I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.

Have you ever loved someone that loved someone else? It’s the toughest pill to swallow. I once had feelings for a friend. We were friends for a number of years and during that time I guess my feelings were always there. The thing was he had no clue how I felt. It’s not that I was ashamed in how I felt, my friend was a damn man hoe. The fact that we were friends I knew the games he played with unsuspecting chicks. The thing was as someone who was just my friend I got to know a different side of him, but I knew he was a man hoe so I never said anything. So a few years passed and I noticed that my feelings were getting stronger. Now by this time he has tamed his dog-ish ways and looking for something more meaningful. Basically we were both longing for the same things, but for some reason we never looked at it in each other. Well at least in my mind he never looked for it in me. Any way, after a few years I couldn’t take it anymore. The more I sat on my feelings the worse off I started to feel. I felt I needed to say something, but was afraid of the reaction. I wasn’t too afraid that he would be so uninterested that the friendship would end, I knew it wasn’t gonna go that way. I just thought the shit would be uncomfortable if we had the discussion and it wasn’t a mutual feeling. Basically I was running away from rejection, but deep down I had to know.

Just when I worked up the nerve to say something, I found out that he’s was seeing someone and by the way he spoke about her he was now in love. Ya’ll if you know how it feels to be ran over by a runaway train moving at 140 mph, that’s how I felt. Like I got knocked the f*ck over. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit HURT me to my very core. Even though I was dying inside I listened to him rant and rave about her. What a wonderful person she was, how he was so happy. I put on my fake smile and asked questions, although I’m in love I’m still the “friend.” I was watching the man I had feelings for be excited about someone other than me. I decided not to tell him at that moment. I guess it’s the fact that he seemed so different. I never heard him talk about no chick in that way. I felt defeated! All the times we did movie nights or just hung out I wished I said something to make what I felt known, but always threw those feelings in the back of my emotional closet. I didn’t want to deal with them, so I didn’t deal with it.

The more you hide your true feelings the more it will eat you up inside. It’s still killing me because I have yet to tell him. He has no clue to this day. Will I ever tell him…not sure. I decided to just let him be happy where he’s at. You never know what happens when you do express yourself. It can be the best thing you ever did or the worst. The whole thing is once you get it off your chest you feel a weight just lifted off of you. I will eventually say something one day. This whole situation reminds me of the movie “My Bestfriend’s Wedding.” Julia Roberts character finally told ol dude how she felt about him a day before he was set to get married. She kissed him and his fiance played by Cameron Diaz saw the whole thing and turned to run away. Cameron’s running, dude’s running after Cameron and Julia is running after him. Julia calls her friend played by Rupert Everett and told him what’s happening. He says and I quote “He’s chasing her, your chasing him. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Got it?” That quote alone is enough to not make you even say shit right? lol

Holla at me: Have you ever been in love with someone and they never knew it?

Hi V.I.,

Thought about losing my f*ck buddy due to knowing he must have multiple f*ck buddies. He is fixated on not bringing up the subject of ending this situation,but I think it’s time to move on. How do I break it down to this slick bastard that the time has come to part ways without hurting his feelings? Really don’t want to give up the friend I have had since high school.  Really don’t… Love him and it is what it is. Don’t even see him in my future because he is definitely not the type to settle down. The sex is great, but beginning to see there is no point in having him around. MY. BRAIN IS TAKING OVER FAST. How do I tell him he is a damn hoe and needs to go?

Getting Rid of the Dick

Dear GROTD,

When it’s time it’s time. If brain is telling you to let that dick go, you need to follow your first thought. The thing I’m struggling with is, why does it bother you if he’s sleeping with other people? If you’re not being sexually responsible I can understand your concern, but if you are what’s the problem? If he’s just your f*ck buddy it shouldn’t matter if he has other buddies out there. Did you guys agree to only f*ck each other? That’s not being f*ck buddies, that’s being in a relationship without the drama. The whole reason that you’ve put the label of bed buddy is because ya’ll f*cking…that’s all. It seems that you’re feeling more in general, but the fact that your label is a f*ck buddy is starting to bother you.

