Friends Before Lovers? Should You Be Friends First?

couple arm wrestling

We all know a couple that have been long time friends and then decided to take their friendship to another level. They’re both single and get along great, so why not see if they can actually date? Many say it’s an easy transition from friends to lovers. A relationship works better if you’ve developed a friendship before becoming intimate. I do agree, but damn what if the relationship doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped. Can you easily go back to being “just friends”?

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What Lessons Have You Learned From Love?

friends embracing

 

Lol…sometimes I just have to laugh. The things we go thru when it comes to love. The happiness, the hurt and the heartache. Loving someone is an emotional rollercoaster that doesn’t seem to stop. You have your ups and downs, your good and bad. Love is a splendid thing, but there are times that all good things can come to an end. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and eventually move on. You apply what you think you’ve learned to the next relationship and pray that this one works better than the last. As time passes you’ve collected so much knowledge of who you are and what you want, that you refuse to settle. You’ve learned lessons sometimes you apply them and sometimes you don’t. Here are a list of lessons that have stuck with me over the years.

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Stop Acknowledging Your Lessers

woman on the phone

This needs to stop…like yesterday. We need to stop acknowledging those that are beneath us. When I say beneath us I mean those that’s aren’t about nothing you’re on. All they want to do is drag you down in their shit and give nothing to your life only take away. It may be a relationship with the man that just can’t do right by you. Maybe a friend that just isn’t really a friend to you, but pretends like they have your best interest at heart. No matter how we hate the things they do sometimes, we keep them around because we are loyal to the people we bring into our lives. Sometimes you reach to the point where you can no longer taking the tearing down. You can no longer take the backstabbing/two-faced type behavior. It’s time to stop acknowledging your lessers. Kicking those sorry ass people out of your life in order to better what you have going on.

The more time you give to those that don’t deserve it is basically takes time off of your life. Think about it. If you’re focusing on someone and their foolish behavior it makes you look foolish. Like my man Jay-Z said “A wise man told me don’t argue with fools
Cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who.” Meaning the more you acknowledge and allow these losers to invade your life with their misery and messiness, you’re looked at as messy and miserable. Stop people just don’t need that kind of attention. The more you partake in the childish bullshit, you end up looking as stupid as your lessers. Like I don’t understand how folks get involved in social media beef. They bucking on a keyboard. These so-called internet thugs. I’ve seen so many twitter/FB beefs unfold before my very eyes and the shit is sad. Well the shit is actually funny because every last one of em steam from the same thing. A no good dirty ass man that fucking them and some other bitches, but they wanna get on each other. The only thing that shows is that you two look like an idiot while he’s off fucking some other chick in your bed while you’re at work. Basically the more you entertain the people that don’t matter the more you look like a fool right along with them. You are above the bullshit, so be above the bullshit.

Sometimes you just have to grow some balls and eliminate some folks from your life. It may be hard, but you really deserve better than what they have to give you. You need people to add to your life, not take away from it. So stop the internet beefs. Retire being an e-gangsta. You’re way above that life. The people who partake in that kind of activity on and off the internet don’t need to drag you down. Remove the baggage and move on. 

Is Being Fake The New Real?

fitz-mellie-baby

I’ve always heard the term ‘You gotta fake it, till you make it”. Like there is no way you can get to where your going being who you really are? Nowadays I see that it’s true that no matter how “real” you pretend to be, everyone fakes it. If you haven’t doctored up something in your life to make it more than what it really is, your not to be trusted. We see it all the time; fake friendships, fake career, relationships hell even faking it sexually has all of a sudden become popular. I remember a man once told me, “Even if I’m not satisfying you sexually, just pretend I am so I can feel like I did something”. This is the shit I’m talking about. People accepting what’s fake and taking it for reality. I just don’t understand when did fake become the new real?

