Do you ever think back on your childhood? Think about all the things you wanted to accomplish when you become an adult? Now that you’re an adult you realized that the majority of the things you were passionate about, just went out the window? I realized at a certain age what we had dreams of being slowly goes out the window when we enter real-life adulthood. As kids we knew what we wanted out of life, but as adults we just do what we have to do to survive and put those childhood dreams on the back burner. Yesterday someone asked me “You ever wondered what the kid version of yourself would say about you now?” I sat and thought about that long and hard and I know the wide-eyed dreamer of my former self would kick my ass if she knew that the adult me renigged on all the great shit she wanted to be without even trying.

As kids we show so much passion when it comes to something we love. It could be something as simple as playing a musical instrument or even sports. We eat, breath and lived for these things. Then the older we get we get complacent with life. We don’t follow our passions. I think deep down we get a little afraid to fail or we just chuck it all to childhood daydreaming. What if the one thing you desired to do never worked out? That’s when I think many of us give up and just do the norm. My dream was very simple. I wanted to be a rapper, producer, choreographer, actress and a writer. I wanted to move to NYC and pursue my dreams. Sure it sounds like some shit out of Coming to America, but I was passionate about all these things as a child. Now I work…. that’s it. I work because I have to. I’m not passionate about the job. I’m passionate that I can pay my rent every month. As kids we don’t know what can happen when we actually do become adults. We can’t wait to grow up because we think “When I grow up I can do anything I want.” Sure you can drink till your liver turns black and stay out as late as you want, but you realize you did more fun shit at 12 than you do at 32. Our kid version would be shaking their heads at us right now if they knew what  we have become…BORING ASS ADULTS.

So is it that we’ve let ourselves down once we’ve gotten older; or is it that the kids who we once were have no concept on what actually being a grown up is like? Either way the life that we imagined for ourselves doesn’t always happen the way we thought. With growth comes responsibilities. Sometimes I wish I can go back to when I was a kid and talk to her and let her know that being an adult isn’t always about shits and giggles. To remember that the dreams and aspirations that she has as a kid is something to be cherished because sometimes life doesn’t go the way you want it to. I would tell her stop trying to rush her age and enjoy being just a kid. I would also tell her ass what dudes to stay away from and shit, but I digress. If the kids we were knew exactly how challenging adulthood was they would probably cut us a little slack, or maybe they would tell us we’re not living at our full potentials and we’re just being lazy. You know how blunt these damn kids are nowadays.

Holla at me: Do you think the kid version of you would approve or disapprove on your life today?

Dear V.I.,

About a year after I graduated from high school, I had sex with someone I knew from school… I mean since elementary. The first couple of times it really wasn’t that great.  I have to say probably at the bottom of my list. We stopped talking for about year and then I moved away to another state.

I came back after about another year and ran into him again. We starting having sex again. The sex was definitely a lot better than I remember from the first times, fun and a little more spontaneous. Not quite great though. We stopped talking again, I think we were mutually bored. About another year passed and yet again I ran into him. We started having sex again, but this time it was so much better than before.

For about a year and a half the more sex we had the better it was. I mean multiple screaming orgasms and the head was ridiculous. I don’t even have words to describe how great it was. Herein lies the problem, the last couple of times we had sex I started catching feelings for him and I knew he could tell. The sex was still good but a little different. It eventually affected the overall performance and we had to stop talking. He’s not an option for dating (very immature) and other than sex we had nothing in common. I’ve gotten over the feelings for him, but the sex was so good it ‘s affecting my sex life now. Nothing and no one is measuring up to my heightened expectations. I fear my sex life is going to be disappointing from here on in. I want to be able to have good sex with other people. Did I get spoiled? What should I do?

