Dear V.I.,

I have a problem with two guys. For almost 4 years I didn’t have a man in my life. It has just been me and my son. So, I felt it was time for me to get out and meet guys.

I meet this one guy, and we talked for a while. He told me from the start that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. He just wanted to hang out with me, which was fine. It allowed me to see what was out there. The more we talked to each other and hung out, we got more attracted to each other sexually. After we decided that we would have sex, it was always something that kept us from doing it.  He work nights, so our times were always conflicting even before the sex came up. He stopped calling and answering my messages. I figured he may have found someone else and wasn’t in to me anymore, so, I moved on.

I then meet another guy, and he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. He wanted to sleep with me right away, but he understood when I didn’t want to. He was nice about it. We talked and went out for a while, and then I started to feel him sexually. We ended up having sex a couple of times. I could tell we were feeling each other sexually. About a week after we had sex the last time, he sends me a text message to tell me we couldn’t hang out anymore. He had some stuff going on. I figured he had some issues with his children’s mother, so I said okay, and moved on.

Out of nowhere the first guy calls me wanting to get together. Of course I told him about the other guy. He seemed a little upset, but not too much because he’s not my man and I’m not his woman. He told me that he was just really busy at work and couldn’t find the time, but he wanted me. So we talked for awhile as friends. Then we started having a sexual attraction again for each other, but we still had an issue with our time. When he wasn’t busy I was, and when I wasn’t he was. So our contact was starting to get less and less again. I saw it as a sign and moved on again.

Then one day I get a message from the second guy telling me that he was sorry that he had to end what we had. He had a lot of stuff going on, but he really wanted to get back with me. I told him how I felt about what happen with us, and that I was looking for a real relationship. He kept telling me how he was sorry, and he wanted to try again. The more I thought about the sex, I gave in, and we had sex again. But this time it was different, he was more emotional and caring. It was different.

When I was leaving the second guys house, I notice I had several text messages from the first guy asking me if I could come to his house. He really wanted me. It was a good thing that I had my phone one silent. I text him back telling him I was out with a friend. He keeps calling and texting me trying to get with me. I am really in to him too, but I’m not telling him that I went back to the other guy. So I keep giving him excuses as to why I can’t get with him.

I am so confused. I know that no real relationship is going to be with either one of these guys, and I’m not looking for one to start up. But I can’t seem to shake either one of them. I am very sexually attracted to both of them. What should I do. Should I just tell both of them to kick rocks and start over. Please help.

Signed,

Too Many Men, So Little Time

Dear TMMSLT,

You just answered your own question in your email. You’re looking for something more serious but they aren’t, so why are you even having this dilemma? You seem to be just settling for whatever you get. By reading your email you seem to know what you “want”, but you’re not allowing  that to come to you and you’re going after what you think you “need”. These dudes are playing with your emotions because they know they can. You’re allowing them to have to all the control even though you said it yourself you know that you can have no real relationship with either of them.

I know you said it’s been 4 years since you’ve been involved with someone, but after all that time why play yourself? I’m not saying we as human’s don’t have needs and desires…but if it’s just a sexual thing make it a sexual thing. You’re bringing in feelings and emotions and letting these people have their way with you and all it is to them is just a straight f*ck. If you continue down this path you’re gonna start throwing out the words “I’m in love”, because you’ve decided to give your body to a n*gga that never deserved it in the first place.

Now you said you didn’t have sex with the first dude because of your schedules, so I wanna talk about the second dude. You said he wanted to have sex with you right away…red flag number 1. This dude can’t even identify your p*ssy in a line up and he automatically tells you he wants to bust a nut using your womanly below? Naw son!!!! Next, after you had a sex session he’s gonna TEXT you and say ” We can’t hang out anymore”? No explanation at all? That shows he doesn’t even respect you enough to call you and tell you that shit. Then he’s gonna call you a few weeks later telling you he wants to hook up again? I can dig where you told him how you felt about him coming back like nothing happened, but then you totally f*cked up when you f*cked him again. That’s basically showing him “Yea you can tell me any sorry shit, but since you possess the dick I will allow you to make my tits shake again”. Dude had something else going on and when that shit fell through guess what he decided to do…call ol reliable. You played right into his trap girl.

