Downfalls of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

woman scratching her head


The one thing that hinders us in life is losing ourselves. The person who you’ve grown to become is now unsure of who she is and her purpose. Now imagine losing yourself while in a relationship. Putting other’s opinions “suggestions” ahead of your own. Allowing their notions about your life, stop you from being who you’ve always been…YOU. It’s so easy to divert from who you are when starting out a new relationship. You take the constant ideas and suggestions of your partner, not realizing that you’re changing to suit their needs. Losing who you’ve always been to a person you no longer recognize. Losing yourself not only affect your “relationship” but your entire life.

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When The Lonely… Become Desperate


Loneliness can be that bitch sometimes. When you have the world on your shoulders and it feels like everyday it’s weighing you down. When it comes to lack of relationships women tend to become bitter and pessimistic. Once a woman becomes lonely they either experience 1 of 2 things. They’re either bitter as hell and no man can come within 10 feet of them, or they become so desperate all you gotta do is shake your head because it hurts to even look at em. Either way, some allow their loneliness to turn in to desperation.

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Would You Stay If He Got Someone Else Pregnant?

pregnant woman


What would you do if the man you loved, got someone else pregnant? Would you stay or go? Recently a lot of celebrity scandals have come out involving conceiving love children with random chicks. They all say the same thing “My woman and I were on a break and I hit a bitch raw. Now I’m a pappy, don’t judge me”. Then you have these women  who have obviously been cheated on, but wanna save face so they stay in the relationship. Not even taking into account that these men that claim to love them f*cked some chick raw dog and now she’s about to conceive his offspring. Can love be that deep where you can overlook infidelity, blatant carelessness and drama? 

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What Lessons Have You Learned From Love?

friends embracing


Lol…sometimes I just have to laugh. The things we go thru when it comes to love. The happiness, the hurt and the heartache. Loving someone is an emotional rollercoaster that doesn’t seem to stop. You have your ups and downs, your good and bad. Love is a splendid thing, but there are times that all good things can come to an end. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and eventually move on. You apply what you think you’ve learned to the next relationship and pray that this one works better than the last. As time passes you’ve collected so much knowledge of who you are and what you want, that you refuse to settle. You’ve learned lessons sometimes you apply them and sometimes you don’t. Here are a list of lessons that have stuck with me over the years.

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The Interview: The Plight of the Other Woman


So yesterday we covered the plight of the cheating man. You guys had a lot to say about the interview on the site and off. Today is part 2 of the interviews, and now we have a different scenario  This interview was done with a woman who was formally in a cheating relationship with a married man. Yes, I said a married man. This interview works as the first one did…anonymously. I wanted to show a difference in how the “other person” thinks in this type of situation.

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Have You Become A Bag Lady?


“Bag lady you gone miss your bus. You can’t hurry up. Cause you got too much stuff.When they see you comin. N*ggas take off runnin. From you it’s true oh yes they do”

Are you a bag lady? Dragging all your bags from past relationships into new ones? Can’t let go of the hurt, anger, fear or disappointment you experienced in the past? Afraid to love again, because the last time you decided to do that shit you got your heart shattered into a million pieces? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you my dear are a bag lady. You’re ruining your future by focusing on your past. You’re running from the possibility of love. So when are you gonna set those damn bags down and stop running from it?

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Ask VI~He’s In Jail, Uses Me For Money But I Still Love Him

Hi VI,

First let me start by saying I love reading your site. Keep up the good work.

 I met this guy that I’ve been in a relationship with for the past 5 years through my brother when they were in prison together. After being is down chick for 4 years. He came home and turned into a different person. He was being very disrespectful and calling me bitches, telling me I’m fat, you name it he said it. Yet he says that he loves me and wants marry me. So he ended up going back to jail for 10 months after being released from prison for only 1 month. After writing him for like 3 months, I stopped and tried to break away from the relationship. When he got released he contacted me and I fell back into the routine of sending him money and believing that there was still hope for our relationship. However, I’m at a point where I’m just over it, but I can’t seem to let go. I still have a lot of love for him, but I’m no longer in love and I know I deserve better. Oh yea, I forgot to mention I stay in Florida and he lives in Michigan. Advice please.
Dangerously In Love
Dear DIL,
Girl *sigh* I just don’t know how folks get involved with such assholes. You need to snap the hell out of this shit. Read what you wrote to me and you will see how silly and stupid this shit sounds. You know I believe in tough love and I say the things I say to my readers to let them understand how much I care. That man has been using you from day one. He is playing on your weakness and your allowing him every damn time.
First of all why oh why are you even getting involved with an inmate any way? Exactly what about the prison system screams long-term relationship to you? He didn’t come home and turn into a different person, he came home and showed you who he really is…an asshole. He said all the things men in jail say when they don’t seem to have anyone in their corners on the outside. He says things like “I’ve learned from my mistakes and I’ve become a better man due to my experiences.” The second that negro is released back in to society here he goes with the bullshit again and guaranteed to get his ass locked up again…which he did. He saw that you were looking for love and slipped his slimy ass into your brain. You showed him that you would stick around no matter what, so when he came out he knew he had you. He treats you like shit and you stayed because you feel you either can’t do or won’t do better than him.
This man does not love you, he loves what you allow him to do to you. Like I always say if you know better do better. You’re hurting yourself and can no longer blame this jail bird for treating you like the shit under his prision issued sneakers. You deserve a man that can do for you, just like you can do for him. There are men like that out here, but you’re wasting your time with a dude that has no concept of respect. Oh by the by if you think you’re the only chick he’s fucking with sorry to say that you aren’t. Chances are there is another chick that this sucker is sucking the life out of, hopefully she realizes it and stop accepting his calls. Girl wake yo ass up and kick that motherfucker to the curb. You need to start respecting and loving yourself before and man, woman or child can ever love you back.  Be a woman and man up!
I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Ask VI~Confused About Love


