Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man that was just not “emotionally” available? No matter how hard you tried to get close to him he seems to have you at arms length? You can’t understand why he’s so distant when clearly there is something about you he’s feeling. Well this isn’t at all uncommon. The same way how you keep certain men at a distance, there are men out there going through the same thing…a broken heart. Some men are so traumatized by getting their heart broken they refuse to let anyone in all the way. The sad part is these are the men you’re feeling the most, but they won’t let you  bypass the gates. You like each other  and want to continue with the relationship, but how do you deal with a heart you clearly didn’t break?

There are so many misconceptions when it comes to men. Most women think all men are dogs and all they do is play games. I never believed that was true, but I do believe that some that are dogish use that as a defense mechanism. Their afraid of being hurt or getting played by another woman, so they dog the ones they got. The thing about men and women is that women are emotional beings…men aren’t that way. The second they feel any ounce of hurt the completely shut down, leaving the good bitch in a dangerous spot because she’s now up for getting her heart broken. A man isn’t gonna let a woman in even if she seems like the right one. They will continue to push her to the limit until she can’t take it anymore and move on about her business. That is the risk you have to take dealing with a broken hearted man. The old bitch made your role impossible to deal with, so now your stuck.

I remember dating a man that was a nice guy, but was clearly scarred by a relationship in his past. He liked me, but he never let me get too close. It was like he was fighting with two sides. He wanted that deepness with me, but at the same time didn’t trust me for shit. I understand that happens, because it happens with women also. I stuck around because I wanted him to see not all women out here are just out to play a dude. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t break the skin. He was hardcore to the surface and no matter what I did I was not getting there. I couldn’t take his emotional unavailability anymore. There was no point to it. I was dealing with a man that could not get over his past. I wished him well and went along my merry way. Years later I saw him and we had a conversation and he admitted that he wished he was better to me back then. I was clearly a good person…not woman but person to him and he took it for granted, because he couldn’t deal with letting someone in again. I accepted his apology because sometimes it takes time for you to realize shit and I’m glad that he realized just how emotionally stunted he was back then.

Fellas, I know sometimes breakups are hard to deal with but taking it out on the next woman is a no no. This goes to men and women who have allowed a no good motherfucker to dictate their lives…IF THAT PERSON WASN’T WORTH IT WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKING THEM RELEVANT? You’re allowing someone who didn’t value who you are to run your life years after they left it? Chile stop. People come and people go, but you gotta control that situation. A broken-heart can happen when you open your heart. I need people to realize with love comes pain. This love thing is a gamble. Sometimes you come out on top and sometimes you fold. The shit is a 50/50 chance thing. You can’t let another motherfucker shut you off from the joys of love. If you’re still dealing with it and afraid to let anyone close to you right now, stop pursuing these people. A breakup is a death. Yes, you have your time to grieve but then you gotta rejoin the living. The greatest part of this life we live is we have the ability to love. That shit shouldn’t be taken for granted. So if you’re dealing with someone who clearly hasn’t gotten over the breakup they had in 1992 then you might need to cut your loses and move on. There is nothing about you that can change that person’s thoughts about love. They have to be adult enough to realize that not all men/women are the same and love has two sides. Until you’re ready to accept the possibility of love, you need to move on from your past hurt. That’s the only someone real can enter your life.

Hi VI,

So first I want to start by saying I loooove Candy diares. You keep me more than entertained at work. I check everyday for new postings and u never let me down with the realness.

So I have an issue I’m going through. I was dating a guy with a child for a little over a year. He was practically living with me and I was basically supporting him as I thought a woman should when her man is going through hard times. Well we definitely went through it and after a year I find out that he’s been living a double life with his baby’s mom. I’m hurt beyond words, I went through hell and hot water with this boy, and yes I said boy and gave him multiple chances to be honest with me and he just lied and lied n lied. Now that I know the truth, I want revenge. I want to say something to the girl, not to hurt her because she really had nothing to do with how he treated me. I just to hurt him as much as he hurt me. Now he’s off living this perfect family life and I’m stuck picking up the pieces of my broken heart and its hard. The thing is I know if i say something his lil family will be ruined and his son will most likely be taken from him. Since I’ve known him I know that if nothing else matters to him in this world. That boy loves the shit out of his son. I don’t want to be no home-wrecker but I didn’t sign up for this hurt and don’t think I should just have to accept that for a whole year I was loyal, faithful, and honest to someone who doesn’t even know the meaning of those words.

