Hi V.I.,

I’m writing you because of my friend. She’s married and cheating with a guy that’s 26. She met him when he was 21. They have been seeing each other from time to time. He calls her only when he wants sex never just to talk. When she met him he had a girlfriend. Sometime he would ignore her calls. He would pretend they were gonna go out but he never called till days later. I told her that she’s his jump off. He calls and says I need to see you and she runs over. Sometimes he will not call for 3months then call and say I want to see you. I need to see you and get mad if she can’t come. When she get there he is happy to see her all kissing and fucking, 69 and liking her feet. She says she want to leave her husband because he doesn’t satisfy her or pay attention to her except in bed, and all he want in bed is his dick sucked, or to hit it from the side. I told her to get rid of them both and start over. The both using her. What should she do?

Asking… You Know…For A Friend

Dear AFAF,

I understand that you’re concerned for your friend, but there is nothing you can do to help her understand how naive she stupid she’s been in this situation. She’s grown and she has to come to the realization at some point in life. What she does is her business and if she continues to allow men to use and abuse her that’s something she’s gonna have to face on her own time. Obviously she’s oblivious or just foolish to what’s happening. Honestly she’s not because if you know all her business especially all the bad shit, she knows what’s going on but refuses to put an end to it. All you can do is be her friend, but at the end of the day she has to live her own life. You can’t fix this for her. Until she realizes that she’s being played, she’ll continue to be  in this game.

I hope one day she wakes up, but sweetie there is nothing you can do but be her friend. You telling her to leave isn’t gonna make her leave. She has to realize that when she’s hit rock bottom. It will happen one day, but right now she’s being played like lotto.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Have you ever met someone, got to know them and just fall in total like for them? You’re happy when you’re around them and happy at the thought of them when you’re apart. That’s some like for your ass. It may come to a point where your happiness is sorta scary for you to take, especially if you haven’t experienced that kind of feeling in a long time. You become afraid of your own happiness. Afraid that the feelings you’re feeling at this very moment will end with you feeling sad and empty. It’s common for people to be afraid of good things. Even though we want it, once we get it we’re too scared that something will fuck it up.

So for a few months now I’ve been dating this one guy. When I first met him at the beginning of the year I thought he was cool, but there were a few things that I wasn’t feeling with him. He seemed like a nice guy, but I just wasn’t really giving him the time of day. I’m not sure if I was just looking for shit to not like about him because I was scared for him to get close or I just wasn’t feeling him. I was comfortable around him on our first few dates, but he just didn’t seem like my “type.” I told him on a few occasions “let’s just be friends” but no matter how I shunned him he continued to try to get to know me. He texted me to see how I was doing during the day. He always wanted to hang out. He wouldn’t give up and I didn’t understand why. So after another failed attempt to see me he just asked me “What is it about me that you don’t like?” The question kinda freaked me out because in all honesty I didn’t know what about him I actually didn’t like. Like I said whenever we hung out I felt comfortable and he made me laugh. Those were both major pluses, it was the minuses I had issues with when it came to him. He proceeded to tell me all he wanted to do was get to know me and vice versa, but this wall that I had up was getting in the way. He liked me and just wanted the opportunity to know who I am as a person.

Look when I tell you that conversation opened my eyes to a whole bunch of shit. I had a wall up because I was afraid of anyone to get close to me. At that moment I decided to let this huge ass wall down for a second just to see. Hell he deserved a chance since I’m been dissing him for months. The second I opened up and allowed myself out and allowed him in I realized that he was a honest to God nice person. The more we hung out the more I was starting to like him. I couldn’t understand why I kept him behind the wall. He was funny, intelligent, warm and a great ass cook. He was a good guy from what I saw. The more we spent time the more we started feeling each other.

