If You Love Someone, Can You Really Let Them Go?

The hardest part of love is knowing when to let go of it. No one wants to feel like a failure in love, but there are times when just loving someone isn’t enough. You have to make that difficult decision “should I stay or should I go”.  There are times you may feel deep down that you have to move on, but doing it doesn’t come easy. You easily become torn with what the mind wants and the heart needs. When you finally decide to step out on faith and let it go, getting over that love is always difficult. Sometimes you never really get over it; you just learn to live day by day without it. If you loved someone and decide to let them go, are you really letting them go?

We’ve all had to let go of a relationship at one point or another. Sometimes it just gets too difficult to love someone, and still hold onto a relationship that’s obviously failing. I’ve loved someone enough to know that I needed to let him go. Although my heart was telling me one thing, my mind was where my common sense was held. The relationship just didn’t make any sense. No matter how much you try to work it out and it doesn’t resolve anything at some point you have to put a stop to it, and that’s what I did. This man had my heart, but I knew it was time to let go. At this point there is no easy way of saying “I don’t want you anymore”, but if it needs to be said you have to say it. So I said it. Now, I can be a hard ass from time to time *isn’t it obvious*, but when it comes down to my feelings I can get pretty emotional. I decided to take the emotions out of it and just go with what my heart told me. I kid you not, it seems like every day I thought of him. There was just this little space inside me that was only reserved for him. Sure I dated again and formed other relationships, but he was just someone I couldn’t completely let go. Here I was stuck on the past while stuck on stupid.

How can you let someone go, without having the ability to actually let them go? A lot of times we do what we know is right, but at the end it seems like we’re punishing ourselves for our decisions. Do we purposely punish ourselves because we feel that we’ve made the wrong decision or you loved so strong that you feel like deep down you allowed your brain to make the “wrong” choice? The thing about love is, no answer can be the right answer. In life we do have to do things that we necessarily don’t want to do, but at the end of the day it’s the best decision for you. I’ve had to let go of people not because I wanted to, but because I had to. You can’t be in a happy relationship when someone in the relationship is miserable. You either work on it or get out of it.

The greater question is what if you’re the one that was happy? How can you let go of someone you still love that doesn’t want to be with you? I’ve always held the motto “Why keep someone that doesn’t want to be kept”, but once you feel like your love has been rejected it’s always hard to get pass that feeling. You always wonder “What did I do wrong” or “What could I have done differently”. You beat yourself up because you were forced into letting them go. Many wonder how they can move on and recover from that. Being in love is all about accepting the good and bad that comes with it. As I always say “I rather you let me go to allow the right person to come into my life”. That person may have just done you the biggest favor by letting you go, now do them the biggest favor by letting yourself go.

Holla: Have you ever  let go, but couldn’t emotionally let go?




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17 thoughts on “If You Love Someone, Can You Really Let Them Go?

  1. This type of situation has been the story of my life from my past relationship. Some days I still find it difficult to emotionally shake myself off and keep moving forward, but have moments where I reflect on what could've been. Anywho, even though it's hard to let go, it's still the best thing to do.

  2. My friend just put me on to your blog today and I must say I love it! So it has been a year now since the breakup and as I write this tears roll down my face. I just do not know how to shake this, sure I have dated and tried to move on but I just miss him sooo much! He did'nt give me a choice though, he decided that he would rather not be with me; and I am not sure why I still miss him because he handled the situation like I was just some chick he was smashing (after almost 1/2 a decade you don't do that). I just don't know what to do…sadly I always compare new guys to him…I think about him, his hugs and kisses, our sex, our laughs, our late nights eating ice cream together, etc etc Someone said something to me that helped a bit but I still need more guidance (so please help)…a good friend told me, "It is okay to miss him, its human nature that you miss the good times, that doesn't make you a weak woman". I never realized it was okay to miss him, but my issues remains the same how do I get over it?? Because clearly he has!

    When the heart breaks it doesn't break evenly; once your heart is broken you see everything with cracks at least I do!

    • Wow ur comment moved me because I know exactly what ur feeling. Like ur friend said its ok to miss him…ur human. Cherish the times you had but at the end u need to realize he didnt deserve u if he just ended it like that. We tend to blame ourselves for why it ended…what did we do wrong. Its not ur fault he didn't value you. Some people come into our lives for a season and a reason. Don't allow the hurt u feel consume u. Ur better than that. The love u deserve is out there but your hindering it by dwelling over someone that couldnt love u the right way. I hope this helps boo

  3. WOW you are soooo right, you more than helped! I read inspirational quotes to get thru my day and I came across this, "God gave me the strength to change the things I can, the courage to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference betweem the two!!" I have accepted it for what it is and am moving on, I am ready to smile a genuine smile again!! Thank you V.I.

    I hope that love you speak of for me is coming soon :) Enjoy Va-k!!!

  4. I have a guy in my life whom I love so much. I know he loves me as well but he just doens't make me happy. I've told him numerous of times what I need from him but he just can't get it right. Everytime I try to end things with him he promises he's going to do better and be more sensitive to my needs but that only lasts for a week then it's back to the basics. Today i'm finally going to let it go; it's hard because still love him (tears). I just can't take it anymore.

