So yesterday we covered the plight of the cheating man. You guys had a lot to say about the interview on the site and off. Today is part 2 of the interviews, and now we have a different scenario This interview was done with a woman who was formally in a cheating relationship with a married man. Yes, I said a married man. This interview works as the first one did…anonymously. I wanted to show a difference in how the “other person” thinks in this type of situation.
Am I the only person that has ever been in a relationship that I no longer gave a f*ck about? Like, if he wanted to get some from some dumb soul I would give him a pack of condoms and send him on his way? Yea that might sound harsh to some of you, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Initially you like the person, you get into a relationship and 2 months later you can’t stand their ass. You only stay in the relationship because you like feeling a body next to you. You’re basically going through the motions. You may want to end it for many reasons, but do you try to rekindle the relationship or kick the lame to the curb?
Dear V.I
I have read some of your responses to other issues women are having and I like the advice you give, so now I need some advice from you. Before I married my husband, after we were together for about 7 years he cheated on me. It was a lot of drama of course because the female did not want to let go the fact he wanted to be with me. We got engaged 2 years later now happily married for a 1 1/2. My dilemma at times is sometimes its hard for me to be intimate with him like I should as his wife because I keep letting past shit get in my head. We have talked about it countless times and I realize all men are not cheaters because they cheated once. Because a man cheats once doesn’t mean he will be a repeat offender. He proved he wasn’t this kind of man before we got engaged .( other than that I would not have married him ) he of course apologized many times and proved he was sorry it ever happened. How can I forever let the crazy emotions GO that come back every now and then and enjoy every intimate moment with my husband like I should ?
Thanks for your advice
Trying to let past shit go
Dear TTLSG,
I always tell women; ” If you forgive, you can’t continue to be mad.” Once you forgive someone, you have accepted what happened, dealt with it and ready to move on. Honestly if you knew that this was going to weigh heavy on your mind, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place. You decided to start a new life with him, that meant letting go of the past. You’re destroying your own future because of some shit that happened when your man made a lapse in judgement. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on you but will you continue to hold that infraction over his head for the rest of your marriage? This is the quickest way to lose your husband. If he’s unhappy at home guess what, he’s going to find that happiness outside the home. Maybe that’s what he did before.
Women are so use to losing that we don’t realize when we’ve won. You have a man that loves you enough to make a pledge to God to spend his life with you in sickness and in health. Many women would KILL for that kind of commitment, but you’re over there stressing about some shit when you two were dating? Girl get over it. You forgave him, married him now it’s time to move on and enjoy your life with the man you love. Don’t let your insecurity fuck up something good. Even if you two need to seek counseling to deal with it further, do what you have to do to keep your marriage in tact. You need to get over it point blank. You’re torturing yourself over some shit that you shouldn’t even stress about anymore. The more you continue to trip the further away you’re pushing your husband into the arms of someone else. If he cheats again you’re gonna wonder why, this is all on you know. You know better, now please do better.
I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.
Hey V.I.
The story goes like this we have been in contact with each other for 3 years off and on. Only recently I decided to allow this man into my life. The marriage was on the rocks way before I decided to allow him in my life. Some friends tell me it is not my fault there marriage is having issues We are both at the point we do love each other, my thing is should I feel some guilt in being with him. I have asked myself what man keeps a woman number for 3 years and never gives up? He my kids and they love him. The first conversation we had was I did not want to disrespect his marriage until he told me what he wanted. I was told I am not letting you go this time I want to be there for you and kids dad or step dad or whatever.
Can this be real or fake?
Dear CTBROF,
You know I’m gonna get in that ass right? Why are you getting involved with a married man? I don’t give a damn how “in trouble” his marriage was in before you hooked up, he’s still married. This man will tell you what he needs to tell you to keep you close. Don’t fall for the hype sweetheart, the cheating section in the handbook tells them what to say. You should feel guilty, fuck what your friends think. Obviously you have a conscience and they don’t…stop listening to bitches who want you caught up in mess. You have a mind of your own and obviously it’s working, you’re just afraid to use it.