Now I was finally in a place of happiness and scared out of my mind. Scared that any moment the happiness that I longed for…prayed for was gonna be over. Sometimes you can’t help but think that way because of all the bullshit you dealt with in the past. I finally had to make the decision to live in the moment of happiness because all fear did was robbed you of the moment. We’re still dating and getting to know each other. I really like this one ya’ll. I had to get over that fear in my head to enjoy the moment I’m in right now. Never let fear or doubt stop you from feeling happiness. You could be missing out on a much needed blessing or a much needed adventure in your life.

Celibacy ain’t the easiest shit in the world. If you love sex and being licked and poked, not having that in your life can make you go crazy. Although it gets easier as time goes by, you get to a point where you’re done. No more putting the pillows between your legs at night. No more sleeping alone. No more turning away advances. You’re ready to get your lady parts pleasured. If you started celibacy to prove a point to someone or just wanted to take a break whatever your reasoning you’ve decided to get back out there and achieve the orgasm you so desperately deserve.

Trust me, getting back on top of some dick ain’t the easiest thing after celibacy. You will meet a few dudes that wanna hit, but after you’ve been saving yourself for so long you don’t just want to give it to some lame ass dude who’s dick has it’s own passport. You want to give it to someone who puts in the effort to get to know who you are and what you’re about. When you meet that “right” man and he whispers to that vagina you know you’re about to put it on him…GOOD. The thing is you might have been out of the game so long you’re reluctant to hit it. After about a year of celibacy I thought I forgot how to fuck. No lie, I was scared to even do it because I thought I lost every single move I had. Ok so I might have tried to psych myself out, but that shit was real. It’s like you’re a virgin again and scared to get your cherry popped because you heard that it HURTS. Just use these tips and you should be on the road to mighty ass sexy as fuck orgasms.

1. Once you know you’re ready, take your time until you’re absolutely sure your ready. Celibacy ain’t just something you wanna waste for some bullshit dude.

2.Tell him about your journey. Don’t be afraid to talk about your celibacy. A man…a real man appreciates a woman who respects her body. If you meet a dude and you tell him and all he does is try to get you to break it he ain’t the one. You ever notice you get more dick offers when celibate than you do when you ready to fuck??? Just my observation I guess.

3. Start off slow until you get your groove back. Now once you jump into it you might bouncing up and down like Jada Fire or you might be a little clumsy on the first fuck. It’s ok to take it slow if you need to with him. Once you get back to yourself wear that fool out with that good coochie.

4. Get a couple of good rounds in while you can. Listen, the second you start having sex  one screw is not gonna cut it for you. You’re gonna crave dick after you get your first piece. Don’t be ashamed to jump on that dick when you’re in the mood. A man appreciates a woman that knows what she wants.

5. Have fun! Sex is to be enjoyed.

*Caution* Sometimes after we’ve had our first good dick after celibacy we tend to fall for the dick you get. If it’s something that can become a meaningful relationship dick alone should not be your only form of happiness. If you did it just to bust a nut catching dick feelings for someone you ain’t really into will only leave you lonely in about a month and a half. So be cautious of this experience and continue to treat your body like how it’s suppose to be treated.

I remember as a little girl hearing “Always marry someone that loves you more than you love them.” I wondered why would I do something like that? It didn’t seem fair to me or him. I thought love should be equal, but as I got older I realized there is no such thing as equal love. Sure you can both love each other greatly, but one’s love always outweighs the other. The idea to marry someone that loves you more than you love them basically means they would treat you like a queen and never do anything to hurt you. That sounds wonderful at the end of fairy tales and shit, but in real life shit happens. Marrying someone who loves you more  than you love them sounds fool proof, but you would have to be a fool to think something like that won’t bite you in the ass in the long run.

