HAIR!!!! It’s one of the first things people see! It can even make or break your look it’s your hair. *deep breath* I hate to admit it but if my hair isn’t done, I avoid the cutest part of my closet and go for the passable looks. You know them the dress or top that you can rock a crazy do with and still pass as cute but funky LOL!

Finding a great stylist is like finding an amazing pair of jeans in your size in the middle of a monster sale in Bloomies! (Trust me you’ve lucked up!)  So I was so please when I found Nataki Minix co-owner of Co Stars Style Studio. She’s being styling for 11 years… with an outstanding client list spanning from your everyday average Jane to very followed celebs and tv personalities!

But she still manages to be an amazing mom and style star. Known for being apart of Atlanta people to watch crowd. This fashion forward stylist can give you hair and style tips! Because she is very much about the business of making women look and feel beauty. But how does she do the things she “do” so well….*in my Niecey Nash voice*

The secret to her success is her great customer service and her knowledge of all types of hairs. From sassy short cuts to wonderful weaves. She doesn’t just let you do whatever to your hair(no crazy colors that don’t suit you here SMH no ma’am)…she educates on what product, styles and types of hair is best for you.  ”If no one has complimented you on your hair in a month it’s time for a change” ~Nataki Minix

So how is your hair?

Fashionably,

Am I the only one that notice that many black people don’t actually date anymore? I mean like pick her up, go to dinner and end the night walking on somebodies beach talking about your childhoods. Well that seems a little “Sleepless in Seattle”, but still there aren’t many people dating anymore. I know we’re in a recession and all, but when did courting stop? What people consider dating now is chilling on the couch and watching a movie. Which the majority of the time it eventually leads to sex because you’re in a place where you have a bed in the next room. When did black people stop dating and go straight to f*cking?

My first date was at the age of 21. I know ya’ll blank staring me right now, but I am telling the truth. I’m from the Caribbean and up until that point I never ever ever been on a date. Sure I had boyfriends here and there, but never actually dated. I don’t know what it is about men from the Virgin Islands, but it’s like they don’t feel like dating is necessary. You meet, you talk on the phone, he comes to your house and chill in the car and the next thing you know he’s your man. I never understood that logic, but that was life in the V.I. I never had a date until I actually moved to Georgia. I am 30 now and I can still count how many dates I’ve been on. It’s like folks look at dating like it’s a waste of time.

I’m beginning to believe f*cking is the new method of dating, because that actually seems to come quicker than anything else.  Once a man and a woman start having sex automatically one of these people starts to refer to the other as “the person their dating or seeing or worse their significant other”. No… that’s the person you’re having sex with. People seem to forget the whole purpose of dating is to ultimately find your match. If you don’t date how can you meet the person you’re looking for?

If they do decide to go on a date, half the time it’s not considered a real date. Going to a movie is not considered a real date. When one dates it’s an opportunity to get to know each other and talk. You can’t talk in a movie. It’s like you just went to a mutual place to sit in silence. No one uses their imagination. Also fellas, taking a chick to a club is not a damn date. It’s like taking sand to the beach. Why would you even do that? Again, there is no way you can get to know each other in the damn club. The most you will find out is how they move on the dance floor then you automatically associate that with how they are in bed. See, sex always creeps back in there.

I just want folks to start courting again. This might cut down on all the bullshit going on. Less children born out wedlock, few bitches calling your crib, getting a chick pregnant and finding out later she’s crazy and was trying to trap you. If you were courting you would have more opportunity to get to know each other better, become friends rather than sex buddies. A friendship blooms into the healthiest relationship. If you and your man aren’t friends, your relationship will never make it.

Holla at me: Do you think people have bypassed dating all together?

I’ve noticed that women aren’t alarmed that a lot of the men out here don’t take care of their kids. Is it just me or do ya’ll find this a major major issue? How can you turn your back on helpless babies? You don’t care if they eat, sleep or clothed? I know there are some trifflin ass women that hold the babies as ransom because they’re greedy or feel since you don’t wanna be with them then you don’t need to see your kids. I don’t care how much brothas hate the system,  that is what a court is for. I’m talking about the men that don’t give a damn and the idiot women that love them. What makes you think having a baby with you will be any different?

