How To Love A Black Man

Love no matter what the color is never easy. Learning the in’s and outs of the person you’re with can sometimes create a distorted view of men in general. This is generally said about black men. Black men like any other man on this planet are not easily understood. Although most men are from Mars and some from the slums of Jupiter *that was a bad joke*, there is a formula to loving each and every one of them. Many women can never understand the process it takes to love a real black man. Some women think nagging, drama and good pussy is the way to keep a black man at bay. A real woman knows how to love a real man.


Many people also think there should be no difference in loving a black man. He is a man after all; but there actually is a difference. Black men have been degraded and plucked from the family for years. I can actually say growing up I never had a stable male figure in my life. My father like many fathers were absent from the family structure. So many women became both father and mother to many unknowing children. With the lack of the family dynamic many children *boys and girls* grew up not knowing about how to appreciate the opposite sex. I didn’t know how to love a black man, but  as the years went by I realized that loving a black is actually not as difficult as I thought. There is no concrete formula to loving a black man…a real black man. Just because he’s black and refers to his penis as “Killa” does not mean he is deserving of your love. When you find a true man that deserves everything you give him and vice versa, then and only then can you fully open your heart and show him how you love. Here are a few ways you can learn how to love a black man.

1. Show Him You’re For Him, Not Against Him~ Sometimes a man needs support. I’m not talking  about the lazy no good n*ggas sitting on the couch, without a job while you work 2 just to put food on the table. I’m talking about a man that is motivated in his goals, and needs a cheerleader by his side. It’s very discouraging no matter who you are to have NO ONE believe in you. Don’t be so quick to dismiss his hopes…his dreams. When things go good or bad you should be the first person he wants to talk to. You bring out the passion in him.

2. Get the Drama Away~ Ladies, men don’t do drama.  * clears throat* Ladies, real men don’t do drama. One thing you find when it comes to a man is THEY’RE THE MOST SIMPLEST CREATURES ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. If you bring too much unnecessary baggage to the relationship their minds seem to shut down and everything will change. Keep it as simple as possible. It makes things easier when it comes to taking that next step.

3. Let him take the lead~ This should be number one, but if it’s one thing I can’t stand is a man not being A MAN. I’ve encountered men that act like bitches because other women allowed them to act like bitches. There are men out there that want to be that head…the man of the house. I think the fact that women have been doing it by themselves for so long, it can be a bit difficult for us to give up our status as “head” to a man. I say if that man wants to provide, let him provide. Give him the respect he deserves if he’s doing what he should be doing as the man in your life. Respect him and he will respect you.

4. Give Him Time~ Sometimes a man needs time to himself. A woman sometimes gets so focused on what a man is thinking that she doesn’t give him time to actually think. A man needs time to process his emotions. Nagging him continuously to say how he feels is just gonna make him keep everything in more and  more. If a man wants to say something, trust me…He will say it.

5. Not saying “I Love You” is saying “I Love You~ Ok we’ve discussed how some men do have problems expressing themselves. Although a man may be reluctant to say I love you everyday doesn’t men he doesn’t love you. A man sometimes uses his actions as a way to show a woman how he really feels. Don’t be too quick to disregard these actions. A man isn’t going to waste time on a woman who doesn’t appreciate what he has to offer.

6. Don’t Try To Change Him~ For some reason a woman thinks she is the answer that will change a man for the better. A man can’t change unless he wants to change. If you can’t accept a man for who he is, then there is no need to continue the relationship. A man wants to know a woman can love him for him despite all his flaws. He’s your perfect imperfection.

No one said loving another person was gonna be easy. It takes a strong couple to get this love thing on the right course. I just gave a few helpful tips, but there is so much more that comes with it. I know a lot of people expected me to discuss the sexual aspect of it. It’s no damn secret all men love sex. They actually love sex more than they love to eat…um hmmm. Ok yea…so that is a given. Ladies, men would love to be in a loving relationship just as much as you do, but if you don’t know how to properly love him then the relationship won’t work.

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35 thoughts on “How To Love A Black Man

  1. Wow V.I. You went deep down with this one. A lot of women think so low on black men. They don’t realize their just with the wrong ones. Great post!

  2. PRRRRREEEEAAAACHHHHHH Gurrrrl preach. Seriously everything that is said is so true. All things we need to know and let others know two snaps

  3. You are right on the money with this article! Being a black man, this is how I think, and I share this thought process with my Black Queen as to provide some insight into my mind. Black men and Black women do not think alike…Men and woman just don't think alike and it is imperative for women to understand that. Not excusing the responsibility of Black men to take care of their Black women, but black women you have to enbrace your black men and commit to the struggle of maintaining our culture and the way we do things. We are the most powerful substance the earth! Great thought!! Black Love!

  4. what she is saying is right, us black woman have to love our black men and show them that we do love them and respect them.