I understand that you two are friends, but if you’re really not feeling it anymore you have to just say it. Tell him although he’s your homie you wanna take a break from the whole f*cking debacle. If he asks you why and he will just let him know where you are mentally you’re just not feeling the whole sex buddy situation. You don’t have to tell him “You f*cking other bitches so you gots ta go.” You wanna keep the friendship and that shit will start some mess. Just clean it up and say it in a way that he doesn’t feel like his dick is the enemy. At the end of the day you still want to keep that dick as a reserve in case you need a fix at 11:58 pm on a cold winters night in December. Just Sayin…

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Last time on Candy Diaries I expressed how I was in love with my best-friend brother and I expressed that to Twon (the brother). One day I logged on Facebook and received this instant message from him:

T’Bo Be Fxckin Around

man no you not dat was a ACCIDENT pure horny shit quit playin wit me i have sumbdy and dat aint changing.

Yes you are reading the instant message right!! This was a surprise and blow to my emotions. Somebody I known for over 8+ years has totally disrespected me. I was looking at my computer screen in SHOCK! I was totally hurt and wondered how could he just come at me like this? Really???. He could of came at me in a respectable manner and addressed the situation way better than this, for some whom supposed to be my “Brother”. I didn’t reply back to him instant message because I was just grossed out that he even wrote that to me.

Forward two days later I call my bestfriend(gay male) and the first thing he said when he answered the phone, “You know Twon mad at you?”, I was like I don’t even wanna discuss this right now, so I quickly hung up. An hour later I texted my bestfriend and I was like Twon mad at me, he replied:
“How the f*ck u gone have feelings, it was just ah f*ck, now he don’t wanna have nothing to do with you.”

WOW! was my whole reaction! Like are they f*cking serious! Like for real! This muthaf*ckas don’t even know. The fact is I didn’t just catch feelings off a f*ck, if that was the case, I be loving on every n*gga that f*ck me, but them two believe the fact that we had sex made me start liking him, ummm no! I was really irritated and just wanted to drive to their house which is 15 minutes away and spazz the f*ck out on them! Like fo’ real. This whole situation has took a left field.

Right now I am lost and I don’t even wanna deal or associate with neither one of them. I am just speechless on how someone that is my “brother” wouldn’t even approach me to discuss the situation but rather make false statements. What Do I Do? Should I Try To Save Me And Twon Relationship? Do I Just Leave Twon And My BFF Alone For Good?

Crazy In Love

Dear CIN,

Um I am more concerned about this n*ggas grammar than anything else.  From what I got from the message he’s just telling you it was just sex and he’s got a chick so stop sweating him. Of course this is no surprise to me because like I told you in the initial blog “I’m In Love With My Brother” dude just wanted to get all up in your cookies and cream. I knew this wasn’t gonna end well. By how you described him he seemed like he’s about taking the immature route.

If he acted like that with you, there is nothing in hell to save. You wanted more, he wanted sex. He played you because he knew how you felt. He played on your feelings. The fact that your BFF came at you like that was all types of wrong. No telling what kind of bullshit his brother told him about you.  You need space from this whole situation. I say just chill for a minute.  Don’t try to contact your BFF for a while. Feel him out and if you think the friendship can be saved then discuss it. As far as his brother, girl he dissed you and marked you as thirsty. There is nothing you can possibly do with that relationship. If his brother doesn’t care enough for you to know your side then it is what it is.

Sometimes our feelings get in the way of our common sense. We think one way and we look for any signs that the other person has the same feelings. He showed you who he was, but you just didn’t want to see it. Some men regardless to who they are in ourlives will hit if they had the opportunity. He had that opportunity and he took it. I know it’s hard to even grasp because of the friendship before the sex, but sometimes things happen so you can see the truth about the situation. I’m sorry to say honey, but it’s time to move on.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Women hold on to their good girlfriends like a cheap man holds on to a $10.00 bill, for dear life. When a woman meets someone that she is interested in, she runs and tells her girls all about him. If your friends are like any of my girls, some will be so excited that you met someone new. Then there are the bitter bitches that get mad when they see that you’re happy. These are the women I call the reject chicks; anything you say pertaining to your new love is quickly rejected. So, should you keep certain aspects of your love life from all of your friends or just the bitter ones?

