Can You Continue Your Relationship If Your Parent Objects?

joyce-kandi

 

We all have that one parent that just feels the need to stick their heads all up in our business. They always have an opinion about the person you’re dating and feel the need to express said feelings at every possible moment. Ok, so mommas will be mommas I guess. Well what about when you’ve met someone who you want to settle down with and your opinionated momma is dead set against your relationship? No matter how deep in love you are your parental unit just can’t see it for you. At what point do you set your momma straight or do you just end your relationship because she ain’t “feeling” him?

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Do Modern Day Marriages Still Last A Lifetime?

I love when black relationships takes that next step into black marriage. It’s a beautiful thing when you see two people who love each other walk down the aisle in bliss. The thing that I’ve noticed is that some marriages nowadays have such a short shelf life. Everything is peaches and cream in the beginning, but when wedding ends and the last guest leaves it all goes to hell. The marriage actually starts these fools can’t seem to make shit work. Is it that folks are “falling so deep in like” with people they think they can tolerate? Are they using marriage as a way to repair their already bullshit relationship? Has marriage become the in thing to do even if it’s with the wrong person? Does a lifetime now consist of 5 years tops?

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Facebook Video Of The Day: Worst Bitch In The World

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I swear some women just can’t recognize a good man. I just can’t understand with all the good women out here, these men choose the bitches that don’t deserve shit. I stumbled upon the video below on Facebook. It’s a clip from a Divorce Court episode with this couple that has some major issues. No let me take that back, the loser bitch has some issues. She left her husband because “he was too nice”. You read that shit correctly, he was too nice to her and her kids and she found that creepy. He did all the things a good man should do for his woman and this bitch didn’t appreciate nothing.

This is the issue I have with women. Some women just don’t deserve better. She wants someone to treat her like shit so she can feel like she’s in something wonderful? Yet a woman who wants to take care of her man can’t find a good one to save her life. I hate shit like this, bitches like this make men think all women are fucked in the head. They’re selfish and don’t know how to treat anyone. Give real women a bad name. Mayne I dislike this bitch for real. Any way, watch the video for yourself.  Let me know your thoughts.

Wonder What Men Really Think About Relationships And Sex??? Check This Out {Video}

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I just love to hear men give their honest opinions about this thing called relationships. So I was put on to this video series “Gentlemen Uncensored” on one of my favorite sites Madamenoire.com. It’s GROWN AZZ men discussing sex, relationships and marriage. You know I am here for it. I always want to know what goes through the male mind when it comes to these topics, and I guess the good people of Madamenoire.com heard my cry.

The panel consists of 6 men with different relationship perspectives. You have Harold “The Youngin”, DJ CEO “Mr. Complicated”, Carlos “The Divorce’ “, Ainsley “The Non-Commiter”, TMor “The Married Man” and Chris Kazi Rolle “The Convo Starter”. 

Check out episode 1 of Gentlemen Uncensored: Why Did I Get Married. You can check out more episodes on their page over at Madamenoire, their youtube channel and “like” their Facebook page . I’m positive you will get an eye opening experience when you watch the videos.

The Interview: The Plight of the Other Woman

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So yesterday we covered the plight of the cheating man. You guys had a lot to say about the interview on the site and off. Today is part 2 of the interviews, and now we have a different scenario  This interview was done with a woman who was formally in a cheating relationship with a married man. Yes, I said a married man. This interview works as the first one did…anonymously. I wanted to show a difference in how the “other person” thinks in this type of situation.

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Is Submission The Key To Success?

I’ve realized that a lot of couples never speak about this topic. When women hear the word submissive they immediately give the “The motherf*cker must be crazy” side eye.  I will admit the thought of given into submission is kinda of archaic, but if your man/husband is doing what he needs to do as the man of the relationship…why not?

