. Here are a list of the top 6 things women try not do in new relationships.

1. Use the bathroom~ Yea I said take a shit, because let’s face it people. Women shit too. Now I may be a little raw by saying take a shit, but you know I don’t do the whole sugar coating. Women will not under no circumstances use the bathroom in front of their men. Hell I know women that live with their men and still act like they never heard of dumping a load. Do you know when they take that shit they been holding in all day? When you go off to work. That’s when she can let all that mess out because she been backed up for days.

2. Break wind~ You and your boo is watching a movie on the couch and you feel a small bubble in the stomach. You feel it traveling and making it’s way toy your butt. You know farts are unpredictable, so you don’t know what to do. You’re afraid it will come out loud, so you ease it out. You just pray the shit doesn’t stink up the room. You let a little out and hold the rest in..then you let a little more out. You’re now scared and uncomfortable because you can now smell it and you hope to GOD he isn’t smelling it either. You’re afraid to get up because if you do the smell will be more pronounced. You try to dig your butt in his couch some more so the smell can drift off between the cushions. Little do you know he smelt that shit and has been holding his breath the whole time.

3.  Brush Your Teeth~ Some women view anything in the bathroom as private and will not brush their teeth in front of their guy. I guess it’s the fact that the toothpaste is all over the place and you have to spit it out. You know guys don’t like when women spit anything out.

4. Get Familiar with yourself~ Some women WILL NOT masturbate in front of their guys. Now I find this to be straight bullshit because a lot of men would love to witness their woman getting freaky with herself.  There are just some women out there that get a little embarrassed when it comes to self pleasure. I say let his ass watch…hell if he wants to masturbate while I watch I have no problems with that. I like to see you man handle yourself. LOL

5. Take off their makeup~ There are a lot of women that are so afraid to take off all that shit they got on their faces, because they know without it they look like Mike Tyson on day 3 of his period. Women will go to sleep with their makeup on and wake up the next morning with their face imprinted on the pillow case.

6. Eat Messy~ Women refrain from eating certain foods when they’re with their men. Ribs are a no no. There is no way in hell someone can eat that shit looking cute. Anything that makes you look ugly when you chew is not on the list. That’s why you see women eating a lot of salads and shit. That’s the safe food. Her ass ain’t on no diet. That bitch is hungry and trying to be as cute as possible while her stomach is growling for a slab of bbq ribs.

It’s all about do you feel comfortable enough in the beginning…and the answer is no. In new relationships or new anything the comfort level is still low. Sure you love being around the person, but you’re not ready to show your true selves because you think it might scare him away. Ladies, if you can’t be ugly and blow fart bubbles out your ass in front your man who can you do it with?

People say there are no good men out here. That all the good one’s are already taken or loving up on some dude’s charlie . I say that is a bunch of poppycock. Yes I said poppycock. There are still some good men out here; some need to be dusted off and groomed a little but hey it’s still a good man. When it comes to relationships women have a list of what they want. They have at least 30 things on there basically describing the perfect man. Ladies, there is no such thing as a perfect man. That dude don’t exist, so please stop looking for him. If you can’t love someone for who they are, then you need to be alone.

When a woman has a vision of what she wants in a mind, she sticks with that vision. She follows her list to a tee and if she finds someone that does not meet that list, she automatically kicks him to the curb. These women are typically hard to please and they want what they want. I got news for you sista girl, with the shortage of men out here your ass better learn to work with what you have. I never promote changing a man, but I’m beginning to notice a lot of women are finding fixer uppers. I guess to them men are like houses, true it might look shabby as shit on the outside but with a little love, new clothes and a gym membership you can have the greatest guy on the block. I guess these guys can be the great ones, but are you actually showing him that who he really is isn’t worth shit in your eyes?

There is nothing wrong with taking the time out and helping the person you’re dating, but after you’ve cleaned them up and made them look good enough to eat sometimes you may run into a few issues. Ladies I need ya’ll to listen to me very closely when I run down what can happen when you decide to be captain save-a-geek.

1.He becomes a project rather than your man~ Your relationship starts to resemble some kind of around the house activity you decided to start on a rainy Saturday morning. Your doing all the work and he’s reaping all the benefits. It becomes a situation where you feel like he owes you his life for saving him from himself. If he gets all jazzy looking and decides to go his merry way, you will become bitter as hell. You were the one to put time and effort into his ass, then once he got all fine and shit he leaves you high and dry for a bitch that ain’t put in the work.

