So, one of my biggest fears ever was living with a man. I know some people might laugh, but that shit freaked me out. I guess because I lived alone for so long I came to the realization that selfish is me and I am it. The fact that I would have to share is just preposterous. Lmao!!! Can I tell ya’ll the one reason why I was afraid to live with someone? The fact that I have to share my bed. I HATE SHARING MY BED. Ask any of my ex boyfriends, I would rather send you home than spend the night with me. I can’t sleep properly if someone else is in the bed with me. If you get too close to me I start kicking you in my sleep. For years I kept an air mattress in the house in the event that someone wanted to sleep over they had the air mattress as an option. So I will be 30 years old in a little over a week and I’m realizing…it’s time to share the bed.
So I was in a relationship last year and in this relationship the subject of moving in together has come up. If this shit was 3 years ago I would have flat out said NO, but this is a different circumstance. I’m ready for this because of where we are together. I think in every serious relationship this subject comes up. The last time I was asked this I looked ol boy in the face and laughed my ass off. I was wrong for doing what I did, but we were not serious about each other. Well I wasn’t serious about him. You both have to be there together in order to take this step. You can’t force a man into something like this and vice versa. This is a huge commitment. Not only will you be sharing a bed, but hell you’re responsible for anything that occurs within this household.
One of the major things that causes break ups with couples living together is money. Let’s face facts… everyone handles their finances differently. You might be the type of person to pay your bills on time, while he pays half of it LATE. You like the expensive shit in life and you happen to spend the majority of your rent money on it. He spends all his money on maintaining his other bitch *his car* and he’s broke and can’t even go half on the cable bill. Ya’ll aren’t ready to live with anyone else. Until you get your finances together, and come up with a concrete way to maintain your household ya’ll gonna break up. Some people might say “We’ll money isn’t everything”. You’re right money isn’t everything, but being f*cking frustrated is. Like the old saying goes “There is no romance without finance”. When it all comes back, being financially responsible can make or break your relationship.
Another reason I think people really need to examine this “moving-in” together thing is…”Do you see your relationship going any further”? Ladies, you remember your mama saying “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. If your goal is to eventually get married, but his isn’t then boo you have a roommate that you happen to be screwing. Just because you live together doesn’t mean he will eventually ask you to marry him. He’s already getting all of the benefits with none of the effort. If he does ask you to marry him great, you already know what it’s like living together and you can gauge your response from that. I do think that people that decide they want to get married should at least live together first. My granny always says “You never know somebody until you live with them”. If you can’t stand waking up next to that man every morning chances are doing it for the rest of your life will be an issue for you. Living together is the step before marriage in my eyes. If you’re content with just living together, then hell continue to do what you do. If you wanna get married and you can’t live together for a month without killing each other chances are ya’ll motherf*ckers don’t need to walk down nobodies aisle.
Holla at me: Does it seem more folks are just living together rather than getting married?
Sadefierce
Comment made on March 26, 2010 @ 4:54 pm
Girl, I am so glad you blogged about this topic. I am currently living with my boyfriend of 9 years. We have been living together for almost 5 months and everyday I am counting down the day til he moves out. Before we moved in together we had sex on the regular and our relationship was great, we went out, laughed, talked, it was exactly what a relationship should be. Since living together we don’t have sex at all (can’t remember the last time), we don’t talk unless it’s about business (bills), and we argue every single day over the dumbest things. I don’t know if our relationship will make it out of here alive. Sometimes I don’t even know if I feel the same way I used to feel. I mean there was a point when it was no doubt in my mind that we would get married now I doubt that very seriously.
So here is how it came about. He came down here for school. He is in grad school and his internship pays his tuition but they don’t pay room and board. We thought it would be a great idea for us to live together because we could cut cost and save a lot of money plus we love each other right, #EPICFAIL! We were not ready for this and although we have been together so long we started out when we were kids (15 years old) so that really doesn’t count. The truth is we are at two different points in our lives. He is a student, I am employed full time but still not settled in my career because I want to go back to school. I would not recommend living with your boy/girlfriend (at all) unless the two of you have really discussed it and are at a point where you both are stable and comfortable in your lives/careers.
But IDK I still love the man…and we are still fighting so maybe we will make it through this…who knows?
John Doe
Comment made on March 26, 2010 @ 10:40 pm
Lovin the blog Ma! Well, to be honest with you most guys try to avoid that lifetime commitment. Sometimes what be the determining factor is how they were bred (values). If the guy was raised that marriage/family is important/valuable/necessary, he will take that step. Contrary to what I stated, family was not so much install in me but I have a gut instinct I’ve met my Ms. Right. Were just on the same beat with everything, like an argument is next to never. But, if we were to live together; I dont know if it will be 5 months or 5 yrs she will definately get that ring at some point.
Maridor
Comment made on March 30, 2010 @ 1:45 pm
It might be. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and living together for….come to think of it, pretty much the entire time. It was very difficult at first, maan did I have to get useto some things. For example, I never really cooked a meal meal, during the week. I would just snack on whatever; cereal, a tuna sandwich, sometimes even nothing. As for as I was concerned that was a good thing: less intake of food, less intake of calories right? However, my man saw things differently, boy did he ever! I remember him saying “Why do I have to come home and cook after working a physical job all day? You get home first, you should have a meal cooked and not no macaroni and cheese either!” Of course, my initial reaction was, “who the hell does he think he’s talking too? If you want a hot meal then cook it, I’m not into all that heavy cooking during the week. Dont you see I’m tryna to lose weight???” But after a while, I started to feel bad, he was so good at doing everything, dude is very cultured. Cooks like its Thanksgiving every night, always wants the house to be spotless and organized to a T, laundry done twice a week. I was like damn, maybe its time for me to switch gears for real and realize that I am not in Singlesville anymore, I was a wife (unknowingly) and needed to play the role. So I did it, and you know what? It aint that bad. I couldn’t be happier. As for him, he had to get useto a few things also; like informing me about his whereabouts, not like I was tracking him down or anything. But he had to learn to keep me in the loop on his day to day life and understand that it was simply showing respect for your lady, not acting like a child reporting to Mom. Regarding the whole marriage on paper thing? We have not gotten there yet and you know what, I am really not in much of a hurry either. We have a great relationship and we (and our close friends & family) consider us husband & wife. I am very very happy with the “husband” he has become and I am proud of myself for being a good wife. But it was a heck of a lot of work and some compromise. I say as long as the comprises are helping to better you in some way and the relationship is worth it, then go ahead and bend a little. For me, it was all worth it.
Pam
Comment made on November 26, 2011 @ 2:21 am
Hello from mass, I just happened to be routing around the internet and found your blog, which is spot on. Well I am 45 , married once for 11 years, didn't work so well. And now I am with my love and friend, also the object of my angst, living together for 11 now. I don't see marriage, are we married? Yes in a way, but not the traditional one. My dresser was on wheels for the 1st few, there is no wedding ring, however a lovely gold clatter ring (I picked it for him since he cannot shop well). It is a weird thing. I love him, but glad not married, and still at the same time not. Either way, interesting blog, and glad I found it. Thanks for writing.
Pam in Mass.