When it comes to love, I love hard. I’m an Aries woman. Sure I make it damn near impossible for you in the beginning, but the second I let some of those bricks out of the wall I have up I can easily fall in love. It has always been a gift and a curse for me. A gift because by the time I let you in I already know that my feelings are real and not just some spontaneous feeling. A curse because once I open up and let you know I leave myself open for anything. I once fell in love with someone and I fell hard. He loved me and I loved him. The issue was, after we confessed our love and all that pretty shit I was unsure of how much I really loved him. Sure he had my heart, but I wasn’t sure of in what capacity. There were things about him I just loved. We had fun together, we could talk about anything for hours. He was  wonderful, but when it came to other things I wasn’t interested. For instance if he cheated, a part of me wouldn’t really care. Ok, I would care but it wasn’t like “OMG he cheated I want to die. I hate him” type of thing. Let’s put it this way, my reaction would have been for his benefit and his benefit only. A woman can fake more than just orgasms boo. The love was there, but when it ended I realized that maybe it wasn’t as there as I thought. He truly loved me more, but I wasn’t satisfied with my lack of love. I just couldn’t be the woman that he needed and he wasn’t the man that I wanted.

I always express how love is a 50/50 shot; with love comes pain. When you’ve convinced yourself to settle for someone who loves you more just because you want to be in a relationship you’re not being fair to the other person or to yourself. Love isn’t equal, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for the idea of love. I remember one of my friends getting married a few years ago to this guy that just wasn’t her type. I know sometimes your type is always the right type, but this dude had nothing appealing to him physically. Yes, he was a very nice guy but her ass was vain as hell so dating a dude that looked like a less attractive Craig Mack just wasn’t something I thought she would do. She started dating him and the next thing I know they got engaged and went ahead and got married. One day out of the blue she said to me “I love him because of how much he loves me. I never had that before.” I asked was she really “in love” with him and she said no but she won’t leave him because he loves her too much for her to leave. Being in a relationship where you’re the only one not in love is like being trapped in prison. You want to get out, but have no way of doing so without killing someone in order to escape. Good luck with that tho…

Question: Have you ever settled in a relationship because your partner loved you more?

Girllllllllllllllllllllllll, you ever met a man that just makes your vaginal parts scream out in ecstasy? Boo doesn’t even have to touch that spot all your juices start flowing, the next thing you know you wanna rip off your clothes and force that dick out it’s little peephole. I’m not exaggerating. There are some men that just get your body racing. No matter if it’s a look, a touch or a kiss your vagina instantly reponds. He’s a vagina whisperer. He’s one of those very few men that can talk your vag off of a ledge. He has that special touch that a vagina craves. It’s just something about him that makes your vagina feel ok and comfortable, that’s why it’s so easy for women to tear open their legs right off the bat.

*Sigh* So I’ve met one or two of them there vagina whisperers in my lifetime and these men are nothing but trouble. Well let me take that back. A vagina whisperer isn’t always some dude that ain’t shit. What I meant was when you meet one of these men all your normal senses take a backseat and your pleasure has gone to the top of your list. I remember I had a run in with one of these men back in the day. Just his presence made my cooch sing his praises. Although I knew my lady parts was trying to be in control I had to pull that bitch back and regain my composure. The second you allow you vagina to think for you, you can kiss common sense out of the window. Your vagina don’t give a shit about your feelings, only the feeling between your legs. The second some men sense that power they run with it and your left with a unnaturally moist vagina and a dick that just comes around every so often.

Holla at me: Ladies have you ever had sex with someone that just created pure moisture betwix your legs every time you saw them?

We all know that marriage is the final stage. Well for some  it’s the final phase in your life where you’ve done every nasty ass shit you can think of and now ready to settle down with one person who you can become fat and pregnant. Marriage is beautiful isn’t it? The thing is the older you get the more marriage seems to be a more important issue in your life. You’re no longer in your 20′s…hell you’re damn near on the cusp of 40 and you’re still without a family of your own. At this point marriage isn’t just a “someday” thought, it becomes your whole goal. You need to get married. You crave the white wedding. You’re ready for that wedding ring that symbolizes ” I belong to someone and that kneegrow belongs to me.” You’re ready, but are you too ready? You may have slowly drifted into a stage in life that you never realized. You might be husband hungry. Marriage is the only thing you have on the brain and every man you meet is analyzed unknowingly as “husband material.” No matter who you meet you visualize marriage and eventually scaring him away because of your eagerness to walk down the aisle within a year.

