Downfalls of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

woman scratching her head


The one thing that hinders us in life is losing ourselves. The person who you’ve grown to become is now unsure of who she is and her purpose. Now imagine losing yourself while in a relationship. Putting other’s opinions “suggestions” ahead of your own. Allowing their notions about your life, stop you from being who you’ve always been…YOU. It’s so easy to divert from who you are when starting out a new relationship. You take the constant ideas and suggestions of your partner, not realizing that you’re changing to suit their needs. Losing who you’ve always been to a person you no longer recognize. Losing yourself not only affect your “relationship” but your entire life.

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Letting Go In Order To Let Someone In

letting go

One of the hardest things to do is move on from someone who you once had those strong feelings. Trust me honey, been there done that. As everyone will tell you, the only thing that can help you heal is time. Time heals, but as time goes by sometimes we hold on to tight to the memory of what was than moving on to what your present can be. The thing about memories is we tend to hold on to the hurtful ones and not appreciate the great ones for what they were. Can you finally let go of someone who’s emotionally holding you back?  Can you move pass the hurt of your last relationship to let someone new into the picture?

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Sometimes Closure Is All You Need…That’s It



People tend to make situations harder than they need to be. It’s a part of life to fall in and out of love. Sometimes relationships have a shelf life that just can’t be ignored. No matter how you feel or how much you care for someone, if it wasn’t meant to work at that time it wasn’t meant to work. The issue that many face is when a relationship ends without any indication…with so many unanswered questions. When someone just walks out of your life and you have no idea why or even what went wrong. This is when you’re left confused because the other person didn’t have the courage or even the balls to tell you why it’s over. Your more upset about the way they did it rather than why they decided to end it. You require closure. You need to finally put a nail in the coffin and move on, but if there is no closure you’re always left wondering…WHY?

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Women Give Too Much Power To These Half Ass Men


 I am thoroughly sick of these women releasing their power to these n*ggas and yes I said n*ggas that don’t give a promise of a fuck. They treat em however they want and these chicks get down on their knees and beg these men for love. I blame women for this shit. Men do what you allow them to do and the second you give him everything, he turns around and gives you nothing. You make this man your world and fight him on a daily basis to acknowledge your existence. Then you cry on a daily basis and use these low self-esteem ass tears to gain sympathy. Like if you cry and beg just enough he will treat you better. These men don’t give a damn about your tears or your heart, but you release all the power in your body to make him feel like you truly love him. Chile please.


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Have You Become A Bag Lady?


“Bag lady you gone miss your bus. You can’t hurry up. Cause you got too much stuff.When they see you comin. N*ggas take off runnin. From you it’s true oh yes they do”

Are you a bag lady? Dragging all your bags from past relationships into new ones? Can’t let go of the hurt, anger, fear or disappointment you experienced in the past? Afraid to love again, because the last time you decided to do that shit you got your heart shattered into a million pieces? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you my dear are a bag lady. You’re ruining your future by focusing on your past. You’re running from the possibility of love. So when are you gonna set those damn bags down and stop running from it?

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Do You Have A Daddy Hole?

daddy issues

A few weeks ago many of you celebrated Father’s Day with the men in your lives. You did something special for your fathers, husbands, step-dads and even baby daddies. Well this post really isn’t for you. This post is for those who have a Daddy Hole. Grew up not having a father even if he was inside or outside the home. In the black community there is an alarming rate of absentee fathers. Many kids grow up without the knowledge of what it’s like to have that father figure in your life. That’s the daddy hole. You have this gaping hole because of that missing piece. It’s better refered to as “daddy issues”. Due to the absence of that father in your life, you forever have issues with men.

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How To Deal With A Heart You Didn’t Break

broken heart

Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man that was just not “emotionally” available? No matter how hard you tried to get close to him he seems to have you at arms length? You can’t understand why he’s so distant when clearly there is something about you he’s feeling. Well this isn’t at all uncommon. The same way how you keep certain men at a distance, there are men out there going through the same thing…a broken heart. Some men are so traumatized by getting their heart broken they refuse to let anyone in all the way. The sad part is these are the men you’re feeling the most, but they won’t let you  bypass the gates. You like each other  and want to continue with the relationship, but how do you deal with a heart you clearly didn’t break?

