Ask V.I.~ I Lied And Told Him That He Is The Father

family walking down the street

Hi V.I.,

I just need to unburden myself to someone. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have a 9 month old daughter. During our relationship I can admit that I haven’t been very faithful to him. The sex isn’t stimulating to me. He’s a good guy, but when it comes to sex he’s very one-dimensional. So, I started getting it elsewhere. I was doing pretty good until I started feeling sick and throwing up all the time. I thought I had the flu until I went to the doctor and she did a urine test. I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. I had to make the decision if I should keep the child when I wasn’t sure who was my child’s father. I decided to tell my boyfriend it was his child. He was more stable financially than the other guy and frankly I knew he would be there and provide for her the way she needed to be cared for.

Now that my little girl is growing into her features I’m noticing that she resembles the other guy than her “father”. As a matter of fact she looks like his 2-year-old son. I’m so afraid that my boyfriend will question her looks. Last week he said that it’s interesting that she’s not getting any darker and wonders where she got her hazel eyes. I lied and told him that my grandmother had the same eyes so she got it from my side. I am so afraid that he’ll find out. He loves her so much and she adores her daddy. How can I tell him that he’s not the father? Should I take this to the grave while never telling him and her the truth? Should I tell him and risk him leaving us and having no one to provide for us? Please help me.

Living a Lie

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Would You Stay If He Got Someone Else Pregnant?

pregnant woman

 

What would you do if the man you loved, got someone else pregnant? Would you stay or go? Recently a lot of celebrity scandals have come out involving conceiving love children with random chicks. They all say the same thing “My woman and I were on a break and I hit a bitch raw. Now I’m a pappy, don’t judge me”. Then you have these women  who have obviously been cheated on, but wanna save face so they stay in the relationship. Not even taking into account that these men that claim to love them f*cked some chick raw dog and now she’s about to conceive his offspring. Can love be that deep where you can overlook infidelity, blatant carelessness and drama? 

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You Don’t Have To Be Inspector Gadget To Know He’s Cheating

black-woman-snooping

So last night I’m getting my reality show fix and I see this new show on Bravo called “Blood, Sweat and Heels”. Now I don’t normally watch new black shows because they usually don’t last for a second season. Any way, they brought up an interesting topic and I thought I would lend my two cents to the subject. A few of the women on the show thought that it was “ok” or “normal” to snoop if you suspect your man is cheating. They feel if you’re in a relationship you should have that right to make sure he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing and keeping the dick in the pants. Listen, if you gotta snoop darling why the hell are you in the relationship?

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Is Being Faithful As Easy As It Seems?

gaoktp034n

 

Being faithful isn’t easy. Hell if it was then there would be a lot more happy relationships and a lot less cheating. When someone decides to cheat they have totally disconnected from their committed relationship. Let’s just get this straight. Cheating is not only a physical act. If you stepped outside of your relationship and developed an emotional connection to someone other than your partner that is cheating also. So many people feel like if the dick didn’t present itself then you’re not guilty of stepping outside your relationship. Girl goodbye. The second you became emotionally attached you’ve just cheated on your man/woman. Why does it seem that it’s easier to find someone who has cheated than to find someone who has never cheated in a relationship?

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The Interview: The Plight of the Other Woman

cheating-caught

So yesterday we covered the plight of the cheating man. You guys had a lot to say about the interview on the site and off. Today is part 2 of the interviews, and now we have a different scenario  This interview was done with a woman who was formally in a cheating relationship with a married man. Yes, I said a married man. This interview works as the first one did…anonymously. I wanted to show a difference in how the “other person” thinks in this type of situation.

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You No Longer Give A Damn, Now What?

Am I the only person that has ever been in a relationship that I no longer gave a f*ck about? Like, if he wanted to get some from some dumb soul I would give him a pack of condoms and send him on his way? Yea that might sound harsh to some of you, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Initially you like the person, you get into a relationship and 2 months later you can’t stand their ass. You only stay in the relationship because you like feeling a body next to you. You’re basically going through the motions. You may want to end it for many reasons, but do you try to rekindle the relationship or kick the lame to the curb?

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Ask V.I.~ Trying To Let Go of Past Shit

Dear V.I

I have read some of your responses to other issues women are having and I like the advice you give, so now I need some advice from you. Before I married my husband, after we were together for about 7 years he cheated on me. It was a lot of drama of course because the female did not want to let go the fact he wanted to be with me. We got engaged 2 years later now happily married for a 1 1/2. My dilemma at times is sometimes its hard for me to be intimate with him like I should as his wife because I keep letting past shit get in my head. We have talked about it countless times and I realize all men are not cheaters because they cheated once. Because a man cheats once doesn’t mean he will be a repeat offender. He proved he wasn’t this kind of man before we got engaged .( other than that I would not have married him )  he of course apologized many times and proved he was sorry it ever happened. How can I forever let the crazy emotions GO that come back every now and then and enjoy every intimate moment with my husband like I should ?

