Ask VI~Confused About Love

Hi,

I really love your advice. Any who I have been talking to this guy for a few years. We dated before and things didn’t really work out. We decided that we would just break up and work on a relationship sometime in the future. We lost our virginity to each other and we’ve kinda been inseparable, even though I have had other boyfriends and he has had other girlfriends since  our break up. I have still been having sex with him through out this period of time too, should I stop, am I wrong for having sex with him still?
I want to start on a relationship with him now and I don’t know if he’s  on the same page as me right now. I love him with everything in me and I’d hate to see him taken out of my life by someone else. What should I do how do I make him mine?
Sincerely,

Confused About Love

Dear CAL, 

Why didn’t the relationship work the first time? In my opinion you’re beating a dead horse. In my mind if you two were to try a relationship again in the future why haven’t you? It may be the fact that he’s getting all the benefits of being with you without the relationship part. Like the old saying goes “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” He’s getting the goodies without putting in the effort. If he wanted to get back together I think he would have said it by now. You’re basically doing this backward. If you want to see if a relationship can work let him know and see where his head is at. If he’s down for the relationship work on that. If he gives you an excuse as to why a relationship can’t happen right now take that as a sign boo. It’s not as deep to him as it is to you. Then you can choose to continue giving him the cooch or not. Whatever the outcome all you can do is accept it and try to move on. Sex can keep a man’s attention but for so long. 

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Ask V.I.~I’m Confused And I Don’t Know If I Should Be…

Dear VI,

I would like your opinion on my situation. I am a 25 year old woman who is currently in love with a 21 year old guy. We attend the same college and have mutual friends. Initially I did not like this guy as we could not get along at all. Strangely enough we both engaged in a “friends with benefits” relationship although I am not quite sure how that happened seeing as we weren’t even friends to begin with.
Anyways the sex started off a little bad because I was celibate for over a year and he was way beyond average, eventually it became great! Now I know the cliche of women falling for men with the good dick and how friends with benefits never work out so I prepped myself for all that. Outside of sex nothing changed about us we still argued and all that.

My situation now is I do not know if he likes me or not. When we first started out we had rules, no emotional attachment, no making love, no kissing, no oral sex. One by one we broke those rules. He said he doesn’t go down on a girl unless he likes them and he did it to me more than once (I never asked). Is it me reading too much into it or does it mean something?

We had a talk one day and he said that he doesn’t like anyone right now, he has no time for a relationship he wants to focus on school. I know when a guy says something he usually means it but sometimes they put on fronts, I have no idea if this was one of them as his actions are opposite from what he says. What should I do? move on? I think about him all the time and what makes it worse is that his best friend and I are good friends so every time she hangs out with him and I am there I get butterflies. I am too old for this fling shit, I just don’t want to give up on something that could possible go somewhere but I don’t want to waste my time either. Help please?

Confused as hell

Dear CAH,

You got hit by the dick. That is the messed up part of a “just sex” relationship, it always ends up more than sex for at least one of the parties involved. You violated the rules of the fuck buddy code and ol boy can sense the change. He already gave you the forewarning that he ain’t about that relationship life, so don’t expect it to change cause you done caught feelings. Nothing good comes from these types of relationship, trust me girl I know all too well. 

You said you two established rules for your situation, once two people start fucking on a regular the rules tend to break because of the comfort level. Now he may have always liked you, but because it was already established as a just sex relationship the feelings may have been pushed to the back. I don’t know, but I don’t see this going the way you want it to go. Now you can do one of two things: You can either tell him how you feel and check his temperature about the whole situation or you can keep your shit to yourself and keep on loving the dick. If you tell him and he says he’s not interested in you in that way, your sexual relationship needs to end. If you get all inside your feelings and he doesn’t reciprocate then you will feel like shit every time ya’ll have sex. You’ll feel used, so it makes no sense to continue. If you don’t say shit, every time the dick enters you will fall deeper and deeper in love. Or maybe you can try this, leave him alone. If you two are all wrong for each other and you just simply can’t get involved with him, the dick games ain’t worth it. Cut your loses and move on. 

In my opinion the best thing for you to do is  discuss it with him. We as women always assume we can read a man’s mind. We know what they’re thinking without asking them what their thinking. We are all guilty of that. Just have an honest discussion with him and based off of his answer you will know how this thing will go. Don’t sucker yourself with a just sex relationship knowing you want more. 

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

 

 

Ask V.I.~ I Think My Vagina Is Spoiled

Dear V.I.,

About a year after I graduated from high school, I had sex with someone I knew from school… I mean since elementary. The first couple of times it really wasn’t that great.  I have to say probably at the bottom of my list. We stopped talking for about year and then I moved away to another state.

I came back after about another year and ran into him again. We starting having sex again. The sex was definitely a lot better than I remember from the first times, fun and a little more spontaneous. Not quite great though. We stopped talking again, I think we were mutually bored. About another year passed and yet again I ran into him. We started having sex again, but this time it was so much better than before.

For about a year and a half the more sex we had the better it was. I mean multiple screaming orgasms and the head was ridiculous. I don’t even have words to describe how great it was. Herein lies the problem, the last couple of times we had sex I started catching feelings for him and I knew he could tell. The sex was still good but a little different. It eventually affected the overall performance and we had to stop talking. He’s not an option for dating (very immature) and other than sex we had nothing in common. I’ve gotten over the feelings for him, but the sex was so good it ‘s affecting my sex life now. Nothing and no one is measuring up to my heightened expectations. I fear my sex life is going to be disappointing from here on in. I want to be able to have good sex with other people. Did I get spoiled? What should I do?

Sexless In The City

Dear SITC,

Yea you sprung on that dip stick. The good sex got your lady parts confused. The problem that you’re having is that your searching for someone to give you the same feeling or better. In that case your siking yourself out. You’re not allowing yourself to enjoy it because you’re trying to see if they can do it like he does it. You will continue to be disappointed in the bedroom if you constantly have his long stroke on the brain. With sex there is always a hit or miss. Sometimes you get the nut and sometimes you don’t. That’s the funny thing about sex is if you allow yourself to enjoy it, you might find something more than just a great piece of ass.

If you’re trying to get into a relationship it won’t happen if you continue to restrict your mind. I say when you meet someone who you’re really interested in don’t jump into bed so quickly. I’m not saying that you do that, but I think if you really get to know someone you will be surprised at what might happen. I really believe that feelings make sex better. Hell that’s what happened to you. You started catching feelings and the sex became even more amazing. Allow someone to get into your mind first before you give him your candy cane. It seems that your candy cane is searching for something that your mind won’t allow.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!