No matter the culture, religion or race people are ostracized everyday for being gay. They get taunted, teased and beaten for simply just being who they are. It’s like being gay has become a punishment for some. It has to be very difficult at any age having these feelings and being too afraid to say something to anyone for fear of criticism and disappointment. You may have known a little boy growing up who always seemed a little feminine. Or there was this tomboy that always hung around with the fellas and seemed a little rough around the edges. Before knowing anything you might have labeled them as “A gay in training”. What about those who grew up “normal”? They dated a lot, didn’t act differently growing up what happens when they say “Mom and Dad, I’m gay”. Would you reject them or continue to show them your love?

Yesterday I was watching one of my favorite court shows and on the show a young man was suing his dad over a car. The father started off by saying that he can’t stand his son and he doesn’t associate with “people like that”. It wasn’t because of the car it was because his son was gay. This man is saying on national tv that he wants nothing to do with his own flesh and blood because he’s gay. That really bothered me because in my mind a parent’s job is to love their child no matter what the situation. I don’t know what I was thinking…I must be crazy to think that that’s how parents should love their kids. I could never imagine a parent hating their child just because they’re a little different than they expected. The father and son were black and it made me really see how homosexuality is treated in the black community. Sometimes I think people think being gay is a disease and the second they know someone is gay they think they’re gonna catch it. That’s the ignorant thinking in our community. This is why so many black men hide the fact that they are gay. Gays are shunned so damn much, that they rather do it on the down low not actaually realizing that they’re harming everyone involved.

In the Caribbean community being gay is damn near impossible. People spew “It’s an abomination” and “Bun out de chi-chi” even creating songs about their hatred for gays. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but at what cost? I know folks that can’t even go around their families because they decided to come out of the closet. Family members saying “You will go to hell because being a fag is a sin”, but cheating on their wives and shit. Here is a little knowledge for the uneducated and the hypocritical…One sin does not override the other. We are all left to be judged by God when that time comes. You judging someone is a sin within itself. If that’s the case everyone and their auntie will be going to hell with $4 a gallon gasoline drawers on. You can’t chastise someone for something you don’t approve of, then turn around and do something that God doesn’t approve of? Explain how this makes sense.

Recently, CNN anchorman Don Lemon came out of the closet. I applaud him for doing this. I really hate when someone has to pretend to be someone they’re not. If someone decides to come out of the closet I am truly happy because life is too damn short to be living it in the dark. Earlier this week Don visited the Wendy Williams show and she asked him how his parents took the news of his sexuality. As I can recall he said his father passed away, but his mom has been so supportive in his decision to tell his story. That is a real parent loving their child even if they don’t approve. Loving their child even if they don’t understand. At the end of the day that person shares your blood in their veins. Not loving them because they decided to let everyone know who they really are is just selfish shit.

No one asks to be gay…just like no one asks to be born Black, Hispanic, Autistic or even Handicapped. People are who they are and it’s time people live with it. If you’re reading this blog and you have been struggling internally with your feelings, you need to talk to someone. It’s hard trying to live someone else’s life, it’s time you lived your own.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that your family just loved? You can bring them to every family function and they just fit in like one of the crew. They call your momma every Sunday to see how she’s doing? That sounds like the perfect relationship…until you two break up. You’ve given the relationship a good run, but you just couldn’t stay in it any longer. You try to move on with your life, but for some reason your ex and your momma are still in constant contact. What can you do when the relationship is over, but your momma is still involved with your ex?

I normally never brought guys home to meet my family, but I met someone who I thought was worthy of meeting them. Now folks have met my siblings maybe even my momma but never met my grandmother. My granny is the head of the family, so you can’t just introduce just any ol lame to her. So I was seeing this guy and it started to become serious so I decided to let him meet her. They hit it off so good with each other, even I was a little shocked. I mean he would always visit her; she would call him and vice versa. I mean it started to seem like they were in a relationship with each other. So after a while the relationship ended and the guy and I weren’t on the best of terms in the beginning, but still kept in contact with each other. Now I know they had a relationship independently from mine, so I didn’t really want to break them up. I know they were fond of each other so who was I to ask her to choose sides?

As the months went by I swear their relationship would fizzle out, but I WAS DEAD ASS WRONG. I mean ok I knew they are very close, so how can I even attempt to bring another guy into the picture? I know it’s gonna be hard because my grandma is still stuck on my ex. In her eyes he’s the perfect man for me, but in reality we’re better apart. Now she wants to hear about no one else if it’s not him. I wanted to know how can I fully move on if she hasn’t.

I’ve you’ve ever been in a situation like this you know how difficult it can be. You’re parent are still so cool with your ex, that she isn’t allowing you to fully move on. No one you bring to the house will ever measure up to her favorite ex. In the back of your mind you expect there to be more loyalty towards you, but then it seems like you’re involved in a competition. All you can do is move on and hope that one day your parent moves along with you. They will see your happiness and accept who ever has come into your life. I’ve heard stories of parents inviting the ex to family events while the son/daughter has already found a new boo or gotten married. Now that within itself is disrespectful. That bitch is disrespectful for even showing up. At that point you have to pull momma to the side and tell her that shit ain’t cool.

Also, this sick relationship isn’t fair to your new love. Majority of the time if your momma loves your ex, she hates your next. How can he/she ever be comfortable when they know your momma can’t stand their guts? When it comes to their kids mothers and fathers are very protective and rarely like anyone that their kids bring home. If they find that one person that sweeps them off their feet, chances are no other girlfriend or boyfriend you bring to the house will ever measure up.  You just have to move on with your life and find the right one that makes you happy, hopefully your momma will accept them. If she doesn’t awww well…it’s still your life.

What are you thankful for? I know we go through our everyday lives complaining about the things we lack, but never thankful for the things we have. As the holidays approach there are many people out there that can’t provide for their families. There will be no grand Thanksgiving dinners or the kids will have to go without presents this year. As the economy declines everyone is in a bind. With all this, we still need to be thankful for life, family, and love. No matter how bad things may be, you’re alive when you don’t have to be.

I want everyone to be safe out there this holiday season. No matter what you’re going through just know it’s only temporary. All our situations are temporary. I’m thankful for my family, friends, and the ability to love. So…What are you thankful for?

Have a safe holiday season from all of us here at Candy Diaries

Love V.I

xoxoxoxox