2. If he doesn’t change can you live with it? ~ I always ask this question on the blog. If a man doesn’t “change” to what you think he should be, would you still give the relationship a try?  Change is inevitable, but it has to come from the person that needs to change. You can’t just run up in a relationship and expect A through Z and get mad when the shit doesn’t happen. Always think of the long run in the back of your mind. Are you still willing to stick it out with a fixer upper even if the results you were looking for aren’t achieved.

3. You will be his momma rather than his woman~  A man does not want a woman to take on the role as his mother. If you dictate everything that he does he will resent you and basically become dependent on you in the long run. Take the relationship of Courtney Cox and David Arquette; Courtney got herself a fixer upper. She found a man that was basically a mess and tried turning him into a husband. The issue was, she tried to change him or thought he would eventually change and when he didn’t she filed for separation. Courtney basically told him he can go out and do whatever he wants, because she was just tired of having a grown ass man as a son. When you decide to pick up someone and “try” to fix em up, you run the risk looking like a fool for doing it.

I am not trying to deter anyone from finding someone that needs work done on them, but remember the drawbacks. If your not able to accept someone for who they are and what they are, then you don’t need to be in a relationship with that person. No one is perfect and we all have our faults. I don’t think there is such a thing as settling for less, but there is a thing as expecting too much. You can’t expect someone to be that perfect person for you when your ass ain’t shit on a regular basis. Hell then you have to wonder why do you always have to fix someone into what you want them to be? Do I smell *sniff sniff* low self-esteem? Just saying!

Holla at me: Have you ever gotten a fixer upper? If so, how did that work out for you? *side eye*

There are times in every relationship when you come to the cross road…should I stay or should I go? This decision can be a hard one because although your too through, you have also invested time and love into the relationship. The thing about ending it isn’t always about not being with the person, it’s who you become after the break-up. In most breakups it’s never a mutual decision. One person wants to work things out while the other is ready to move on. This can cause one person to feel jilted and hurt, and eventually angry. This is the point where you can no longer have a civil conversation and grow into relationship enemies. The very thought of the other person makes you pissed. You see them in public and your whole night has gone to bullshit. Some people harbor so many ill feelings for the other person that they grow into enemies. There is a way that you can end the relationship and not gain an enemy for life.

I’ve always had to ability to recognize when a relationship has ran it’s course. No matter who ended it I always came to terms. Breakups in my opinion basically follow the 7 stages of grief; 1. Shock & Denial 2. Pain & Guilt 3.Anger/Bargaining 4. Depression 5. The Upward Turn 6. Reconstruction and Working through 7. Acceptance. When a relationship ends it’s natural to exhibit these signs. Hell you’re human and sometimes the shit can get to you. Like I said no matter how my relationships ended I never made enemies. Well there is this one dude I dated that I cannot stand. If that negro was on fire I wouldn’t even piss on his ass to save his life. Ok, so I am entitled to one…like I said I’m human. For the most part I am still friends with the ex’s that meant some sorta shit to me once upon a time. I just felt there was no way I can hate someone I swore up and down that I was in love with. That just didn’t seem to make sense. Now I cannot be friends right after the breakup. The biggest part of being friends with someone you were involved with is healing. Most people cannot and refuse to heal from what transpired in the relationship and hold so much anger and bitterness for the other. The end of a relationship is a death. Something you once loved has exited your life. The great part of this whole death scenario is that there are times this dead relationship can come back to life. You need time to go through your emotions. That means you have to separate yourself from your ex. Go through your stages of grief, and hopefully you come to the conclusion that the shit was just not meant to be. Sometimes we love so hard we can’t see when a relationship isn’t working. We desperately want it much, that we overlook all the little things that stopped making the relationship great.You have to accept the end for what it is and heal. Once you have fully come to terms and accepted it and can talk about it without busting out into tears, you’ve gotten over the major hump.

The reason it’s so much easier to become enemies with the person you were with is because they already know everything about you. They know what makes you tick, what makes you sad and they know your imperfections. They know your secrets and that’s leverage against the other person. You have to realize that sometimes an ending might bring forth a beautiful beginning. It’s all about what you took from it and apply it to your new relationship. My ex and I have grown so much as friends since our breakup. Sure it was rocky in the beginning, but after time, conversation and forgiveness we’ve become best friends. I can honestly say he’s the greatest friend I have. We respect each other, there for each other and appreciate each other. Holding onto bitterness and anger only destroys you and make it difficult for the best person *hopefully the right person* to get to know the wonderful you. So let go of the pain and move on. It’s not worth hating someone for the rest of your life because they did you wrong. Shit they did your ass a favor. Aren’t you happy that you found out before it was too late?