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Ask V.I.~ Trying To Let Go of Past Shit

Dear V.I

I have read some of your responses to other issues women are having and I like the advice you give, so now I need some advice from you. Before I married my husband, after we were together for about 7 years he cheated on me. It was a lot of drama of course because the female did not want to let go the fact he wanted to be with me. We got engaged 2 years later now happily married for a 1 1/2. My dilemma at times is sometimes its hard for me to be intimate with him like I should as his wife because I keep letting past shit get in my head. We have talked about it countless times and I realize all men are not cheaters because they cheated once. Because a man cheats once doesn’t mean he will be a repeat offender. He proved he wasn’t this kind of man before we got engaged .( other than that I would not have married him )  he of course apologized many times and proved he was sorry it ever happened. How can I forever let the crazy emotions GO that come back every now and then and enjoy every intimate moment with my husband like I should ?

Thanks for your advice

Trying to let past shit go

Dear TTLSG, 

I always tell women; ” If you forgive, you can’t continue to be mad.” Once you forgive someone, you have accepted what happened, dealt with it and ready to move on. Honestly if you knew that this was going to weigh heavy on your mind, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place. You decided to start a new life with him, that meant letting go of the past. You’re destroying your own future because of some shit that happened when your man made a lapse in judgement. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on you but will you continue to hold that infraction over his head for the rest of your marriage? This is the quickest way to lose your husband. If he’s unhappy at home guess what, he’s going to find that happiness outside the home. Maybe that’s what he did before.

Women are so use to losing that we don’t realize when we’ve won. You have a man that loves you enough to make a pledge to God to spend his life with you in sickness and in health. Many women would KILL for that kind of commitment, but you’re over there stressing about some shit when you two were dating? Girl get over it. You forgave him, married him now it’s time to move on and enjoy your life with the man you love. Don’t let your insecurity fuck up something good. Even if you two need to seek counseling to deal with it further, do what you have to do to keep your marriage in tact. You need to get over it point blank. You’re torturing yourself over some shit that you shouldn’t even stress about anymore. The more you continue to trip the further away you’re pushing your husband into the arms of someone else. If he cheats again you’re gonna wonder why, this is all on you know. You know better, now please do better.

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Ask V.I.~ He Married Her, But Loves Me. Should I Believe Him?

 Hey V.I.
The story goes like this we have been in contact with each other for 3 years off and on. Only recently I decided to allow this man into my life. The marriage was on the rocks way before I decided to allow him in my life. Some friends tell me it is not my fault there marriage is having issues  We are both at the point we do love each other, my thing is should I feel some guilt in being with him. I have asked myself what man keeps a woman number for 3 years and never gives up?  He my kids and they love him. The first conversation we had was I did not want to disrespect his marriage until he told me what he wanted. I was told I am not letting you go this time I want to be there for you and kids dad or step dad or whatever.

Can this be real or fake?

Dear CTBROF, 

You know I’m gonna get in that ass right? Why are you getting involved with a married man? I don’t give a damn how “in trouble” his marriage was in before you hooked up, he’s still married. This man will tell you what he needs to tell you to keep you close. Don’t fall for the hype sweetheart, the cheating section in the handbook tells them what to say. You should feel guilty, fuck what your friends think. Obviously you have a conscience and they don’t…stop listening to bitches who want you caught up in mess. You have a mind of your own and obviously it’s working, you’re just afraid to use it. 

If a man wants to be with you so bad, he needs to divorce his wife. A married man can complain about what she’s not doing and all of that, but if he was really unhappy he would get out of the marriage.  Apparently he’s still married so your just the mistress. You will always be labeled the mistress. I know love is blind and you can’t help who you love and all of that, but you can help your actions and your as much to blame in this as him. If he does leave his wife for you I promise you your soul will not be at ease, because once the novelty of your love becomes “regular” you will always think in the back of your mind that he’s cheating. If he cheated with you, he can cheat on you. Karma is that bitch that will loom over your ill-gotten relationship. You know better, but your letting your heart take over and now is not the time for that. 

Another thing; why are you pretending to be a family with someone else’s husband? Why are your kids in the middle of this mess? This man cannot be serious about you **because he’s into something else a little more committed * but you’re letting this man around your kids? What if he doesn’t leave his wife and the kids get attached? Are you two just going to pretend to be together a few hours on the weekend when he can get away from his obligations? I’m telling you, you’re wrong. Those friends of yours aren’t real friends for telling you that this troubled marriage has nothing to do with you. Be wise about this, because trust and believe you will be waiting forever for him to leave. If he does, you will constantly think he will cheat on you. Shit ain’t like he never cheated before. There is always two sides to every story. While he’s telling you the marriage is in trouble, she’s over at the house happy and in love with her “faithful” husband. Think about it. 

