*Interview* Does Age and Experience Change A Man’s Perspective on Relationships?

relationship

I always wonder about goes through a man’s mind when it comes to relationships. Do they even care as much as women do? As the clock ticks and the years go by do they look back on the choices they made in past relationships and wish they did it differently? How has age affected them and are they ok and content with the state of their lives now that they’re no longer 20 something? I decided to interview 5 guys in various states of relationships. I asked a series of 8 questions and it’s interesting to read the answers. The faces have been protected for obvious reasons…I don’t want ya’ll to see your man’s face and get mad and shit. 

 

                             

      Name: Thacomputa

      Age: 41

      Location: Chicago

      Status: Married 

 

 

1. How long have you been married, and do you feel like you married the right woman? 

 Approaching 11 years.  When I popped the question, I knew it! Now… it’s questionable.  And it’s mutual. We both have at times questioned whether we married the “right” person.  Over time, some things change… people change… and also… they don’t.  You marry a person for who they are at that point in time.  Depending on that point in life, they may be settled into the person they are eventually going to be, or they may still be developing into that person.  And you either expect that they will remain the person you married (because you think they are just PERFECT!) or you expect that there will be growth because you see room for improvement (because you feel the love you have is stronger than the fact that they are NOT PERFECT).  Or there could be a combination of both.  But nobody’s perfect so (in the words that err body like to use today) “At the end of the day” , you just have to decide if it’s worth sticking it out whether they are exactly “right” or not.

2. As a man of a particular age in a marriage, do some of the same issues you experienced while dating still come up in your marriage? 

Maybe a little, but not really… marriage brings along it’s own set of issues that supersede the dating issues.

 3. As you get older are you a little less tolerant to drama within your relationship? 

By the DAY!! And it’s more than just a little.  No man ever wants to deal with drama in the relationship in the first place(contrary to popular belief), so whatever drama he puts up with in the beginning needs to decrease as time in the relationship goes on.  It should be like the interest on an amortized loan where it dwindles over time. 

 4. What’s keeping your marriage going?  The genuine love we have for each other.

 5What do you think a women need to understand about men before they decide to walk down the aisle?

 Women need to understand that they can’t look for a man to fit into their life, they need to decide if they can fit into his life and not loose herself.  Ladies, you can NOT change a REAL man so stop trying.  If this nigga ain’t already 90% of what you want in a man, he ain’t the one and you can’t make him the one. 

 6. As you look back on life were there any women from your past that you wish you had done things differently? 

     Yes, but that is a very open ended question.  I could go many ways with that one. HA!

 7. If you had the opportunity to give your 20 year old self advice about life and relationships, what would it be?  

It would be to wait even longer than I did before deciding to get married.  Going along with what I said in #1, the older you get the more you settle into who you are going to be.  Over time you come to realize things that you really need or don’t need in your relationship.  The younger you are, the more chance there is for those things to change and/or develop.  This is how it’s possible for people to wake up one day in a long term relationship and realize they don’t know the person they are in the relationship with.  But this doesn’t mean you won’t end up with the same person because if it was meant to be it would be, just without all the growing pains that could sour what would have been so sweet.

 8. Do you think age and experience played a major role in the man you are today? Why or Why Not?

 But of course! Age and experience are the best teachers.  You live and you learn(hopefully!). “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ~Muhammad Ali

Are You Husband Hungry?

We all know that marriage is the final stage. Well for some  it’s the final phase in your life where you’ve done every nasty ass shit you can think of and now ready to settle down with one person who you can become fat and pregnant. Marriage is beautiful isn’t it? The thing is the older you get the more marriage seems to be a more important issue in your life. You’re no longer in your 20′s…hell you’re damn near on the cusp of 40 and you’re still without a family of your own. At this point marriage isn’t just a “someday” thought, it becomes your whole goal. You need to get married. You crave the white wedding. You’re ready for that wedding ring that symbolizes ” I belong to someone and that kneegrow belongs to me.” You’re ready, but are you too ready? You may have slowly drifted into a stage in life that you never realized. You might be husband hungry. Marriage is the only thing you have on the brain and every man you meet is analyzed unknowingly as “husband material.” No matter who you meet you visualize marriage and eventually scaring him away because of your eagerness to walk down the aisle within a year.

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I Ain’t Dead…I Just Had Some Shit To Tend To In Real-Life

I know ya’ll wondering where the hell I’ve been.  I ain’t dead yet…I just had some shit to tend to in real-life. So I haven’t been writing like I normally do. You would see a new post from me everyday, then nothing. Well I guess you can say I temporarily lost my thirst for blogging. Writing is my passion, but there was no inspiration for me to write about anything. I guess I’m an emotional writer. If things aren’t aligned for me I can’t express shit. Over the past month I’ve transitioned in my personal life. That’s another reason I haven’t been blogging for the masses. I just needed to take a break and focus on other things. Sometimes when you’re passionate about something it can consume your life. Candy Diaries became my life where I didn’t feel I had anything else to write about.

Sometimes in life you get bored with your situations. I was bored with my job. Like it was the same shit over and over again. There was no room for growth or advancement in my current position. My supervisor called me one evening and told me about another position that he thought would be right for me. I didn’t want to apply for different reasons, but the major was because I was afraid of change. I was too comfortable in where I was, but knew that it was a dead end. Any who, I have a new job learning something completly different. I am excited about what I’m learning so I’m good. I haven’t been able to write because I’ve been tired as fluck. Going into the office for training everyday is tiring me out tho, but in a good way. I’m also dating someone so we’ll see how this goes. He’s a nice dude so maybe he can stay around. More updates to come.