How do I get over this and get my revenge without tearing a child away from his father???
PLEASE HELP

Revenge Seeker

Dear RS,

Revenge is sweet, but it doesn’t mend  a broken heart. Sweetie you got played. Point blank and period. This shit happens in relationships, you might get hurt. Loving someone other than yourself isn’t easy, if it was there would be happy folks in this world. Your bitter and angry and you want them to hurt just as much as you do, but when it’s all said and done your still gonna be hurt. You said your intention for telling the woman isn’t to hurt her, but your still gonna hurt her correct? It’s like you want to make it known to her that he ain’t shit because he wasn’t shit to you. If he wasn’t shit to you and you were loyal to him chances are this isn’t the first time he did shit like this and I guarantee you she knows about it.

The first mistake you made was, he was living with you and you were supporting him. You were only with dude a year and you already wanted to play husband and wife? Boo, love is grand and all but if your pulling the weight and he’s not doing shit to contribute other than giving you dick then what’s the point of calling him your man? He’s just a dude that gives you dick if that’s the case. You moved too quickly into this that you didn’t really know who you were dealing with in this relationship. You know the consequence of telling this chick might be that she separates him from his son. That is a territory that you shouldn’t even touch. By doing that shit how is this benefiting your heart? You taking a child from his father because your bitter? Chile you need to get up out of that and move on. Yes it’s difficult to do in the beginning, but time does heal all. Just be glad you found out before the shit got deeper. What if you got pregnant and had to raise this child alone? What if you got something from this kneegrow that penicillin couldn’t cure? You gotta be blessed that you got out unscaved.

So my recommendation is chill on that revenge thing. Karma is sweeter than revenge and I believe how you do people is how people will do you. It all comes back to the person, and once it does your hands are clean. You did nothing to get back at the person so you can’t feel guilty later on down the line when something happens.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

e

So I was sent an “ASK V.I.” email last night and I had to address this right away. I was blown away by what the hell the letter said and that made me start to get pissed off. I’m not a parent but I do know right from wrong , and some of you single mother’s out there need to get your shit together. I’m talking about the single mothers that put a nigga *yes I ain’t bleeped that shit out* before your children. What kind of parent are you that would allow some dumb ass lame to gank you, and then talk about you still love him? Let me run down the letter so ya’ll can get a bigger picture for ya’ll.

Hi V.I.,

I’m wondering if you can give me some advice. I am involved with this man for 3 years off and on. We’ve had several issues in our relationship with cheating. I’ve tried to work things out with him, but we always seem to end up in the same situation. I’m also a mother of a 5 year old *he isn’t the father* and a 2 year old *she is his*. I worked two jobs for 4 years and recently got laid off of one of them. My boyfriend never seems to want to get a job and help out around the house.

About a month ago he asked me to lend him some money to buy a car because he was tired of asking folks for a ride. I gave him $2000 dollars of my savings which he promised to pay back. Once he got the car he stopped coming over to see me or his daughter. Every time I asked him about the money he would give me the run around. Part of that money was my rent and now I don’t have enough to pay it this month. He came over last night and all he seemed that he wanted was sex, and then he was gone again. I don’t know what to do. I need my money, but he doesn’t seem to want to pay me. Do you have any advice for me?

First of all, this shit really makes me upset. I don’t have sympathy for this type of behavior. She knew this man was no good yet she kept giving him chance after chance. Then his broke ass gonna have the nerve to ask a woman with two kids for money to buy a car? What’s worse is that she GAVE him the money and really expected it back. You have two children that you cannot properly care for because you’re taking care of a grown motherf*cker. I view that as bad parenting. I don’t care if I sound too harsh, but that shit makes me question any woman’s judgement. Now you’re about to be evicted because you can’t pay your rent. I don’t feel sorry for you one bit. I feel sorry for the children. Instead of using that money to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kids, you spending it on a nigga that ain’t got shit and treat you like shit.

