I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.

Have you ever loved someone that loved someone else? It’s the toughest pill to swallow. I once had feelings for a friend. We were friends for a number of years and during that time I guess my feelings were always there. The thing was he had no clue how I felt. It’s not that I was ashamed in how I felt, my friend was a damn man hoe. The fact that we were friends I knew the games he played with unsuspecting chicks. The thing was as someone who was just my friend I got to know a different side of him, but I knew he was a man hoe so I never said anything. So a few years passed and I noticed that my feelings were getting stronger. Now by this time he has tamed his dog-ish ways and looking for something more meaningful. Basically we were both longing for the same things, but for some reason we never looked at it in each other. Well at least in my mind he never looked for it in me. Any way, after a few years I couldn’t take it anymore. The more I sat on my feelings the worse off I started to feel. I felt I needed to say something, but was afraid of the reaction. I wasn’t too afraid that he would be so uninterested that the friendship would end, I knew it wasn’t gonna go that way. I just thought the shit would be uncomfortable if we had the discussion and it wasn’t a mutual feeling. Basically I was running away from rejection, but deep down I had to know.

Just when I worked up the nerve to say something, I found out that he’s was seeing someone and by the way he spoke about her he was now in love. Ya’ll if you know how it feels to be ran over by a runaway train moving at 140 mph, that’s how I felt. Like I got knocked the f*ck over. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit HURT me to my very core. Even though I was dying inside I listened to him rant and rave about her. What a wonderful person she was, how he was so happy. I put on my fake smile and asked questions, although I’m in love I’m still the “friend.” I was watching the man I had feelings for be excited about someone other than me. I decided not to tell him at that moment. I guess it’s the fact that he seemed so different. I never heard him talk about no chick in that way. I felt defeated! All the times we did movie nights or just hung out I wished I said something to make what I felt known, but always threw those feelings in the back of my emotional closet. I didn’t want to deal with them, so I didn’t deal with it.

The more you hide your true feelings the more it will eat you up inside. It’s still killing me because I have yet to tell him. He has no clue to this day. Will I ever tell him…not sure. I decided to just let him be happy where he’s at. You never know what happens when you do express yourself. It can be the best thing you ever did or the worst. The whole thing is once you get it off your chest you feel a weight just lifted off of you. I will eventually say something one day. This whole situation reminds me of the movie “My Bestfriend’s Wedding.” Julia Roberts character finally told ol dude how she felt about him a day before he was set to get married. She kissed him and his fiance played by Cameron Diaz saw the whole thing and turned to run away. Cameron’s running, dude’s running after Cameron and Julia is running after him. Julia calls her friend played by Rupert Everett and told him what’s happening. He says and I quote “He’s chasing her, your chasing him. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Got it?” That quote alone is enough to not make you even say shit right? lol

Holla at me: Have you ever been in love with someone and they never knew it?

Good dick can have a chick  gone. No matter how much she tells herself it’s just for fun, every deep stroke he gives makes her think “what if.” Not all women can have sex without catching feelings. When a woman gives herself sexually, she ends up giving herself emotionally. Sex can be very emotional no matter how the relationship started out. The second you gave him the mingee you got dick hooked. Then you start acting crazy. Yes, you start treating the “just sex” relationship like something else…a RELATIONSHIP. You get jealous if you see him with someone else. If you call and he doesn’t answer the phone you get mad. If he comes over, hits it from the back real good your ass wants to cuddle and talk afterwards. Chile, you’re all the way never right when you create this relationship in your head. You have taken a situation that was suppose to be so simple and turned it into something else. You have become too emotionally invested in a just sex relationship. The question is, is it ok to be emotional if you’re giving your other parts?

I’ve not been involved in a “Just sex” relationship in a long time, but back in the day I left feelings out of the equation. I was able to separate sex from emotions. I knew this was just something we were doing and that’s that. Now I’ve had situations where the men got too emotionally attached to me and I had to cut it short. See I believe that a sex relationship should be void of any sort of relationship aspects. Sure you’re giving each other very much needed business, but at the end of the day you have no claim to each other. That way once one of you meet someone that you’re interested in, the other won’t get mad and shit cause the sex sessions are over. This is the proper way to perform a sex relationship.