I know they say you can’t help who you fall in love with, but when do you start listening to your brain in this instance? If he doesn’t take care of his responsibilities what makes you think this is someone you can count on in the long run? This has become the norm for brothas. Once they get a chick pregnant they’re out like yesterday’s news. They don’t check for their kids at all, but so quick to brag that they have a seed. I guess they wanna show that their dicks work and they’re not shooting blanks. Once you knock her up you need to be a man about yours. My problem like I said is really the women that know this information and date these men anyway. Shouldn’t you be a little nervous that he doesn’t even take care of his own flesh and blood?

Then there are a lot of women out there that know he’s a deadbeat and decide that their gripe is with the woman. First off what does that have to do with you? Half of the time the woman is going into the relationship hearing a one-sided story. How do you immediately decide “Your Man” must be telling the truth, so you bash her every chance you get? Then there are the one’s that know he’s a deadbeat, have a child with him and say shit like this “I don’t care if he doesn’t take care of his other kids. He takes care of mine”. Isn’t that the most ig’nant shit you ever heard? A parent no matter the gender has a life-long commitment to their children…Period. Why be proud that your man only takes care of your child and ignore the others? Some women feel that it’s something about them that makes the man want to be around them. Sweetheart, if a man can abandon his kids he can do the same thing to yours. Glorifying that bullshit only makes you look stupid as hell.

I won’t get on everyone’s case. There are women who unknowingly date a deadbeat. Once I started dating a guy that told me he didn’t have kids and the next thing I know here comes two sons that magically popped out of the sky. He never claimed or provided for those kids. When I found out he was shocked that I stopped calling him. First off lying about it wasn’t a good look, but not doing right by these kids was the worst thing you could have told me. I don’t respect a man that doesn’t respect his own. It’s showing me you’re putting me and a whole batch of others in front your #1 priorities. I’m sorry the second a parent puts a man/woman in front of their kids is a son of a bitch in my book.

So, yes ladies you should be alarmed if he isn’t a fit parent. Just because he’s smiling up in your face and telling you the things you want to hear will not make him treat you and yours any different. Chances are the sweet nothings he told you, was heard by her as well and what ended up happening? NOTHING!!!!

I loves me some Estelle baby. Here is the new single from the UK diva feating John Legend and Nas. I am a huge Estelle fan and I can’t wait until her new album drops. I love the beat, the scenery, and she looks fierce. I loves her…*if I didn’t make that clear*. Enjoy!

So we started off “Black Love” week with “How to love a black man” , now we will teach the fellas a thing or two about us. Unlike men, women can be very complicated creatures. The majority of the time we think we need everything, but in actuality we . There are a lot of chicks out there that think everything should automatically be handed to them. A woman knows her self worth regardless of her relationship status, but can appreciate the love and affection given by the opposite sex. The man that has to pleasure of having a real woman in his life must be aware of how to treat her.

Black women are characterized as the most difficult to deal with. Ok, there may be some truth to this, but this is because we don’t take no shit. We know what we want, and if you can’t be real with us…it’s time to go. Some men get it twisted and think that just because he is MAN a woman should be beneath him. We’ve learned to do for ourselves that we don’t need anyone…we simply want them. Men don’t choose a woman, she chooses him. For the real men out there, if you’re in a relationship with a black woman and you want to know how to really love and satisfy here then here goes.

1. Keep It 1000~ Yea I said 1000. People say the truth hurts. Yea that is true, but a lie hurts even more. A woman only wants a man to tell her the truth no matter how disappointing it may be. She wants to know that you have her best interest at heart, and even though she might be discouraged the point is you told her. A woman can handle the truth…she cannot forgive a lie.

2. Respect Her Fresh ~ Respect goes a long way with a woman. No woman wants to feel like her time and her efforts mean nothing. Show her that you respect her opinions and input. Also, you can’t demand respect if you can’t give it. One thing I can’t stand is a man that tries to play the playa role. Women calling the house and shit…how can you allow that and respect your relationship?