This situation can be a very awkward one to handle, especially if you’re in a close knit group. Women talk about each other. FACT! Even though she might be your bestie (best friend) she still chats about you with someone else. I have been in situations where I told a friend something that I ask her to keep to herself and someone else came back and asked me about it. I was visibly pissed the hell off, but I should have known never to give out certain information that had the potential of getting out. Let’s face it, if you tell one friend and the other friend finds out you’re looked as choosing favorites. Even though it’s your business to tell, your friends have this perception that you must let them know EVERYTHING. Um no!

I suggest confiding in one main person. You know the person that shares your joys, but gives you her honest opinion when you need it…a true bestie. I love all my girls, but some things I don’t throw out there for all of them. While you’re spilling your guts they are itching to pick up the phone to chat your business. And that is not the bizness!!!!

Holla at me: Do you spill the beans to all your friends, or do you pick and choose?

This has got to be the funniest shit I ever seen in my life. This is so true to life. We listen to the friends that can’t get a man and rely on their advice in our relationships. The next thing you know they do you dirty. I watched this so much last night I had a dream about it. It may be hard to understand for my American readers, but my Caribbean people will die wid de laugh. Enjoy!

I’m not sure how many of you have ever entered a pact with a friend. Like in 10 years if either of you haven’t gotten married you would marry each other. These are pretty common for the lonely, but does anyone actually go through with it? How about making a pact to have a baby with a friend before you’re a certain age? Is it wrong to pick out the man or woman you want to have a baby with? People do it everyday, but majority of the time there was a  relationship  first. What if there is no romantic relationship, just a plain ol planning on going half on  a baby. Is that considered being too controlling if you picked your very own baby daddy?

I’m in my 30′s and I don’t have kids. Although, I am looked at like an alien to most this is pretty common. There are a lot of women and men getting older and still haven’t started a family. Either they’re not ready, focused on their careers or haven’t found the person they would want to spend their lives with. Either way as the years pass by it becomes apparent each year that they’re not getting any younger. They start getting the “so when are you gonna have kids? What are you waiting for?” question from their families, friends and sometimes perfect strangers. This becomes a common question when you’ve reached 30 or older. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

About 3 years ago I found myself making a pact with a friend of mine. We made a pact where if neither of us were in a relationship or had kids we would have a baby together. At the time although we made this pact in the back of my mind I knew by then I would have had a baby or a husband. So to me it was a light hearted pact because I felt I had a lot of time.  Fast forward to 3 days ago while chatting with the same friend the topic came up. Right now we are both in our 30′s, both single and have no children so obviously the question came up as to do we still want to honor the pact.

This is a very difficult decision to make, because it’s so life changing. I remember an episode of Will and Grace where they decided to go half on a baby and Grace met a man and fell in love. Basically she wanted to cancel the deal because she wanted to be with this new guy. Really how is it gonna look being pregnant by your friend and walking down the aisle with another man? This is one of the things that can happen when you enter into something like this. You also have to look at…what if you or your friend meets someone in the middle of this thing. What happens from there? Do you cancel it with no hard feelings or would you feel like cheated? Also, what role will this person really play in the life of this child?  Is he/she someone who is capable of handling major responsibilities? There are so many questions you have to ask yourself and discuss with your future baby daddy/momma.

It may be an unconventional way to go, but I honestly think this is something that more people need to look into. So many people have kids with these no good ass men and women and think “if I knew better I should have kept my legs closed”.  I know women that have gotten pregnant to keep a man and realized after the child was born that he aint shit. I’ve known men that have gotten a chick pregnant only to find out she’s a psycho possessive bitch and wishing to the gods above he never laid eyes on her at the club. Picking your very own baby daddy doesn’t sound so crazy now does it? At a certain point in someone’s life you feel like it’s just that time. Although you may not have the man or woman in your life you might just be ready to start your own family. Women just don’t want to miss that window of conceiving. Although men can have kids until they’re dead, women don’t have that option. So if you have a pact with a friend no matter what it may be, do ya thing. As far as my friend and I we’re still discussing this, so if I do decide to get all knocked up with a sperm baby I swear you will be the first to know. Lol.