I always believe that one should be themselves. Cut all the fake shit and just rock in their reality. I don’t claim to be someone I’m not. I don’t spend money I know my broke ass don’t have to floss for motherfuckers I don’t care about. I don’t keep fake friends in my circle, and trust me if I find their is some fake shit going on I have no problem dropping your ass to the curb. Basically I’m a realist about mine and don’t put on for others. I’m the same way in relationships as well. I’m not perfect or pretend to be. I have my flaws and I make sure I advise your ass of such. If I’m unhappy in a relationship we either discuss and try to work things out or we part ways. I know a lot of people that claim to be in these “wonderful” relationships, but behind close doors they’re miserable and unhappy. Because they don’t want folks to think that they aren’t capable of keeping someone so they fake it. Faking it for the benefit of others.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe living in real-life is just played out and I need to be like everyone else and “fake it till everyone believes in it”. The thing about me is I could give a solid portion of a fuck what others think. Shit maybe that’s why I don’t fuck with a lot of people. I feel if I’m giving you the real me, I expect the same thing from them. I refuse put on for folks. Men pretend to be “ballers” to attract the groupies, who pretend to be “real women” to attract the  “ballers”. Bringing out their representative, showing folks who they wanna be and not showing what’s real. I always use the example of a used car salesman. He’s gonna tell you all the wonderful shit about the shiny car and even make shit up so the car can appeal to you. It looks great on the outside, but you don’t know it’s actually messed up under the hood. He’s not gonna discuss how the engine is fucked up, the brakes don’t work and the oil pan has a leak. He’s gonna show all the outside shit you can see and down play all the shit you can’t see with the naked eye. Truth be told if someone exposed what was really under their hood, would you really wanna stick around? So I guess continue faking it, maybe that’s the only reality some people have. 

Do Strings Really Come With A No Strings Attached Relationships?

At one time or another everyone *well I don’t know about everyone* has had a physical relationship with someone they considered a friend. You know friends with benefits. You got that itch you need scratch and you call good ol Bob over to occupy your vagina for a few hours then go home. No emotions, no cuddling and no talking just two friends f*cking and calling it a night. Yea it always seems that simple until the second you get comfortable in whatever you consider that situation to be, and some shit happens that changes the whole dynamic. Now your no strings attached relationship all of a sudden has some very visible strings. So are you just hiding your strings in a or do they develop once the sex happens?

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He’s Your Play Brother But Are You His Play Girlfriend?

Have you ever had a male friend treat you like you were the girlfriend? I’ve talked about the whole men and women being friends thing and you already know my stance on that. I feel men and women can eventually be friends, but it doesn’t always start that way. Someone out of the two wants to hit it. They might not say it our bring it up, but every time they look at you they’re imagining pinning you against the way and grinding their parts on you in a slow or rapid motion. Eventually a friendship can occur, but what happens when someone you consider your brother from another mother treats you like the girlfriend he never had? You two hang out all the time, but is his need to “kick it” just an excuse to be around a woman?

This has actually happened to me before. I went out with a guy a few times, but it occurred to us that we were better off as friends, so we stopped dating. We decided to hang out one day and realize that we actually liked chillin and doing fun shit with each other. Not on a romantic tip or anything, just two friends hanging out. We became really close and I looked at his as one of my bestfriends. I had no issues talking to him about other guys and he had no issues discussing the women he dated. We would kick it at each other’s cribs, go out for drinks…you know friend shit. So I started seeing this guy I really liked. I decided to tell my friend about him and by our conversation it seemed like he was a little agitated.  I don’t know if it was because the way I spoke about the guy was so gushy and shit, but I did notice the way he seemed like he was a little annoyed. I brushed it off and didn’t bring it up again.

So my friend had a party for his birthday and he said I could bring whoever I wanted. At this time the new guy and I became really close, so I invited him. We got to the party and my friend planted an unnecessary tree that gleamed nothing but shade towards the new guy. He was just a plain ol asshole. He was grilling him and making lil comments, so I had to pull his ass aside and ask him what was his deal. This fool proceeded to inform me that he doesn’t think the dude is a good match and ever since I met him we don’t kick it like we use to. Now when he dates a bitch this negro goes MIA for weeks. Can’t see or hear from him, but the second a bitch finds “temporary” happiness it’s suddenly a problem? That’s when I realized I was a stand-in. I was the bestfriend that he treated like a girlfriend if there was no girlfriend. I was the one that got all his time, he did things with and talked to. The second I wasn’t around as much in his opinion it felt like I was cheating on him.

In situations like this things can become a little messy. In the case of me and my friend, I don’t think it was a romantic thing between us. I just think he was use to me being the woman in his life. When I became the woman in someone else’s life it was difficult for him to handle. In my opinion he was like my brother, a member of the family. If he met a girl he liked I was happy for him. If she was a money grubbing bitch that I would voice my concerns, but I never stood in his way. This is in any instance, your view on your relationships might be a totally different view that others. I don’t think he realized what he was doing subconsciously, he just did what was comfortable.  This is definitely a hard thing to break, but I think if you two are mature enough to discuss it then roles will be better understood.