Sexless In The City

Dear SITC,

Yea you sprung on that dip stick. The good sex got your lady parts confused. The problem that you’re having is that your searching for someone to give you the same feeling or better. In that case your siking yourself out. You’re not allowing yourself to enjoy it because you’re trying to see if they can do it like he does it. You will continue to be disappointed in the bedroom if you constantly have his long stroke on the brain. With sex there is always a hit or miss. Sometimes you get the nut and sometimes you don’t. That’s the funny thing about sex is if you allow yourself to enjoy it, you might find something more than just a great piece of ass.

If you’re trying to get into a relationship it won’t happen if you continue to restrict your mind. I say when you meet someone who you’re really interested in don’t jump into bed so quickly. I’m not saying that you do that, but I think if you really get to know someone you will be surprised at what might happen. I really believe that feelings make sex better. Hell that’s what happened to you. You started catching feelings and the sex became even more amazing. Allow someone to get into your mind first before you give him your candy cane. It seems that your candy cane is searching for something that your mind won’t allow.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Hi V.I.,

I just started recently dating this guy and I’m head over heels for him. We love the same things, have great conversation and have the same goals in life. When I met him I wasn’t interested in getting involved with anyone, but he just won me over. Now that we’re getting really close, I’m afraid to reveal something about myself. I’m a porn star! I started doing porn 2 years ago while in college and I’ve managed to have a very good career out of it. It was just suppose to be something I did to survive through college life, but I honestly love the money that I make so stopping right now is not an option.

The thing is, how do I tell him? He asked me what I did for a living and I told him I’m a model. Technically I’m not lying because I did a few photo shoots for the job. Most guys can’t handle my lifestyle, that’s why I’ve been single for so long. This is a really good guy and I’m afraid if I tell him I’ll scare him away.  What should I do?

Porn Star in Love

Dear PSIL,

Girl, you’re in a pickle. If you really like this guy the only thing I know you would need to do is tell him. I know it’s gonna be hard and there is a strong possibility he can’t deal with it, but it’s better to tell him than finding out another way. Just imagine if you two really get hot and heavy and his homeboy’s end up telling him they saw a porno starring YOU, you know he’s gonna go ape shit on you right? It’s truly better that it comes from you than someone else. In every truth does come a risk. If you do tell him and he decides that he can’t be with you, then you’re gonna lose a great guy. If you don’t tell him and he finds out your probably gonna face hell when he confronts you. It’s better to get everything out in the open before things get that serious.

I’m not saying that all men watch porn, but are you that popular that he may have seen one of your flicks? I know some porn stars look totally different once they’re dressed down. I’m just trying to find out if there is a chance he knows who you are. Now if you do tell him and he gives you an ultimatum, you now have another problem. You said the money is too good for you to stop right now, but if he wants you to stop will you rather risk losing him over money?  That’s something to also think about.

So my advice is tell him what’s going on. Don’t hide something as big as this from him because if he finds out you will forever have trust issues in your relationship. Hell you probably won’t have a relationship left.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

So last night was the second episode of “The Game” and I must say I was gravely disappointed. I KNEW BET WAS GONNA F*CK THIS SHOW UP. The first episode was ok, but this episode was pure bullshit. I can rant and rave about how much I don’t like BET and how everything they touch turns into straight cat piss, but I’m not going to go there right now. I’m gonna keep my word and run down episode 2 in case you missed it. FYI…These are gonna be short and sweet because BET decided to cut the show to 30 damn mins.

Tasha “Kelly punked my ass” Mack &Kelly “Tasha is my bitch” Pitts

So Tasha apparently is so traumatized that Kelly is gonna beat her ass again, that she’s even dreaming about Kelly stalking her. The next thing you know Tasha and Kelly are sitting at a table and Tasha apologizing to Kelly telling her how “hating” black women are of white women. Then Kelly’s ass tells Tasha “Well your people are very emotional, but I accept your apology”. All this time the camera crew for Kelly’s reality show is filming the whole thing.