Now feeling how I’m feeling nowadays a sex session would lead to all kinds of wrong. I can admit it, over the last 2-3 years I’ve gotten *hmmmmm* I’ve gotten a little softer. I don’t know if this is age or what, but I feel like a punk. Ok punk is a strong word, but I’ve gotten more in-tuned with my  feminine side. Before I thought like a man, hell even held my imaginary dick when I wanted to show how tough I was to someone. Lol. Now, all that shit went out the window. I would never get involved in a just sex relationship now because I know my emotions would be all up and thru that bitch. It’s like when you’re seeking more in life a once in a while relationship turns into “omg I think I’m in love” relationship, when it’s clearly not the case. You’ve developed this thing in your mind where you think, it’s meant to be knowing good and damn well it’s just sex. You think “well maybe deep down he feels the same but just doesn’t want to show it” when he’s actually looking at you as a f*ck friend. You’ve gotten too emotional. This is why I cut that sex buddy shit out years ago because I know my focused has shifted. I rather a dick that comes home to me every night and wakes up with me every morning. I don’t need no dick that stays, f*cks me for a few hours, takes a  nap then wakes up before the sun comes up to go home. No ma’am I ain’t about that life.

So ladies before you make an agreement with Rakim to beat it like a cop, think before you stroke. If you know that dick is too good and your liable to fall in love, don’t do it. Back in the day if I tried it once and the dick was just heaven on a stick, I didn’t go back. I refuse to allow a dude’s dick to dictate my emotions. No more puss for you sir. You got that hook em dick.

Dear V.I.,

Well, I’m an emotional in love with a friend. I’m 23 yrs old and I lost my virginity a year ago to my friend that I’ve known since high school. He’s always liked me and I guess I didn’t feel the same way. During the past year we were suppose to be just friends who have sex and I tried to stay that way. But I started to notice that I was starting to like him so I would push him away. For example he would frequently ask me if I liked him and I would say NO, or he would ask if I missed him and I would say No. Besides that I’ve always been mean to him. I was just trying keep from catching feelings by just ignoring what I felt. I would tell him to go mess with other ppl so he wouldn’t be on me so much. This past summer I realized that I wanted to be with him or that I at least liked  him the way he likes me, but before I could tell him I found out he went out to eat twice with my cousins bf(I’ve never liked her). SO I didn’t tell him instead I asked about that situation and basically he was like didn’t u mess around with (Blank) and I didn’t but I guess he did because (blank) is my type. Fast forward a few months around the middle of October we stop talking because I said some stuff that made him mad so we stop talking for two weeks but I apologized (I did feel bad). He saw me a few times and texted but still ignored me for another month. After that we seen each other twice and talked then he tells me that he got someone pregnant and is about to be a dad….It’s HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND (who he was with right when we first started messing around). And I was so hurt I just don’t know what to do. He’s the type to be there for his kid and he’s said so. He told her he wasn’t ready and didn’t want any kids but that he couldn’t make her go through with another abortion. So he’s basically saying that he don’t want to be like his father and he kinda don’t want nobody else raising his baby. He says that he wants to be with me but a part of him want to be with her and raise the baby. He’s like “You could be my girl and I just have a baby mama“ and I told him he can’t have sex with me and her Im not letting that fly.