I think you should cut em both off, but if you really wanna keep em around I see nothing wrong with telling these fools the real deal. They ain’t yours and you ain’t theirs so what’s the point. I just think if you want to find that special someone, holding on to ain’t shit n*ggas ain’t gonna help you in anyway. You’re just creating emotional and physical drama for the next man to clean up…and boo boo it  ain’t his job to fix you.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

So we started off “Black Love” week with “How to love a black man” , now we will teach the fellas a thing or two about us. Unlike men, women can be very complicated creatures. The majority of the time we think we need everything, but in actuality we . There are a lot of chicks out there that think everything should automatically be handed to them. A woman knows her self worth regardless of her relationship status, but can appreciate the love and affection given by the opposite sex. The man that has to pleasure of having a real woman in his life must be aware of how to treat her.

Black women are characterized as the most difficult to deal with. Ok, there may be some truth to this, but this is because we don’t take no shit. We know what we want, and if you can’t be real with us…it’s time to go. Some men get it twisted and think that just because he is MAN a woman should be beneath him. We’ve learned to do for ourselves that we don’t need anyone…we simply want them. Men don’t choose a woman, she chooses him. For the real men out there, if you’re in a relationship with a black woman and you want to know how to really love and satisfy here then here goes.

1. Keep It 1000~ Yea I said 1000. People say the truth hurts. Yea that is true, but a lie hurts even more. A woman only wants a man to tell her the truth no matter how disappointing it may be. She wants to know that you have her best interest at heart, and even though she might be discouraged the point is you told her. A woman can handle the truth…she cannot forgive a lie.

2. Respect Her Fresh ~ Respect goes a long way with a woman. No woman wants to feel like her time and her efforts mean nothing. Show her that you respect her opinions and input. Also, you can’t demand respect if you can’t give it. One thing I can’t stand is a man that tries to play the playa role. Women calling the house and shit…how can you allow that and respect your relationship?

3. Listen to her needs~ Men don’t listen…or they do listen they just don’t wanna hear it. How ever it works all a woman needs a man to do is listen to what she has to say. A lot of couples lack that basic communication skill. They don’t listen so nothing gets heard. A man needs to take the time and find out what his woman needs in order to make her happy. A happy woman makes for a happy home.

4. Bring Home the Bacon, and She’ll Cook It~ Every woman ultimately wants a provider. Although women flaunt the theory “I’m independent, I got my own”. A woman wants to know her man can provide for the family. Fellas listen here….truth be told. A woman has no problem being subservient to her husband. As long as he’s taking care of business the way he should be, she would make sure everything else is handled.

5. Head to Head Combat~ A woman wants a man that can battle with her. I’m not talking about they start fighting all over the house. I mean a woman can’t stand a “Yes Man”. A yes man is someone that has no backbone and can never stand up for what he wants. He says yes to everything and rarely gives his input or insight about anything. For instance, I like a man that isn’t afraid to tell me no. Not rag me up or anything. Just a man that can put his foot down.

6. She IS a woman after all~ There are times men forget that women are still women. Once the years go by and the babies are born, men stop treating their women as women. Although, time has passed and you’re lives are filled with fruity pebbles rather than f*cking in the living room at 12pm she’s still the woman you’re with. Take her out and compliment her show her affection. A woman needs to know she’s still loved and appreciated after everything you’ve been through.

7. Allow her to Dream with you~ A woman wants to share in your vision. She doesn’t want to be left out of your future. If you have personal goals, share them with each other. Allow her inside of your head and vice versa. A woman wants to see her man succeed, she just wants to take that ride together.

8. Her Friends Are Not Your Enemies~ Men think that the single girlfriend will lead his woman astray. Fellas, women do have minds of their owns. The majority of the time a woman knows that her best girlfriend wishes she had the relationship you have. Point blank…women will always be jealous of others. A real woman knows what she has and just because she’s chilling with KeKe doesn’t mean she wants to do the things KeKe is doing. This isn’t high school…this is real-life.

9. Prove You’re Different~ Women in general are emotional. They may have been hurt a time or two. Show that woman you’re different than the rest. Women go into new situations with a guarded heart. They may be afraid to trust because of how they might have been treated in past relationships. If you’re not that guy…prove that to her. Allow her to see who you really are.

10. Don’t try to hard~ Although women like a man to show her he’s different than the rest, you don’t have to try to hard to do it. Sometimes effortless chemistry makes two people gravitate more towards each other. A real woman can see through the bullshit, so don’t try to show it to her.

Although, all these rules apply to every woman black women seem to be the minority when it comes to relationships. According to CNN 70% of black women are single, and 40% will not be married. This means a black woman has a higher chance of being alone for the rest of her life. The only thing we need is someone who is down for us and has our best interests at heart. Fellas, I hope you’ve learned something today…if not you’re not ready to take on a real black woman.