It’s ok to want the husband, the white picket fence, the dog and the 2.3 kids. You’re human and settling down with a special person is everyone’s main goal one day, but trying to see that future with every man you meet is just nuts. Not every man you meet is husband material, so why are you treating this ordinary ass dude like he’s about to put a ring on it? Women can sense just how serious a guy might be when she gets to know him. You can figure out if he’s ready for something serious or still into playing the field. A husband hungry woman bypasses all that shit and focusing on the fact that he’s a man and he might be the one. Girl you besta chill with that right there. I am a firm believer of devine love. Sometimes the one for you isn’t someone you’re looking for or even initially interested in when you first meet them. The shit happens when you least expect it. Basically stop looking and it will come. Why are you so focused on making that dude your hubby when he doesn’t even view you as wife material?

*I wanted to use the term wifey, but I fucking hate that word. Sounds so “I fuck with you and I will call you wifey to make you feel like you’re in something real, but really you just the bitch I’m fucking when my main girl is at work.” That’s how it sounds to me, so that term will not be used on this here website. Thank you*

Marriage is a serious thing that a lot of folks take too lightly. You’re connected to this person for the rest of your life. Sure you can get a divorce, but chances are if you have kids and took his last name that n*gga with you FOREVER. Wouldn’t you like to marry someone that you know you truly loved and loved you back. Sure a lasting marriage is never guaranteed, but at least you can say you really married for love and not just loneliness. Too many people view marriage as some sort of sick game. They get married because they wanna be at the center of the attention. They wanna be the one that caught the man, even if his ass ain’t shit. Ladies, take the institute of marriage as a serious step and don’t try to groom every dude you meet cause he got a big dick and a nice car. Get some standards about yourself. When it’s your time, boo you will know it. If it’s now, why rush it? You will only regret it when you realize that asshole laying on your 1000 egyptian cotton sheets was the wrong one.

Holla at me: Is there any point you felt you were “Husband Hungry?”

Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man that was just not “emotionally” available? No matter how hard you tried to get close to him he seems to have you at arms length? You can’t understand why he’s so distant when clearly there is something about you he’s feeling. Well this isn’t at all uncommon. The same way how you keep certain men at a distance, there are men out there going through the same thing…a broken heart. Some men are so traumatized by getting their heart broken they refuse to let anyone in all the way. The sad part is these are the men you’re feeling the most, but they won’t let you  bypass the gates. You like each other  and want to continue with the relationship, but how do you deal with a heart you clearly didn’t break?

There are so many misconceptions when it comes to men. Most women think all men are dogs and all they do is play games. I never believed that was true, but I do believe that some that are dogish use that as a defense mechanism. Their afraid of being hurt or getting played by another woman, so they dog the ones they got. The thing about men and women is that women are emotional beings…men aren’t that way. The second they feel any ounce of hurt the completely shut down, leaving the good bitch in a dangerous spot because she’s now up for getting her heart broken. A man isn’t gonna let a woman in even if she seems like the right one. They will continue to push her to the limit until she can’t take it anymore and move on about her business. That is the risk you have to take dealing with a broken hearted man. The old bitch made your role impossible to deal with, so now your stuck.

I remember dating a man that was a nice guy, but was clearly scarred by a relationship in his past. He liked me, but he never let me get too close. It was like he was fighting with two sides. He wanted that deepness with me, but at the same time didn’t trust me for shit. I understand that happens, because it happens with women also. I stuck around because I wanted him to see not all women out here are just out to play a dude. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t break the skin. He was hardcore to the surface and no matter what I did I was not getting there. I couldn’t take his emotional unavailability anymore. There was no point to it. I was dealing with a man that could not get over his past. I wished him well and went along my merry way. Years later I saw him and we had a conversation and he admitted that he wished he was better to me back then. I was clearly a good person…not woman but person to him and he took it for granted, because he couldn’t deal with letting someone in again. I accepted his apology because sometimes it takes time for you to realize shit and I’m glad that he realized just how emotionally stunted he was back then.