Holla at me: Have you ever been involved in a fill-in relationship?

The Girlfriends Code: Can You Date Out of Her Recycle Bin?

girl code

Ladies, we all know the Girlfriends Code: NEVER DATE YOUR FRIEND’S EX. This has been embedded into our brains ever since we were allowed to date. Now just because there is an unspoken code between friends doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Some people think once the relationship is over and the friend has clearly moved on, she should have no problem in who her ex dates. Others are adamant when it comes to the rule, and no ex should be considered a potential mate even though he may be fine as f*ck. This is written in the Girlfriend’s Handbook, but if they clearly weren’t a match and you have chemistry should you disregard the girlfriend’s code?

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I’m Surrounded By Pregnant Bellies…Help!

So I love my friends, but I’ve noticed a surge of pregnancies around my circle. Damn near every female I know is pregnant. I’m not saying that I’m bitter or anything, but um yea I’m a little bitter. I mean I’m happy and shit for the giver of life and all, but damn everyone around me seems to be making major moves and I’m still…well here. It’s like you realize you’re living a gay looking life. Just imagine…your single, in your 30′s and have no kids. Don’t that sound kind of lesbian-ish living? Hell even the manliest of lesbians getting pregnant. Some people say “You’re not missing anything not having kids. Enjoy your freedom.” It’s not really the not being knocked up that bothers a lot of women, it’s the fact that she’s basically unable to start the second half of her life. It’s like while everyone is living like a grown-up, she’s living like a 20 year old in a 30 year old’s body.

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Would You Sit Back While Your Man Bashes Your Friends?


On last night’s episode of the Real Housewives Hoodrats…I mean Chicks riding around Atlanta driving leased Range Rovers and living in rented model homes in various sub-divisions that pretend they’re VERY RICH; there was a huge blowup  betwix Apollo and Peter. Apparently Peter did an interview with a magazine and did some bitch shit and dissed a few of the cast members on the show. I think Peter believes he’s the star and shit not knowing he’s just an extra in the land of drama. Phaedra brought up the issue of the article at Kim’s baby shower and Peter and Apollo *the man that refuses to admit he’s a bottom* almost got to scrapping at the white folks event. What Peter did got me thinking if your man decided to bash your friends without just cause, would you just sit back looking stupid or defend your friends?

Any “straight” man that decides to talk about a woman he barely knows in a gossip type way is a plain ol bitch. There is nothing manly about a man that just talks about someone else like he got a “pussy” between his legs. Sure women do that every day, but sad to say that’s how some women operate. I don’t give a damn if he knows your friends, he should not have the right to disrespect your friendship. That also goes the other way around. Your girlfriends should not disrespect what you got going on with your man, so if they say something you don’t like you gotta check em. The fact that Peter sat down with a total stranger and decided to discuss these women who he barely knew for more than a minute was not only tacky but disgraceful. I can imagine all Cynthia did was sit back looking like a big ass blank stare while he disrespected her co-stars. Obviously Cynthia is afraid of Uncle Ben that she never said shit to him. He even said some things about her family and her dumb ass just turned her head and shit. Cynthia scared he beat that ass…cause nobody can’t tell me he doesn’t whoop a trick.

I seriously don’t agree with disrespecting others just to bring a certain  relevance to your life. Maybe they wanted to talk about all the tribe of children he has, or the new line of Instant Uncle Ben rice that is slated to hit the stores Summer 2012. Whatever it is Cynthia needs to grow a cooch and learn to check her husband. You’re the one bringing in the money and he’s the one spending it. So if you wanna keep that RHOA money rolling in and not get kicked off like Lisa and DeShawn you gotta put a muzzle on your pitbull. Stand up to him and tell him he just made a bitch move. That’s why a girl can never keep friends because the insecure man she’s with always running them away. It’s a conspiracy to keep a bitch all to themselves..trust me.

Holla at me: What did you think of Peter’s behavior?

A B*tch Is Not Your Friend! *Vintage*

Many times I’ve heard women say “I thought she was my friend” or “I can’t believe I didn’t see what was going on between them”. “Friendships” are plummeting at an alarming rate, because women are befriending bitches. When I say bitch, I’m not calling every woman a bitch. When I say bitch, I mean the chicks that pretend to be your friend and stab you behind your back. These bitches are running rampant, and they need to be stomped out.

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