Did Sex Ruin Your Life?

Have you ever had the kind of sex that just made you cry? *screeching sound* Hold up, I didn’t mean that in a good way. I mean the kind of sex that is sooooooooooo bad that you can’t understand how in the world another human being could perform such a atrocious act. It is so common for people to break down when the sex is that straight crap. It’s even harder when the person has everything else going for them, but can’t stand up in the bedroom. What would you do? Let it go and pray things get better or do you call it quits and move onto the next one?

A lot of people base their relationships on good sex. If the sex ain’t good, they dare not invest their time. They go off of the theory: “If the sex ain’t no good, there is no way in hell our relationship will survive”. It seems it’s becoming more common to find yourself attracted to someone you’re not so sexually compatible with. You have a great time and love being around each other, but when you take it in the bedroom everything seems awkward and clumsy. He can’t find the hole, or her d*ck riding skills aren’t really skills but misguided information. How can your relationship survive when you can’t even make them scream out your name in the middle of mind numbing sex? Does general compatibility trump sexual compatibility?

About 11 years ago I was involved with a sweet guy. When it came to conversation we were on point. We liked the same things and we thought that we were on a path to something beautiful. I wanted to take things slow because I knew the minute sex entered the equation things get a little different. It’s not always different in a bad way, but sex usually changes things. So it was about that time to get it in. Let’s just say 10 minutes later I was lying there, eyes peering open and thinking to myself “I think I was just raped”. The sex was rough and not in a sexy way. When he had sex it was like he was taking it. Women like a man to take it sometimes, but this dude took it like he was accustomed of forcing women to do things they didn’t want to do. Then it took him all of 10 minutes? I ain’t saying you gotta be a marathon man, but at least go long enough for the woman to work up a good sweat.

I was so scared to try it again, for fear I might get punched in the process. I had a dilemma. Here I was with someone that was so down to earth and real with me, but he was now silently referred to as “The Rapist”. Ya’ll gotta understand, back in the day I just had no time to teach an old dog new tricks, but I decided that I would take a different approach with this fellow. I sat him down and told him that I loved being with him, but his sex made me scared to close my eyes at night. Well I didn’t say it quite like that, but I basically told him what I did and did not like. He was to rough and frankly 10 minutes wasn’t enough to make the uterus flinch. So he decided to follow my advice and promised that the next go round will be better than the first. *BLANK STARE* Remember the first time when I thought I was raped? Well that n*gga made it damn clear that he was in the raping business. This shit was worst than the first time. It was like everything I said went in one ear and out the other. After that I knew that this shit couldn’t work. I didn’t want to give up on it because of how we were together, but we were not sexually compatible at all. I guess all the communication skills we thought we had didn’t apply in the bedroom.

I don’t want to you guys to think I’m making light of the fact that rape crimes are committed everyday against women, but this man must have done it before. I said all this to say, relationships are built on a few things and if you can’t compromise and work on things then what do you really have? So I gave up on it. I just couldn’t get pass the lack of intimacy. I guess he never actually knew how to be with a woman. I guess I just wasn’t up for teaching. My friends said I gave up to quick, but I felt like I did what was right for me. I’m glad I did though, because I couldn’t take another stab at it. No ma’am!