I mean I feel like my chance has passed and that he was basically the one. I mean I never messed with him before because I felt like once I got with him that was it, we would be together kids, marriage the whole nine and I’ve always felt that way I just wasn’t ready. I mean I want to give him babies and be married and be with him (Haven’t told him, don’t wanna freak him out)and he told me that had I told him I how I felt we wouldn’t be going through this. And I’ve always said I’m not messing with nobody with a kid because of the drama and I don’t want to get cheated on. Now I feel like I wanna give it a chance and be with him and I just see this going down a bad road if he doesn’t handle this right. I just don’t know what to do, because I’ve never been in this situation before with a guy before. I’m just torn and I think my heart is broken. I’m this hurt and I’m not emotional but I cant help but cry and what not sometimes….(all this happened last week Wednesday and I’m still upset…smh) Idk whats wrong with me…

Emotionally In Love

Dear EIL,

Let me start off by saying you don’t want or need the drama. Right now dude has a lot on his plate, and you getting in the middle of his mess will not make for a good relationship. I honestly don’t think you really have feelings of “love” for this man. Sure you may love him as a friend, but I don’t think you really love him romantically. You were wrong for getting that intimate with a friend that obviously felt more for you than you did for him.Nevertheless, you gave him something that all women hold dear to them…your virginity. Once you gave that part of yourself, your coochie started exhibiting feelings of love. You love how he made you feel sexually, that’s why you think you’re in love with him. Then when other chicks started to come into the picture you got protective. Your coochie love feeling started getting threatened and that told your heart to react.

The fact that you said that he told his child’s mother that he wasn’t ready to be a father, but couldn’t make her go through with an abortion is just bullshit. If he didn’t want kids that he should have used protection. I am so sick of people using abortion as a contraceptive. Stand up and take responsibilities for your actions. I don’t advise you to get in the middle of this situation. Not only does he have to deal with this girl on a regular basis, but there is a baby on the way. That will leave you on the sidelines, and that is clearly no where you want to be. He is your first and that weighs heavily on what you’re feeling, but I say let him go in his direction and you go in yours. Right now you’re emotionally in love, but you will see that you made the right decision to let him go.

Missed Part 1? Check it out here

I was so FUCKING READY! I waited for this moment for almost a year. The first time I saw her I was in love. It was something about her that caught my attention. I don’t know what it was, but it definitely made me want to get to know her. She immeidatly classed me in the “friend” zone, so that was where I stayed. Never made my feelings known because I wasn’t exactly every college girls’ dream. I wasn’t built like a football player and I didn’t have the nice car. Yet out of everyone around campus, she saw that I was a good person. It did hurt me seeing her waste her time with these no good niggas on campus, but as her friend I supported her. So when she asked me to come over tonight after a fight with her “boyfriend”, it was just something I normally did so nothing was out of the ordinary.

When she opened the door and I saw that she had been crying, and immediately my dick got rock hard. I have no idea why, but every time I saw her cry I got turned on. I don’t like seeing her in pain, but when she’s vunerable like that and I’m the only one that can comfort her it makes me feel like she needs me. As I listened to her talk about what happened I tried my best to cover the bulge in my pants, but I don’t think the shit worked. Obviously not because here I was about to fuck the shit out of the woman of my dreams. I was so in love with her, but I knew this would only be for one night. She wanted to feel better, after all that was my job.

When I flipped her over on her stomach and gripped her hips I was ready to go all in, but thought I wanted to take this all night. I needed to savor this moment. I placed the condom on my dick. I always walked around with a condom although I don’t have sex very often. I guess I like to have something just in case…I guess this was that kind of situation. I heard her moaning as I placed the condom on and thought “she was ready.” I let my dick trail down her ass cheeks one more time before I entered her sweet pussy. I made her lift her ass a little so I could get good leverage when I entered. The second my dick touched her walls, we both let out a moan. Damn even with my dick standing still her pussy felt perfect. I gripped her hips again and eased her pussy on my dick. I heard her moan again. I moved her body slowly until she caught the rhythm. She took control and moved her now dripping pussy all over my solid dick. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear “Fuck me baby.” She held onto the pillow and dug that pussy deeper on that dick. I held onto her shoulders so now I was in control. I made sure she felt this dick. Pumping it in and out of her pussy like I was drilling for oil. Her moans turned into light screams. I fucking love the way she sounded. I lifted her lower body off of the bed and I was ready to go deeper. I placed both feet on the bed as her ass was directly in front of me. I held onto her waist and give her more wood. The pussy juices were so much I just couldn’t let that shit go to waste. I took my dick out and ate her from behind. The only sounds you heard were her moans and my slurps. My face was covered in her natural juices and I was ready for more pussy. Now the only question I had was “I wonder if she can ride this dick?”