You said he’s unemployed yet you honestly thought he would pay you back? Last time I heard people don’t shit money. The sad thing is you’re not the only woman that does this. There are so many women out there that would put someone else before their kids. Is it low self-esteem? Is it lack of parenting skills? There are so many questions that need answering. Women in general need to learn how to deal with their responsibilities. We talk about men not doing what they’re suppose to do as men, but there are a lot of women out there doing the same things. As a parent your main priority is your children, not some dude with good dick. Constantly putting a man over your children will only alienate your children from you. It’s like you put up with anything because you’re scared to be alone. Is that an example you want to show your children? A man can run over you as many times as he wants and all you have to do is grin and bear it? I’m sorry but I  and a lot of woman out there wasn’t raised that way.It pains me to write this post because some people just don’t realize shit until it’s too late. I give tough love because watering down the truth doesn’t sink in all the way.

This is the time when you need to make shit right. I don’t think you will ever get your money, but you need to take this as a lesson. I know he is the father of your child, but he is useless to you and her. Don’t talk shit about “he’s her father he should be able to see his daughter”. That is true but you said yourself that he only comes over there to fuck you and doesn’t even check for her, so what’s the point of him being in the picture. If shit is broke throw it away. You need to get your shit together and focus on raising your kids, so they don’t turn out battered and bruised. Believe it or not your kids are watching every move you make and if they see mommy getting treated like pure shit, they will think it’s normal and ok for someone else to treat them that way too. Get your shit together, if not for you but for the future of your children.

V.I.

Have you ever known someone that just wasn’t right in the head? They get into a particular relationship and when things start going bad they automatically start to act different? It’s like they love so strong that their mind can’t keep up with their emotions. They start saying and doing some off the wall shit, and think that nothing is wrong with them but with everyone else. I always wondered if genetically people have the crazy demon in them already, or the minute they love too strong they start to lose it. Can love actually make someone crazy?

I have never ever ever in my life loved someone to the point I wanna kill myself and shit. I might have wanted to kill them for a brief moment in time, but came to my senses when I realized that I am too damn cute to be in some body’s jail. I just refuse to let someone who doesn’t deserve my ass have all that power. With that being said, there are times when you meet that one man/woman that makes you go all the way turned up. You can’t do anything else but think of this person. A homeboy of mine allowed this bitch to drive him crazy. I call her a bitch cause I didn’t like her grimy ass anyway. Truth be told I thought he could do better, but you can’t tell a person in love a damn thing that they don’t wanna hear. This man went above and beyond the call of duty for this chick. She called him and he would pick up on the first ring. The problem was, with all the things he did for her she never seemed to give anything in return. She treated this man like shit, but he couldn’t see it because he was so “in love”. One day he called her and the phone kept on ringing. He called and called until she started ignoring his calls. In between rings that shit went to voicemail. He started acting all female like and wanted to drive by her house to see if the car was there. Before he could do that she called him up all pissed and shit and asked him why he was blowing her up like that. Then this bitch had the nerve to tell ol boy “I’m on a date, leave me alone”. SMH… This dude went straight crazy on everybody. It came out she was using him *big f*cking surprise*. He just didn’t want to believe the woman he “loved” could do him so wrong.

You know this dude constantly called her..until she changed her number. He kept talking about “When they worked out the issues”. There wasn’t any issues to work out. Homeboy got played!!!! He was her “Right this minute man.” He did anything for her and she used it to her advantage. The minute she met a man that got more than he had she dropped him like  Beyonce did them Destiny Chil’ren. The sad part is, he couldn’t understand or get it through his head that he got played by a trick. This man wouldn’t date, wouldn’t enjoy life cause his mind was filled with thoughts of this chick. Do you really want to know the moment when iCouldn’t anymore? This son of a biscuit eating bulldog called me one night at 1am crying like a bitch cause he saw her out to the club with another dude. THIS GROWN ASS KNEEGROW ON THE PHONE BAWLING LIKE A BITCH CAUSE THE HOE DONE MOVED ON. One thing I dislike is someone crying about bullshit… THE SHIT I REFUSE TO TOLERATE IS A HEFTY ASS 200LB MAN CRYING LIKE SOMEONE JUST SHOT HIS DOG. Like really? I am so sorry and I hope you’re reading this, but I had to hang up on you. That shit ain’t sexy or cool that’s just f*cking crazy. I know love and emotions can hit you like a ton of bricks, but when your ass crying over someone that treated you like shit for that long, you need to get hung up on.

