About 2 weeks ago I had a convo with a good friend and he asked me “What do you think makes a good relationship?” It was definitely a good question that I didn’t think I had the answer to. I mean there are so many things that can make a relationship a successful one, but looking back at my past relationships I thought about some of the things that were lacking. That is when I came up with my three C’s to a successful relationship. Without these components I think a relationship will have a harder time developing into something stable. One cannot survive without the other, so if you’re not willing to work on all then the relationship may not get where you want it to go.
The market is flooded with affordable homes for real cheap. I’m beginning to notice a serious trend. Couples going half on a house. Two people who may have been dating for a while decide to chuck their one bedroom apartment and purchase a home. I don’t knock anyone that wants to be on the road to home ownership, but do you think it’s wise to buy a home with someone you’re just dating exclusively? Folks are taking the whole “let’s move in together” thing to a whole other level. Do you think it’s wise to make such a huge investment with someone you’re not formally committed?
Let me set the record straight before I have angry mobs emailing me telling me “You think you know everything” type shit. No! I understand people who aren’t married that decide to buy a house because they actually have a family. That’s fine because the kids need a stable roof over their heads. I get that and understand that. I’m talking about the two people who been dating a year or so, like kicking it with each other and see buying a home together as a good idea. I just think something like that is too major of a commitment for two people that are just dating…especially for a year. What if the relationship ends. You can’t just break away and move about your business. The major issue will be the house. Two people invested in the house and they will both think they’re entitled. So who will leave? One may want to sell and the other doesn’t. These are the types of things you have to think of when going into a major commitment like that. Relationships don’t always last forever. I’m not saying they can’t but I’m a realist and shit happens, just like in a marriage. The only difference is in a marriage that’s about to end you have the middle man *lawyers and judges* that handle your divorce and can easily help you mediate who gets what. In a random relationship, you don’t have a soul…you gotta figure that shit out on your own.
I’m just saying you have to think of the what if’s when it comes to certain things. I will not never buy a house with a man I’m not totally committed. I mean we can say we committed, but I some shit on paper in case shit happens. I am very…how you say in America….CHEAP. I ain’t going into nothing banking on nobody. The next thing I know I buy a house with a dude, he leaves and I can’t afford the mortgage or something. A bitch will be kicking herself for being so damn stupid. If you do decide to go half on a home with your man make sure that you can afford to live there on your own in case that kneegrow don’t act right and you gotta go your separate ways. It’s a sad thing when you buy your dream home and have to give it up because you didn’t think logically about the purchase.
Men are so guilty of this shit. You’re in a relationship and as time goes by your obviously start to wonder “where is this going?” You start causally bringing it up, and he casually gives you little rays of hope that one day it will happen. As more time or years start to go by you’re becoming more and more pissed off and ready to make that transition from girlfriend to wife. You start bringing up marriage more frequently but now with frustration in your voice. He still makes excuses why ya’ll shouldn’t get married yet. When you look up 5 years has passed and no ring in sight.
You’ve had enough and decided that this relationship just isn’t right for you. You decide to leave and he finally realizes that you’re hella serious in your threats. Just as you’re about to walk out of that 1 bedroom apartment you two has shared for 3 years he gets down on one knee and pops out a ring box from his pocket. He asks you to marry him and in your emotional state you scream “Yes.” You’ve finally gotten the gold star. The confirmation that you are indeed “wife material.” You call all your friends and family. Showed your ring to anyone that will look at the damn thing. He’s finally ready and you’ve been ready, then nothing. You try to talk about setting a date, but he just says “We have time baby, let’s just enjoy it.” Nothing has changed. He’s still doing the things he did to hurt you. He still puts the discussion off. Then it hits you…he only proposed to shut you the f*ck up.
Ladies, some men use the engagement ring as a temporary lock box. If he pulls a ring out and places it on your finger you will shut your trap and poof no more nagging. You will be so much in glee showing the rock off that you won’t bother him for you while. It’s a technique a lot of guys use. Yea he proposed to you, that doesn’t really mean he intends to marry you. Hell it’s probably a recycled ring he used with another bitch, he’s just letting you hold it to create peace and quiet in the household. The thing is that some people men and women use marriage as a mean to resolve all their issues. If you had issues before he proposed, getting married won’t change shit about your situation other than make it legal. Women seem to think marriage will change a man. A man changes when he’s ready to change. If you married a cheater thinking that he won’t cheat again, girl you a damn fool. If a man is serious about taking that step into commitment you will know it. If he’s just saying pretty shit to make you feel like he ain’t about games, you will know it but chances are you will ignore it. Some men realize a woman’s weak spot and if you aren’t careful he will take advantage of it.
So be smart about it ladies. If you feel he only proposed to make you hush call his bluff. If he isn’t serious as he says he is he will try to find the quickest way to end the relationship. Why would you want to marry a man that doesn’t even want to marry you?
Holla at me: Fellas, have you ever proposed to someone just to get her off your back?
Last night I watched this show on TVOne called “Love Addiction.” I’ve watched the show a few times and I judged these people that decided to bear their souls, hearts and tears for the whole world to see. I really didn’t like the show because it really made people look stupid as hell. When I watched last night’s episode I realized that the show didn’t make these folks looked stupid, the lack of love did. Love or the lack of it can make you look stupid on the outside every day, but it’s not televised for the world to see.
