So we’re in day two of the new year and I refuse to believe that you people will subject yourself to the ratchet bullshit that was thrown at us in 2012. Last year seemed to be the year of the ratchet, and I just think we need to do better in 2013. I honestly think when the Mayans said Dec 2012 was the end of the world, I think they were referring to all the bullshit that we’ve endured as a people last year. I love some ratchet shit, but I draw the line at a certain point. Here are my 5 top ratchet ass things that should have stayed in 2012. Oh by the by don’t comment about how I’m a hater and shit, because frankly this hater don’t give a fuck who hate that I got thangs to say.
Ya’ll know I am a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan. I’ve watched since Season 1 and every season I am never disappointed. This season the talk has been about Kenya “I refuse to acknowledge that my skin is completely fucked” Moore, Phaedra Parks and her hubby Apollo. Now I know ya’ll have seen Sunday night’s episode with Kenya’s ass trying to push up on Apollo like her vagina is on fire and she needs him to put it out. One thing I ain’t here for is a bitch who can’t be respectful of what you got going on. This thirst driven psycho, I need a man but can’t seem to find my own type bitches. Now I know a bitch can’t come between you and your man unless he wants her to, but if you got a chick that chooses to be disrespectful to you and your relationship it’s time to check a bitch.
I was in a relationship with someone almost 7 years ago and within our 3 year relationship there was this one bitch that wanted me to bitch slap her. Now when we started seeing each other he told me about this chick *that I knew* trying to press him. For the most part he wasn’t interested, but I think a part of him was leading her on. This is before we got together mind you. So when we finally decided to start a relationship I respected the fact that he had female friends he had before me but I didn’t want no disrespectful shit going on. I don’t think she knew we were in a relationship so naturally she continued to try him. I told him to let this girl know what the deal is before I get in that ass. He emailed the chick and blind copied me on the email, I guess to prove that he let her know the deal. This ol spongebob square pants looking hoe emailed him back and said “I don’t care who you’re with, I still want you.” I saw that shit and totally put that chick on my shit list. You shit on me, bitch I shall shit on you. Now if this chick did shit and he didn’t check her then I would get in his ass. So this chick did not let up, she continued doing little shit but I wasn’t phased…until. So he called me one day and told me some shit that took it there. He said that he was on a website that we were all on at the time and this hoe had his picture posted on her page and under said picture it said “My husband” or some wack shit. He said he told her to delete that shit, but she ignored him. That was the last straw. I sent that bitch a message letting her know to chill the fuck out and she better take my man’s pic off of her page before I dragged that bitch by that nappy shit she had on her head.
I read that bitch for filth and of course she removed that pic from her damn page without even responding to me. If a man does some shit behind your back it’s up to you to handle your man. Dealing with the other bitch makes no sense because it’s your man that stepped out of the relationship. Now if this bitch can’t seem to catch the hint and continues to throw herself on a man right in front of you, you need to make sure that bitch know where you’re coming from. In terms of Phaedra, Apollo and Kenya; Kenya tried that shit and Miss Phaedra wasn’t having it. Kenya’s ass got so bold and asked Phaedra in front of everyone “If you could give Apollo a birthday gift and it involved 2 of your friends name two.” Phaedra looked at that hoe like one of her pimples popped and Michigan J. Frog came out dancing and singing with a cane and a top hat. Phaedra kicked prim and proper out the window and told that bitch “Kenya don’t play with me with that bullshit.” Ya’ll know Miss Donkey Booty don’t cuss…in public. She is not about all that tom foolery. That’s how a bitch will make you take it. When you try and try to be slick and just don’t quit. Trying to see how far you can go before you get cut or shot. Someone needs to warn these forever alone bitches that life don’t work like that. Like Phaedra said “a man chooses a wife, a woman should never run after a man” or something like that. I don’t know… I was too focused on her in that stripper attire with her booty looking like hamburger meat.
Chile yesterday I drank the sweetest tea I ever had. The words “Kenya asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Bitch I damn near died from laughing. Ok here’s the spillage of the tea. Walter Jackson who’s Kenya Moore’s “love interest” on RHOA went to our local radio station and hung Kenya’s ass out to dry. Apparently Ms. Moore and Mr. Jackson truly dated…3 years ago for only 3 months. Kenya called him and asked him to pretend to be her boo thang on tv. I guess she wasn’t down for looking pathetic on tv, which she failed at by the way. Any way Walter spilled all the juice and now Kenya is probably at her rented home sitting with some toothpaste on her face from her acne breakout. You know stress does that to you. I got the videos…my boo in my head Funky Dineva got the whole interview so you know I had to share it with my peoples. This is getting good and messy. I like this.
Now you know why Walter didn’t seem to give no sorts of fuck about Kenya. That whole “we’re getting married” shit threw him for a loop too. By the way if you had any doubt that Kenya was bat shit crazy…you’ve just been proven wrong *whispers* You’re welcome.
There are two videos so be sure to watch them all.
Last night was the Season 5 premiere of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and all I can say is the sun was shining so bright cause all those bitches were under the shade. I think this was the Shade episode because no matter the conversation a tinge of shade was thrown, but hey these are the shade driven women of good ol shady ass Atlanta so I shouldn’t have expected anything less. Anyway, in good Candy Diaries fashion I’ve decided to my rundown of sorts of the show. If you missed it, then here you go.
Oh lort, oh lort…the drama gonna be an epic one this season on the Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 5. This is one of the best Real Housewives franchises, because the drama is always on 10. This season they’ve added 2 new additions and these chicks ain’t got the good sense that God gave em. He by Sheree is out…shit let’s be real bitch had no storyline. Watching a scene with He by Sheree was like watching paint dry in the rain. The shit was never interesting.
So Miss USA (Kenya Moore) and the granddaughter of civil rights leader Hosea Williams (Porsha Stewart) are the two additions. Porsha is recently married to a football player and Kenya has no husband, but we know being married or a parent does not exclude you from being on the Real Housewives of Anything. The original cast members Phaedra Cynthia, Nene and Kandi are still yucking it up. Nene has gotten too Hollywood for this show in my opinion. If she wants to be considered a serious actress she needs to ditch this shit. By the way her show “The New Normal” is one of my favs. She’s actually pretty good, but I digress. Kim will make guest appearances here and there. I guess she was tired of being around all the blackness. I’m glad… Kim got unfunny when she met ol Hillbilly Jim (Croy), and nobody can’t tell me her oldest daughter wasn’t fucking, I digress again.
Check out the trailer for the new season. Chile shit gonna be juicy and it seems that Kenya is the center of it all. I always knew that bitch was crazy. You can tell by them eyes. Any way, let me know what you think.