Sometimes I wonder if men really understand how stupid they are when it comes to trying to attract a woman. I mean sometimes ya’ll do some extra shit that ya’ll think makes you desirable, but it actually makes you look like an ass. Just like us women, there are men out here looking for that special someone. Rather than search high and low in the clubs, they’ve also turned to online dating as a means to meet women. They get online, set up their profiles and add their pics but they do it all kinds of wrong. Then they wonder why women read their messages, look at their profiles and never respond. Fellas, I’ve kept silent about this shit but dammit it’s time to spill the beans. I’m about to list  reasons why you never get play and it’s all because of the dumb shit you put on your online dating profile. After I do this you might want to go to your POF, BPM or Match profiles and correct some shit.

Your Wack Ass Pics~ Let me tell you something; I don’t care what you think, pics speak volumes. The first thing a woman does when she visits your profile is look at the pics. Not only is she trying to see what you look like, she’s also trying to get a sense of your style. Men make the biggest mistakes when it comes to profile pics.

1. Half nekkid pic~ Dude I do not require seeing your dick imprint in your tattered boxer-briefs. That is a direct turn off. I       remember one guy messaged me and said he’s interested in getting to know me but he must warn me his dick has caused him to be single. It’s too big and frightens women off. He then proceeded to attach a dick print picture. Like I give a significant f*ck that you got a big dick. Dude I do not care or give damn about your dictures. Obviously y0ur’e looking for a freak and thinking that you might buck up on one. *DELETED*

2. The Group Shot~It is so damn confusing when men post pics of themselves with their boys. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know you have friends but does all your pics have to contain other men? Hell, you don’t even know who owns the profile. All the pics have a gaggle of kneegrows in it. Fellas, a woman likes to know that you can stand on your own. Damn take a pic of yourself once in a while. The next thing you know she’s feeling your homeboy second from the right and gets disappointed when she finds out your the ugly one with the box fade and corrective shoes.

3. You Had to Add A Bitch~ For the life of me I will never ever understand this. You’re on a dating website trying to find a woman, and you post a pic of you and some chick hugged up. Now mind you that can be your sister, your cousin or your transgender twin brother but how is a woman suppose to know? That is so misleading for anyone looking at your profile. Again, it may be innocent but as someone looking at your profile a woman will automatically think Ex-Girlfriend. Keep the bitches off your page. You might get more replies to your messages that way.

Who Da Hell Are You? ~ Since you took the steps to log into the site, add your height, body build and city why not put a little information about yourself? Just simply writing “I gets money” does not constitute as “A Little About Me”. I know writing about yourself can be a hassle, but online dating is basically selling yourself. You have to make her interested in wanting to get to know the man behind the words. If you ain’t got shit to say chances are you’re a waste of time and a woman refuses to waste her time in ain’t shit dudes.

You Do What For A Living?? Chile Stop~ You’re 35 years of age and you’re a rapper by profession? Give me a break. This is another turn-off for some women when it comes to online dating. If you don’t have a legitimate job then you gets no love. Your old ass is a rapper, yet you have no car and kids? You probably live at home with your momma or staying on your homeboy’s couch huh? Smh dude after a certain age you can’t claim to be a damn rapper no more. GET A FRIGGIN JOB ALREADY. The ship has sailed. Jay-Z ain’t signing you. You sir are not what’s hot in the streets.

You Make Your Profile Your Personal Diary~ Look I understand sometimes relationships may leave us feeling hurt. Maybe a little disappointed but please for the love of GOD keep that off of your profile. I read this profile one time that make me want to punch this dude right in the dick. He talked about being hurt and all the people in his life that has disappointed him. He talked about is parents, his cousins and every last woman he has ever been with doing him wrong. Then he says at the end “Promise me you won’t hurt me like the rest of them.” Don’t that shit sound a little psychotic to you? Like if you give him play and decide you’re no longer interested he will hunt you down, kill you and bury you in the backyard? The idea is to grab the attention of a woman, not scare her to death. Keep that shit to yourself. Once you actually meet and get to know a woman, share what you will. Just don’t do it like right that second. *Deleted*

Do You Even Care To Know My Name?~ One thing I cannot stand when it comes to online dating are the pushy ass men. They send you one message and before you can even reply they send you or ask for your phone number. Sir do you even know my name? Do you even care? Just sending a message like “Hey nice pics here’s my number” will get you a straight up ignore. Can you actually get to know me before asking or giving me your number? I’m not gonna call you and you damn sure ain’t getting my digits. Some women like to have actual online conversations first before they feel comfortable giving out their numbers.