  5. I’ve been exclusively seeing my best friend of two years for the past six months. we haven’t defined anything because I thought he needed freedom since he has been in relationships for the past 9 years. now he is telling me he won’t be ready anytime soon until his music career is fulfilled (Aka his band needs to get signed). I am at a crossroads. we both love and care for each other very much. I know the smart thing to so is let him go but my heart is having a hard time parting. should I wait for him or is this just an excuse from a commitment phobe?

    • I don\’t approve of anyone waiting for anyone. If he\’s not \”ready\” to be in a relationship he\’s just not ready for you. There is nothing wrong with being friends, but please continue to live your life…ie dating etc. If he\’s interested in pursuing a relationship with you and ur still single and still want him go get it. He needs to come to you not you wait for him. Trust me you will be waiting a long ass time.

  6. thanks girl! I know that’s all true. it’s just a hard fact to accept especially when they’re your soulmate. at the end of the day letting go is the wiser choice.

  7. I’m in this same position! I was dating this guy for two yrs and we broke up this summer we were always together always happy I was popular he was shy and I loved him he loved me. One day one of my best friend decided to tell him I was cheating when in reality I wasn’t cheating! I loveIid him to much to cheat. Now he doesn’t trust me nd we broke up got togetherr nd then we broke up again recently like 5 months ago and now he plays wit my emotion abuses me and like tell me to wait for him finish living the single life and he wantse after that but he wants me to stop talkin to guys but he wanna keep talkin to gurls,? Idkk im confused

  8. I was in a relationship we were head over heels….in love and truthfully it does hurt no matter who you are or think you are…im a great lookin male figure my ex ended up sleepin with 2 co workerz in like a 4 mo time frame …then denies it and we were married to i got hher a job after havin our son and you ome to discover she is very manipulative …there was a age difference whi h played a roll along with the sick dynamics that family shows .. none the less she just opened a door and no matteer what she is a liar ans her actions one day i fear will catch up to her…it opened my eyes and to this day i havent been ghe same

  9. i’ve been in an off and on relationship with a guy for 5 years, we’ve broken up 6 mnths now. we broke up because he met this grl who he was relatin our problems 2 an she convinced him she is better than me so he decided to leave me and go there. i was depressed for a long period of time an begged him back but then i decided im not gonna take this anymore and now im ready to let go. we’ve tried no contact but everytime we do he would call or text me wanting to meet and tellin me he’s missin me and he loves me, i would give in an when i do he would stop contacting an now im also fed up of that. i want to move on with my life. i’m tryin the no contact again and well he said he’s gonna give me my space an he really is doin so but everyday he asks my cousin 4 me an tells her he’s missin me and loves me and askin her not 2 tell me he’s tellin her that but also he’s tellin her that he’s with this next girl and all lovey dovey to her on bbm but still tell my cousin these tings, im confused though and i need advice.

  10. I loved someone and let them go, then she was killed in a car accident. Take it from a sad sad POS, hold on to the one you love, work it out and never let go.


  11. If you love someone with your whole heart and you try to let go but still find yourself back at the basics longing for that person only you should work it out,never leave the one you love for the one you like in the end youl end up living a lie and youl just be longing even harder for the one your heart is reserved for… I love my boyfriend to bits at times it seems like we should just part ways but my heart won’t let me cz he’s what I want and what I need,I’m done searching I’ve found the one I want to belong to for the rest of my life. Ladies and gentleman if your heart desires one thing only and one person only despite its short comings you should go for it,make it work and cherish it,life is too short to be wondering “what if” and “shouldves”,lifes all about chances ryt? So take a chance it could be worth it if ur heart sees the good don’t let your mind fool you with the bad. Tell that someone that you love just what your heart wants cz life is way too short. Tc spread love ppl…

  12. I love this guy its been 4 year and his family doesn’t approve of our relationship I love him and I don’t want him to loose his family but I can’t let go I love him so much pls help what shud I do.

  13. i lef the guy i loved soo much. the only guy i had ever love. he didnt evn ask me why he just let me go, he said that if i want to, he’ll let me go, so when the time came, he did. he didn’t even know why, but all i can say is that i had to let him go because i loved him soo much, it was killing me inside. i never felt this way on anyone before. that’s why making that decision was te hardest i did in my entire life. im sorry.. im soo sorry for hurting you too much. i know it was all my fault. but he still forgave me. he was pefect, the guy i could marry one day. but now, we have to part ways. sometimes een when the two of you love each other, you still can’t be together… it’s a harsh reality, but i will always love him deep down my heart. the hardest part is leaving ang hurting the person who showed you nothing but love. loved you with everything he has and everything he was… he didn’t deserve to be hurt, but sometimes, we hurt the people who loved us unconditionally. if his happiness will be assured to me, i won’t ask for anything else… i want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me, and if his happiness cn be guaranteed, i won’t ask for anything else… i love you, and i’m sorry….

  14. I am love with someone and both of us are so different. He is quite a reserved person and I am very outgoing.

    sometime 2 years ago he kind of withdrew from me, and the closeness we shared was almost extinct. I left him and started dating someone else and he did same. Still whenever we see, we cant avoid ending up in each others embrace. My friends think he is not good for me and I myself know that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him… as there’s this purity in what I feel, it doesn’t seek for anything back and it’s scary!
    Recently I heard he was planning on marrying someone and I completely lost my cool.. I was so heart broken.

    We met recently and talked and he says he isnt marrying someone else and feels we should try and work things out between us.

    Is this called Love or Am I having some kind of madness cos nothing makes sense to me more than having him in my life.

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