Holla at me: Do you think a baby or a marriage pact is wrong? If so why?

Hi V.I.,

I need you to help me figure this one out. So I’ve been single for a while and I haven’t allowed anyone in my circle. There is this guy that I’ve been friends with for a few years and he has always had an interest in me. I wasn’t feeling him like that, but recently he approached me about being sex buddies. I was a little reluctant because we were just friends and like I said I wasn’t feeling him on that level.

So about three weeks ago I gave in and decided to go with the flow. I was so surprised to find out homeboy was working with a WHOOPER. The sex was amazing…I never had sex that much sex over a three week period. So getting to the real reason I’m writing you. A few days ago he came over and we were about to do the do. I had a slight headache, but I wasn’t too alarmed by it. So he got between my legs and starting performing the glorious pleasure of oral sex. The shit was feeling so good until…I heard him scream. I opened my eyes and saw blood all over his mouth. I HAD MY PERIOD WHILE HE WAS EATING ME OUT.

He ran into the bathroom and stayed in there for 30 mins throwing up and brushing his teeth. I felt so bad and I was so shocked because I just had my period a week prior. I think it the fact that I changed my birth control recently and that caused some spotting. He finally came out of the bathroom with a look of horror on his face. I apologized and tried to lighten the mood, but I guess it was too soon. He really didn’t say much when he left my house. I’ve been calling him and texting him but he hasn’t responded. I’m just trying to find out what you think I should do?

Please Help,

My Kitty Failed Me

Dear MKFM,

*Clears throat* Can I do one thing before I get into my response? 1.2.3…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! LMAO!!! HA! OMG I have never ever ever in my life ever heard no shit like this. Wow. I think you’ve traumatized the poor lad. Wow this is so damn sad, yet so f*cking funny. Lmao!!!! Ok ok I’m sorry *giggles* I am a professional and I will act as such.

Ok, again I am so sorry that this happened. I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. At the end of the day how were you to know that your coochie was gonna turn all red on you. Like you said you had your cycle a week prior, so it’s not your fault. Mother nature happens to be a cruel bitch at times, so don’t beat yourself up about this.

I think you need to give him time and let him reach out to you. You’ve already contacting him, so he knows how sorry you are about the situation. He just needs time to get over it because not only is it traumatizing, that shit is embarrassing. Imagine your gliding your lips on a ding dong and the next thing you know you got pee in your mouth. I am assuming that’s the equivalent in a situation like this. If he does come around and ya’ll start having sex again, I want you to be aware…this man might never perform oral on you ever again. How can you really blame him? He’s thinking he got you all wet and shit, but you’re the one that’s gotten him all wet. Give him time and don’t push yourself on him. If he doesn’t come around, it was good while it lasted. I don’t see this completely wrecking your friendship with him, but your sex life might be back to what it was 4 weeks ago…Null and Void. I just hope not though!!!

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Have you ever noticed when a couple gets married, they slowly drift away from their single friends? It’s like the single guy/girl is now the enemy. They hold some magical power that turns your spouse into a cheating idiot. I am assuming that is the logic of a married person.  Or is it if you still have a single friend that hangs around you’re afraid that they try to get next to your spouse? When the hell did being single make you the enemy? You can no longer see your homegirl on a regular basis because her husband thinks you might be a bad influence on her, when she was the damn hoe in the group. So why is there this stigma on us singles? Is it because we live a life that the married wish they still had? Is it the fact that they think we’re so thirsty that if given the opportunity that we would push up on their spouses? Or is it the fact that they feel so much pity for us because even though we basically get to do whatever we like, we’re alone and will probably die that way?