It took a while for him to get over her. He realized she was nothing but a gold digging trollop and he deserved better. It’s just sad he wasted a damn year chasing after her ass when he could have found the woman he was meant to be with. Sometimes you have to realize when to let go. You can’t force someone to love you the way you love them. It’s just not possible. I know love makes you do crazy things, but you need to learn the difference between love and obsession. Half the time the people you have this kind of love for ain’t worth shit. They treat you bad and leave you out there to dry. We tend to love those that only love themselves. They can’t see past their own shit to realize when someone loves them unconditionally. That is when we get ourselves in trouble. We love the challenge, the thrill of the chase. Essentially we want to be that person that can say “I changed him/her”. You can’t do that. If someone doesn’t love you, there is no way in hell you can make them think otherwise. Let it go…and move on. There is no need to kill your soul and spirit for someone that just doesn’t give a damn life you live or die.

Hello V.I.,

I am truly stressing and I need some serious advice. I’ve been married about 5 years now and 3 years ago my husband and I started having marital issues. We started arguing way too much, so there was a point where we sorta separated. I went out one night with my friends and met this guy. We started exchanging texts and meeting for drinks. One night we slept together, which I instantly regretted. I felt so weird sleeping with someone that wasn’t my husband. I broke things off with the guy and had a long talk with my hubby and we decided to make things work.

A month later I found out that I was pregnant. I was so excited because my husband and I have no kids and we were trying for so long to have a baby. He was so attentive during my pregnancy. Matter of fact I think it made us stronger. Our daughter was born and I never seen so much joy in his eyes. We were finally whole. The issue is, I have doubts that he’s the father. The other man didn’t know that I was pregnant, but I honestly think my baby girl is his child. She looks just like him. I tried to see a inkling of looks from my husband, but my daughter has a dead giveaway. She has hazel eyes and so does her dad…the other man. I know he’s the father. The issue is I don’t know how much longer I can keep this secret from my husband. He loves our daughter more than life itself. How do I tell him that I cheated and our daughter isn’t his child? I’m stressing out about this because every day I feel like I’m living a lie. My daughter only knows him as her father, so he is technically her father. I feel if I do tell him he would leave us. I made a mistake but every day I think God is punishing me. I’m living in silent hell.

Afraid to Tell The Truth

Dear ATTTT,

I am so sorry that you’re struggling with this issue internally. This is something that is very serious not only for you, but for your daughter’s life. Although, you feel this way the truth will come out sooner or later. It’s your choice if you want to tell it or let it tell itself. This is a difficult decision because this could possibly end not only your marriage, but the relationship with the only father your daughter might ever know. You have to decide this on your own. No one can tell you how to handle this situation. Just realize that there are always consequences to your actions. Yea if he finds out he might be upset and walk out your lives. He might also acknowledge that you two were separated and he’s raising this child as his own and loves her like she is.

At the end of the day biological or not this man is still the father of this child. She may not have his eyes, but that girl looks at her daddy as a God. The first relationship a young girl treasures is the relationship with her father. She treasures the man that sacrificed and raised her, she doesn’t look at who’s eyes she has. She looks at who held her when she first came out the womb and who loved her when she was a bad ass unlovable teenager. You have to decide this, not me. All I can say is take it to the Lord in prayer.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Do you really know how to love? I know Wayne made a song about it, but we don’t need a dude with 18 kids and 20 baby mommas telling us how to love. If you think about it, can you honestly say you have what it takes to really love someone other than yourself? Are you confident enough in your abilities to open up yourself to the possibility of love?  Most women aren’t, hell neither are most men. It’s not that you don’t want to, you just can’t. Most women experience this sort of shocked hurt, that they just can’t seem to get over. It has shaken them to the core. They’re too guarded with their love and afraid to give that special part of them to anyone else. True, you can’t just give your love away all willy nilly and shit but when you can’t give the love at all I find that to be a problem.