Aint this some bullshit? So you mean to tell me Tasha M.A.C.K went on camera and say some shit like that? Come on. This doesn’t even seem right. It seems like they’ve made Tasha a little punk since Kelly knocked her out two years ago. And you mean to tell me that little stunt with “white women sho is better than us negros” squashed whatever beef Tasha and Kelly had between them? Who in da f*ck does BET have writing this show? The Klu Klux Klan???

Again, I really don’t like the direction they took the characters. I know they were trying to come hard since the show was canceled and picked up after 2 years, but damn son.

Melanie & Derwin

Tasha and Melanie find themselves over at Mel’s house, because she had something to tell them. Of course the cameras were following them and Mel didn’t want them in the house for the bomb she was about to drop. Kelly said if they were topless the station couldn’t film them, so they all got topless. *Blank stare* Are you friggin jiving me? Do you know they did that whole scene topless? Like who does shit like that?

Melanie is still holding onto the fact that DJ is Derwin’s baby and she’s too afraid to tell him. Derwin is just talking about how Jenay looked at him like BooBoo the fool when he asked about the paternity and Mel tried to justify why Jenay might have messed up. The next thing you know Jenay knocks on the door and as Derwin goes to open the door Mel blurts out that the baby is his and she was too afraid to tell him. I’ve never seen so much rage in Derwin’s eyes before. Of course he punched the wall again. I guess this is what’s going to happen in every episode now.

Derwin finally opens the door and Jenay comes in swinging…not literally. Jenay gives him the paternity info and told him she’s gonna take his ass for child support. You wanna deny your son, then I gotta protect my child. She’s gonna take him and Mel to the cleaners and you know what…even though I don’t like her she has a damn right.

Jason Pitts

Jason is finally out! The Sabers got rid of Jason and he’s upset that his boys Malik and Derwin never told him about it. He’s one of the new host of a sports show and Jason is BITTER. Jason is so bitter he calls out his boy Malik as having a bunch of STD’s from all the chicks he’s been screwing. He also said that Derwin will be out because of his knee or something like that. Hell I don’t remember. That’s how lack luster the scene was to me.

Malik came to the station to cuss Jason out and told him it wasn’t cool of him to call him out on national tv…even though the shit was true. Then Derwin runs in talking about Mel lied about him not being the father and he’s done with the marriage. In an odd twist Jason tells Derwin to divorce her while Malik is telling him this is all his fault. Although Malik is a arrogant idiot this is the first time I ever heard Malik give anyone sound advice. Malik told Derwin he was wrong for not getting paternity in the first place. The fact that he’s a celebrity is more cause to check these things before you start claiming chil’lens.  Although he’s an ass Malik is kinda right.  Derwin decides to make his marriage work on his terms. I hope it works because frankly that shit isn’t gonna work.

The one comical scene was when Jason was singing his song “The Dip and Pitts”. That shit was the most wackest, funniest bullshit buffoonery I ever seen a light skin man ever do. The crowd looked at him like he just farted and everyone smelt it. He was so embarrassed he walked out on his own party. It’s so sad because Jason is miserable right now. I hope Jason and Kelly get back together because as single people they don’t like themselves that much.

Malik Wright

HAD NO INTERESTING STORY LINE. I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR TEE TEE TO BEAT HIS ASS, WHICH I KNOW WON’T HAPPEN.

All in all I was so disappointed in BET. It’s like they changed everything with the show we all grew to love. Hell the acting isn’t even the same, the laugh track hardly laughs and the camera looks like one of those soap opera cameras. It doesn’t even look like a sitcom. I know they kept some of the former writers, but I think the thrill is gone. We fought so hard for this show to come back and I am so sorry to say, but I see this staying on air for 2 seasons. The story lines suck and they’re trying to cram everything in one episode. There is no suspense…no nothing. Let’s see what episode 3 brings…but I already see myself cussing again this time next week. Be on the look out.