Not all brothas are marriage material. There are some you literally have to punch in the ball sack to get them to take you out the house. They fear the words “us” and “together”. If you even attempt to say “When I get married”…their asses are so quick to let you know it ain’t that kind of party. These are the “Only for a time” men. You can kick it with them.. you know have your fun, but when you decide you want something more you look the other way. Then you have the brothas that don’t shy away from commitment. They’ve done  all they wanted to do and more and finally realized that finding that woman that makes them feel confident in love is better than any feeling in the world. They have no problem making that step with the right person. They know when it’s time ladies, sometimes they want to make sure that you’re ready.

I’ve heard a lot of men laugh at the thought of marriage. Maybe because he thinks if he takes that leap he will be missing out on the millions of women that won’t even look his way in real-life. Some men think that every woman with a nipple wants to sleep with them and the second they say “I do”, these horny women will all decide to f*ck all his single friends leaving him out in the cold. Then you have the others that just fear of responsibility. Taking care of a family, finances and futures just can scare the hell out of them. You also have the men that fear they would end up marrying the wrong woman. Although this is a valid thought, most men don’t want to realize this later and think of all the time they wasted when they could have just stayed single. These men allow their fears to define their futures. Marriage can be a scary thing, but if you know in your heart that you’ve found the right one that should be the calming factor.

Now you have the men that have been there and done that and finally realized that they wanna be loved just like everyone else. Yea they played the field in their day, but finding a good woman…the right woman has become more of a mission than a sabotage. He knows the value of a good woman and wants nothing more than to nurture and grow within their relationship. This man doesn’t just pick a chick and get down on one knee. He takes note and studies *just like women* what his partner’s strengths and weaknesses are. If your weaknesses outweigh your strengths that ring ain’t coming your way…at least not right now. The second he knows that you’re the one you will know.

Many times when women say *Yes to the ring*don’t lie you’re really accepting his ring more than him half the time, you forget what the focus of the marriage is at.  A lot of women get so focused on the actual wedding day than the marriage. When a man decides to spend his life with you and only you he means that shit. Focusing on the dress, cake and making sure you’re the envy of all your friends ain’t worth it. Then you get into the marriage and can’t even keep shit together. There are serious men out there also looking for that “forever” kind of love. It really boils my potatoes when a man decides that this is what he wants and the woman ain’t bout shit. I’ve seen it too many times. She puts on this facade of the person she thinks he wants her to be. She pretends until she has him right where she wants him and the minute the ring comes on the finger she changes into the big bitch up the street. Playing with someones emotions and heart makes you look like that bitch you are. They say “love is a game for fools”, I think too many treat love like a game and they turn out looking like the fool.

“It’s easy for a player to play, it’s much easier for a real man to stop…” (c) V.I.

Holla at me: What is your theory on why some men are afraid of marriage?

Not every man has the knowledge of satisfying a woman orally. Some just go down there and eat that shit like they’re in a hot dog eating contest, while others devour that coochie like a fat kid with an ice cream cone. I’m not sure if eating the cooch puts too much pressure on a man that he goes in there like he’s retarded, or he’s just inexperienced in the art of making her cum with his tongue. *My Infomercial Voice*Here are some rules and techniques that can help you *pointing finger* become a better lady coochie eater.

Oral sex is better when wet by other means. Sure she can get wet from it, but would you rather do something that can get her wet and throbbing first then go in for the kill? I have some rules when you actually get down there. First rule in coochie munching; never bite a clit. *Warning: If you bite her clit, she will knock you the f*ck out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you* A woman’s happy button is a very sensitive instrument; you can’t go in there like you’re jaws and crunch and munch it. Nibble on the grissle, suck on the clit flesh just don’t bite it. You have to tease and taunt her with your mighty tongue. Take your tongue and massage the labia *that’s the p*ssy lips to you non-educated men out there* work your way around all the crevices. That way you can make her extra excited with your wetness, and that would create the perfect situation to do your job more effectively.

Another rule I have when giving her oral stimulation: Never hit it and quit it. This isn’t a marathon son; you can’t just give her two shakes and ready to stick your d*ck in there. You know you get mad when she tries that shit with you, so why do it to her? Work that tongue like it’s your man meat and tongue smash her. I know it’s a smaller instrument to work with *well some of you might feel right at home*, but you have to know how to do other things than just lick on the top. Go in and out, move it from side to side; do something that can make her scream your name or her man’s name or whoever. Flip her over and eat it from the back. Ladies, get that man in the Ear Muff position; that’s when you’re both laying on your sides and he gets between those thighs and you grip his head with them. Not only is that shit fun, but you can apply as much pressure to his head to make him continue until you’re done.