I think a lot of people men and women are so suspicious about others, that all they see is the negative. They find anything they can to justify why they won’t go the extra mile. It’s not that they’re picky, there just too scared to show that side to them. They’re afraid to be vulnerable to the possibility of love. They can’t control it, so they run away from it. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that with love there is a possibility of pain. There is no way you can have one without the other. If you open yourself to one, the other can possibly happen. You can’t let the fear of hurt automatically turn off the fear of experiencing love. Men and women are walking around here angry at the world. Pushing away any possible connection they have with another living soul. Thinking that someone has a hidden agenda when they really just want to get to know who you are and what you’re about. I remember one girl said “He says he wants to take me out to dinner. He just wanna screw me.” Ain’t that the most saddest shit you ever heard? She’s was so afraid to open her mind to just going with the flow, that she doesn’t see when a man just wants to get to know her.

This is what happens; you push people away when you know inside we want someone around. You got this electric barbed wire fence all around your shit that you’re shying everyone away when they get shocked trying to get over the fence. You can’t be in control 24/7, you have to allow your heart to take the lead sometimes. You cannot continue to punish yourself for the mistakes that happened in your past. Ok, he hurt you but why are you giving him that much power over you? He hurt you, but he should not break you. If you cannot see the blessing in that misguided former relationship, you will never see the blessing when the right one comes into your life. You complain that you’re not meeting quality men/women, but you’re showing that glowing neon sign “Difficult, with baggage.” If you’re moving on, why bring that unnecessary baggage for someone to deal with?

Ladies and gentlemen, love is what it is…LOVE. You win some and you lose some. You can’t predict how a relationship will turn it. It can be the worst or the best thing in your life. Your job in this whole thing is to embrace the possibility of loving again. Don’t blame “love” for feeling hurt before. Don’t blame love for you putting your guard up, that’s all on you. The act of loving someone has you afraid. Love is one of the scariest feelings ever imaginable, but love is one of the most amazing feelings you can ever experience. If you don’t ever allow that kind of feeling into your life, you might as well be dead.

Question of the day: Do you think you know how to love?

Hi V.I.,

Your cuffing season post got me to thinking about an ex I had. Our relationship began Sept of last year. Although we’re not together and I’m not in love I still don’t have any closure about our breakup. *By the way I was 17 and he was 18* In the beginning it was all good.. he was everything I thought I wanted except that it was a possibility that he had gotten somebody for a previous relationship pregnant. Once the baby was born he would do a DNA. Ok.. no big deal. Skip to a month later.. she has the baby.. no drama.. YET. Time kept passing by and my family kept asking me what was taking so long to get the dna out if the way. On top of that I found out ol girl still had feelings. But I still trusted that he would make good decisions and handle his business.

We spent Christmas together and everything was great, then everything fell apart. A week later he stopped calling me. * We talked every night on the phone*He would take forever to text back. Then he hit me up and said that he was confused about us and its not you its me. Bullshit. I cried and cried. I told him I wanted to break up. After we broke up he did the DNA. The child wasn’t his. He told me he wanted to try again. That resulted in him ignoring me again. We had sex a couple of times since breaking up. He still texts me sometimes. He has also asked my friend to hook him up with her cousin and he texted my friend’s phone one night .We believed he was up to something. So my question is why do you think he did me that way?? I still can’t understand why.

Confused and Need Closure

Dear CANC,

You’re in love with a boy that still doesn’t know the first thing about being a man. That is understandable, because you guys are still young. You say you’re no longer in love with him, but if you really weren’t you wouldn’t have written this email. You wouldn’t have cared if his ass was trying to hook up with your friend’s cousin. You still love him, and you can’t for the life of you understand why the person you love treats you the way he does. I was once were you were when I was that age. The more you try to understand the mind of a boy the more you realize that you won’t.

This is the case of a child pretending to be a grown ass man. The reason he left you the first time was because he thought the baby was his and the more she grew the closer they became. Once he figured out that the baby wasn’t his, his second fiddle *you* was gonna open him back with open arms…which you did. Then he started acting like an ass again. Then for him to go after your friend’s relative knowing that you would find out shows he doesn’t care. He’s 18 and feeling his own dick. He’s young, dumb and full of cum. He doesn’t give one single solitary f*cks about a chick’s feelings. He’s out to get what he wants and if you can’t deal with it tough.

You really do not need  to stress yourself about what this little child is doing. Trust me at your age you may not see it now, but there will be  men that try to come in and out of your life. You’re at the beginning stage, don’t let this bitch ass dude wreck your flow. By age 21 your ass won’t even remember why the hell you dealt with him in the first place. Boys that are dogs grow into men that are bigger dogs. If he decides one day to fly right, then whoever he ends up with will hopefully be a lucky  woman. Right now, he’s too immature to see the value in anyone of the opposite sex.