Thanks for your advice

Trying to let past shit go

Dear TTLSG, 

I always tell women; ” If you forgive, you can’t continue to be mad.” Once you forgive someone, you have accepted what happened, dealt with it and ready to move on. Honestly if you knew that this was going to weigh heavy on your mind, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place. You decided to start a new life with him, that meant letting go of the past. You’re destroying your own future because of some shit that happened when your man made a lapse in judgement. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on you but will you continue to hold that infraction over his head for the rest of your marriage? This is the quickest way to lose your husband. If he’s unhappy at home guess what, he’s going to find that happiness outside the home. Maybe that’s what he did before.

Women are so use to losing that we don’t realize when we’ve won. You have a man that loves you enough to make a pledge to God to spend his life with you in sickness and in health. Many women would KILL for that kind of commitment, but you’re over there stressing about some shit when you two were dating? Girl get over it. You forgave him, married him now it’s time to move on and enjoy your life with the man you love. Don’t let your insecurity fuck up something good. Even if you two need to seek counseling to deal with it further, do what you have to do to keep your marriage in tact. You need to get over it point blank. You’re torturing yourself over some shit that you shouldn’t even stress about anymore. The more you continue to trip the further away you’re pushing your husband into the arms of someone else. If he cheats again you’re gonna wonder why, this is all on you know. You know better, now please do better.

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Ask V.I.~ He Married Her, But Loves Me. Should I Believe Him?

 Hey V.I.
The story goes like this we have been in contact with each other for 3 years off and on. Only recently I decided to allow this man into my life. The marriage was on the rocks way before I decided to allow him in my life. Some friends tell me it is not my fault there marriage is having issues  We are both at the point we do love each other, my thing is should I feel some guilt in being with him. I have asked myself what man keeps a woman number for 3 years and never gives up?  He my kids and they love him. The first conversation we had was I did not want to disrespect his marriage until he told me what he wanted. I was told I am not letting you go this time I want to be there for you and kids dad or step dad or whatever.

Can this be real or fake?

Dear CTBROF, 

You know I’m gonna get in that ass right? Why are you getting involved with a married man? I don’t give a damn how “in trouble” his marriage was in before you hooked up, he’s still married. This man will tell you what he needs to tell you to keep you close. Don’t fall for the hype sweetheart, the cheating section in the handbook tells them what to say. You should feel guilty, fuck what your friends think. Obviously you have a conscience and they don’t…stop listening to bitches who want you caught up in mess. You have a mind of your own and obviously it’s working, you’re just afraid to use it. 

If a man wants to be with you so bad, he needs to divorce his wife. A married man can complain about what she’s not doing and all of that, but if he was really unhappy he would get out of the marriage.  Apparently he’s still married so your just the mistress. You will always be labeled the mistress. I know love is blind and you can’t help who you love and all of that, but you can help your actions and your as much to blame in this as him. If he does leave his wife for you I promise you your soul will not be at ease, because once the novelty of your love becomes “regular” you will always think in the back of your mind that he’s cheating. If he cheated with you, he can cheat on you. Karma is that bitch that will loom over your ill-gotten relationship. You know better, but your letting your heart take over and now is not the time for that. 

Another thing; why are you pretending to be a family with someone else’s husband? Why are your kids in the middle of this mess? This man cannot be serious about you **because he’s into something else a little more committed * but you’re letting this man around your kids? What if he doesn’t leave his wife and the kids get attached? Are you two just going to pretend to be together a few hours on the weekend when he can get away from his obligations? I’m telling you, you’re wrong. Those friends of yours aren’t real friends for telling you that this troubled marriage has nothing to do with you. Be wise about this, because trust and believe you will be waiting forever for him to leave. If he does, you will constantly think he will cheat on you. Shit ain’t like he never cheated before. There is always two sides to every story. While he’s telling you the marriage is in trouble, she’s over at the house happy and in love with her “faithful” husband. Think about it. 

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

The Interview:The Plight of the Cheating Man

cheating

I know we’re so off that Tiger Woods thing, but his situation made me wonder what goes through a person’s mind when they decide to cheat. What are their relationships like? Why do they continue? I’ve decided to interview 2 people that are either currently or formally in a cheating relationship. First up I decided to interview a guy that is currently in a relationship, but is also cheating on his girlfriend. The names in these blogs will remain anonymous. I don’t want nobody ass to get whopped on the count of my shit.

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Oprah Poured The Tea And Usher Just Spilled It

Oprah's Next Chapter

Last night was the highly anticipated interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter. Usher discussed his marriage, divorce, infidelity and issues with his mother. Mother O did not waste time when they sat down in Usher’s home. Oprah asked him the hard hitting questions about his marriage to Tameka Johnson-Williams-Ochocinco-Foster-Raymond and if the claims of him being a cheater were true. Now I am not the biggest Usher fan. I only like him based on his music. Like when he released “My Way” and “Confessions” oh I was all up on Usher’s junk, but other than that I ain’t a fan. This interview did not in no way change my feelings for Usher. Still ain’t a fan, but hey I don’t think he cares at all.

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