I got my face up from between her legs and I told her to climb on top of me. I can tell she was a little nervous. Either she didn’t know how to ride dick or she was afraid to take this dick for a ride. Whatever it was she was gonna learn tonight. Baby got on top of me placed her feet on the bed, similar to what I did and bounced up and down on my dick head. I swear I was gonna nut at any minute. One thing that can make me go crazy is a beautiful woman working the shit out of my dick. She sat way down on the dick and started to rock back and forth slowly, looking at me with those beautiful eyes. I think this was the reason I did everything from the back. I was afraid to actually look at her. Although we were both in this position I felt when she looked at me, she would be ashamed of what we were doing. She started to moan again, this time a little louder than before. She leaned forward on my chest and worked that pussy on me faster. I was in heaven!

I felt the pussy gripping the head of my dick. I felt her body tense up and she did it. Not only did baby cum all over me, but she left a puddle between my legs. I didn’t know she was a squirter. I felt that my job was done although I didn’t come yet, but she obviously wasn’t finished. She flipped around facing my legs, removed the condom and took all my shit in her mouth. The second her warm mouth touched my dick I knew it was over. Here I was getting my dick sucked and having pussy in my face. I grabbed that ass and ate her out again. Licked up all that squirt shit she did earlier. Beautiful sucked and deep-throat my dick until I was ready to cum. I moaned “Damn I’m about to cum” and baby didn’t stop. She wanted me to cum in her mouth. I never had that shit happen to me before. Most girls act like you shot em in the chest when they get a little cum drop on their lips. She wanted the whole shit in her mouth.

I felt it at the tip…I knew it was coming. Right before it came bursting out of me she turned around so I could see her face. I held on to the top of her head and I pushed her head down on it deeper. It was coming…I could feel it. Damn it’s coming…I continued to push her head on my dick. “Awwwwwwwwww Damn” I yelled and just like that she caught the whole thing in her mouth and swallowed my nut. Baby girl even licked the remnants of nut from the head of my dick. I felt like a new man. I felt like I just did it for the first time. After tonight I knew the woman that I loved would love me back. We just shared some awesome shit…I just knew she would look at me differently.

After that night of crazy stupid sex, she still viewed me as a friend, but now with benefits. The feelings I had obviously weren’t reciprocated. For the rest of our college career we hooked up occasionally, when she wasn’t involved with any of her boyfriends. After college she moved to NYC and I stayed behind. We hooked up anytime she came back in to town. I eventually met a great woman and got married. Although I love my wife dearly, there is something about beautiful that I cannot shake. I think it’s the eyes or maybe it’s the way she guzzles the nut. So yes although I love my wife, I’m cheating on her with the love of my life.

Do you really know how to love? I know Wayne made a song about it, but we don’t need a dude with 18 kids and 20 baby mommas telling us how to love. If you think about it, can you honestly say you have what it takes to really love someone other than yourself? Are you confident enough in your abilities to open up yourself to the possibility of love?  Most women aren’t, hell neither are most men. It’s not that you don’t want to, you just can’t. Most women experience this sort of shocked hurt, that they just can’t seem to get over. It has shaken them to the core. They’re too guarded with their love and afraid to give that special part of them to anyone else. True, you can’t just give your love away all willy nilly and shit but when you can’t give the love at all I find that to be a problem.