So yes I am single again, and I’ve always noticed when I’m single I’m no longer a part of the clique. You know the clique of couples. It’s like when you’re involved you do double dates and have things in common, so you have no problem hanging out. The second your ass is out of a relationship you can’t hang out with them and be comfortable. It’s like you’re now tainted with the “Single Bitch” syndrome. You’re now the enemy. It’s like now that you’re by yourself you no longer have anything to offer them. You’re now “alone and bitter” and if you hang with her the hubby automatically thinks you’re going to corrupt her head with bitter thoughts and make him the enemy.

Now that I think about it, there are some b*tches like that. Take Evelyn and Jennifer from the VH-1 show “Basketball Wives”. Now you all the know the scenario. Out of the 5 women on the show only one is married *Jennifer*. Jennifer’s bestfriend…the very lonely and bitter Evelyn seems to be a bad influence on her. I’m not saying that Jennifer’s marriage to Eric is the best; cause lawd knows that shit was a disaster waiting to happen, but Evelyn is so jealous that Jennifer “got a ring” that she wants her to be as miserable as she is and leave Eric. Now we all know Eric don’t give a shit about Jennifer, but Eric did confront Jen about her friends telling her to have an affair. This is where I can see where being friends with single people can get your ass in trouble, but at the end of the day it’s all on Jennifer. Anyone can suggest anything, but it’s up to you to act upon it. Yes Evelyn is a bitter h*e but, Jennifer is a grown ass woman and if she stepped outside of her marriage that would be on her not her friends.

Let’s move on shall we. It kills me when someone in a relationship hears that you’re single. They give you that pity look…but they’re really thinking “Awwww I’m so sorry to hear that no one wants you”. It’s like you have nothing to offer to the world so you might as well just kill yourself to get out of your misery. The last time I checked being single was not a disease. Sure you don’t have anyone to cuddle with at night, or you always cook small meals because you don’t have anyone to eat with you or you don’t….you know what never mind. I think I’m actually depressing you more than informing you.

All I’m saying is just because a person is single does not mean the world is coming to an end. Single people will not corrupt your boo into doing shit they don’t want to do. If a single person had so much power, then you should look at your boo and try to figure out why a grown ass person surcomes to peer pressure. Just because you’re “blessed” to have someone don’t look at someone else as being cursed. Half the time your so-called “boo” ain’t happy and your ass ain’t happy. You’re just sticking the shit out because you’ve been together this long, and you’re too use to the bullshit. Also, if you’re thinking that your single friend will try to push up on what’s yours then you got a problem. You’re suppose to trust in your spouse. If he/she hits it, then you need to deal with that between you two. Anyone can throw p*ssy in a man’s face. If he hits then he’s in the wrong. If he doesn’t then you know your friend ain’t shit.

Women always want what they know their asses don’t need. It’s like we’re children. We see a shiny red button that says “Don’t Touch”, but we still touch it just to see what happens. It’s the same way with men. There are some men that we know we have no business getting involved with, but we let our loins get in the way and all hell breaks loose. Here are the top 5 men that need to have their own warning labels. Ladies, if you get involved with any of these men you’re about to head down shits creek without a paddle. I’ve listed them in no particular order.

1. The Cute Co-Worker

There are times you can find love with a co-worker in the next cubicle, but you’re gonna hate yourself if things don’t work out. Just picture seeing and working with your ex every damn day. Ugh!!!! That shit is the pits. Back in college I started dating Joe Bob (not his real name of course). I was fortunate to get into a Federal Work-Study year long program with my college. The next thing I know Joe Bob gets hired too. Every thing was still fine because I worked at the corporate office and he worked out in the field. So my ass decided I wanted to work out in the field also. *It wasn’t because I wanted to get closer to Joe Bob. My boss was an old pervert and I felt very uncomfortable being the only one in the office with him* but I digress.

