Ok, so I was having a conversation with a homegirl and she asked me something that just threw me for a loop. She asked if I would ever consider being in an open relationship. *Does a spit take* I was perplexed because she knew the type of person I was, so to ask me that was just crazy. She was looking at me to honestly answer her. Being the selfish bitch that I am I kindly responded in my best Miss. Sophia voice “Hell no”. Then this heffa really went further with it… “Why not”. Well, besides the fact that I never liked to share I can’t see my man having sex with someone else and being OK with it. She confessed to me that she was considering asking her man about starting an open relationship, but was unsure on how to approach the subject. I don’t have much expertise in this subject, but I starting to think about it. I know she’s reading this so…girl I came up with some rules/guidelines that ya’ll asses need to follow. Ol nasty ass…lol j/k…not really.
Sometimes, this subject might be a touchy one because in most instances sleeping with someone else while in a relationship isn’t that cuteness. If you really want to start this conversation and he sounds like he MIGHT be interested set these ground rules first.
1. Tell the damn truth~ If you are in an open relationship and you see a little tender that you wanna give that open coochie to, tell your partner first. It makes no sense being in an open relationship and you gotta lie to your boo. If you keep an open line of communication then you should be good. If they feel uncomfortable about the whole thing…DON’T DO IT. In an open relationship the objective isn’t to hurt your partner.
2. Never get caught up~ Sometimes when having sex especially good f*ck your mind up sex, emotions can get mixed up in it. Remember, this isn’t an emotional thing. It’s the pure rush of sex. If you get easily caught up then your simple ass don’t need to be in an open relationship. You need to have thick ass skin to be involved in a relationship like this. If you know you cry at Hallmark commercials and always need to have sex with Maxwell playing in the background, leave that other dick alone.
3. Strap tight~ Protection is always important. Never engage in a situation like this and be foolish enough to raw dog it. You don’t want him to plug some random chick and get her pregnant or worse…give you some shit that antibiotics can’t cure.
4. Never f*ck mutual friends~ Yea I know James is fine as f*ck, but you must not f*ck his frat brother. Not only is that in poor taste, but you don’t want people that you both know getting in the middle of this. A relationship like this should only be between the two of you and the random people you decide to sleep with. If he decides that he wants to f*ck your friend you know your ass is gonna start thinking that he wanted to f*ck her from jump street.
5. Listen to each other~ If for some reason one of you feels uncomfortable about it at any point… you need to end it. Open relationships is about you and your partner working together to “enhance” your relationship. If he feels uncomfortable seeing you with other men or vice versa then you should listen to what they have to say. If you continue the relationship against your partner’s wishes, then that basically makes you a cheater. The whole thing done turned into something else.
I don’t really think you can develop any concrete rules to a situation like this, but having some sort of guidelines can help. I don’t know if she’s planning on really doing this or just talking out her ass, but this is a big transition. I’m not saying a relationship like this can’t work between two people , but can you actually feel comfortable laying in bed watching tv while your man is out giving YOUR $5 foot long to some other chick? Well women end up in that same situation everyday and don’t know it. At least this technically isn’t considered cheating. To each his own. I’m not here to judge…yes I am..j/k…really I’m not.
Holla at me: Would you ever consider an open relationship?
Laya
Comment made on February 26, 2010 @ 11:26 am
I don’t think I could be involved in an open relationship. I’m like you when it comes to men I don’t like sharing. If a man ever came to me with that option I would probably kick him to the curb. Am I not enough to satisfy him?
V.I
Comment made on February 26, 2010 @ 2:01 pm
Laya,
Sometimes I don’t think it’s about being enough for them. I think it’s more about keeping things together.From what I was told people in open relationships seperate sex from intimacy. Emotionally your enough for each other, but sexually you want to experience all you can. Hell I don’t know. I’m too selfish for this shit anyway.
GoodasGal
Comment made on February 26, 2010 @ 9:53 pm
While I was in a relationship my BF came to me with the idea of an open relationship. We were going through some issues at the time. It was basically his way of trying to keep me around but being able to go out and do his thing. I agreed to the open relationship. Anyways! I let another dude eat me (that’s as far as it went). I was honest with my “BF” and he didn’t like that ish at all. So basically don’t ask for an open relationship when you can’t handle the idea of your SO being with someone else. He thought I was gonna be the good lil GF and stay home while he ran through as many chicks as he wanted.
V.I
Comment made on February 26, 2010 @ 10:13 pm
GoodasGal,
See that’s the shit that can happen when you venture into a situation like this. People act like their all open about it, but the minute something happens they wanna get all mad. He expected you to stay there and be the good one while he did his shit, but the minute you started actually doing the open thing he wanna get mad. Man can give card, but their ass can’t take it.
India
Comment made on February 26, 2010 @ 10:36 pm
Hell to tha no….I just couldn’t do it. I think that its just a way to have your cake and eat it too.
Dannica
Comment made on March 1, 2010 @ 10:41 am
I have considered it way back when I was in a crazy relationship. My dude couldn’t keep it home and didn’t want to leave the relationship at the same time. This was mind blowing because I felt like it was me. He said it wasn’t me and that I was handling my business, so I didn’t get it. So I offered the option so I can at least know what’s up and not have secrets fall in my lap so much. I hated being the last one to know what was going on in my relationship. He didn’t want to do it for fear of me doing my thang. So I was single and back on the prowl in no time. I think that is just triflin to not take me up on my offer and then still give the dick up behind my back.
Inferno
Comment made on March 3, 2010 @ 4:16 am
That is a pretty good list of rules.
The only thing I would add is that people should only consider opening a relationship up if that relationship is going along perfect as is.
Adding something to a great relationship can be fun. It is like frosting on the cake.
Opening a relationship that has any existing problems however is a sure way to ruin the existing relationship.
Oscars Review:The Black Side of Thangs « Candy Diaries - The Sweetest Blog Ever Written
Pingback made on March 8, 2010 @ 10:04 am
[...] 4. Mo’Nique wins!!!~ No matter how loud she screams on her EBT show we were all pulling for Mo to win this category. I was so happy yet so sad because black folks only win Oscars when they play the dirtiest roles. I guess we can just be happy that she won. She thanked the staff of her EBT show, the cast of Precious and her LAWYER. I ain’t never heard of someone going on stage and thanking their lawyer. This must be something new cause this shit is ghetto has hell. Like she done came up and she gotta thank him for her money and what not. Then she thanked her husband. This may just be me but doesn’t her husband look like the rapist dude from up the street? Ok I guess that might just be me. *dancing* Mo’s hubby is gonna get some coochie tonight, to bad it won’t be her’s. They do that open marriage thang. [...]