I think a lot of people men and women are so suspicious about others, that all they see is the negative. They find anything they can to justify why they won’t go the extra mile. It’s not that they’re picky, there just too scared to show that side to them. They’re afraid to be vulnerable to the possibility of love. They can’t control it, so they run away from it. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that with love there is a possibility of pain. There is no way you can have one without the other. If you open yourself to one, the other can possibly happen. You can’t let the fear of hurt automatically turn off the fear of experiencing love. Men and women are walking around here angry at the world. Pushing away any possible connection they have with another living soul. Thinking that someone has a hidden agenda when they really just want to get to know who you are and what you’re about. I remember one girl said “He says he wants to take me out to dinner. He just wanna screw me.” Ain’t that the most saddest shit you ever heard? She’s was so afraid to open her mind to just going with the flow, that she doesn’t see when a man just wants to get to know her.

This is what happens; you push people away when you know inside we want someone around. You got this electric barbed wire fence all around your shit that you’re shying everyone away when they get shocked trying to get over the fence. You can’t be in control 24/7, you have to allow your heart to take the lead sometimes. You cannot continue to punish yourself for the mistakes that happened in your past. Ok, he hurt you but why are you giving him that much power over you? He hurt you, but he should not break you. If you cannot see the blessing in that misguided former relationship, you will never see the blessing when the right one comes into your life. You complain that you’re not meeting quality men/women, but you’re showing that glowing neon sign “Difficult, with baggage.” If you’re moving on, why bring that unnecessary baggage for someone to deal with?

Ladies and gentlemen, love is what it is…LOVE. You win some and you lose some. You can’t predict how a relationship will turn it. It can be the worst or the best thing in your life. Your job in this whole thing is to embrace the possibility of loving again. Don’t blame “love” for feeling hurt before. Don’t blame love for you putting your guard up, that’s all on you. The act of loving someone has you afraid. Love is one of the scariest feelings ever imaginable, but love is one of the most amazing feelings you can ever experience. If you don’t ever allow that kind of feeling into your life, you might as well be dead.

Question of the day: Do you think you know how to love?

Hi V.I.,

I have a huge problem on my hand! I’m in love with my bestfriend’s brother after 8+ years of us calling each other brother and sister. I have always liked him since we meet in high school but never acted on it because he is my bestfriends brother and I didn’t want to interfere with our friendship. So I just put my feelings under the rug of 8 years until recently!

Last month my bestfriend’s brother and I had sexual intercourse and three days later after the 1st time, we did it again. Since we had intercourse, I really want to be with him, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I visit his Facebook daily to look at his activity. I wrote him letting him know what’s going with me but no reply and when I IM’d him on Facebook trying to discuss this issue, he didn’t know what I was talking about so I just ended the conversation. I haven’t been to my bestfriend house in a week, I’m going over soon and I need to know what I need to do. Having sex with my bestfriends brother brought out all my hiding emotions towards him and know I like him and want a relationship with him.

Sincerely,

Crazy In Love

Dear CIL,

You’ve been pining over someone for so long that you’re stuck in “love”. You’ve been living with this crush for 8 years and the second you got the dick it elevated your feelings. The fact that it’s your bestfriends brother shouldn’t really cause complications…if you two wanted to hook up. You’re two grown people and what is between the two of you should be between the two of you, but this is not the case. I’m sorry to say this boo boo, but it seems as if he’s more interested in the sex than a relationship. If you contacted him trying to discuss what’s going on and he has no clue as to what you’re talking about, that’s a problem. It shows that he’s just kicking it while you’re getting deep and expressing feelings.

The more vulnerability you show this man in regards to your feelings, the more he’s gonna play you to the left. When you finally see him act as normal as possible. Don’t bring shit up, don’t stare deep into his eyes hell don’t contact him. The second he sees weakness he will use that to his advantage. Oh and another thing…STOP HAVING SEX WITH THIS DUDE. I know the sex must be the bomb.org/damn and shit, but this is more than sex to you. You have actual feelings for him and the more you give him yourself sexually the deeper you will fall. He’s looking at you as a convenient lay; don’t give him the opportunity to play you boo. Please for the love of Black Baby Jesus stop stalking him on FB. That is the quickest way to get your feelings even more shattered. You see a post about a chick or vice versa and your whole heart will burst in your chest.