  5. Ladies there was slot of good to this but there was so much trash it won’t help you much. I could write books of cliff notes for these. Sorry but find another source

  6. Thank you so much.. At least I know how to love my black men that I cherish so much. Actually am an Asian woman (malay) and my boyfriend is a Black Men.. and it’s very hard for me to cope with him for the first time cause we come from the different culture and also am a single mom which already get used staying alone and independent.

    Thanks a lot.. and i think this will really help…

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  8. This article is on the money! The drama part is a HUGE one because sometimes some women start to treat their men like their girlfriends, whereas they want to gossip about all of their friends with him!

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  10. Very good insight. Honest and seemingly unbiased. You were able to speak some hard truths without demonizing black women, demeaning black men, or laying total blame at the feet of either. I enjoyed the read. Just happened on this blog,
    V.I are you a black or white woman. Again, I’m not familiar with your site and assumption is something I try not to fall to.

    Thank you

  11. I Hve a question? My husband. beat me up & kicked me out. He got arrested for spousal abuse.
    Besides
    What he did, we only been married. 11 months . The problem is.
    He likes looking @. Women. And he tells me to deal with it. He is saying
    I’m to jealous. Well then, he needs to stop looking. He disrespects
    Me as his wife. He don’t keep his word, and. he lies.
    I’m very hurt what he did to me. I’m currently staying with my daughter.
    And now I find out he is cheating on me also.
    This is my third marriage & his. My self esteem is shot, he made me feel ugly . I Hve to go to support groups for domestic abuse. He is calling it quits, saying he can’t handle me. I trusted this man. I thought he was the one. He promised to love me &. Care for me.

    • I am answering this almost a year later, but sometimes you have to realize the mistake that was made. You chose the wrong man to love. He doesn’t respect you as his wife then you no longer need to be his wife. I hope you pressed charges on that fool. I hope you divorced him and moved on with your life. You deserve better than a man that can’t love you the right way.

  12. This woman in the picture is biracial ,some black men would say i love black women but will be talking about biracial women. Biracial women are a western type of beauty. Not black beauty. Not evey black person thinks black is black.

    • Felicia, black is black. This article was on how to love a black man. Even if the woman is biracial, pink, blue or green it’s about loving a black man. The fact that you can’t see past the color of her lighter black skin means you missed the entire point of the article girl.

  13. I love what you said on some comments, pls it sound simple, But i tell you a few important things. First a Black man loves a women that loves herself. check 1 , a B. Man loves a women that worshiping God. Check 2, a B. Man love a women that’s balance in her life . Check 3, a B. Man need a educated women on both levels, Books an street smarts. These are simple jesters, that a real B. Man needs. Not a mom want to be. Sorry a woman can never really know what’s in a B. Man heart and soul. unless he tells you, remember all B. Man are different in many ways. So what’s good for one man doesn’t mean it good for another. So pls stop thinking you can throw around all these jesters and it fit all B. Man and it don’t. Check 4, lesson to learn ever person on this earth have to be understood differently. there might be some similar characteristics, but never the same. Learn how to love first, then you go out in the world and find your Black man, peace my peoples….!

  14. I black woman that has been out of the loop. i have been marred two times. and i alwas thought it was me. I would ask myself am I the problem. I just meet a new guy and he told me I dont know how to love. he also has been telling me everything I dont do. I like him alot, but I feel like I have to do a show and prove with him on everything. He told me he has to have options.

    • If a man can tell you everything you don’t do and nothing you do then he’s a don’t. He’s trying to shove you out the door and you’re not catching the hint. He doesn’t sound like he’s worth it.

  15. Why should there be instructions?

    Black men don’t know how to love themselves much less anybody else.

    Oh, they love you when they feel they can use you some kinda way, but when you let them know otherwise, off they go to greener pastures.

    I have no love, loyalty, devotion or respect for black men, because they don’t have it for black women or themselves.

  16. Ddre has a point. You can be Ms. Perfect but if a man doesn’t love himself he can’t accept your love nor can he reciprocate it. The question is how can we help our men love themselves long before they get into relationships with women (from the day they’re born? Perhaps even before) Because contrary to romantic notions your love won’t save him if he isn’t willing to save himself.

  17. I have loved many, many black men in my lifetime.

    I used to always think throwing it back, lacking a gag reflex and giving it up when he wanted was the way.

    Sadly, I think those men used me but I allowed it. I mean, sure, I had some great sex with tons and tons of black men but I was missing out on the love after the orgasms.

    I still got that “good pussy” you can believe that.

    I still can take it hard like a rental car and you better know I come correct on the head game like no one ever did.

    But now I give more than just my body openings and I have been in a committed relationship for 3 months strong now!

    Great article!

  18. VI, I don’t know who you are or where you came from. And I know this response is late. But your article is 2000 2000 percent spot-on correct (and this is coming from a Black man that loves, cherishes and protects women). Any woman that follows your advice will keep her man for as long as she wants him.

    I could hug you! I’ll check in on your site in the future when time avails as it is cool.

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