My last and final rule to carpet munching: Don’t be afraid to get glazed with her juicy goodness. Don’t be afraid of cum…cum is your friend. Hell cum is your reward for a job well done. When she’s spent from all the tongue lashing, you can enter her with your mighty peen and make her double back on herself. I’m sure you will take heed to the information I have bestowed on you. *Slapping ass* Now go off in the world and be somebody.

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature readers that got thangs to say. I want you to give a special hand to NiKole.

Not sure when the roles changed but why have guys gotten so sensitive and passive. Don’t get me wrong I like a guy to care and be concerned but waiting by the phone for me to call or counting down the hours and minutes since my last call is borderline bitchassness. I need a man to check me and keep me in line cause I’m aggressive so he has to be a little more not a whole lot less.

I hate playing the guy role in a relationship because I will cheat. There is no way I won’t. I tried it twice and cheated four times. I love a man to be in to their feelings, but shit u don’t need to cry if you didn’t get to hear my voice before you went to bed. Sometimes I want to say “man up, you sure you have balls between your legs?”. It just frustrates me because I see why previous girls cheat because I’m pretty sure they thought they were dating a girl, and had to check their sexuality in cheating.

You can follow NiKole on twitter http://twitter.com/BlackBarbie860

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature the bloggers that got thangs to say. I want you to give a special hand to John Doe.

Loyalty, that’s the word that comes right after the big four letter word “Love”. Some may say they both coincide with each other. One may not be capable to have one without the other, in a safe or healthy relationship.  People, have you ever wondered/questioned the loyalty of family, friends, & especially your significant other has for you?  Well, that’s a question everyone thinks or asks themselves and will like to know the answer to before that big day one may say “I DO”.

“For better or for worse”, from a Male’s perspective. Most guys probably wonder if I didn’t have the keys to the car I drive, the house at the right zip code, or a career that indicates success would chica still ride or die for me?  Or better yet, if all the asset’s were to disappear one day especially with this challenging economy, “Would the Ms. still be there”?  (Jay-Z couldn’t have said it better)  Now don’t get it twisted ladies; no one’s saying to go out there and get a n*gga to just pound the shit out of your stomach and not a provider, protector, & a passionate lover.  But, these days most parents (especially mothers) teach or emphasize to their daughters what to look for or how to identify a good man.  Most times, this conversation comes about before the career conversation or even before chica learns how to be a good companion to the right man.  Ladies lets keep it 100%,  its to often females go out there and are drawn/attracted to the guys that can provide a lifestyle they anticipate vs a dude with a good attitude that their compatible with and may perhaps fall in love with one day.  So ladies, can you be loyal just to diamond rings and shiny thangs vs happy living?

“For better or for worse”, from a female’s perspective. Most women probably wonder; would he chang after I’ve helped him turned sucessful, after gaining 50 lbs from bearing his kids he wanted would he still find me attractive?  After a year of marriage he found out that I can’t give him the son (Jr.) he anticipated would he stay committed?  Better yet, if after all I’ve done to, for  & with him if he saw a female with more assets; would the Mr. still be there?  These days most guys would choose the female that gives them more publicity vs the one with good stability.  Now just keeping it 100%, after he’s attained the house in a good community, good car and a great career; he’s going to want a female to best represent him in the public eye. To also reflect  his 360 degree level of success/accomplishments.  Now, the new chic might not even have good qualities and posses all the bad habits but because she’s cute in the face, slim in the waist, and phat in the right places that’s all she’s gonna need for a good living.  So, fellas, would you choose perception over foundation?  Can you be loyal to a shopaholic, big booty woman with conceitedways vs intellect, personality, & substance?

Ok, so it’s true that it’s sometimes difficult for men and women to get along. We just come from two different planets. I don’t necessarily think it’s hard, the problem is we think differently. We do what makes sense…TO US. In relationships it’s so discouraging to constantly bump heads with your boo when it comes to the simplest of issues. Both parties are trying to explain shit and no one wants to agree that the other is right even when they are. We end the relationship vowing that you don’t need another one in your life. Truth be told men and women need each other, because we just can’t survive without them.

