When Is It The Right Time To Move In Together?

a0044-000030

Is it me or folks have started shacking up left and right? It’s like folks get so in their feelings about their partner and they have to play house for fear that the hours they are apart might change the other person’s feelings. I know love is a splendid thing, there is no “I” in team and cake is made out of baby tears and love but some couples make that huge step too soon and realize the shit was a mistake when the relationship starts swirling down the drain. I am all for taking that next big step but when is it too soon to move in together? 

Continue reading

Ask V.I.~I’m Confused And I Don’t Know If I Should Be…

Dear VI,

I would like your opinion on my situation. I am a 25 year old woman who is currently in love with a 21 year old guy. We attend the same college and have mutual friends. Initially I did not like this guy as we could not get along at all. Strangely enough we both engaged in a “friends with benefits” relationship although I am not quite sure how that happened seeing as we weren’t even friends to begin with.
Anyways the sex started off a little bad because I was celibate for over a year and he was way beyond average, eventually it became great! Now I know the cliche of women falling for men with the good dick and how friends with benefits never work out so I prepped myself for all that. Outside of sex nothing changed about us we still argued and all that.

My situation now is I do not know if he likes me or not. When we first started out we had rules, no emotional attachment, no making love, no kissing, no oral sex. One by one we broke those rules. He said he doesn’t go down on a girl unless he likes them and he did it to me more than once (I never asked). Is it me reading too much into it or does it mean something?

We had a talk one day and he said that he doesn’t like anyone right now, he has no time for a relationship he wants to focus on school. I know when a guy says something he usually means it but sometimes they put on fronts, I have no idea if this was one of them as his actions are opposite from what he says. What should I do? move on? I think about him all the time and what makes it worse is that his best friend and I are good friends so every time she hangs out with him and I am there I get butterflies. I am too old for this fling shit, I just don’t want to give up on something that could possible go somewhere but I don’t want to waste my time either. Help please?

Confused as hell

Dear CAH,

You got hit by the dick. That is the messed up part of a “just sex” relationship, it always ends up more than sex for at least one of the parties involved. You violated the rules of the fuck buddy code and ol boy can sense the change. He already gave you the forewarning that he ain’t about that relationship life, so don’t expect it to change cause you done caught feelings. Nothing good comes from these types of relationship, trust me girl I know all too well. 

You said you two established rules for your situation, once two people start fucking on a regular the rules tend to break because of the comfort level. Now he may have always liked you, but because it was already established as a just sex relationship the feelings may have been pushed to the back. I don’t know, but I don’t see this going the way you want it to go. Now you can do one of two things: You can either tell him how you feel and check his temperature about the whole situation or you can keep your shit to yourself and keep on loving the dick. If you tell him and he says he’s not interested in you in that way, your sexual relationship needs to end. If you get all inside your feelings and he doesn’t reciprocate then you will feel like shit every time ya’ll have sex. You’ll feel used, so it makes no sense to continue. If you don’t say shit, every time the dick enters you will fall deeper and deeper in love. Or maybe you can try this, leave him alone. If you two are all wrong for each other and you just simply can’t get involved with him, the dick games ain’t worth it. Cut your loses and move on. 

In my opinion the best thing for you to do is  discuss it with him. We as women always assume we can read a man’s mind. We know what they’re thinking without asking them what their thinking. We are all guilty of that. Just have an honest discussion with him and based off of his answer you will know how this thing will go. Don’t sucker yourself with a just sex relationship knowing you want more. 

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

 

 

Ask V.I.~My Summer Sex Buddy Got Me Confused

sex

Hey, VI

Okay, so me and this guy started fucking around last summer. Feelings for him was at the high of all highs . Anyways, summer ended and he went back to school. We txt then stopped for awhile then txt and jus stopped. Now this summer came and he hit me up on fb asking me if i was still in town and i didn’t see that message till a month later cus i had deactivated my account but it just had happened i had txt him a night n then all things started up again . We’ve  “hung out” couple times and then i held out on him and then we started txting again . I really do like this dude but idk what the fuck to call what we are doin? Every summer you back in town we ‘get together’ and aint no title on what we are doin . He says he has feelings for me but i acted like i didnt like him so he went with the flow  O.o idk, i just wanna know if i should wait for him to come bck nxt summer or just say fuk it n move on . While try to move on cus i think about him everyday  would sumthing come out of this or he just wants pussy??  I mean he keeps coming bck dont that mean something? Like he has to have feelings to cus you wont fuk sumbody unless you got feelings..right??

HELP!!!!!

Not sure

Dear Not Sure,

A man can fuck and it’s just a fuck. He keeps coming back because you keep giving it to him. Men and women are different when it comes to sex. Some woman can’t have sex without some sort of emotional attachment to the man. A man can have sex with a hole in the wall if it allows him to cum. It’s “Emotionless Sex”.  I said all of that to say, just because a man comes back doesn’t mean he has feelings. He comes back because you make it very easy for him to do so. 

Obviously you’re the “Summer Luvin” chick. When he goes back to school he has “other priorities” like a girlfriend. If the only time he’s interested in calling you is when summer is coming then that’s just what it is. You can’t make a relationship out of a summertime fling. He may like you, but that doesn’t mean much of anything. Your like and his like are clearly two different things. If you’re cool with being just the summer fling *which we know you aren’t* cool, play your part-time role. If you know you’re interested in more say something. Now I think I know what he’s gonna say, but hey still bring it up. Closed mouths don’t get fed. You can’t assume that he knows exactly how you’re feeling about this. 