Ladies: To be on the safe side set up a Google Voice account and they will give you a number that links to your cell phone. That shit helps weed out the crazy ass men you meet online. Plus they don’t have your real number so they can’t sweat you like that.

Men, I hope this has helped some of you. Some of the things you do online just make you look so unattractive. You can say “Well if she got to know me she will see I’m a good guy.” That may be all well and good, but when it comes to online dating your profile is EVERYTHING. The second a woman catches something that doesn’t look right you’re automatically disqualified from the race. I’m not saying to lie all up and through your profile, but in honesty that’s what a lot of people do. I always talk about when two people meet for the first time rather than be themselves they introduce their representatives. They pretend to be the people they’re not just so the other person can find them desirable. The second they become an item the real them comes out that’s why you always hear “He changed” or “She’s acting differently since we became official.” Naw you’re getting the real them, it’s just if they were real from the jump you wouldn’t like their crazy asses.

Hopefully you modify your profiles and if you do you might see more responses in your inbox. The trick is to entice a woman not scare her away. I hope this helped someone out there cause gawd knows you probably can’t get a woman if you paid her.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the people who got someone in their lives. Ya’ll ain’t the popular folks today. You got chicks walking around the office hating that bitch cause she got flowers from her boo. Yea you ain’t bout shit today hun. This goes out to all my ladies that say “F*ck You Valentine’s Day” mainly cause ya’ll ain’t got nobody. No cards, no calls, no dinners and no dicks. Yea even though this is just one day, it can be the most miserable day to be a single person. It’s like couples love to rub that shit in your faces. Like “OMG look what Kevin bought me. What did….oh my bad girl. You ok? I know next year you will have a man for Valentine’s Day.” Bitch hush the hell up. Don’t let that heffa bring you down just cause you ain’t got someone to love. Yea she bragging about what that dude gave her and his ass probably bought 2 of the same things to give to his other bitches. Yo that shit happened to me back in the day, but I digress. Ladies if your single and not loving it today, here are some things you can do for Valentine’s Day so you don’t slit your wrists.

1. Get ya girls and go~I know you might be in a depressive stupor but being at the crib listening to Mary J. Blige  and sobbing like you cat just died ain’t gonna help. Call up your single girlfriends cause chances are they’re probably feeling the same way. Go out to dinner, or even take in a movie. Be each other’s dates for the evening. That way you won’t be alone and your with your girls so you can talk about what the ugly ass couples passing by. You can also find a Anti-Valentine’s Day Party. Shit you might even meet someone.

2. Treat Yourself ~ Girl take your ass out to do something special. Get a massage, get your nails done or even go shopping. Do something for you cause at the end of the day Valentine’s Day is about love and who loves you better than you? Don’t sit at home sulking. Do you boo.

3. Pack ur shit and hit the road~ Listen here nothings wrong with taking a trip for Valentine’s Day. Get in your car or if you got the hookup with an airline hop one a plane for a day trip or however long you wanna be out. Visit those you haven’t seen in a min. Get out of your depressing ass city. I find that when you visit someplace else other people’s love don’t bother you as much.

4. Go On About Your Day~Listen if Valentine’s Day is just another day to you by all means go on with your normal routine. You don’t give two solid f*cks about this shit then boo boo do you. The day will come and the day will go. No need to make such a big deal about it.

5. Go F*ck~ Ok, so you’re not concerned about the flowers and candy all you want is some dick. Well call up your little side piece and get it on. You gotta be smart about it though. If you’re calling him to make yourself believe you’ve got a date for Valentine’s Day, then you don’t need to screw. Call his ass after 10pm. That way you both know what it is. If you call that man before 10pm say at 7pm he’s probably thinking you’re trying to locate a last minute date and chances are he won’t answer the phone. When he does come over wear his ass out then kick him out when you’re finished. Your main goal is to get dick not something snoring in your ear at 6am cause he decided to sleep over.

These are just a few of my tips for those who will be struggling today. At the end of the day Valentine’s Day is just a day like any other. Don’t let the day and fear of being alone consume you. There are so many things you can do to occupy your time. Chill on that shit. If you gotta turn your phone off, do whatever you have to in order to get a piece of mind. Just masturbate something  just check yourself.

Holla at me: Does Valentine’s Day depress you?