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Ask V.I.~I Wanna Ruin His Life…Can You Help Me?


Hi VI,

So first I want to start by saying I loooove Candy diares. You keep me more than entertained at work. I check everyday for new postings and u never let me down with the realness.

So I have an issue I’m going through. I was dating a guy with a child for a little over a year. He was practically living with me and I was basically supporting him as I thought a woman should when her man is going through hard times. Well we definitely went through it and after a year I find out that he’s been living a double life with his baby’s mom. I’m hurt beyond words, I went through hell and hot water with this boy, and yes I said boy and gave him multiple chances to be honest with me and he just lied and lied n lied. Now that I know the truth, I want revenge. I want to say something to the girl, not to hurt her because she really had nothing to do with how he treated me. I just to hurt him as much as he hurt me. Now he’s off living this perfect family life and I’m stuck picking up the pieces of my broken heart and its hard. The thing is I know if i say something his lil family will be ruined and his son will most likely be taken from him. Since I’ve known him I know that if nothing else matters to him in this world. That boy loves the shit out of his son. I don’t want to be no home-wrecker but I didn’t sign up for this hurt and don’t think I should just have to accept that for a whole year I was loyal, faithful, and honest to someone who doesn’t even know the meaning of those words.

How do I get over this and get my revenge without tearing a child away from his father???

Revenge Seeker

Dear RS,

Revenge is sweet, but it doesn’t mend  a broken heart. Sweetie you got played. Point blank and period. This shit happens in relationships, you might get hurt. Loving someone other than yourself isn’t easy, if it was there would be happy folks in this world. Your bitter and angry and you want them to hurt just as much as you do, but when it’s all said and done your still gonna be hurt. You said your intention for telling the woman isn’t to hurt her, but your still gonna hurt her correct? It’s like you want to make it known to her that he ain’t shit because he wasn’t shit to you. If he wasn’t shit to you and you were loyal to him chances are this isn’t the first time he did shit like this and I guarantee you she knows about it.

The first mistake you made was, he was living with you and you were supporting him. You were only with dude a year and you already wanted to play husband and wife? Boo, love is grand and all but if your pulling the weight and he’s not doing shit to contribute other than giving you dick then what’s the point of calling him your man? He’s just a dude that gives you dick if that’s the case. You moved too quickly into this that you didn’t really know who you were dealing with in this relationship. You know the consequence of telling this chick might be that she separates him from his son. That is a territory that you shouldn’t even touch. By doing that shit how is this benefiting your heart? You taking a child from his father because your bitter? Chile you need to get up out of that and move on. Yes it’s difficult to do in the beginning, but time does heal all. Just be glad you found out before the shit got deeper. What if you got pregnant and had to raise this child alone? What if you got something from this kneegrow that penicillin couldn’t cure? You gotta be blessed that you got out unscaved.

So my recommendation is chill on that revenge thing. Karma is sweeter than revenge and I believe how you do people is how people will do you. It all comes back to the person, and once it does your hands are clean. You did nothing to get back at the person so you can’t feel guilty later on down the line when something happens.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!



ASK V.I. Special Edition~Parents Need to Do Better

So I was sent an “ASK V.I.” email last night and I had to address this right away. I was blown away by what the hell the letter said and that made me start to get pissed off. I’m not a parent but I do know right from wrong , and some of you single mother’s out there need to get your shit together. I’m talking about the single mothers that put a nigga *yes I ain’t bleeped that shit out* before your children. What kind of parent are you that would allow some dumb ass lame to gank you, and then talk about you still love him? Let me run down the letter so ya’ll can get a bigger picture for ya’ll.

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Can You Actually Make Someone Crazy?

Have you ever known someone that just wasn’t right in the head? They get into a particular relationship and when things start going bad they automatically start to act different? It’s like they love so strong that their mind can’t keep up with their emotions. They start saying and doing some off the wall shit, and think that nothing is wrong with them but with everyone else. I always wondered if genetically people have the crazy demon in them already, or the minute they love too strong they start to lose it. Can love actually make someone crazy?

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