So last night I was watching my usual Monday night shows and “Let’s talk about Pep” comes on. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, it’s about Pepa (from Salt -n- Pepa) dishing with her girlfriends about men and dating.  Basically, it’s the black boojee/hood women’s Sex in the City. So I was watching the show and one of Pep’s friends Jacque starting discussing her dating downfalls. Jacque is that typical woman that is ready to settle down and instantly start a family. She’s professional and has no time for the game of bullshit. The issue is every time she meets someone, she searches for at least one thing she considers negative and immediately pushes the guy away. This is such a common issue when it comes to women. We say we’re looking for a good thing, but run when it potentially presents itself to us.

I know so many women that do this shit on a regular basis. Hell, even I’ve tried to find something wrong with a man so I can say “He’s not the one”. Sometimes I don’t think women intentionally do this, I think we just get scared of any positive possibilities. If we meet someone and the vibe is right and we feel good about it, we immediately start second guessing it. We start to think that something has got to be off with him. So we start digging and digging to find anything we can. I dated a guy and everything was clicking. We had fun together, we could talk about anything and we just enjoyed each other’s company. We seemed to be on the same page and that’s when I started to doubt it. Things about him just started bothering me. When he called I no longer got that O.M.G feeling. The shit turned into “Why the hell is he blowing up my phone”? The thing that really started getting on my nerves was this mole on his neck. I guess I never really paid attention to it, but it seems like every time I was with him the shit was getting bigger. I started feelings grossed out. I was developing flaws in mind just so I can have a reason to end it. I got scared and tried to find an out. I was too scared to get my heart broken if I went all in with him. That’s the major issue!!! Due to our pasts we’re too scared to move into the future.

Bottom line, women know what they want but are afraid when the shit finally slaps them in the face. We focus on 1 negative and disregard all the positives. Of course everyone is afraid of getting their hearts broken, but pushing away someone just because of your fears can only leave you lonely. I’m not saying women shouldn’t have standards. If a guy tells me he has 4 kids by different woman with one on the way, his ass is out the door. Too much drama waiting to happen. If a man is open and honest and tells me about his past and has learned and grown from it, I shouldn’t push him to the side because of it. I won’t judge some one’s past if it’s now made them a better person. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind. Boo, how can you judge folk when your ass ain’t Mother Teresa? Not everyone is perfect, but breaking down our own walls can be so beneficial in the long run. Don’t let the possibility of disappointment ruin your great chances of happiness.

Holla at me: Do you ever find yourself searching for faults and not focusing on the positive?

On the other hand, if the sex is truly the pits it’s easier for people to let go. There is nothing really binding you to that person, so letting go may not be so hard. This is when some people feel the need to seek sexual pleasures outside of their relationships. I’ve done this and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was in a relationship where he couldn’t perform sexually. There was nothing wrong with him physically; his dick just didn’t work with me. *shrug*. I chose not to sweat the small stuff *pun intended*. I wasn’t getting the satisfaction I needed so I went out and got it somewhere else.  I know that seemed cold-hearted, but hey I wasn’t getting what I needed so I did who I wanted. I won’t talk about the hours of amazing sex or the way his d*ck filled me up. I don’t like to brag, but I will say that what I got made me realize what I needed so I terminated the sexless relationship. I know staying with him would make no sense, because there was no sex or love there. We were just… there. If we had no sex or love what did we really have?

Sometimes people  confuse thier sexual feelings and desires for love. What most people don’t realize is that love and sex have rarely to do with each other. Love deals with the mental, spiritual and physical stimulation while sex deals with the physical. A lot of people think if the sex is amazing their in love. *Shaking head* It doesn’t work like that. You’re in love with the sex, there’s a huge difference. When you’re actually in love with the person making love to them will be the most terrific feeling. When you’re in love, the physical means so much more. It feels different, because you’re making love with every part of you. It changes you. It makes you realize that just having sex just doesn’t compare. I’ve learned that sex can be just sex, while love is something else. I’ve done the sex, now I’m waiting on love. It’s a whole lot better, plus I won’t have to kick dude out of my bed when it’s over.