D*ckTales – Wow…I’m Big *Vintage*

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature the bloggers that got thangs to say. Please give up for ~The Mystery Man

My dick. I don’t want to brag.In fact, I’ll make this anonymous, to prove my point that..My JOINT is big. How do I know? Well I didn’t always know this…Until I noticed…. that every chick I kicked it with, would make a comment, like…

“Damn”, or
“Shit”, or
sometimes nothing at all
while stroking the shaft…(you damn right)…and suspending her jaws
or licking her lipswhile caressing the balls

But even then, I thought I was average. And hated condoms cause they broke while I was tappin..Asses. But I thought it was normal! Glad I never caught “it”…I got tested regularly.

I used to like small chicks. But I thought they liked small dicks.
Because when they saw mine…they’d say,“Uh uh…”,
or“That? In here?! No!”, or at best
“We GOTTA take it slow”, so…

I learned to stay away, if she was under five-trey (5’3 if you’re slow).

But in college, on campus…the word got around that I was working with something from my waist to the ground(ok not that big. lol)
But I remember smashing one girl. And her friend came around. And smashing that girl.And HER friend came around, and…well…see the pattern?

One girl said:
“Ooh, you’re in my bladder! I’ve had it this long…but yours is fatter!”…and that was pretty common chatter.

I upgraded to magnum…and now the XL’s. I could still use something a little wider. But at least they don’t break! Great.

I used to hit the ghetto clubs…me and my dick…my stick…my shlong…my $5 foot long. Ok ok, like 9.2 inches…but whos counting.In sweats (no dress code). Yes, perverted shit. (If you sucked your teeth, f*ck you…you’re either a little dicked dude or a little-dick-getting chick).With my “no point in wearing” boxers, and I knew what’d happen. So let me walk you through this shit. (ha ha, I’m laughin)

My south pole shirt…my nike sweats (I was young…with a big dick…who needs style?)I get inside…wait until the club gets packed.

I see a small waist…a tight short dress. GO!
Hood club…fly girl.
She eyes me…I think she already knows about my “south pole” (not the shirt)
She smiles…and I go.

I grab her hand (or waist)..and pull her in (down south–in the hood spots, its cool….relax). Yep…I’m already hard.My pants look like I pitched a tent sidewaysBut its dark. I’m good. But her girl sees it too…that makes it better.

I know she feels it. And if she stays for more than a second, she’s mine….and….She stays! Yes…And they always stay…and if not they always come back.

SHE stayed! Practically sat on it. Grinded… I knew she was wet.She bit her lip. Face kinda upset…but not really upset, it was just intense.She reached back and grabbed it…then inside the pants…then her friend glared at it…she wanted a chance.

Her girl grabbed it too…A tight squeeze. She stroked it, batted it….and looked at me.(What you want me to say? Hi?)

So here were two girls. All on my dick. Literally. But the first claimed it. And I slid her my number…and told her that after…..We’d meet by her school at the 7-11. To “hang out”. (I’d “hang out” alright…and yeah I did, later that night).

I walked around…poking chicks all night.
No facebook.
Like…one girl, so embarrassed, she looked around like she stole something
I pulled her in into the corner. Put her hands on the wall.
I pulled her dress down a little (gained brownie points).
They were playing slow-wind dancehall…props to the DJ!
Doggy style…I was on her for a while..she started to moan
She was feeling it strong…so I reached around…Nipples erect…bra already undone..
Then I turned the knobs…like the radio’s on
And reached around and….WHAT?
No panties on?
And then … what do you think? (no we didn’t…well, not until Tuesday

Look, I’m not saying its two-stories
My dick is big
And this is a true story