Well well well…Look who’s back. I just wanted to reintroduce myself and give you an update as to where I’ve been. For those who don’t know me, I’m “VI” the owner and editor of this here blog. For those of you who have been rocking with me for years, ya’ll know I have been gone for quiet some time. It is totally impossible to update on the goings on, but I’m just here to say I’m back with the jump off. I do want to thank ya’ll for your continuous support throughout the years. Honestly when I started this blog I never expected anyone to even read the thoughts I had in my head. I was just writing it for me, but many of you identified with what I was going through. I’ve heard that I’ve helped women in situations with their relationships, but honestly you guys helped me. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So Tiger Woods gets caught out there and everybody has a panic attack. There is a huge media blitz surrounding the story, and Tiger’s jumpoffs are coming out any and everywhere. For the past 2 weeks, all I have been hearing is Tiger Woods’ name and one repetitive question: Why do men cheat?
Being that I’m a man, you probably would figure that I would have the answer to that question. But honestly, the answer to that question is so broad that it’s no specific one. The questioning of men cheating will go on forever. Actually, the questioning of both genders will go on forever. The problem with the above listed question is that it’s categorizing men. Men cheat for different reasons. I always tell people that this question is similar to asking why does a dog park or cat meow. It’s more than one answer to the question. So if you really want to know why men cheat, insert any possible answer here ______.
When females ask me that question, my answer is always the same, it varies. It mainly depends on the person, the stage in that person’s life, their mindset, and their partner. The only question that I can answer specifically is why I may have cheated in the past. One statement that is false is when people say “all men cheat.” That statement is untrue, and it categorizes all men. A good deal of men probably have cheated at some point in their lifetime, but that doesn’t mean their cheating in the present with their current woman or will cheat on a potential woman. I have a few homeboys who are in relationships and they never cheat on their women. As stated, it all depends on the things listed above.
Whatever you do, do not categorize us. If you are in a relationship or planning on getting in a relationship with a man, do not categorize him. Tiger Woods, nor any other man who cheats does not represent men in general. If you truly want to receive the best answer as to why men cheat, simply ask the man who cheated.
I think people need to draft up sex contracts. It would make everything so much more simpler. If you’re just having a sexual relationship with someone, there should be rules and bylaws that they need to adhere to. People go into a “friendship” and think if they f*ck him just right he would magically fall in love and make babies and all that shit. IT DOESN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. If you decide to enter into a sexual relationship with someone it’s just that…SEX. No romance, no love…sex. If you know you’re looking for more and you think getting that person in your bed is the fastest way to get them to love you, your dead ass wrong. That’s why you need this contract, to prevent crazy shit from happening once they realize there will be nothing more.
Usually when people enter into a sexual relationship someone has came out and said one of two things…”I’m not looking for a relationship” or “I’m in a relationship, but I don’t mind kicking it with you”. They’ve made their positions perfectly plain, but the other person might think they can change things if they just had the chance. Some folks go into it thinking “He says he’s not looking for a relationship, but once he gets this coochie he’ll change his mind”. I don’t care how spectacular your coochie might be, some people take sex as what it is. You’re just the easy bitch with bomb coochie. Understand your role in this thing. The more he f*cks you, the more you’re falling in love. While he’s there pounding the stuffing out of your cushion, you’re imagining he’s all yours. Then you start acting more like the girlfriend than the “friend”. You’re calling and texting him over and over again. You’re going through his phone when he’s sleeping. Checking his facebook and twitter to find out what chick has he been talking too a little too much. You’re the jump-off honey. You have no right or claim to that man.
I don’t want to make it seem like this doesn’t go both ways. I know a few men that got that shit twisted a time or two. I once had a guy roll up on me while I was out and started questioning me and shit. I had to break his ass down to size and let him know that what we DID *cause I was done with that after he tried to embarrass me in public* was for shits and giggles. Nothing serious on my part. I let him know from the jump I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship, but I guess he thought his d*ck would change my mind. The only thing good dick would do is make me want more of it. Once my mind was made up there was no changing it. I didn’t want a relationship period. If you say you understand and you’re not interested in one either I don’t expect you to renege and shit. I figured that he was getting a little too into it when one night while I was over at his place, he started to cry when I started getting dressed. I came over for sex…it is now over…time for me to roll. What reason do I have to stay there? He started crying and said that he wanted me to spend the night. For what? I got a perfectly good bed at my crib. At that moment I knew his ass was taking this somewhere else.
There are rules to this “just sex” thing, but folks forget the rules when the sex actually starts. Whatever you want to draw up in your contract should pertain to what you do and don’t want. I wonder if a contract like this would hold up in court? If someone breaks something in the contract their asses should be fined or you can sue. I know this sounds so unrealistic, but people need to realize that having sex with someone does not make them yours. If you both decide it is what it is, you would be wrong to then say “I want what I want”. In my opinion you’ve just trapped that person in a situation that they clearly didn’t want or expect to be in. Sex makes people crazy and if you realize from the jump that this person might get a little too into the whole thing don’t bother f*cking. Trust me, you’re gonna end up in a situation you never asked to be in.
Holla at me: If you could draw up a binding sex contract, what would some of your terms be?
