Can you have a friendship with his ex? I know most of you looking at this like “This heffa must be out of her mind.” I know it’s not that common, but it’s not unheard of either. There are some people who have a friendly relationship with their significant’s other’s ex. They may not hang out and shit, but they’re cordial with each other. No bad vibes, well at least on the surface. I can say that I’ve never had a friendship or even a decent conversation with an ex of anyone I’ve ever dated. Them bitches didn’t like me. Maybe because I looked better than their ugly asses. Whatever the reasoning I never had the opportunity, not like I wanted it anyway. I do know some women that hang out, go shopping even chat on the phone. Chile that is just a little too much closeness for me. Would you be able to befriend your man’s ex even though he’s not into her anymore?
This question has come up time and time again. Is it ok to date a friend’s ex even if your friend didn’t have an issue with it? Some people have said that there should be a “code” among friends that should prevent the other from even going down that road. Then on the other side you have others saying if “the relationship didn’t work out, there is a chemistry between the two and there is no love lost with your friend and her ex… so why not?” Something like this can break up a pleasant friendship, but I think every situation is different. Here are a few instances where I think dating an ex of a friend might not be such a bad thing.
I’m not sure how many of you have ever entered a pact with a friend. Like in 10 years if either of you haven’t gotten married you would marry each other. These are pretty common for the lonely, but does anyone actually go through with it? How about making a pact to have a baby with a friend before you’re a certain age? Is it wrong to pick out the man or woman you want to have a baby with? People do it everyday, but majority of the time there was a relationship first. What if there is no romantic relationship, just a plain ol planning on going half on a baby. Is that considered being too controlling if you picked your very own baby daddy?
Have you ever noticed when a couple gets married, they slowly drift away from their single friends? It’s like the single guy/girl is now the enemy. They hold some magical power that turns your spouse into a cheating idiot. I am assuming that is the logic of a married person. Or is it if you still have a single friend that hangs around you’re afraid that they try to get next to your spouse? When the hell did being single make you the enemy? You can no longer see your homegirl on a regular basis because her husband thinks you might be a bad influence on her, when she was the damn hoe in the group. So why is there this stigma on us singles? Is it because we live a life that the married wish they still had? Is it the fact that they think we’re so thirsty that if given the opportunity that we would push up on their spouses? Or is it the fact that they feel so much pity for us because even though we basically get to do whatever we like, we’re alone and will probably die that way?
When I say “female friend bitch” I’m talking about the female best-friend. You may have ran into a guy that talks nothing about his bestfriend only to find out it’s chick. I don’t believe in said bitch. Well not all female best-friends aren’t to be trusted, but there is something about that kind of relationship that doesn’t sit well with me anymore. I always said men and women can be friends, but it never starts out that way. The female friend bitch has more of the upper hand than you do. She can make or destroy your relationship, chances are you will never survive if she’s in the picture…and that’s how she wants it.
I have been in an open relationship with this guy for 2 years. It wasn’t open by choice, but neither of us tried to define the relationship.
I thought it would just happen in time.
We started as friends, spending every day together during the summers & during breaks. We could talk about anything. He understood me. He accepted me. He comforted me at my lowest moments.
I was always there to listen to him when he’d be stressed. When he didn’t want to talk about his troubles, we’d just disappear together.
Everything was great, we met each others’ families, spent Christmas together, all that.
After 6 months, I was ready to have sex with him. Things were great up until a year later.
He started to fuck other people.
Even though I wasn’t the only one anymore, nothing changed. The conversations, the sex, the fun, was even more enjoyable. But I couldn’t enjoy it because it didn’t feel special anymore.
I confronted him several times & he continuously lied, until I told him what I knew. Stupid I know. But I hated that feeling while I hid all that I knew.
He became more nonchalant about his doings. Even added a few more to his roster.
After that, we fell apart.
I still had and have feelings for him, and I know he does too. We had a huge argument in January because I was tired of acting like I was okay with it all.
We barely spoke for months. & our family & friends noticed a change in us both. I blocked his calls and texts during that time, hoping he would just stop, but he didn’t.
A few weeks ago, we saw each other again, had long talks like we used to had sex, and it all came back.
This scared the fuck out of me. I remembered how compatible we are, and every moment we had.
So the only logical thing to do was to friend zone him again. So we had the let’s just be friends talk.
He still calls and texts, we talk when we need each others advice or just someone to vent to.