When it comes to love you have to expect pain. You can’t have one without the other. Once you experience love and pain the next step is letting it go. It may be hard to do because of your emotions, but allowing your hurt to eat away at you when the other person just doesn’t even give a damn is just too much. Accept this for what it is…the end. You said you need closure, but you really don’t. Closure is just shit we tell ourselves because we feel if we somehow talk to them things might miraculously work out. Closure is when his ass continues to hurt you and you finally decide to take away his powers over you. THAT SHIT IS CLOSURE.

I really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see it. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

Twitter:

UrbanNewz @ViChick Took them on a date way across town, told them I was going to the bathroom and left them there with the bill to pay also. She called me asking where I was at and I told her headed home. She start goin off, so I told her to call dude to give her a ride. Bum a$$ nicca ain’t have a car! I ain’t go off on her at all because of her cheating. Doing that to her was the first thing that came to mind. She left me a long message on my phone that I never finished listening to. I haven’t seen or spoke to her since.

FaceBook:

Anonymous: Ha turn off their power, phone, hacked into their emails. Ooooh shouldn’t have said that….

Anonymous: Found out he f*cked the girl I thought was my bestfriend, so I burned some of his shit, flat his tires, and f*cked his bestfriend.

Heartbreak can break anyone down. No matter how strong you maybe on the outside you can’t fight emotions. Many people do things out of anger, because they think that it will make them feel better. After the payback; was it really worth it? Come to think of it, seeing that person crumble with every stroke you give their friend or pretending to care and turn around and humiliate them gives, us a little comfort knowing that we made them feel like shit. You know what; Hell yea that shit is worth it.

Holla at me: What have you ever done to pay back someone that cheated on you?

It’s 10:00am and you’re finally waking up. Your head is pounding and you can’t remember shit from all the Patron shots you drank the night before.  You look over because you realized that you’re not alone. You peek to see the unknown face of the person occupying the other side of the bed. When you finally see their face, your shit automatically turns into the WTF face. Laying next to you is your homeboy, your “brother”, your best friend and his ass is butt naked. You’re not sure if you did anything, but the torn XXL Magnum wrapper says otherwise. You’ve officially  just crossed the line. You got your d*ck supply from someone you considered family. Can you admit to him that what you did was a mistake? Can your friendship ever regain that status it once held?

Let’s face facts here; Sex changes everything. I don’t care who you are, everytime you have sex something happens. You either decide that you won’t do it again or your ass wants that stiffness betwix your thighs one mo’gin. Transitioning from friends to lovers is never an easy thing. Chances are someone out of this relationship always had some sort of feelings for the other. Maybe they’ve kept it to themselves or told you outright, either way sleeping with them casually WILL destroy the relationship. People hold onto whatever little feeling of desire they “think” the other person may have for them.

Perfect example…I know someone that befriended a homely looking girl. Damn homely, the chick had scattered features. It was so bad that when dude described her to me he said “She’s ugly”. *That was foul as hell by the way* Apparently they were actual friends, but this girl was so into him she basically she was there whenever he needed someone. She was trying to be more than a friend, while he was just trying to kick it. Now I don’t know exactly how this part happened but they slept together. He was so pissed that it happened, but he couldn’t take it back. How could he tell his friend that the night that obviously meant something to her was a mistake for him? The next thing you know she started using available sex as a way for him to ”want” her, and being that he’s weak his dumb ass fell for it. The poor dear gave him the coochie wishing that he felt the same way for her, while he continued to smash and started not giving a shit about her. He no longer saw her as a friend, he saw her as a free piece of  p*ssy. It took her a while to realize that she was now being used and she confronted him about it. He simply said, “It was a mistake from jump street, but you kept the p*ssy coming”.

