I swear some people just jump into other relationships for the shear purpose of not being alone. You get into another relationship claiming your over your last, but on the low you’re still jumping into your ex’s bed. There is no way you can move forward if your vagina is still stuck on the former tenant. Getting over a past relationship is a very emotional task. Love can’t just go away because you’re no longer capable of being involved with that person. Things like that take time. The issue is getting involved in another relationship while you’re still emotionally torn is just plain ol messy. Why would you allow yourself to hurt someone who has nothing to do with your drama, when you know good and damn well the past isn’t really the past?
I always wonder about goes through a man’s mind when it comes to relationships. Do they even care as much as women do? As the clock ticks and the years go by do they look back on the choices they made in past relationships and wish they did it differently? How has age affected them and are they ok and content with the state of their lives now that they’re no longer 20 something? I decided to interview 5 guys in various states of relationships. I asked a series of 8 questions and it’s interesting to read the answers. The faces have been protected for obvious reasons…I don’t want ya’ll to see your man’s face and get mad and shit.
1. How long have you been married, and do you feel like you married the right woman?
Approaching 11 years. When I popped the question, I knew it! Now… it’s questionable. And it’s mutual. We both have at times questioned whether we married the “right” person. Over time, some things change… people change… and also… they don’t. You marry a person for who they are at that point in time. Depending on that point in life, they may be settled into the person they are eventually going to be, or they may still be developing into that person. And you either expect that they will remain the person you married (because you think they are just PERFECT!) or you expect that there will be growth because you see room for improvement (because you feel the love you have is stronger than the fact that they are NOT PERFECT). Or there could be a combination of both. But nobody’s perfect so (in the words that err body like to use today) “At the end of the day” , you just have to decide if it’s worth sticking it out whether they are exactly “right” or not.
2. As a man of a particular age in a marriage, do some of the same issues you experienced while dating still come up in your marriage?
Maybe a little, but not really… marriage brings along it’s own set of issues that supersede the dating issues.
3. As you get older are you a little less tolerant to drama within your relationship?
By the DAY!! And it’s more than just a little. No man ever wants to deal with drama in the relationship in the first place(contrary to popular belief), so whatever drama he puts up with in the beginning needs to decrease as time in the relationship goes on. It should be like the interest on an amortized loan where it dwindles over time.
4. What’s keeping your marriage going? The genuine love we have for each other.
5. What do you think a women need to understand about men before they decide to walk down the aisle?
Women need to understand that they can’t look for a man to fit into their life, they need to decide if they can fit into his life and not loose herself. Ladies, you can NOT change a REAL man so stop trying. If this nigga ain’t already 90% of what you want in a man, he ain’t the one and you can’t make him the one.
6. As you look back on life were there any women from your past that you wish you had done things differently?
Yes, but that is a very open ended question. I could go many ways with that one. HA!
7. If you had the opportunity to give your 20 year old self advice about life and relationships, what would it be?
It would be to wait even longer than I did before deciding to get married. Going along with what I said in #1, the older you get the more you settle into who you are going to be. Over time you come to realize things that you really need or don’t need in your relationship. The younger you are, the more chance there is for those things to change and/or develop. This is how it’s possible for people to wake up one day in a long term relationship and realize they don’t know the person they are in the relationship with. But this doesn’t mean you won’t end up with the same person because if it was meant to be it would be, just without all the growing pains that could sour what would have been so sweet.
8. Do you think age and experience played a major role in the man you are today? Why or Why Not?
But of course! Age and experience are the best teachers. You live and you learn(hopefully!). “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ~Muhammad Ali
You’ve been asked out on a date by the guy you’ve had your eye on for a while. Not only is he attractive; he’s funny, a great conversationalist and his his voice makes parts of your body tingle with excitement. The first date was so magical he asks you out on a second. While on the second date the nervousness subsides and you start having more personal conversation. In the middle of getting to know each other better he hits you with something you never expected. Mr. Too Good To Be True tells you that he actually has a roommate Not just any roommate…A Female Roommate. Where do you take it from there? Do you continue seeing this man who seems to be everything you wanted or do you automatically count him out because he has everyday access to possible live-in snatch?
Listen here, when it comes to dating ya’ll better pay attention to the signs. If you see or hear something that doesn’t seem right, get the hell out of the way. When it comes to dating we tend to let shit slide. We are so nervous that we “miss our blessings” that we overlook shit that need to be looked at. I’ve become a firm believer of “the signs.” If you gather enough red flags it’s the universe telling you this shit ain’t for you. There are some of us that bypass these obvious flags for other reasons. Maybe it’s loneliness, love or just plain ol physical attraction; if you bypass these red flags can you get mad when the shit doesn’t work out in the end?
I love when black relationships takes that next step into black marriage. It’s a beautiful thing when you see two people who love each other walk down the aisle in bliss. The thing that I’ve noticed is that some marriages nowadays have such a short shelf life. Everything is peaches and cream in the beginning, but when wedding ends and the last guest leaves it all goes to hell. The marriage actually starts these fools can’t seem to make shit work. Is it that folks are “falling so deep in like” with people they think they can tolerate? Are they using marriage as a way to repair their already bullshit relationship? Has marriage become the in thing to do even if it’s with the wrong person? Does a lifetime now consist of 5 years tops?
In this day and age can a girl have too many options? Let’s face it, dating in 2013 is few and far between. Maybe in a year’s time you meet about 2-3 ok guys. You go out, try to get to know them and it always ends up the same; he’s on some other bullshit and you don’t have the time for that mess. So you continue living your carefree life until bam…you meet someone. Then you meet someone else. You leave your options open so much to the point you have about 4 men trying to get your attention and your head is spinning with all the options you now have and frankly it’s driving you bonkers. Why is it that too many options cloud your emotions? Is there such a thing as too many options in dating?