One thing us as women tend to do is believe that men are mind readers. Chile I wish that was the case because a lot of dumb shit would not go on in relationships. Say something and if he doesn’t feel the same or tries to give you the run around then you know what’s up. If he says “I want us to be together” blah blah blah then you go from there. Don’t be afraid to speak what you want. You may not always get it, but at least no one has to guess the shit either. 

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Have You Ever Been Afraid of Your Own Happiness?

happiness

Have you ever met someone, got to know them and just fall in total like for them? You’re happy when you’re around them and happy at the thought of them when you’re apart. That’s some like for your ass. It may come to a point where your happiness is sorta scary for you to take, especially if you haven’t experienced that kind of feeling in a long time. You become afraid of your own happiness. Afraid that the feelings you’re feeling at this very moment will end with you feeling sad and empty. It’s common for people to be afraid of good things. Even though we want it, once we get it we’re too scared that something will fuck it up.

Continue reading

How To Deal With A Heart You Didn’t Break

broken heart

Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man that was just not “emotionally” available? No matter how hard you tried to get close to him he seems to have you at arms length? You can’t understand why he’s so distant when clearly there is something about you he’s feeling. Well this isn’t at all uncommon. The same way how you keep certain men at a distance, there are men out there going through the same thing…a broken heart. Some men are so traumatized by getting their heart broken they refuse to let anyone in all the way. The sad part is these are the men you’re feeling the most, but they won’t let you  bypass the gates. You like each other  and want to continue with the relationship, but how do you deal with a heart you clearly didn’t break?

Continue reading

Watching Someone You Love, LOVE SOMEONE ELSE

love

I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.

Continue reading

Are You Too Emotionally Invested In A “Just Sex” Relationship?

Sex

Good dick can have a chick  gone. No matter how much she tells herself it’s just for fun, every deep stroke he gives makes her think “what if.” Not all women can have sex without catching feelings. When a woman gives herself sexually, she ends up giving herself emotionally. Sex can be very emotional no matter how the relationship started out. The second you gave him the mingee you got dick hooked. Then you start acting crazy. Yes, you start treating the “just sex” relationship like something else…a RELATIONSHIP. You get jealous if you see him with someone else. If you call and he doesn’t answer the phone you get mad. If he comes over, hits it from the back real good your ass wants to cuddle and talk afterwards. Chile, you’re all the way never right when you create this relationship in your head. You have taken a situation that was suppose to be so simple and turned it into something else. You have become too emotionally invested in a just sex relationship. The question is, is it ok to be emotional if you’re giving your other parts?

Continue reading

Ask V.I.~ Emotionally In “Love” With A Friend

emotional

Dear V.I.,

Well, I’m an emotional in love with a friend. I’m 23 yrs old and I lost my virginity a year ago to my friend that I’ve known since high school. He’s always liked me and I guess I didn’t feel the same way. During the past year we were suppose to be just friends who have sex and I tried to stay that way. But I started to notice that I was starting to like him so I would push him away. For example he would frequently ask me if I liked him and I would say NO, or he would ask if I missed him and I would say No. Besides that I’ve always been mean to him. I was just trying keep from catching feelings by just ignoring what I felt. I would tell him to go mess with other ppl so he wouldn’t be on me so much. This past summer I realized that I wanted to be with him or that I at least liked  him the way he likes me, but before I could tell him I found out he went out to eat twice with my cousins bf(I’ve never liked her). SO I didn’t tell him instead I asked about that situation and basically he was like didn’t u mess around with (Blank) and I didn’t but I guess he did because (blank) is my type. Fast forward a few months around the middle of October we stop talking because I said some stuff that made him mad so we stop talking for two weeks but I apologized (I did feel bad). He saw me a few times and texted but still ignored me for another month. After that we seen each other twice and talked then he tells me that he got someone pregnant and is about to be a dad….It’s HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND (who he was with right when we first started messing around). And I was so hurt I just don’t know what to do. He’s the type to be there for his kid and he’s said so. He told her he wasn’t ready and didn’t want any kids but that he couldn’t make her go through with another abortion. So he’s basically saying that he don’t want to be like his father and he kinda don’t want nobody else raising his baby. He says that he wants to be with me but a part of him want to be with her and raise the baby. He’s like You could be my girl and I just have a baby mama and I told him he can’t have sex with me and her Im not letting that fly.

Continue reading

CanDi Chronicles~The D*ck Is Mine Part 2

Missed Part 1? Check it out here

I was so FUCKING READY! I waited for this moment for almost a year. The first time I saw her I was in love. It was something about her that caught my attention. I don’t know what it was, but it definitely made me want to get to know her. She immeidatly classed me in the “friend” zone, so that was where I stayed. Never made my feelings known because I wasn’t exactly every college girls’ dream. I wasn’t built like a football player and I didn’t have the nice car. Yet out of everyone around campus, she saw that I was a good person. It did hurt me seeing her waste her time with these no good niggas on campus, but as her friend I supported her. So when she asked me to come over tonight after a fight with her “boyfriend”, it was just something I normally did so nothing was out of the ordinary.

Continue reading

Do You Really Know How To Love?

Do you really know how to love? I know Wayne made a song about it, but we don’t need a dude with 18 kids and 20 baby mommas telling us how to love. If you think about it, can you honestly say you have what it takes to really love someone other than yourself? Are you confident enough in your abilities to open up yourself to the possibility of love?  Most women aren’t, hell neither are most men. It’s not that you don’t want to, you just can’t. Most women experience this sort of shocked hurt, that they just can’t seem to get over. It has shaken them to the core. They’re too guarded with their love and afraid to give that special part of them to anyone else. True, you can’t just give your love away all willy nilly and shit but when you can’t give the love at all I find that to be a problem.

Continue reading