3. Listen to her needs~ Men don’t listen…or they do listen they just don’t wanna hear it. How ever it works all a woman needs a man to do is listen to what she has to say. A lot of couples lack that basic communication skill. They don’t listen so nothing gets heard. A man needs to take the time and find out what his woman needs in order to make her happy. A happy woman makes for a happy home.

4. Bring Home the Bacon, and She’ll Cook It~ Every woman ultimately wants a provider. Although women flaunt the theory “I’m independent, I got my own”. A woman wants to know her man can provide for the family. Fellas listen here….truth be told. A woman has no problem being subservient to her husband. As long as he’s taking care of business the way he should be, she would make sure everything else is handled.

5. Head to Head Combat~ A woman wants a man that can battle with her. I’m not talking about they start fighting all over the house. I mean a woman can’t stand a “Yes Man”. A yes man is someone that has no backbone and can never stand up for what he wants. He says yes to everything and rarely gives his input or insight about anything. For instance, I like a man that isn’t afraid to tell me no. Not rag me up or anything. Just a man that can put his foot down.

6. She IS a woman after all~ There are times men forget that women are still women. Once the years go by and the babies are born, men stop treating their women as women. Although, time has passed and you’re lives are filled with fruity pebbles rather than f*cking in the living room at 12pm she’s still the woman you’re with. Take her out and compliment her show her affection. A woman needs to know she’s still loved and appreciated after everything you’ve been through.

7. Allow her to Dream with you~ A woman wants to share in your vision. She doesn’t want to be left out of your future. If you have personal goals, share them with each other. Allow her inside of your head and vice versa. A woman wants to see her man succeed, she just wants to take that ride together.

8. Her Friends Are Not Your Enemies~ Men think that the single girlfriend will lead his woman astray. Fellas, women do have minds of their owns. The majority of the time a woman knows that her best girlfriend wishes she had the relationship you have. Point blank…women will always be jealous of others. A real woman knows what she has and just because she’s chilling with KeKe doesn’t mean she wants to do the things KeKe is doing. This isn’t high school…this is real-life.

9. Prove You’re Different~ Women in general are emotional. They may have been hurt a time or two. Show that woman you’re different than the rest. Women go into new situations with a guarded heart. They may be afraid to trust because of how they might have been treated in past relationships. If you’re not that guy…prove that to her. Allow her to see who you really are.

10. Don’t try to hard~ Although women like a man to show her he’s different than the rest, you don’t have to try to hard to do it. Sometimes effortless chemistry makes two people gravitate more towards each other. A real woman can see through the bullshit, so don’t try to show it to her.

Although, all these rules apply to every woman black women seem to be the minority when it comes to relationships. According to CNN 70% of black women are single, and 40% will not be married. This means a black woman has a higher chance of being alone for the rest of her life. The only thing we need is someone who is down for us and has our best interests at heart. Fellas, I hope you’ve learned something today…if not you’re not ready to take on a real black woman.

Love no matter what the color is never easy. Learning the in’s and outs of the person you’re with can sometimes create a distorted view of men in general. This is generally said about black men. Black men like any other man on this planet are not easily understood. Although most men are from Mars and some from the slums of Jupiter *that was a bad joke*, there is a formula to loving each and every one of them. Many women can never understand the process it takes to love a real black man. Some women think nagging, drama and good pussy is the way to keep a black man at bay. A real woman knows how to love a real man.

Many people also think there should be no difference in loving a black man. He is a man after all; but there actually is a difference. Black men have been degraded and plucked from the family for years. I can actually say growing up I never had a stable male figure in my life. My father like many fathers were absent from the family structure. So many women became both father and mother to many unknowing children. With the lack of the family dynamic many children *boys and girls* grew up not knowing about how to appreciate the opposite sex. I didn’t know how to love a black man, but  as the years went by I realized that loving a black is actually not as difficult as I thought. There is no concrete formula to loving a black man…a real black man. Just because he’s black and refers to his penis as “Killa” does not mean he is deserving of your love. When you find a true man that deserves everything you give him and vice versa, then and only then can you fully open your heart and show him how you love. Here are a few ways you can learn how to love a black man.