For me watching people that have been where I’ve been once in my life looked odd, because now I see how I may have looked to the people around me. So on last night’s episode a young lady was in a one-sided “relationship.” The guy she was head over heels in love with told her straight out that she’s not his girl. He doesn’t believe in labels/relationships. She lived in denial and thought that he really loved her, when he clearly showed that he doesn’t at all. She’s convinced herself she’s in a relationship, but because he doesn’t “believe” in titles she lets it slide. How many times have we been seeing someone and we’re acting like we’re in a relationship but because things are complicated in the other person’s life things can’t be exclusive? We sometimes tend to settle and play the waiting game, but how long is the wait? No matter how much we try to tell ourselves things will get better, they never do. If you’re with someone and giving them everything you would in a relationship, why would they want to be in one? They’re already experiencing the relationship without the commitment of one.
In these kind of relationships sometimes you try to make yourself feel less of an idiot and explain to others that your just “living in the moment.” When deep down you feel unsure and don’t understand how you ended up in that kind of situation. Feelings are a powerful thing, but when you deserve more but given less you tend to question every last ounce of your situation. Nothing seems genuine enough. You start to question their actual intentions. You wonder what is it about you that makes him/her not want to claim you. These are common questions that fill your mind. You allow yourself to settle for the little things that you’re getting. Someone to cuddle with once or twice a week. Someone who texts you every so often to see how your doing. These kind of scenarios can drive you mad. Why buy the cow when his ass is getting the milk for free with little to no effort? This truly happens to a lot of women. We see the potential in someone and we choose to stay. A man sees what he’s lacking in life and he chooses to not complicate it more than it already is with a relationship. We give them the privilege, but they give us the little attention just enough to keep us at bay but not enough to complicate things.
In my honest opinion sometimes this is just an excuse on his part to keep his options open. While he’s technically ”single” and mingling all over the place, you decide not to focus on anyone else because you’re right where you want to be. He’s doing his thing and your waiting on him to do the right thing. You can either stay and wait until God knows when, or you can decide that you deserve to be in a reciprocated relationship. In something with someone that calls you his girlfriend rather than his friend. That kisses you like you matter. Someone who can lay in bed holding without expecting sex. Someone who can look at you and tell you “you’re the person I want to be with.” That’s a relationship…with more than a label. That’s love!
Do you have your snatch on restriction? There is no one entering in and out of the premises because it’s your choice. Celibacy seems to be the new thing. Hell I’ve tried celibacy about 2 years ago and I started again and it’s almost been a year for me. This life just isn’t for everyone, but I do think it’s something that changes your life once you decide to do it. Actress Megan Good recently revealed that she’s celibate because of her commitment to God. Now some of you might not believe it because she’s basically been type cast as a hoe in Hollywood. All her roles got her dressing, walking and acting like a natural born hoe, but she made her commitment and says she’s sticking to it. Even newly engaged supermodel Jessica White practiced celibacy. Even going as far as to say the man that she was currently involved with respects her decision and she won’t give that part of herself until marriage. Many women are joining the celibacy sistahood and removing their snatches from the equation. Some may say celibacy is the new in thing to say, that it makes you look deep and shit. Others say celibacy is a higher level of yourself, you’re committed to what you believe and what you deserve.
I’ve been with my daughter’s father for over 7yrs now. When I met him he had a 8 month old son and told me that he was no longer with his child’s mother. We have a 4yr old daughter. I’ve never seen his son and nor has my daughter. He doesn’t allow his family to come around our daughter or even to call her. I don’t know where he lives or any family members. I had to put him in child support court to get him to help me with my daughter and he hasn’t paid in awhile. He has never been to any of her birthday parties and hasn’t been around for any other holiday. I know that he is in the street but I feel that he uses that as an excuse to cover up his b.s. i only see him once a week if that and if I’m flooding he doesn’t show up.
Am I the only person that notices when two people who have been together for years finally get married, they get divorced right after? The second they walk down the aisle they realize that the other person really ain’t shit. It’s like marriage destroyed their relationships. There are so many couples that come from a common law relationship, that decide to make it “legal” and they shit doesn’t work out. Can someone explain this to me? What makes people change once they say “I do”? Is it the ring? The marriage license? Or do people realize that they’re are finally in it “forever”? I’m starting to believe it’s better to stay life companions than being lifetime spouses?
I have a really big problem with grown ass men still acting like they’re still in there teens. There are some things that your ass need to let go of. I’ve come across men that look grown but act even more childish than my3 year old God son. I understand feelings zestfully youthful is what everyone strives for, but at some point you need to grow up and take care of your responsibilities. A woman can’t handle a grown f*cking man-boy. Ladies, if you continue to put up with his shit his ass won’t see any problem in what he’s doing because you’re condoning it. I’ve come up with my own list of things that I think men need to let go. Hell you’re in your 30′s now…grow the f*ck up!
Photo by: LWA/Stephen Welstead
Ladies, never underestimate a faker. Just when you thought he couldn’t be anymore of an ass he surprises you with being a huge douche. You may not be aware of this, but there are some men out here that have no problem faking relationships. When I say men are relationship fakers I mean…they pretend to be in relationships with women just to have someone around. Hell who doesn’t want to have sex on a regular basis or have someone come over and cook you dinner? Come to think of it some women do it too, but we aren’t talking about them right now.
Just like women, men have no idea what the hell they want. Men say they want to find a woman that they can settle down with, but when they find a woman that matches what they want they head for the hills of Arabia. I assume something clicks in their mind and they come to the conclusion that they need time to “think” before they decide to settle down with their “baby”. KneeGrow Please!! Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with someone thinking things out before they make a big step, but exactly what is the woman you love suppose to do? Wait? Some men would actually think there is no problem with her waiting. Look let me tell you what I learned; when a man thinks, he doesn’t.