If a man wants to be with you so bad, he needs to divorce his wife. A married man can complain about what she’s not doing and all of that, but if he was really unhappy he would get out of the marriage. Apparently he’s still married so your just the mistress. You will always be labeled the mistress. I know love is blind and you can’t help who you love and all of that, but you can help your actions and your as much to blame in this as him. If he does leave his wife for you I promise you your soul will not be at ease, because once the novelty of your love becomes “regular” you will always think in the back of your mind that he’s cheating. If he cheated with you, he can cheat on you. Karma is that bitch that will loom over your ill-gotten relationship. You know better, but your letting your heart take over and now is not the time for that.
Another thing; why are you pretending to be a family with someone else’s husband? Why are your kids in the middle of this mess? This man cannot be serious about you **because he’s into something else a little more committed * but you’re letting this man around your kids? What if he doesn’t leave his wife and the kids get attached? Are you two just going to pretend to be together a few hours on the weekend when he can get away from his obligations? I’m telling you, you’re wrong. Those friends of yours aren’t real friends for telling you that this troubled marriage has nothing to do with you. Be wise about this, because trust and believe you will be waiting forever for him to leave. If he does, you will constantly think he will cheat on you. Shit ain’t like he never cheated before. There is always two sides to every story. While he’s telling you the marriage is in trouble, she’s over at the house happy and in love with her “faithful” husband. Think about it.
I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.
I know we’re so off that Tiger Woods thing, but his situation made me wonder what goes through a person’s mind when they decide to cheat. What are their relationships like? Why do they continue? I’ve decided to interview 2 people that are either currently or formally in a cheating relationship. First up I decided to interview a guy that is currently in a relationship, but is also cheating on his girlfriend. The names in these blogs will remain anonymous. I don’t want nobody ass to get whopped on the count of my shit.
Last night was the highly anticipated interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter. Usher discussed his marriage, divorce, infidelity and issues with his mother. Mother O did not waste time when they sat down in Usher’s home. Oprah asked him the hard hitting questions about his marriage to Tameka Johnson-Williams-Ochocinco-Foster-Raymond and if the claims of him being a cheater were true. Now I am not the biggest Usher fan. I only like him based on his music. Like when he released “My Way” and “Confessions” oh I was all up on Usher’s junk, but other than that I ain’t a fan. This interview did not in no way change my feelings for Usher. Still ain’t a fan, but hey I don’t think he cares at all.
Dear V.I.,
I just started reading your blogs and a lot of what I’ve read has woken me up like NEVER before. I am engaged to a guy who I’ve been dating on and off for almost 4 years now. we have a one year old daughter and another baby on the way. W e are both very young. I grew up with a CONTROL FREAK, you can basically say single mother ( dad left when I was 4) never got divorced. my dad is a liar and a cheat and my mom tried to protect me from EVERYTHING. I could write a whole book but I just wanted to THANK YOU for all your articles, whether relevant to me or not. I feel like I can FINALLY breath. I’ve felt for some time now that me and my man are not meant to be. He has A LOT of insecurities. He’s the cry, acts a certain way in front of other people and then acts like a baby with me, when things go wrong, makes himself out to be the VICTIM type.
He has in the past cheated on me emotionally and would say MEAN and UGLY things about those chicks and then I find out that he’s telling them the total opposite. he has even gone so far as tell me that he didn’t love me or was attracted to me while we were making our daughter or even after. OH IT GOT WORSE. I won’t even say that the married woman who he was messing with was the cause. All I know is that after that situation, I CANT GET OVER WHAT HE SAID, HOW HE TREATED ME, AND THAT WOMAN. He had a type when we met ( white and hispanic girls) I was never the jealous nagging type, but once I started hearing all the lies and seeing that I was being played, I turned into someone else. I lost all sense of worth, I lost my dignity and now I have NO PEACE about our engagement or us getting married. I wish I had someone I could REALLY talk to because this is killing me. I have decided to go on a hiatus and take time to find out WHO I AM. I have been living and breathing FEAR. haven’t been able to sleep. We have sex in my opinion. I KNOW BETTER BUT JUST CHOSE NOT TO DO BETTER. I’m wiser than it seems but love is crazy. Thanks for your time.