I really love your advice. Any who I have been talking to this guy for a few years. We dated before and things didn’t really work out. We decided that we would just break up and work on a relationship sometime in the future. We lost our virginity to each other and we’ve kinda been inseparable, even though I have had other boyfriends and he has had other girlfriends since  our break up. I have still been having sex with him through out this period of time too, should I stop, am I wrong for having sex with him still?
I want to start on a relationship with him now and I don’t know if he’s  on the same page as me right now. I love him with everything in me and I’d hate to see him taken out of my life by someone else. What should I do how do I make him mine?

Confused About Love

Dear CAL, 

Why didn’t the relationship work the first time? In my opinion you’re beating a dead horse. In my mind if you two were to try a relationship again in the future why haven’t you? It may be the fact that he’s getting all the benefits of being with you without the relationship part. Like the old saying goes “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” He’s getting the goodies without putting in the effort. If he wanted to get back together I think he would have said it by now. You’re basically doing this backward. If you want to see if a relationship can work let him know and see where his head is at. If he’s down for the relationship work on that. If he gives you an excuse as to why a relationship can’t happen right now take that as a sign boo. It’s not as deep to him as it is to you. Then you can choose to continue giving him the cooch or not. Whatever the outcome all you can do is accept it and try to move on. Sex can keep a man’s attention but for so long. 

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Ask V.I.~ He Married Her, But Loves Me. Should I Believe Him?

 Hey V.I.
The story goes like this we have been in contact with each other for 3 years off and on. Only recently I decided to allow this man into my life. The marriage was on the rocks way before I decided to allow him in my life. Some friends tell me it is not my fault there marriage is having issues  We are both at the point we do love each other, my thing is should I feel some guilt in being with him. I have asked myself what man keeps a woman number for 3 years and never gives up?  He my kids and they love him. The first conversation we had was I did not want to disrespect his marriage until he told me what he wanted. I was told I am not letting you go this time I want to be there for you and kids dad or step dad or whatever.

Can this be real or fake?


You know I’m gonna get in that ass right? Why are you getting involved with a married man? I don’t give a damn how “in trouble” his marriage was in before you hooked up, he’s still married. This man will tell you what he needs to tell you to keep you close. Don’t fall for the hype sweetheart, the cheating section in the handbook tells them what to say. You should feel guilty, fuck what your friends think. Obviously you have a conscience and they don’t…stop listening to bitches who want you caught up in mess. You have a mind of your own and obviously it’s working, you’re just afraid to use it. 

If a man wants to be with you so bad, he needs to divorce his wife. A married man can complain about what she’s not doing and all of that, but if he was really unhappy he would get out of the marriage.  Apparently he’s still married so your just the mistress. You will always be labeled the mistress. I know love is blind and you can’t help who you love and all of that, but you can help your actions and your as much to blame in this as him. If he does leave his wife for you I promise you your soul will not be at ease, because once the novelty of your love becomes “regular” you will always think in the back of your mind that he’s cheating. If he cheated with you, he can cheat on you. Karma is that bitch that will loom over your ill-gotten relationship. You know better, but your letting your heart take over and now is not the time for that. 

Another thing; why are you pretending to be a family with someone else’s husband? Why are your kids in the middle of this mess? This man cannot be serious about you **because he’s into something else a little more committed * but you’re letting this man around your kids? What if he doesn’t leave his wife and the kids get attached? Are you two just going to pretend to be together a few hours on the weekend when he can get away from his obligations? I’m telling you, you’re wrong. Those friends of yours aren’t real friends for telling you that this troubled marriage has nothing to do with you. Be wise about this, because trust and believe you will be waiting forever for him to leave. If he does, you will constantly think he will cheat on you. Shit ain’t like he never cheated before. There is always two sides to every story. While he’s telling you the marriage is in trouble, she’s over at the house happy and in love with her “faithful” husband. Think about it. 

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Attention:Not All Men Fear Marriage

Not all brothas are marriage material. There are some you literally have to punch in the ball sack to get them to take you out the house. They fear the words “us” and “together”. If you even attempt to say “When I get married”…their asses are so quick to let you know it ain’t that kind of party. These are the “Only for a time” men. You can kick it with them.. you know have your fun, but when you decide you want something more you look the other way. Then you have the brothas that don’t shy away from commitment. They’ve done  all they wanted to do and more and finally realized that finding that woman that makes them feel confident in love is better than any feeling in the world. They have no problem making that step with the right person. They know when it’s time ladies, sometimes they want to make sure that you’re ready.

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