Fellas, I know sometimes breakups are hard to deal with but taking it out on the next woman is a no no. This goes to men and women who have allowed a no good motherfucker to dictate their lives…IF THAT PERSON WASN’T WORTH IT WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKING THEM RELEVANT? You’re allowing someone who didn’t value who you are to run your life years after they left it? Chile stop. People come and people go, but you gotta control that situation. A broken-heart can happen when you open your heart. I need people to realize with love comes pain. This love thing is a gamble. Sometimes you come out on top and sometimes you fold. The shit is a 50/50 chance thing. You can’t let another motherfucker shut you off from the joys of love. If you’re still dealing with it and afraid to let anyone close to you right now, stop pursuing these people. A breakup is a death. Yes, you have your time to grieve but then you gotta rejoin the living. The greatest part of this life we live is we have the ability to love. That shit shouldn’t be taken for granted. So if you’re dealing with someone who clearly hasn’t gotten over the breakup they had in 1992 then you might need to cut your loses and move on. There is nothing about you that can change that person’s thoughts about love. They have to be adult enough to realize that not all men/women are the same and love has two sides. Until you’re ready to accept the possibility of love, you need to move on from your past hurt. That’s the only someone real can enter your life.

I know a bitch is late and shit, but this suits today’s topic to a T. Plus I fucking love this some right here. Say what you want about Drake and Rih, these two make good music together and the videos are so emotionally strong. I almost want them to fuck again. Just look at that embrace. Chile these two are my new favorite video couple. Enjoy!

I know ya’ll wondering where the hell I’ve been.  I ain’t dead yet…I just had some shit to tend to in real-life. So I haven’t been writing like I normally do. You would see a new post from me everyday, then nothing. Well I guess you can say I temporarily lost my thirst for blogging. Writing is my passion, but there was no inspiration for me to write about anything. I guess I’m an emotional writer. If things aren’t aligned for me I can’t express shit. Over the past month I’ve transitioned in my personal life. That’s another reason I haven’t been blogging for the masses. I just needed to take a break and focus on other things. Sometimes when you’re passionate about something it can consume your life. Candy Diaries became my life where I didn’t feel I had anything else to write about.

Sometimes in life you get bored with your situations. I was bored with my job. Like it was the same shit over and over again. There was no room for growth or advancement in my current position. My supervisor called me one evening and told me about another position that he thought would be right for me. I didn’t want to apply for different reasons, but the major was because I was afraid of change. I was too comfortable in where I was, but knew that it was a dead end. Any who, I have a new job learning something completly different. I am excited about what I’m learning so I’m good. I haven’t been able to write because I’ve been tired as fluck. Going into the office for training everyday is tiring me out tho, but in a good way. I’m also dating someone so we’ll see how this goes. He’s a nice dude so maybe he can stay around. More updates to come.

So I’m back and trying to continue blogging. Continue to send in your “Ask V.I.” emails. If there are any topics you want me to tackle feel free to contact me. Let’s get back to the real in relationships.

Let me put this out in the open; people cheat. You may not like or condone it, but it happens. Maybe you’ve been cheated on and remember the heartbreak you faced when you found out. *Rubbing back* It’s gonna be ok …you know why because this blog isn’t for you. Go to another room because I’m talking to the folks that wanna cheat but don’t know what the best approach is. I’m not promoting cheating of any kind, but if you do decide to get your shit somewhere else wouldn’t you like to do it the best possible way? I’ve came up with 6 tips to ensure that you are a successful cheater.

