Ask V.I.~He Made Me His Girlfriend, Then Took It Back

father and sons

Hi VI,

So I started dating a full-time single Dad of a 2yr old. In the beginning it was great then he put a label on it making me his gf.  Then he starred pulling away and when I would complain we never found anytime for me (weekdays weren’t good cause if the kid.. Daycare etc.   But weekends he wanted to just chill and have alone time) he freaked our saying I was pressuring him, overwhelming him it was too much. I’m a pretty easy-going chick so when I say complain I mean “hey babe am I going to see you this weekend “  Finally I had enough of being a gf of convenience and ended it but remained friends..which turned into a booty call or so I thought.  Yes we had sex and lots of it (more than we had in the 2 months we were together combined) but we talked hung out laughed and during the talk he said this was better no pressure and didn’t want to stop seeing me.  He doesn’t want to see or fuck anyone else either.     So my question is.. Did the label gf/bf really freak him out even though he pushed for it  and introduced me to his family and why?  And even if you remove the label but we’re exclusive isn’t that the same thing?

 Confused and Sexually Satisfied

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Pay Attention To The Red Flags In Dating

couple arguing

Listen here, when it comes to dating ya’ll better pay attention to the signs. If you see or hear something that doesn’t seem right, get the hell out of the way. When it comes to dating we tend to let shit slide. We are so nervous that we “miss our blessings” that we overlook shit that need to be looked at. I’ve become a firm believer of “the signs.” If you gather enough red flags it’s the universe telling you this shit ain’t for you. There are some of us that bypass these obvious flags for other reasons. Maybe it’s loneliness, love or just plain ol physical attraction; if you bypass these red flags can you get mad when the shit doesn’t work out in the end?

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What Are Your Relationship Resolutions for 2014?

couple in bed

 

Another year has come and gone and it’s about time you finally realized you’re doing the same thing over and over when it comes to relationships. You viewed every man you meet as ain’t shit and you spent the majority of 2013 drinking wine complaining to your girlfriends how men out here just can’t do right. Yep you’re the issue girl. The sooner you realize that the better. You continuously allow the same man to get into your head each and every time. Sure they may look different, but you go after the same assholes that don’t know their ass from their elbows. They’re into the thrill of the chase and when they catch you they throw you back like in the ocean like Nemo. It’s all on you. You pick em then surprised that they’re full of it. It’s time you do something different. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. If you constantly go for “what you know” you’re gonna get exactly that. The same ain’t shit situation that leaves you downing glasses of Moscato while you sit at home on Friday nights watching episodes of “Say Yes To The Dress”. It’s a new year, it’s time for a new outlook. What are you willing to change in 2014? What are your relationship resolutions?

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Do Modern Day Marriages Still Last A Lifetime?

I love when black relationships takes that next step into black marriage. It’s a beautiful thing when you see two people who love each other walk down the aisle in bliss. The thing that I’ve noticed is that some marriages nowadays have such a short shelf life. Everything is peaches and cream in the beginning, but when wedding ends and the last guest leaves it all goes to hell. The marriage actually starts these fools can’t seem to make shit work. Is it that folks are “falling so deep in like” with people they think they can tolerate? Are they using marriage as a way to repair their already bullshit relationship? Has marriage become the in thing to do even if it’s with the wrong person? Does a lifetime now consist of 5 years tops?

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Is There Such A Thing As Too Many Options?

woman-surrounded-by-men

In this day and age can a girl have too many options? Let’s face it, dating in 2013 is few and far between. Maybe in a year’s time you meet about 2-3 ok guys. You go out, try to get to know them and it always ends up the same; he’s on some other bullshit and you don’t have the time for that mess. So you continue living your carefree life until bam…you meet someone. Then you meet someone else. You leave your options open so much to the point you have about 4 men trying to get your attention and your head is spinning with all the options you now have and frankly it’s driving you bonkers. Why is it that too many options cloud your emotions? Is there such a thing as too many options in dating?

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“You’re Too Nice” When Being The Nice Guy Isn’t Easy

rejection

 

We’ve all heard the saying “Nice guys finish last” but why do they always finish last? Last time I checked there was nothing threatening about a nice guy. These were the men that liked you for who you were, and would go to the ends of the earth to show you that he’s after your heart nothing else. Some women tend to look at these men as “too nice” to the point it’s sorta creepy. They either think all men have an ulterior motive, they don’t deserve to be treated better than they’ve previously  experienced or they’re addicted to the drama of a relationship. If the relationship has no drama it’s not a relationship worth having. One thing I want to focus on is the women who don’t think they deserve a good guy. They don’t feel like there is someone out there that really wants them in that way. They get scared and chase the nice guy away because they don’t feel they’re good enough to measure up. Being a nice guy isn’t easy, but being a girl that doesn’t think she deserves better is worse.

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The Worst Date Ever In The History of Dating

worst-date-ever

 

Dating has got to be the hardest fuck shit ever in the history of fuck shit. I mean there’s nothing wrong with dating, but the whole first date situation can be tricky. The entire getting to know each other over the phone is cute, but it isn’t until you meet in person that you really see the crust of a motherfucker. I’ve been on a few dates in my years of dating, but never had a horrible first date…until tonight. Dating can be a hit or miss and tonight that shit missed me completely. Catch the tea. 

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Letting Go In Order To Let Someone In

letting go

One of the hardest things to do is move on from someone who you once had those strong feelings. Trust me honey, been there done that. As everyone will tell you, the only thing that can help you heal is time. Time heals, but as time goes by sometimes we hold on to tight to the memory of what was than moving on to what your present can be. The thing about memories is we tend to hold on to the hurtful ones and not appreciate the great ones for what they were. Can you finally let go of someone who’s emotionally holding you back?  Can you move pass the hurt of your last relationship to let someone new into the picture?

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Is It Ok To Date A Friend’s Ex Even If They’re Ok With It?

couple-toasting-at-bar

 

This question has come up time and time again. Is it ok to date a friend’s ex even if your friend didn’t have an issue with it? Some people have said that there should be a “code” among friends that should prevent the other from even going down that road. Then on the other side you have others saying if “the relationship didn’t work out, there is a chemistry between the two and there is no love lost with your friend and her ex… so why  not?”  Something like this can break up a pleasant friendship, but I think every situation is different. Here are a few instances where I think dating an ex of a friend might not be such a bad thing.

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Ask V.I.~ The Girl I’m Dating Was a Porn Star, But Never Told Me

sexy black model

Hi V.I., 

I need your advice. So I just found out this chick I have been dating for about a month used to be a porn star. Don’t ask how I found out, I’ll let you guess. I’m not talking about someone who did a homemade movie or two…she was a porn star, her name comes up on most porn sites and she is on the cover of a couple of dvds. I’m almost positive that it’s the past but should I bring it up that I know? Should I be mad she never told me? Should I wait for her to tell me? Should I even take her serious and keep dating her? What would you do?

Dating A Porn Star

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