He’s not worth it even though I know you think he is. Until he’s ready to see what a great catch you are, he’s not ready to be your man or have your love. Don’t let this dude drive you crazy. Be cool about it and if you got to pine over him do it in the privacy of your bedroom.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature the bloggers that got thangs to say. Please give up for Owl of Owlasylum.

Alright, I want to write about f*cking. Can I do that? Can I write about f*cking without feeling like I’m some lost hedonistic socially irresponsible sexist pig? Can I do that? Sure, I enjoy making love just a much as my more reserved brethen do. In fact, I probably do the caring, caressing thing more often than I do the pull your hair, bite your neck,  push my penis into your cervix through your mouth thing. BUT…every now and then…I need to release an aspect of my Self sexually.

And ultimately, being in a patriarchal society means that women will act like they don’t like to f*ck. I mean that forget you are supposed to have a mind, forget that you have limits, forget that her coochie isn’t as recalcitrant as she thinks type of f*cking. While we are being honest, I mean the slam your coochie in my face, as you ride my tongue, forget that that could actually hurt type of f*cking. Can we embrace this discussion as adults? Can we for once put aside all the fallacious notions set upon us by people that couldn’t enjoy a good f*ck because they simply were that socially awkward and distant from real humans that they had to create “norms” that nobody but them actually practiced in the private sphere?

No, let’s talk, shall we? Are we to believe that married couples that married for love and not convenience, don’t f*ck? Is that what we are being asked to believe?

Like if I am deeply in love with a woman, I am not supposed to like the feel of my penis head being gripped by her throat? I’m not sure if the misrepresentation of intense feelings for someone in media (the fairy tale love affairs, prince in shining armor myths) is the culprit, or the reverse: an interpretation of passionate sex as devoid of the more sentimentally symbolic motions by pornography. For Blacks the politics of sex becomes even more difficult to trudge due to the lack of images of Black female sexuality outside of what even I would define as the profane. The gyrating video vixen has yet to be replaced by a symbol of Black Feminine Sexuality worthy of serious consideration, and pornography creates a situation where certain acts are frowned upon as “what ‘hoes’ do…” Interestingly enough, most men seek a well-rounded woman defined in the statement, “A lady in the streets, but a hoe in the sheets.” Yet, I don’t want to get lost in conventional notions of what it means to be a well domesticated women, I want to talk about f*cking freely.

There seems to be a confused politically correct hypocrisy when discussing f*cking.  We pretend to not want to have passionate sex, or that it can’t be shared amongst those that truly desire to spend lifetimes with each other based on more than material security. Apart of this confused politically correct hypocrisy is this idea that women don’t like to f*ck and that men only like to f*ck. As though women must be forced into this little box of emotions that prevent them from expressing any idea of sex that isn’t gentle. On the even whiter side of that white lie is its converse, namely, that men can’t enjoy a caress, or even a slower pace sexually…sometime more than women.

Well, here is a news flash for those poor naive souls still confused by the impossible worldviews that impregnate the fairy tales and romance movies, as well as the bitter view of human sexuality cast upon us by wiggling women and tatted men parading around like studs on a slave breeding farm:

WOMEN LIKE TO F*CK (Possibly more than men…).

MEN LIKE TO MAKE LOVE (Possibly more than women…).

Now, I know that is will cause a few issues amongst those that describe their sexuality as homosexual. No offense, but I can I only speak within a framework of my own sexuality here. Also, let me handle the poor saps that only took debate and not an actual formal logic class, so now they are forever stuck looking for contradictions in the form of generalizations. I don’t claim to be a social science expert, and as I have always written, I don’t want to be mislabeled as a relationship guru, I don’t get paid enough for that. Of course, I’m deeply against the idea of human intelligent superiority based on book reading and theory regurgitation, but I am deviating from the topic. Sure, not all men like to gently embrace a woman in the manner we have been persuaded by the media to believe is “love making.” Couple this with an unfair standard that locks most women in a trap of game theory where her desires (and possibly skills) must be slowly unleashed (holding back oral sex, or sex, in an effort prove her “morality”) if she is to negotiate a caring relationship. This same line of thinking also informs men in the opposite and yet somewhat equal manner, if women are to be slightly coy, demur, and pretend that every sexual act she performs was introduced by her present lover, than he must not only the acts, but must be able to exhibit a high degree of sexual prowess, and demonstrate a certain aggressiveness. And then more confusion set in.