1. Show Him You’re For Him, Not Against Him~ Sometimes a man needs support. I’m not talking  about the lazy no good n*ggas sitting on the couch, without a job while you work 2 just to put food on the table. I’m talking about a man that is motivated in his goals, and needs a cheerleader by his side. It’s very discouraging no matter who you are to have NO ONE believe in you. Don’t be so quick to dismiss his hopes…his dreams. When things go good or bad you should be the first person he wants to talk to. You bring out the passion in him.

2. Get the Drama Away~ Ladies, men don’t do drama.  * clears throat* Ladies, real men don’t do drama. One thing you find when it comes to a man is THEY’RE THE MOST SIMPLEST CREATURES ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. If you bring too much unnecessary baggage to the relationship their minds seem to shut down and everything will change. Keep it as simple as possible. It makes things easier when it comes to taking that next step.

3. Let him take the lead~ This should be number one, but if it’s one thing I can’t stand is a man not being A MAN. I’ve encountered men that act like bitches because other women allowed them to act like bitches. There are men out there that want to be that head…the man of the house. I think the fact that women have been doing it by themselves for so long, it can be a bit difficult for us to give up our status as “head” to a man. I say if that man wants to provide, let him provide. Give him the respect he deserves if he’s doing what he should be doing as the man in your life. Respect him and he will respect you.

4. Give Him Time~ Sometimes a man needs time to himself. A woman sometimes gets so focused on what a man is thinking that she doesn’t give him time to actually think. A man needs time to process his emotions. Nagging him continuously to say how he feels is just gonna make him keep everything in more and  more. If a man wants to say something, trust me…He will say it.

5. Not saying “I Love You” is saying “I Love You~ Ok we’ve discussed how some men do have problems expressing themselves. Although a man may be reluctant to say I love you everyday doesn’t men he doesn’t love you. A man sometimes uses his actions as a way to show a woman how he really feels. Don’t be too quick to disregard these actions. A man isn’t going to waste time on a woman who doesn’t appreciate what he has to offer.

6. Don’t Try To Change Him~ For some reason a woman thinks she is the answer that will change a man for the better. A man can’t change unless he wants to change. If you can’t accept a man for who he is, then there is no need to continue the relationship. A man wants to know a woman can love him for him despite all his flaws. He’s your perfect imperfection.

No one said loving another person was gonna be easy. It takes a strong couple to get this love thing on the right course. I just gave a few helpful tips, but there is so much more that comes with it. I know a lot of people expected me to discuss the sexual aspect of it. It’s no damn secret all men love sex. They actually love sex more than they love to eat…um hmmm. Ok yea…so that is a given. Ladies, men would love to be in a loving relationship just as much as you do, but if you don’t know how to properly love him then the relationship won’t work.

Candy Diaries has decided to devote this week to “Black Love” Week. This is the week where we tackle the the  issues dealing with romance in the black community. We will disclose the myths and hopefully energize the hearts. Some people think black love is dead, but we’ve seen many successful couples who’ve defied the odds and gotten their love on track. If you believe in the power of Black Love, then I hope you chime in this week. If you’ve totally given up and believe that there is no longer such a thing as love period…please chime in.

Enjoy!!!!

“Can you hear me? Can you hear me now?” 43% of  relationships end due to lack of communication. How often do you hear “he/she never listen to me” and “they did and we connected” when discussing the demise of a relationship. Men and women want the same things in relationships, it’s just communicated differently at times. Have you ever had a conversation where you’ve clearly stated you want, but gotten the exact opposite in return.

Merely a bad connection…as if you were driving through a tunnel with music blasting but still trying to take the call. But this person is sitting right in front of you. I think it’s best to be up front in relationships, so there is no “mistaking” the intend of either party….COMMUNICATION is key! And once you’ve lost that it’s just as if you’ve lost your cellular signal…*SCREAMING* “Can you hear me, Can you hear me now….” *shrug* Guess it’s a “Bad Connection”.

