At a certain age a woman knows what she wants in life. She knows what type of career, the type of guy she wants to be with even how when she’s gonna give him the green light to pleasure her cooch. Whatever it is trust and believe homegirl is gonna get it. That’s the beauty of being grown, you make the choices and regardless of the consequences you live with these choices. You do what’s right for you. Women always know what they want, but when it comes to a sensitive subject like kids; why does a woman’s decision not to have any always looked at as crazy?
Believe it or not, but there are some women out here that just don’t want to be parents. I still don’t understand how folks are shocked by that? There are women who are happy and content with just being who she is and not “mommy”. These women catch a lot of flack because supposedly every woman should have a motherly instinct when that’s farther from the truth. Those women who don’t want kids have their reasons and it’s valid to them. The question becomes “How can a woman who doesn’t want kids fall in love with a man that does?” Many times I’ve said that as human beings you can’t help who you fall in love. As a woman do you sacrifice his wants and desires for your relationship or do you let go of the man you love because your future doesn’t coincide with what he wants? It’s a hard decision to make, but having a child just to keep a man will not only make your life miserable, but will do the same to the child.
As I write this I’m reminded of the show “Girlfriends” with Joan and Brock. If you weren’t an avid watcher of the show, let me give you the skinny. Joan met Brock while she was dating an actor named Ellis. Instantly the two fell in love…like love at first sight type of shit. I said this was a tv show so you know shit like that only happens on tv…but I digress. Ellis wanted Joan to meet his manager and low and behold guess who’s Ellis’s manager…you guessed it Brock. So now they’re both in an uncomfortable position because they never told Ellis that they met before his introduction. Anyway fast forward, Joan left Ellis and was now in love and quickly got engaged to Brock. Now everyone who watched the show knew Joan was a neurotic, self-conscience lawyer who desperately wanted to get married and have kids. Well Brock gave her the ring and burst her bubble all in the same breath. He told her that he doesn’t want to have kids. Joan pretended to accept it, and thought once they got married maybe he would change his mind. Brock told her his mind will not be swayed and that’s his stance…he doesn’t want to be a parent. Now Joan had to decide if she could stay with the love of her life and never know the joys of motherhood or dump Brock and hopefully find the man of her dreams who wanted the family. Well she made the decision to end it. It was the hardest one she had to make but she didn’t want to go through a marriage resenting him.
I gave that long ass synopsis of the show to say that, when it comes down to it you have to do what’s right for you. If you did get married to a man that wanted kids and you didn’t, would you or even could you be upset if he got someone else pregnant? You both knew the other person’s wants and needs before you decided to walk down the aisle, just because you’re married should the wants and needs of both parties be dissolved? Can you live and be happy as a mother knowing deep down that’s not the path you wanted to take? These are the questions a woman in this situation must ask herself. The real question is can you live with the choices you made at the end of the day? That’s why couples need to have that talk before they commit to something serious. Then you’ll know if you two are on the same page in life and if things did or did not happen then what would be the next step.
Holla at me: Do you think a woman is being selfish in a relationship if she decides that she doesn’t want kids?
So I was sent an “ASK V.I.” email last night and I had to address this right away. I was blown away by what the hell the letter said and that made me start to get pissed off. I’m not a parent but I do know right from wrong , and some of you single mother’s out there need to get your shit together. I’m talking about the single mothers that put a nigga *yes I ain’t bleeped that shit out* before your children. What kind of parent are you that would allow some dumb ass lame to gank you, and then talk about you still love him? Let me run down the letter so ya’ll can get a bigger picture for ya’ll.
I am truly stressing and I need some serious advice. I’ve been married about 5 years now and 3 years ago my husband and I started having marital issues. We started arguing way too much, so there was a point where we sorta separated. I went out one night with my friends and met this guy. We started exchanging texts and meeting for drinks. One night we slept together, which I instantly regretted. I felt so weird sleeping with someone that wasn’t my husband. I broke things off with the guy and had a long talk with my hubby and we decided to make things work.
I never understood why women and men for that matter go into the whole process of trying to trap someone. What the hell kind of sense does it make to have a baby with someone that either 1). The person doesn’t want to be with you. 2) Someone you’re just f*cking and think if you get pregnant, you will instantly become their partner. It seems like when some people aren’t too confident in their relationship, but they don’t wanna end it they think if they get pregnant they have no choice but to stay. I just find all of this as the dumbest logic anyone can ever come up with. I know women and men that thought trapping the other person was a good idea, and then quickly realized that they made a huge mistake. Through all of this the children have to suffer because they have two of the dumbest people alive to call mom and dad. I got two stories. One where the man did the trapping and the other where the woman did the trapping.
Have you ever met a man that constantly talked about having kids? He brings up the subject even more than you do. He feels like he might be running out of time so he needs to find someone “right quick” to get her ass knocked up. This man is so dead set on having kids that he might even try to trap you. He hears his biological clock and he will do whatever needs to be done to have his man seed conceived. If you were thinking about actually having kids, you would be so afraid to have them with him.
Okay, so I’ve been kicking it with this guy for like 2 yrs just sex, been on a date 1x…I complain 2 him all the time about taking me out…like damn Applebees is 2 for 20..lol. I’m not sure why I’m so stuck on him. I mean he doesn’t really have a good job and he doesn’t live on his own. He doesn’t have a futuristic mind…no goals…and I promise you I see more potential in him that he sees in himself. He has a child that’s in another state. I’m not sure how much he provides, but when I do ask about his kid he seems to be current on what’s going on.
I never in my life understood how a woman would date a man that does not take care of his kids. It really boggles my mind because it actually shows his character and how much of an asshole he is, but some women just choose to ignore it. I refuse to date a man that does not take care of his own. Some women don’t care if he does or not, as long as he’s taking care of her all is right with the world. Why do women allow this kind of mess to go on? You can’t really do anything about him not taking care of his kids, but why would you stick it in with someone that obviously doesn’t handle his responsibilities? That leaves me to wonder… do women overlook his irresponsibilities just to say they have a man?
Sometimes anyone with baggage in my opinion can be a waste of time. I don’t mean to be like that, but what’s the benefit of getting involved in a baggage situation? True enough, he may be a nice guy or she may be a cool chick, but at the end of the day his/her drama shouldn’t have to be your situation. Shit does happen sometimes, but it isn’t fair to expect someone from the outside to just deal with it. If you followed the show “The Game” you should know these two characters in the pic; Derwin and Jenay. They were once in a relationship, but he ended it because he was still in love with his ex Melanie. While Derwin tried to get Mel back and was successful in doing so, Jenay found out she was pregnant. Melanie was now put in an awkward position; should she stay or should she go?