Yo, I hate trifling ass people like that. True enough he knew he made a mistake by sleeping with her, but the fact that he didn’t let her know from the beginning was wrong. I knew something like that would hurt any one’s feelings, but if you value that friendship you would do what you have to do to rectify the situation. Many people use this shit to their advantage and never realizing that they’re hurting the other person. Then you have some people that sleeps with their friends then pretend like it never happened. Not discussing it is also a way to hurt the friendship. I’m not saying that friend can’t transition into lovers. Hell I’ve loved up on a friend or two back in the day, but if you know the feelings aren’t there on your part why lead them on? This is just gonna create more drama and develop an awkward situation if you both share mutual friends. Before you make a stupid decision, stop and decide is it worth it in the long run. You will realize you’re not only messing up a friendship, you’re also messing with someones heart.

Holla at me: Have you ever been in the situation where you slept with a friend? What was the result?

Dear V.I.,

About 2 years ago i ended a very bad long term relationship…it ended very badly. I had a male friend who helped me through it all…This male friend was so good to me one thing lead to another with all the late night talking etc. We ended up sleeping together then i learned he had a woman he loved but was not in a relationship with in another state. I respected that and when she called i remained quiet besides i did not want to be in a relationship. We agreed to be fuck buddies. Things got heated up and the love word was exchanged later into the year.

Well  I got pregnant and we decided to have the baby by this time the long distance woman he loved was gone no calls no text nothing. Sadly i lost the baby at 5 months he was not there to see her because i didn’t call him …..i was hurt and shocked.I spoke to him once i was out the hospital, later that year i got pregnant again at 6 months i lost the baby once again he wasn’t there because i couldn’t call him till after.He seemed hurt but okay with not being there. After the last baby he hasn’t touched me at all its been 6 months since we had sex.He‘s is very stressed he says he has a lot going on in his life so i understood kept my pussy on lock with the exception of my hand and toys.Occasionally i suck his dick and he never makes an effort to please me once again i decided it was the stress and put my trust in him. Today i went though his things which is wrong in a sense but i am sucking your dick kissing your lips so i feel i have the right 2!! I found an instant message between him and a girl he said was his friend saying he could come over and eat her pussy at such and such time. The way they spoke it didnt seem like the first time. Should i work it out ..talk to him about what went wrong? if me losing the baby has anything to do with this? or just leave? I love him i want you to understand that but i dont wanna be his fool…

Thanks

Confused and Unsure

Dear Confused &  Unsure,

First off, I want to say you’re a strong woman. The difficulty of loosing not one but two babies will be taxing on any woman. Now…let me dissect  this and give you my honest opinion. GET THE F*CK OUT. At the beginning of the letter you stated that you were going through a rough time and you confided in him. That was his game plan. He got you at a weak moment and magically your panties came off. Men love when a chick comes to them in a vulnerable state of mind. That gives him easy access to be that “friend” yet he prays you get so weak you give up the pussy. I don’t know him, but I think having sex with you was something he wanted from the jump and that was the perfect opportunity of him to make his move.

I’m sorry to say this but you made a very common mistake. You fell in love with the rebound. YOU NEVER EVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH THE REBOUND PERSON. I think the fact that he was giving you that much needed attention and he was handing you the dick, your heart started thinking for your mind. As far as the 1st pregnancy I don’t know if it was a “mistake” or not but deep down I think you felt that was a way to keep that man. You knew the circumstances of how you got him, and you felt the need to hold onto him. The fact that you told him you lost the baby #2 and he felt okay for not being there is a red flag. I don’t think he wanted baby #2. Any man that really wanted to be there would kick themselves for not being there.

Now let’s talk about the meat of this shit, the other chick. Boo, that man is, has and will continue to cheat on you. You can talk, cry, beg until you’re blue in the face he will still do what he wants to do. You found concrete evidence that he’s not only cheating, but eating some other girl’s pussy. Naw son…that’s not the shit at all. You loosing the baby has nothing to do with him cheating. That girl that you said he was talking to long distance in my opinion was his girl. You were the chick he was cheating with, and eventually got caught up. Now you’re the main chick and of course if he disrespected that relationship that is a clear cut sign that his ass is more likely to disrespect the one with you. Having kids for him is not going to save your relationship. You can’t change a person that doesn’t want to change. This has to be something he wants to do. If you’ve been down this road with him before and he’s still doing the same shit, he doesn’t respect the relationship. Get out!!!

I hope I’ve helped you in some way. Naturally the decision is yours to make. I really do hope you get things resolved that will better suit you. Keep me updated on what happens.

V.I.

xoxoxoxoxo

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