So I’m back and trying to continue blogging. Continue to send in your “Ask V.I.” emails. If there are any topics you want me to tackle feel free to contact me. Let’s get back to the real in relationships.

 

Candy Diaries Remembers: Hip-Hop Icon Heavy D…

Yesterday a hip- hop icon passed away. Heavy D aka the overweight lover passed away at the age of 44 yesterday in Los Angeles, CA. Heavy was not only a great artist, but he was also a great actor. Just last month Heavy D surprised the masses and performed at the BET Hip- Hop Awards. He also guest starred on a very moving episode of Law and Order SVU. I was so glad to see him back on the scene doing his thing. We all know that our time on earth is but for a time, so we have to live our lives to the fullest. Although, I never had the opportunity to meet Heavy D he seemed like one of the most genuine people to ever to work in this corrupt industry. When it’s your time your status in society doesn’t matter. Death doesn’t care if your 99 or 29, when it’s your time it’s your time. It’s the impact that you have had on others that will keep your legacy alive.

Rest in Power

Dwight Arrington Myers

Sunrise                  Sunset

May 24, 1967 – November 8, 2011

Music

TV Show Apperance *Living Single*

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

All Men Are Not Husband Material

“All Mean Are Not Husband Material” that phrase gave me life. That is the realist shit I ever wrote. All men aren’t “the one” and the sooner some women realize that, the better of they will be. I know we all believe in the fairytale of marriage, kids and a dog and some women do achieve. They key to it all is they realized that all the men they encountered won’t be the one that swept them off their feet. You can’t treat every man like hubby because every man is not that man. Some men are just are for the moment. You can’t give them all of you and get mad cause you got hurt. You see the signs that he ain’t shit, but you ignore it because you believe “This one might be it.” Ladies you gotta learn to differentiate the wanna be’s from the gonna be’s. Continue reading

What I Got From Oprah’s Final Goodbye

Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to get about your business and do it”~Oprah

As you all know yesterday was Oprah’s final episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. It has been 25 years since Oprah graced household’s with her presence. A colored girl from Mississippi who everyone may have counted out because of the way she looked. Here stood a thick black woman with wide eyes and a convincing tongue. Oprah knew her business and with knowing her business was blessed not only with fortune and fame, but with a sense of being. Oprah’s last show recounted the years she devoted to her craft. A black woman in a pink dressed stood on a stage with a light pink chair as her back drop and talked about what her audience meant to her. Never sitting or acting sorrowful, she stood there and stared into the eyes of the audience. She stared into the camera as if she was talking to everyone individually. Lady O not only dropped knowledge, but wisdom that she has learned throughout the years.

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How Much Time Do You Really Have?

Yesterday I got very shocking and sad news that one of my high school classmates passed away suddenly.  There was no warning it just happened. Although we weren’t tight in high school I remembered her easy going personality. She always seemed to keep a smile on her face. Then I started thinking about the other classmates that were lost over the years. It really got me thinking about life and how instantly it can be gone. Growing up we never thought of the end. We lived with this notion that we were invincible to anything. Now that I am older I realize that no matter how many degrees you have, or how great your job seems you never know when it will be your last smile.

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It’s My Birthday…Worship Me!!!

So today is my birthday and as you may or may not know I”m *grumbles* years old today. Right now I’m probably traveling from my fabulous weekend trip to NYC. If I never at 16 what I know know, chile things would have been so much different back then. Being an adult is hard as work, but you reap the benefits. I’ve reflected on my life and I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Even a few ex’s here and there I would have still kept. Even though they may have worked my nerves or almost made me catch a case, I don’t regret a thing. I am winning right now in life. God has blessed me with wonderful and supportive people in my corner and all I can do is go UP. At 31 I still got it and I’m not old, I just know what the hell I want. *2 snaps in “V” formation lmao.

Love,

V.I.

What’s Your Relationship Credit Score?

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature the bloggers that got thangs to say. Please give up for Darryl of Ashy 2 Classy.

One of the newest topics being tossed around in relationship round-tables, discussions, blogs, and articles is that you should know your mates financial situation before marrying them. Simply put, everyone should know about their partners past spending habits. Why? Because finances end the majority of marriages. Many financial advisers and relationships experts plead with people to know their mates CREDIT SCORE before deciding to jump the broom with them. Knowing this about your mate is fine and dandy (and yes, important) but maybe the bigger question we should be asking is “What is Your Relationship Credit Score?”

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What Are You Thankful For?

happy-thanksgiving

What are you thankful for? I know we go through our everyday lives complaining about the things we lack, but never thankful for the things we have. As the holidays approach there are many people out there that can’t provide for their families. There will be no grand Thanksgiving dinners or the kids will have to go without presents this year. As the economy declines everyone is in a bind. With all this, we still need to be thankful for life, family, and love. No matter how bad things may be, you’re alive when you don’t have to be.
I want everyone to be safe out there this holiday season. No matter what you’re going through just know it’s only temporary. All our situations are temporary. I’m thankful for my family, friends, and the ability to love. So…What are you thankful for?
Have a safe holiday season from all of us here at Candy Diaries
Love V.I
xoxoxoxox