I think it would be easy enough here to say that we all have different cravings when it comes to sex. In most matters dealing with social intimacy, it is immature and limiting to make any assumptions about your partner. It is also immature and just as limiting to disdain individuals for the level of intensity, or lack thereof, necessary for their sexual satisfaction. Like most things human interaction, what works for one doesn’t have to work for you, and there tends to be a bigger pond for us than for our imagined fears of loneliness or media dictated beliefs.  But, all this sociology about f*cking is taking away from being able to talk about f*cking. *SMILES*

Check out Owl’s site http://owlasylum.net/

Sometimes it can be very difficult to separate emotions from hot butt nekkid ass sex. Ladies, the minute you get that good loving you start wondering what your kids would look like. I know, I’ve been there. Sometimes a sexual relationship is just that…SEX. Trying to put that label of “boo” or “baby” will f*ck up the whole situation. Sometimes you just have to get in the mind frame of getting yours and not focusing on the passionate feelings. I know some people won’t agree with me, but hey I speak what I feel.

The key in my opinion to emotionless sex, you have to think like a man. I mean some men can f*ck anything as long as his pleasure pole can fit in there. Like my old high school teacher use to tell us “A man can f*ck a wall, and still get off” (c) Ms. Ruth. I’m not saying go out there and just having sex with random people, and don’t have a care in the world. What kind of person would I be to tell you that? All I’m trying to convey is that putting so much emphasis on the emotional side sometimes isn’t always best. So getting it on with a friend that you have romantic feelings for isn’t gonna cut it. Your mind is already set on your feelings for him/her, so if you have sex that’s only gonna leave you crying at nights wondering why they doesn’t feel the same. You’re setting yourself up for hurt thinking sex is gonna make them come around. Yea come around for more sex because they know that they can get it from you because of your feelings for him.

Emotionless sex is best handled in a cutt buddy/jump off situation. That way no one expects anything other than great mind blowing sex. Wait… let me back up a sec. You should never ever ever establish a cutt buddy relationship with someone that can’t deliver. This person has to be compatible with you sexually in order for this whole thing to work. If you know you like kinky shit, like f*cking in the bushes outside the leasing office, don’t get with someone that frowns upon that. The sex will be boring and a waste of a good nut.

I’ve been involved in emotionless sex before, but I did it because I was previously hurt by someone. Sometimes you get to the point where you’re tired of caring for others that don’t seem to care about you or your feelings. Putting up that emotional wall is the easiest way to actually deal with people. It’s sad actually. If you don’t let anyone in, you can’t get hurt. This is the point when we decide to follow our minds and forget about our hearts. At some point just getting involved in emotionless romps will take its toll. You can only barricade your emotions but for so long. I just hope you make the right decisions when getting involved in this situation.

Holla at me: Have you ever been involved in emotionless sex? If so, did your emotions ever changed for the person?

Dear V.I.,

I have a problem with two guys. For almost 4 years I didn’t have a man in my life. It has just been me and my son. So, I felt it was time for me to get out and meet guys.

I meet this one guy, and we talked for a while. He told me from the start that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. He just wanted to hang out with me, which was fine. It allowed me to see what was out there. The more we talked to each other and hung out, we got more attracted to each other sexually. After we decided that we would have sex, it was always something that kept us from doing it.  He work nights, so our times were always conflicting even before the sex came up. He stopped calling and answering my messages. I figured he may have found someone else and wasn’t in to me anymore, so, I moved on.