Ya’ll know by reading my blogs that I have a n*gga mentality. Meaning I didn’t give a f*ck get your nut and get ghost. I talked about the rise and fall of relationships, but in all honesty I was a skeptic. I wanted to believe I didn’t need a man for shit, but I knew deep down that wasn’t true. I’m not saying I needed a man for material things, I didn’t need that at all. I needed to find someone that made me understand what love was about. Yea I act all “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me”, but deep down I’m as tender as a chick on her cycle. Deep down I was too afraid of what love had in store for me. I looked at all the shit that I went through and said “I can’t get along with a man for too long”, so I let them go. I didn’t want a man up in my space, face, or place for too long because I was afraid of what might happen. Every time shit got rough I jumped ship. I just knew my ass wasn’t meant to be any body’s Mrs.

In life sometimes you meet people that are all wrong for your space. Of course a small part of you knew that when you met them, but you try to defy the laws of nature and deal with what you have. Relationships aren’t about dealing with what you have. It’s about having what you need. This is the road we travel on people. A road where you can get your heart hurt or find what your heart has been missing. I thought I had the power. I thought that having that “f*ck him mentality gave me control over me, but that actually took my power away. I’ve been reflecting ya’ll and I came up on alot of shit. When you meet someone that you truly fit with, the whole shit makes sense. So many people, myself included has cried over some useless somebody that never deserved to shit in our bathrooms. You allowed them to bring you down and make you feel like you’re the one with the problem. I remember one time this guy I was with actually told me “When I’ve hurt you, I know you love me”. Ain’t that the most i’gnant *yea I said i’gnant* ass shit to say? Folks purposely do shit…well just because they can.

Without them though, we won’t know what the REAL feels like. So let’s say THANK YOU TO ALL THE BULLSHITTERS OUT THERE.  If it wasn’t for you, some of us would never know what REAL love feels like.

We all know that forgiving someone is healing to the soul, but forgetting is damaging to the heart. Almost everyone has been in a situation where they’ve loved with their whole heart, and in the second breath it was broken in two. Love is hard, but you can’t allow it to permanently damage you. When most people enter relationships they focus on all the beauty and the affections associated with it. They try to leave all the what ifs and how comes behind, because they only want to think with their emotions. We always hear the phrase “Leave room for disappointment”, but is it possible that we leave too much room for disappointment?

The sting of a broken heart can frighten anyone into not getting too attached, but doubting every single thing isn’t healthy either. I have a friend that only sees the negative in a man. He can come right out and say ” I’m feeling you and I want to get to know you better” automatically her mind interpreted that sentence as “I wanna f*ck you”. Now he might want to hit that shit, but sometimes that doesn’t mean that’s his only  intention. No matter what a man tells her, she has to question it and argue with him. Ladies, I will say this again; men don’t like nags. Bringing your old situations and doubts into something new can only damage you. This girl can never give any man a level of trust because of her past. She’s officially allowed herself to be a victim. Her mind and her heart isn’t strong enough to be happy, with or without a man.

You can’t blame the new guy for your past heartache. It was a two way street. If a man hurts you and you take him back…fine. Anyone can slip up once. If he does it again and you take him back a second time, you now bear the responsibility for the way your heart feels. This means if you continuously take him back and he still does the same trifling shit he did before, you’re now hurting yourself. It only takes 1 TIME to learn a lesson. You’re not accountable for what you don’t know, but the minute you do know you can’t blame anyone else but yourself.

I know opening up yourself to someone new is a hard thing to do. You never know how it will turn out. Here is a thought though, what if it turns out to be the thing you’ve been missing. What if it turns out to make you smile at just the thought of him. You have to first accept yourself before you can accept anyone else. You have to know your strengths and weaknesses before you can even think of going there with anyone. If a situation arises where you know you just can’t…don’t. You’re in control of your heart, but you can’t penalize someone else for the last prick not treating you right.

You know you’re obsessed when you sit outside in the dark with sunglasses on and a trench coat watching his parked car. You know you’re obsessed when you go into the club wearing a wave cap and footie pajamas looking for her ass in the club. That shit ain’t obsessed, that shit is crazy in my book. You’re so obsessed with someone that your days and nights are consumed by negative thoughts of them. If you call them and they don’t pick up you automatically assume they’re with someone else. You start developing all kinds of thoughts in your head and then get angry with shit you’re thinking about.