How’s your signal?,

So what’s the one thing that all women need, want, but absolutely hate shopping for….JEANS! They can be your best and worst enemy, ”lethal weapon” or the “cherry” on top of the sundae. Giorgio Armani said “Jeans represent freedom; they signify democracy in fashion.” And with so many different cuts, colors, styles and brands who knows which pair works best.

Here are a few golden rules from Mr. Armani himself! Every women needs…a pair of five pocket straight-leg jeans. They’re classic and incredibly versatile, and flatter a range of body types. You have to feel confident. Of course, a good fit help create that confidence, so don’t be afraid to spend time finding the right style for you.

*shrug* So what is the perfect fit for your body type? Here’s a few keys rules from tall to plus….and everything we must address in between . Tall try…A slightly boyfriend-y cut gives a cute shape. Look for longer inseams means no high water effect. And a straight not-too-skinny jean with a higher waist shows off endless legs.

Curvy try…Go for roomy but not too baggy darker denim which gives a slimming effect to the leg. A straightish cuts even out your natural curves. And a midrise smooths in all the right places giving a clean lines which leaves you simply fab! Petite try…a low rise to stream line to the illusion of a longer torso. Pocket detailing is your friend gives the image of a high bum…which means longer legs! Skinnies that are extra comfy-slim and snug styles are fit best for your body type…pencil thin legs in heels give the illusion of legs for days.

Plus try…Look for something that offers a little leg room…because it goes a long way. A nipped-in waist gives definition and denim with spandex equals major comfort. Then if the jean…isn’t your cup of tea try a denim skirt, vest, dress or button down oxford to give you the look! Keep these tips handy when you set out to shop next pair of jeans….Because there’s always “One for All”. 

Fashionably,

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature readers/bloggers that got thangs to say. I want you to give a special hand to “K” of Boissuq.

How important is sex to a relationship?

While on twitter, I jokingly asked, “Do I really want to wobbly wobbly drop drop it like it’s hot?” I was in the moment referring to dancing, however, I received the following response from a male follower:

“There’s a word for women who don’t “wobbly wobbly drop drop it like it’s hot” – SINGLE”

Oh boi…  We clearly were not on the same page with our line of thinking, yet I begin to ponder upon what he stated, thus asking…

How important is sex in to a relationship?  And do we often use sex as a means to an end?  Meaning… ladies, do we give up the goods in order to get the man?

My mother once told me, “Don’t start off anything you don’t expect to finish.”  And ladies, can I be truthful for a minute…

When it comes to sex, I feel that we often think we can start off the relationship in the bedroom, in hopes that it will grow beyond those four walls.  We want to be his Adina in the morning and in the evening… well, that’s until you land your man…Then all of a sudden the well runs dry.  The things you did to get him, well you might still do to keep him, yet you may do it begrudgingly…Wanting to know if your relationship is only about sex, at times feeling disposable.

I have a friend that is in a live in situation with his girlfriend (I have my own thoughts about shacking up, but that is for another place and time).  He places a lot of importance on sex, her…not so much.  Based upon past experiences and her own insecurities, she does not feel attractive, so it’s hard for her to believe that a man could find her attractive.  The problem is that he plays into her feelings of worthlessness by befriending women… flirty attractive women.  He is not getting sexual attention from home, so he seeks it elsewhere.  Even thought he is not sleeping with these women (yet), the attention he gets makes him feel desirable… and he begins to compare his girlfriend to these women… You know, the old notion of “What you won’t do, someone else will.”

After the twitter conversation and thinking about my friend’s situation, I then asked another friend…

“So how much importance do men put in relationships?”

His initial response was, “Well I can’t speak for men on a whole… but me personally it plays a significant role”

Yet, by the end of our conversation he answered the question by saying, “If I’m with her and she treats me with love and respect, I’m already happy and satisfied. Good lovemaking is just the icing on the cake.”

Now, before he got to that answer, he did mention that it depended upon how early sex happened in a relationship…

I think the problem is we too often try to use sex as a building block…

Wobbly foundation to say the least.

If you want to read more from “K” check out her blog Boissuq http://www.boissuq.com/