1. Think before you cheat~ I hate dumb ass people that decide to cheat with someone they know isn’t mature enough to handle it. The whole purpose of cheating is not to get caught. This idiot knows you’re in a relationship and the minute he/she starts feeling themselves a little too much, they wanna blow up your shit. Pick someone that has just as much to lose as you do. That way they can’t try you without you trying them. Simple!!!

2. Wrap it up~ There is nothing more ridiculous than getting pregnant by the person you’re cheating with or vice versa. Plus, why the f*ck would you screw that person unprotected anyway? If your not f*cking your man unprotected your gonna do it to your side dish? Who the hell does dumb ass shit like that? Wrap that dick up nice and tight. That way you’re not only protecting yourselves, you’re protecting your main chick, your side chick and your wife. The minute you give one of them something that makes her vulva itch that bitch will sho nuff cut that dirty nasty disease infested dick off.

3. Keep your shit together~ I think the best thing to do is keep your lies to a minimum. The minute you start telling a bunch of lies, you won’t remember anything. My momma always says “A liar has no memory”. Why you gonna tell your man you’re out with your girls and then forget you then say you were working late? Wait…actually men are the one’s that can never keep their lies straight. Ladies, never mind!!! Well there are some dumb chicks out there too so keep your shit together people.

4. Never catch it~ One of the most important things you need to learn as a cheater is *grabbing mega phone* NEVER EVER EVER CATCH FEELINGS*. That is the fastest way to a downfall. The moment you catch feelings for the person you’re cheating with, you better call it a wrap. There is no way in hell you’re getting out of this relationship. Keep it business as usual. Get in there, do your thing, and get out. No need to lay and talk about your hopes and dreams, or your future plans. This relationship needs to be on a day by day basis. The minute you start making commitments you’re not just screwing, you’re in a second committed relationship with a bitch that knew you were already committed. This is just bullshit.

5. Shut the hell up~ Ray Ray and em’ don’t need to know you’re boinking Jaquita from up the block. Keep that shit under wraps. Everybody doesn’t need to know your business. That is the quickest way to get your shit out in the streets and back to your boo. If you’re cheating only you and the other person should know. A whole bunch of people in your sauce will only make your situation worse.

6. Never leave evidence~ If you’re dumb enough to sex someone in your apartment, then you’re dumb enough to get caught. This is actually one of the first things people mess up on when cheating…the evidence. If your coochie contributor says “Hey baby let me take a pic of you, you look so sexy” Knock that camera out of her hand. That my friend is evidence that can be used at a later time; your stupid ass just doesn’t know it yet. Some people program numbers in the phone, and try to put a name that doesn’t seem suspicious. Your girl goes through your phone and she sees a new name in there and guess what she’s gonna do…call it. The issue is she knows all your friends so naturally she’s gonna get a little suspicious. I think the best thing is if you do decide to program a number I would use a business name like Craig’s Auto body or Pizza Hut. She probably won’t get suspicious of the auto shop and all you gotta do is tell her that’s the number to the Pizza Hut by your job. Easy!!

**Bonus**Please oh please do not cheat with a friend of your partner. That is the dumbest shit you can ever do. Fellas, why the hell you gonna sex your girl’s friend anyway? You already know she’s trifling for f*cking with you in the first place. The minute she gets pissed at you guess what she’s gonna do…run and tell dat. Ladies, men talk just as much as women do. Sure he might not tell your man that he dug your ass out, but chances are he will tell another friend. Now you just look like a homie hopping hoe.

I hope these tips can help you in any future cheating endeavors that you may have. Again, we don’t condone cheating of any kind here at Candy Diaries, but we don’t wanna seem like we’re not allowing cheaters to be Exceptional! I just hope the cheating is worth the risk, and if you happen to get caught by some random act of stupidity I hope you’re ready for the consequences of your actions. Straight up….that might be the night your sweet dick gets cut the f*ck up.