I have this friend who back in the day was a little off in my book. She was seeing a man and truth be told he was an ass. She considered him her man while he considered her his “friend”. If this man promised her he would stop by her house she would drop everything.  Whatever plans she had were automatically dismissed because her ding-a-ling man was stopping through. You know this chick would stand by the window for hours searching for a glimmer of a headlight? Then she would continuously call his cell to ask him where he was at. You know he never picked up right?  She would start crying and shit. She was sick with it. So for all those hours her mind started racing. Then this bitch would get in her car and drive around the spots he frequents to see if she saw his car. It was sad as hell. One night at 5am she drove and saw his car in front of his house and she keyed the shit out of it. Yo, good d*ck can make any “sane” woman into a crazy bitch.

I blame men…yes fellas ya’ll are to blame for some of the crazy ass chicks out here. I know some folks can just be that crazy, but there are times when that one special man can make a chick turn loco. You can’t just do shit to woman and get em all hocked up on love  then kick them to the gutta. Women are very emotional and don’t tend to handle things well sometimes. Ladies, you can’t just love up on a man and give him hope of something happening then treat him like shit under your shoes. Then ol boy starts stalking you and shit and you start to wonder where the hell you went wrong. If you know that he’s not the one then let him be from the jump. Don’t give him the ginger snap and then say “I ain’t feeling you like that”. That can drive any man nuts. Just stop this crazy shit and seek professional help. No bitch ass is worth you loosing your damn mind over. Next thing you know you talking to yourself in public and answering back. Now that shit is straight up crackish.

Holla at me

Men get a little intimidated when I say that I’m not easily wowed when it comes to the bedroom skills. Sure I might meet someone that make me climb the walls, but then there are some I gotta look at with the Lil Mama side eye like “What in de hell you doing playa”? Then there are times I just stop in the middle and get the hell out of dodge. Yes I get my shit and I roll out. No need completing the task when you’re already failing miserably. So I stop you dead in your tracks and try to explain to you where you went wrong. Here are some reasons why your d*ck don’t move my mountain.

1. Dead As A Door Nail~ You know you dead ass wrong trying to come at me with a malfunctioning d*ck. That shit is just criminal. You get in there and then the next thing you know I feel a flat tire in my coochie. Dear Sir…keep that non-operational d*ck out of my reach. I might be liable to cut it off and throw it away, because clearly you don’t need it. 

2. Doing the most~ I know a man has something to prove when he gets in the bedroom, but bucking like a f*cking race horse ain’t gonna cut it. Calm the hell down son. The coochie ain’t gonna run away. Sometimes taking your time works wonders. I was with this one guy that was totally doing the most. I guess that fool watched “Belly” one two many times and he tried the DMX move. You remember when he was trying to sex ol girl to sleep? Well homie tried that and at that moment I questioned the meaning of my life. THAT SHIT SUCKED!!! I looked dead in his eyes and said “I will never ever have sex with you again”. I mean come on why it gotta be all over the place? 

3. Too focused~ I love a carpet chomp like the next woman, but if that’s all your ass know how to do then we got a problem. P*ssy eating is basically a teaser for what’s to cum. If I’m laying there expecting the powerful ding dong, and you’re down there like you’re licking your way to freedom we got a situation on our hands. Hell you might have bomb ass oral game, but I need something in there to feel like my night means something.

4. Shut the hell up~ I don’t like conversations during sex. I can deal with certain things like “Who’s is this” *even that is a side eye situation if we’re just in a sexual relationship*. If you start a whole f*cking conversation and expect me to join in, no bueno papi. One of my homegirls told me she was with this guy and he started talking about his car. *Blank stare* Yo, who does that shit? We’re in the middle of cumming for the greater good and you start talking about your damn Ford Festiva? Lmao that is some lameness right there.

5. One Size Does Not Fit All~ Dude  wear your size. There is nothing worse than getting your oil changed and the condom is too big to fit the equipment. Either the shit keeps slipping and you have to change it, or your big ass fingers are holding it on there cause you don’t know the size of your piece. Fellas, that is a turn off. If you rocking the Xtra small Durex, be proud of it and stop fooling your self with the Xtra large Magnums.  A woman always knows when the condom doesn’t fit, so stop thinkingyou’re tricking her. Every time you get up to change the condom,  my sexual desires start dwindling fast.

I’m very straight forward and I would tell a lame that he needs to get ta going. I try to enjoy sex as much as possible, and if I have to coach you and tell you what and what not to do I wouldn’t be too enthused to even entertain your man wood. There may be some chicks out there that might tolerate your foolishness, but I am not one of them. Get the shit together and if you get right I might holla at you. Hell, who am I kidding? Once I’m turned off by your lack of vigor my ass ain’t coming back. You can have a d*ck made of gold and shit $100 bills and my ass would still look at you with the Lil Mama side eye.