Joe Bob and I started working together and everything was cool in the beginning, but then I dumped his ass. Found out he was smashing another co-worker and shit. Now here we were working side by side and I couldn’t stand his ass. It got to the point where we couldn’t work together at all. Arguing in front of other co-workers. Passers by looking at us like we were very unprofessional. I couldn’t take it anymore. Thank goodness my year was up for the job. If I had to work with his ass another day I might have stabbed him with a pen.

Now although I dated Joe Bob before even working together it still goes to show a couple working together every day can be very damaging to the relationship. There is no way a person can get over a failed relationship if their ex lover is sitting right across from them in break room. You need time to heal and seeing his mug every day isn’t going to help in that process.

I am 22 yrs old and I recently lost my virginity to a friend. About five days later after the first time I noticed there was a problem, I found to bumps in my genital region. I went to the doctor a few days later(it was the weekend), & I am now waiting on my results. The thing is that since that doctors visit the situation down there has gotten worst and I just know that I have Herpes. I feel like crawling under a rock and dying because this is just horrible. I don’t know what to do and feel like my sex life completely over and it hasn’t even start yet.

I can’t tell my 2 best friends because  I don’t want to get treated any differently & I know that it would be hard for them not to do me that way. That would honestly be committing social suicide, they wouldn’t just stop hanging with me completely because they are my cousin and sister. It’s to the point that this is already hard trying to deal with, that I don’t need anything added on. I haven’t even talked my friend even though he has been calling and texting wanting to see me. If I see him I don’t know what my actions might be…If u have any thoughts or advice please share because I need something.

HELPPPPPPPPP!

Scared and Confused

Dear Scared & Confused

Mama I am so sorry that your first time ended up your worst. One thing about sex is it cannot be entered into lightly. I know you must have been eager to get things going and doing it with a friend seemed logical at the time, but you’ve miscalculated so many points with this one. We are all human and we all do make mistakes, we just have to take that mistake and learn from them. With that being said, under any circumstances should you have had unprotected sex even though it was with a friend.

I know you trusted him, but you didn’t know him on a sexual tip so you shouldn’t have trusted that. Asking him to wear a condom isn’t offending him it’s protecting you. I’m glad you went to the doctor and hopefully it is something penicillin can cure. I bet he doesn’t even know he has something. Most men shy away from the doctor especially if they know something is wrong. You made a mistake, please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Now as far as confiding in your best friends…they’re not only your bestfriends, but they’re your family. No matter what happens your family isn’t going to turn their backs on you. The issue is you feel embarrassed that this has happened to you. That is understandable, but you should be able to confide in them what is going on. If they do treat you differently then you don’t need them. It seems like they’re the only close friends you have, but if your own fam could treat you like you ain’t shit then you don’t need them in your life in that capacity. I’m not saying you need to run and tell dat, but once you have gotten the results from your doctor and you still feel you want to confide in someone you trust do it. It’s so hard battling with shit on your own with no one to talk to.

As far as ol boy, you need to let his ass know what’s up. You can’t fully blame him for it because you did have consensual unprotected sex with him, but you do need to tell him get tested. He is walking around slanging his dick and passing that shit on to other people. Hell he probably itching up a storm and scared to get that shit checked. You need to let his ass know what the deal is…because he’s walking around thinking he rocked your world and trying to beg for more pussy.

Sex is a huge responsibility and a lot of people don’t even realize it, but you can’t allow this to break you. Stop thinking this is the end of your world because it isn’t. I know it is unfortunate that this had to happen, but hopefully you’ve learned from this and can make wiser decisions in the future. Think about yourself rather than thinking about others. If your friends find out and start treating you differently you don’t need to worry about that. You need to do what is best for you and take care of yourself. Also, let his ass know what’s going on. He has the right to know what he has given you. Please DO NOT F*CK WITH THIS MAN AGAIN. I’m not saying you cannot be friends again one day *I wouldn’t talk to his ass again if it was me* but letting him have sex with you again is just damn moronic. If you decide to have sex again with anyone and they come at you with trying to stick their dick in you without a rubber, stop that shit. Stipulate that before you get sexually involved with anyone you both need to get tested, because if you think Herpes is bad…you don’t wanna know how AIDS feel.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!