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

*Interview* Does Age and Experience Change A Man’s Perspective on Relationships?

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I always wonder about goes through a man’s mind when it comes to relationships. Do they even care as much as women do? As the clock ticks and the years go by do they look back on the choices they made in past relationships and wish they did it differently? How has age affected them and are they ok and content with the state of their lives now that they’re no longer 20 something? I decided to interview 5 guys in various states of relationships. I asked a series of 8 questions and it’s interesting to read the answers. The faces have been protected for obvious reasons…I don’t want ya’ll to see your man’s face and get mad and shit. 

 

                             

      Name: Thacomputa

      Age: 41

      Location: Chicago

      Status: Married 

 

 

1. How long have you been married, and do you feel like you married the right woman? 

 Approaching 11 years.  When I popped the question, I knew it! Now… it’s questionable.  And it’s mutual. We both have at times questioned whether we married the “right” person.  Over time, some things change… people change… and also… they don’t.  You marry a person for who they are at that point in time.  Depending on that point in life, they may be settled into the person they are eventually going to be, or they may still be developing into that person.  And you either expect that they will remain the person you married (because you think they are just PERFECT!) or you expect that there will be growth because you see room for improvement (because you feel the love you have is stronger than the fact that they are NOT PERFECT).  Or there could be a combination of both.  But nobody’s perfect so (in the words that err body like to use today) ”At the end of the day” , you just have to decide if it’s worth sticking it out whether they are exactly “right” or not.

2. As a man of a particular age in a marriage, do some of the same issues you experienced while dating still come up in your marriage? 

Maybe a little, but not really… marriage brings along it’s own set of issues that supersede the dating issues.

 3. As you get older are you a little less tolerant to drama within your relationship? 

By the DAY!! And it’s more than just a little.  No man ever wants to deal with drama in the relationship in the first place(contrary to popular belief), so whatever drama he puts up with in the beginning needs to decrease as time in the relationship goes on.  It should be like the interest on an amortized loan where it dwindles over time. 

 4. What’s keeping your marriage going?  The genuine love we have for each other.

 5What do you think a women need to understand about men before they decide to walk down the aisle?

 Women need to understand that they can’t look for a man to fit into their life, they need to decide if they can fit into his life and not loose herself.  Ladies, you can NOT change a REAL man so stop trying.  If this nigga ain’t already 90% of what you want in a man, he ain’t the one and you can’t make him the one. 

 6. As you look back on life were there any women from your past that you wish you had done things differently? 

     Yes, but that is a very open ended question.  I could go many ways with that one. HA!

 7. If you had the opportunity to give your 20 year old self advice about life and relationships, what would it be?  

It would be to wait even longer than I did before deciding to get married.  Going along with what I said in #1, the older you get the more you settle into who you are going to be.  Over time you come to realize things that you really need or don’t need in your relationship.  The younger you are, the more chance there is for those things to change and/or develop.  This is how it’s possible for people to wake up one day in a long term relationship and realize they don’t know the person they are in the relationship with.  But this doesn’t mean you won’t end up with the same person because if it was meant to be it would be, just without all the growing pains that could sour what would have been so sweet.

 8. Do you think age and experience played a major role in the man you are today? Why or Why Not?

 But of course! Age and experience are the best teachers.  You live and you learn(hopefully!). “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ~Muhammad Ali

Attention:Not All Men Fear Marriage

Not all brothas are marriage material. There are some you literally have to punch in the ball sack to get them to take you out the house. They fear the words “us” and “together”. If you even attempt to say “When I get married”…their asses are so quick to let you know it ain’t that kind of party. These are the “Only for a time” men. You can kick it with them.. you know have your fun, but when you decide you want something more you look the other way. Then you have the brothas that don’t shy away from commitment. They’ve done  all they wanted to do and more and finally realized that finding that woman that makes them feel confident in love is better than any feeling in the world. They have no problem making that step with the right person. They know when it’s time ladies, sometimes they want to make sure that you’re ready.

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