Ask V.I.~ Trying To Let Go of Past Shit

Dear V.I

I have read some of your responses to other issues women are having and I like the advice you give, so now I need some advice from you. Before I married my husband, after we were together for about 7 years he cheated on me. It was a lot of drama of course because the female did not want to let go the fact he wanted to be with me. We got engaged 2 years later now happily married for a 1 1/2. My dilemma at times is sometimes its hard for me to be intimate with him like I should as his wife because I keep letting past shit get in my head. We have talked about it countless times and I realize all men are not cheaters because they cheated once. Because a man cheats once doesn’t mean he will be a repeat offender. He proved he wasn’t this kind of man before we got engaged .( other than that I would not have married him )  he of course apologized many times and proved he was sorry it ever happened. How can I forever let the crazy emotions GO that come back every now and then and enjoy every intimate moment with my husband like I should ?

Thanks for your advice

Trying to let past shit go

Dear TTLSG, 

I always tell women; ” If you forgive, you can’t continue to be mad.” Once you forgive someone, you have accepted what happened, dealt with it and ready to move on. Honestly if you knew that this was going to weigh heavy on your mind, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place. You decided to start a new life with him, that meant letting go of the past. You’re destroying your own future because of some shit that happened when your man made a lapse in judgement. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on you but will you continue to hold that infraction over his head for the rest of your marriage? This is the quickest way to lose your husband. If he’s unhappy at home guess what, he’s going to find that happiness outside the home. Maybe that’s what he did before.

Women are so use to losing that we don’t realize when we’ve won. You have a man that loves you enough to make a pledge to God to spend his life with you in sickness and in health. Many women would KILL for that kind of commitment, but you’re over there stressing about some shit when you two were dating? Girl get over it. You forgave him, married him now it’s time to move on and enjoy your life with the man you love. Don’t let your insecurity fuck up something good. Even if you two need to seek counseling to deal with it further, do what you have to do to keep your marriage in tact. You need to get over it point blank. You’re torturing yourself over some shit that you shouldn’t even stress about anymore. The more you continue to trip the further away you’re pushing your husband into the arms of someone else. If he cheats again you’re gonna wonder why, this is all on you know. You know better, now please do better.

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Learning How to Forgive…Your Past


So last night while drinking my favorite wine *whispers…moscato*and listening to the new Adele album “21” *I had a revelation about life. Some people are too bitter to move on and be happy. When a relationships end good/bad you tend to remain in the past and stay there. You replay certain aspects of your relationships and wonder what could have been done differently…exactly when did it go wrong? You hold onto so much that you refuse to let anything go…and you wonder why your relationships don’t work. No one can love you know if you can’t forgive who you were then.

Continue reading

Open Letter~ Now Divorced Yet Still Single *Update*

What’s up V.I.,

I sent you about 2 emails last year “Married Yet Still Single” and “Married Yet Still Single 2” discussing an issue I had within my marriage. The reason I came to you before was because my wife read your blog frequently, and in the back of my mind I wanted her to find out about what I did. To recap, I was married to a woman that cheated on me. I took her back and stayed in the marriage, but the love wasn’t there anymore. I met a young lady that made me feel wanted and loved. I was now the cheater in my marriage.

Continue reading