Signed,
Getting My Act Together
Dear GMAT,
Thank you for writing your letter to me. Knowing that my words and experiences can help someone else is the reason I’ve been doing this. I am so thankful that my words are being felt by others…again thank you.
I am happy that your eyes are open and you know what you need to do that’s best for you. Being in a relationship that’s not only emotional but mentally draining should never be something you settle for ever. Every deserves happiness in this life we live. Sometimes we settle for what we know because we’re too afraid to be truly happy without it. In my personal opinion getting married to this man will be one of the biggest mistakes in your life. You’re miserable and unhappy now, getting married will not solve your issues. Sweetheart you know better, now it’s up to you to do better. If you can no longer be in this “relationship” it’s time for you to get out and don’t look back. It will be hard trust me I know, but who do you care about more…his feelings or your own?
No one should live in fear in a relationship. Love is one of the craziest human emotions. Love makes us do strange shit, but this is beyond love. You’ve lost yourself in this worthless relationship and you need to find who you are without him. Follow your heart and find yourself baby girl. Take the time you need and do what you have to do. You can’t continue to live your life for this man. It’s time you live for you. If you need to talk you can email me at candydiaries@gmail.com I will be right here. Good luck!
Have you ever noticed when a couple gets married, they slowly drift away from their single friends? It’s like the single guy/girl is now the enemy. They hold some magical power that turns your spouse into a cheating idiot. I am assuming that is the logic of a married person. Or is it if you still have a single friend that hangs around you’re afraid that they try to get next to your spouse? When the hell did being single make you the enemy? You can no longer see your homegirl on a regular basis because her husband thinks you might be a bad influence on her, when she was the damn hoe in the group. So why is there this stigma on us singles? Is it because we live a life that the married wish they still had? Is it the fact that they think we’re so thirsty that if given the opportunity that we would push up on their spouses? Or is it the fact that they feel so much pity for us because even though we basically get to do whatever we like, we’re alone and will probably die that way?
Hi V.I.,
I’m writing you because of my friend. She’s married and cheating with a guy that’s 26. She met him when he was 21. They have been seeing each other from time to time. He calls her only when he wants sex never just to talk. When she met him he had a girlfriend. Sometime he would ignore her calls. He would pretend they were gonna go out but he never called till days later. I told her that she’s his jump off. He calls and says I need to see you and she runs over. Sometimes he will not call for 3months then call and say I want to see you. I need to see you and get mad if she can’t come. When she get there he is happy to see her all kissing and fucking, 69 and liking her feet. She says she want to leave her husband because he doesn’t satisfy her or pay attention to her except in bed, and all he want in bed is his dick sucked, or to hit it from the side. I told her to get rid of them both and start over. The both using her. What should she do?
Asking… You Know…For A Friend
Dear AFAF,
I understand that you’re concerned for your friend, but there is nothing you can do to help her understand how naive she stupid she’s been in this situation. She’s grown and she has to come to the realization at some point in life. What she does is her business and if she continues to allow men to use and abuse her that’s something she’s gonna have to face on her own time. Obviously she’s oblivious or just foolish to what’s happening. Honestly she’s not because if you know all her business especially all the bad shit, she knows what’s going on but refuses to put an end to it. All you can do is be her friend, but at the end of the day she has to live her own life. You can’t fix this for her. Until she realizes that she’s being played, she’ll continue to be in this game.
I hope one day she wakes up, but sweetie there is nothing you can do but be her friend. You telling her to leave isn’t gonna make her leave. She has to realize that when she’s hit rock bottom. It will happen one day, but right now she’s being played like lotto.
I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!
Let me put this out in the open; people cheat. You may not like or condone it, but it happens. Maybe you’ve been cheated on and remember the heartbreak you faced when you found out. *Rubbing back* It’s gonna be ok …you know why because this blog isn’t for you. Go to another room because I’m talking to the folks that wanna cheat but don’t know what the best approach is. I’m not promoting cheating of any kind, but if you do decide to get your shit somewhere else wouldn’t you like to do it the best possible way? I’ve came up with 6 tips to ensure that you are a successful cheater.
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