Ok folks…I’m thinking about trying this. I get so many emails, Facebook and BBM questions by readers seeking advice, so I’ve decided to make this a new segment. ASK V.I !!!!! If you have any questions or you just need advice feel free to contact me. You can use an alias when submitting or you can use your real identity…it’s up to you. I will post 2 questions every Friday and answer them for everyone to see. This is the time to get all the freaky or troublesome questions out the way. FREE ADVICE…what’s better than that?
To get in contact with me is very easy. All you have to do is click the Contact page link, fill out the simple form and that’s it. I’ll pick out the best 2 questions of the week and post it. Even if your questions aren’t chosen I will still answer your emails personally. So let’s get this cracking. Remember to tell a friend…Candy Diaries is about healing, helping, and heating up the joint.
Now, we’ve all heard and read about the situation with Tiger and his “Becky”. Twitter was all a buzz yesterday killing my timeline with this bullshit. It kills me how people are acting like this is the first time they ever heard of someone cheating …EVER. I bet the next thing you know they gonna have a Congressional hearing over the fact that Tiger got some on the side. In my opinion what people do is their business. If the man wanted to step out on his wife, what business is that of ours? That is between those two and the God they stood in front of. My issue is the sly b*tches men choose to cheat with. They pick these gutter butt b*tches who’s only goal in life is too hook a man with that chedda. This was his mistake…dealing with a basic jumpoff.I always say if you’re gonna cheat, do it with someone that has as much to loose as you do. If you’re a married rapper and you meet a coat check girl and start to give her the ol heave hoe…your shit is gonna get exposed. First off, you know random everyday chicks won’t keep a secret relationship under wraps for too long. Especially if you have a little status to yourself. Them hoes waiting for the right moment to have all your business out on the street. I don’t care who you are I don’t give nobody any ammo on me. His chick leaked voice mails to the media. That girl was just waiting on the day that shit came out so she would get her “pay day”. Never ever ever give someone that much ammo on you fool. Some chicks out here are just looking for the fastest come up they can possibly get. Be smart about yours. If you choose to do stupid shit, be prepared for the consequences of your actions. Train these hoes from young. You set the boundaries.
In this day and age, you really can’t trust people as far as you can throw them. Did he expect Becky #2 to obey his marriage? Why should she when he clearly wasn’t ? I don’t believe in violence, but his wife beating his mixed ass showed him something. A woman hurt, no matter what color can f*ck your world up. We don’t know the details of their marriage, so saying that he cheated because Becky was now giving him a lazy Susan is wrong. Shit, it doesn’t matter why he cheated…he cheated. It’s not the end of the world, the earth isn’t gonna swallow him whole. He’s doing what people, married, committed, dating have been doing for years. He’s man…flesh. Just because he has a good golf swing doesn’t make him above anyone else. If she decides to divorce him the only place he will feel it is in is pockets because that bitch is gonna get paid.
So what have we learned from this whole Tiger loves women long time story? No matter how a person is perceived in the public eye, looks can be deceiving. Truth be told just by looking at his big teeth and listening to his nasal drip voice I wouldn’t peg him to have jump-off’s. But he is a man…so *shrugs*. Since this came out you’re gonna see all kinds of Becky’s and maybe a Latifah or two come out of the woodwork and admit they had something with Tiger. People love to see other people fall. It’s like we hold celebrities on this high pedestal like they can never do wrong because of who they are. Their human, they wipe their asses just like everyone else. Well except Lil Wayne, he doesn’t look too hygienic. This man cheating on his wife has nothing to do with my everyday life. I could give a damn that Tiger smashed a Tool Academy chick. Hell good for him. This is probably the riskiest thing he ever did since he drank Ovaltine from the wrong cup. Let them deal with their marriage privately. Whatever they decide to do is on them. This is the last time I will ever talk about Tiger and his love for the Becky’s. I JUST DON’T GIVE A DAMN!!!!
On the other hand, if the sex is truly the pits it’s easier for people to let go. There is nothing really binding you to that person, so letting go may not be so hard. This is when some people feel the need to seek sexual pleasures outside of their relationships. I’ve done this and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was in a relationship where he couldn’t perform sexually. There was nothing wrong with him physically; his dick just didn’t work with me. *shrug*. I chose not to sweat the small stuff *pun intended*. I wasn’t getting the satisfaction I needed so I went out and got it somewhere else. I know that seemed cold-hearted, but hey I wasn’t getting what I needed so I did who I wanted. I won’t talk about the hours of amazing sex or the way his d*ck filled me up. I don’t like to brag, but I will say that what I got made me realize what I needed so I terminated the sexless relationship. I know staying with him would make no sense, because there was no sex or love there. We were just… there. If we had no sex or love what did we really have?
Sometimes people confuse thier sexual feelings and desires for love. What most people don’t realize is that love and sex have rarely to do with each other. Love deals with the mental, spiritual and physical stimulation while sex deals with the physical. A lot of people think if the sex is amazing their in love. *Shaking head* It doesn’t work like that. You’re in love with the sex, there’s a huge difference. When you’re actually in love with the person making love to them will be the most terrific feeling. When you’re in love, the physical means so much more. It feels different, because you’re making love with every part of you. It changes you. It makes you realize that just having sex just doesn’t compare. I’ve learned that sex can be just sex, while love is something else. I’ve done the sex, now I’m waiting on love. It’s a whole lot better, plus I won’t have to kick dude out of my bed when it’s over.