BUT I’m still not okay. I can’t get past my feelings. & I don’t want to hurt him or make him feel like I won’t be there for him.
How can I distance myself without abandoning our friendship? How can I get my feelings out of the equation?
Unsure about my feelings
It seems like you tried to turn a great friendship into a relationship. Here was someone that you had a great time with and can confide in, so why not be more. You were content in what y0u had and when you thought you were the only person, the second you found out you were not everything changed. At the end of the day, you were not in a relationship with this man even though in your mind you were. I don’t think you were just another one on his roster, but you definitly started acting like an insecure chick once you found out about those other women. At the end of the day he wasn’t into having a relationship. That’s why he had a team of chicks, men that really want something don’t keep a slew of nameless bodies around like that. If he wanted to be with you, you would have been his girl.
The fact that you tried to distance yourself from him was a good move. You couldn’t deal with your position so you had to bounce. I understand and agreed with what you did. What I don’t agree with is trying to keep a friendship with a man that you still have feelings. Girl, this is not going to work. There is no way you can be friends with someone while pine for them behind closed doors. You’re not ready to rebuild a friendship with this man. You still need to heal and get over it. Sometimes we’re not to be friends with everyone we come in contact with in life. You have to acknowledge that a friendship has ran it’s course and pick up the pieces and move on. You cannot be friends with him. If you continue to try I guarentee your feelings will be crushed once again. I think you want to keep him close to show him how solid you are and will be for him. If he hasn’t realized how great you are as a person by now he will never realize. Don’t allow anyone to take you for granted. You deserve better than a half ass relationship and friendship. Cut your loses and move on with your healing.
I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!
There are times in every relationship when you come to the cross road…should I stay or should I go? This decision can be a hard one because although your too through, you have also invested time and love into the relationship. The thing about ending it isn’t always about not being with the person, it’s who you become after the break-up. In most breakups it’s never a mutual decision. One person wants to work things out while the other is ready to move on. This can cause one person to feel jilted and hurt, and eventually angry. This is the point where you can no longer have a civil conversation and grow into relationship enemies. The very thought of the other person makes you pissed. You see them in public and your whole night has gone to bullshit. Some people harbor so many ill feelings for the other person that they grow into enemies. There is a way that you can end the relationship and not gain an enemy for life.
I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.
Thought about losing my f*ck buddy due to knowing he must have multiple f*ck buddies. He is fixated on not bringing up the subject of ending this situation,but I think it’s time to move on. How do I break it down to this slick bastard that the time has come to part ways without hurting his feelings? Really don’t want to give up the friend I have had since high school. Really don’t… Love him and it is what it is. Don’t even see him in my future because he is definitely not the type to settle down. The sex is great, but beginning to see there is no point in having him around. MY. BRAIN IS TAKING OVER FAST. How do I tell him he is a damn hoe and needs to go?
Getting Rid of the Dick
When it’s time it’s time. If brain is telling you to let that dick go, you need to follow your first thought. The thing I’m struggling with is, why does it bother you if he’s sleeping with other people? If you’re not being sexually responsible I can understand your concern, but if you are what’s the problem? If he’s just your f*ck buddy it shouldn’t matter if he has other buddies out there. Did you guys agree to only f*ck each other? That’s not being f*ck buddies, that’s being in a relationship without the drama. The whole reason that you’ve put the label of bed buddy is because ya’ll f*cking…that’s all. It seems that you’re feeling more in general, but the fact that your label is a f*ck buddy is starting to bother you.
I understand that you two are friends, but if you’re really not feeling it anymore you have to just say it. Tell him although he’s your homie you wanna take a break from the whole f*cking debacle. If he asks you why and he will just let him know where you are mentally you’re just not feeling the whole sex buddy situation. You don’t have to tell him “You f*cking other bitches so you gots ta go.” You wanna keep the friendship and that shit will start some mess. Just clean it up and say it in a way that he doesn’t feel like his dick is the enemy. At the end of the day you still want to keep that dick as a reserve in case you need a fix at 11:58 pm on a cold winters night in December. Just Sayin…
I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!
Last time on Candy Diaries I expressed how I was in love with my best-friend brother and I expressed that to Twon (the brother). One day I logged on Facebook and received this instant message from him:
T’Bo Be Fxckin Around
man no you not dat was a ACCIDENT pure horny shit quit playin wit me i have sumbdy and dat aint changing.