I then meet another guy, and he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. He wanted to sleep with me right away, but he understood when I didn’t want to. He was nice about it. We talked and went out for a while, and then I started to feel him sexually. We ended up having sex a couple of times. I could tell we were feeling each other sexually. About a week after we had sex the last time, he sends me a text message to tell me we couldn’t hang out anymore. He had some stuff going on. I figured he had some issues with his children’s mother, so I said okay, and moved on.

Out of nowhere the first guy calls me wanting to get together. Of course I told him about the other guy. He seemed a little upset, but not too much because he’s not my man and I’m not his woman. He told me that he was just really busy at work and couldn’t find the time, but he wanted me. So we talked for awhile as friends. Then we started having a sexual attraction again for each other, but we still had an issue with our time. When he wasn’t busy I was, and when I wasn’t he was. So our contact was starting to get less and less again. I saw it as a sign and moved on again.

Then one day I get a message from the second guy telling me that he was sorry that he had to end what we had. He had a lot of stuff going on, but he really wanted to get back with me. I told him how I felt about what happen with us, and that I was looking for a real relationship. He kept telling me how he was sorry, and he wanted to try again. The more I thought about the sex, I gave in, and we had sex again. But this time it was different, he was more emotional and caring. It was different.

When I was leaving the second guys house, I notice I had several text messages from the first guy asking me if I could come to his house. He really wanted me. It was a good thing that I had my phone one silent. I text him back telling him I was out with a friend. He keeps calling and texting me trying to get with me. I am really in to him too, but I’m not telling him that I went back to the other guy. So I keep giving him excuses as to why I can’t get with him.

I am so confused. I know that no real relationship is going to be with either one of these guys, and I’m not looking for one to start up. But I can’t seem to shake either one of them. I am very sexually attracted to both of them. What should I do. Should I just tell both of them to kick rocks and start over. Please help.

Signed,

Too Many Men, So Little Time

Dear TMMSLT,

You just answered your own question in your email. You’re looking for something more serious but they aren’t, so why are you even having this dilemma? You seem to be just settling for whatever you get. By reading your email you seem to know what you “want”, but you’re not allowing  that to come to you and you’re going after what you think you “need”. These dudes are playing with your emotions because they know they can. You’re allowing them to have to all the control even though you said it yourself you know that you can have no real relationship with either of them.

I know you said it’s been 4 years since you’ve been involved with someone, but after all that time why play yourself? I’m not saying we as human’s don’t have needs and desires…but if it’s just a sexual thing make it a sexual thing. You’re bringing in feelings and emotions and letting these people have their way with you and all it is to them is just a straight f*ck. If you continue down this path you’re gonna start throwing out the words “I’m in love”, because you’ve decided to give your body to a n*gga that never deserved it in the first place.

Now you said you didn’t have sex with the first dude because of your schedules, so I wanna talk about the second dude. You said he wanted to have sex with you right away…red flag number 1. This dude can’t even identify your p*ssy in a line up and he automatically tells you he wants to bust a nut using your womanly below? Naw son!!!! Next, after you had a sex session he’s gonna TEXT you and say ” We can’t hang out anymore”? No explanation at all? That shows he doesn’t even respect you enough to call you and tell you that shit. Then he’s gonna call you a few weeks later telling you he wants to hook up again? I can dig where you told him how you felt about him coming back like nothing happened, but then you totally f*cked up when you f*cked him again. That’s basically showing him “Yea you can tell me any sorry shit, but since you possess the dick I will allow you to make my tits shake again”. Dude had something else going on and when that shit fell through guess what he decided to do…call ol reliable. You played right into his trap girl.

I think you should cut em both off, but if you really wanna keep em around I see nothing wrong with telling these fools the real deal. They ain’t yours and you ain’t theirs so what’s the point. I just think if you want to find that special someone, holding on to ain’t shit n*ggas ain’t gonna help you in anyway. You’re just creating emotional and physical drama for the next man to clean up…and boo boo it  ain’t his job to fix you.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!