So last night everyone tuned into the 2010 Oscars. We were intrigued to see if Brad Pitt was gonna win for Inglorious Bastards or if Sandra Bullock was gonna take it home for The Blind Side. *Scratches record* Who are we kidding the majority of us only watched the awards to see if Precious was gonna win. Let’s face it, that was the only negro movie that the majority of ya’ll got on bootleg last year. So for all my black people out there and the people that wish to be black here is my review of everything black at the 2010 Oscars.

1. Precious and her abusive momma’s attire~ So everyone was dressed like they were going out in public. I wasn’t too ashamed with any of them. Gabby Sidabe aka Precious and Mo’Nique looked really nice in their blue gowns. Precious…I mean Gabby….shit we might as well call her ass Precious. She was doing the most on that damn red carpet though. I love her confidence and all but don’t it seem like her ass got a big head since she got into the spotlight? Mo is now the Incredible shrinking woman. I ain’t never seen a big chick loose that much weight so fast. Yikes!!! I think Mo is on Trimspa baby. #NoAnnaNicole

2. God May Have Had a Slight Stroke…Or Drunk~ I know I’m not the only one that noticed Morgan Freeman moving a little…well a little out of it? On the red carpet he started slurring his words and his ass had the nerve to chew gum. I know he GOD and everything, but one thing I thought GOD had was class. Then while the showed him in the audience he was leaning forward like he was having a silent stroke or something. I don’t know if he had that wine before he got out the limo, but Morgan need to lay off. Can’t take old black folk nowhere.

3. That Bitch  Kanye’d on ya’ll hoes~ So the man who was running up to the stage very flamboyantly won an award for something or the other and this old Betty Davis looking woman came outta nowhere and Kanye’d his ass. I get embarrassed when folks on tv get embarrassed so I muted my tv. Not sure what she was saying, but that n*gga had a look of “This old white bitch better get off the stage before I get Southside Chicago on her lilly white ass”. Well that’s what I think he wanted to say. Dude never even got to finish his speech. This was MTV all over again just the race and genders were reversed. Plus, no one knew who the hell this chick was. I’m so proud of Kanye.

4. Mo’Nique wins!!!~ No matter how loud she screams on her EBT show we were all pulling for Mo to win this category. I was so happy yet so sad because black folks only win Oscars when they play the dirtiest roles. I guess we can just be happy that she won. She thanked the staff of her EBT show, the cast of Precious and her LAWYER. I ain’t never heard of someone going on stage and thanking their lawyer. This must be something new cause this shit is ghetto has hell. Like she done came up and she gotta thank him for her money and what not. Then she thanked her husband. This may just be me but doesn’t her husband look like the rapist dude from up the street? Ok I guess that might just be me. *dancing* Mo’s hubby is gonna get some coochie tonight, to bad it won’t be her’s. They do that open marriage thang.

5. No Mupphets Were Harmed in the making of that dress~ I like Zoe, really I do but it looked like a Mupphet shit on her dress. I just wasn’t feeling the whole I am different watch me strut thing. I mean I know you have to make a statement on the red carpet, but a purple mupphet dress wasn’t gonna cut it. I don’t know how many of ya’ll would agree, but that shit looked horrible. 

7. Precious wins for Adapted Screenplay~ I am so glad that Jeffery Fletcher won this category. I just didn’t understand why the hell they showed the scene when Precious was running down the street with a bucket of chicken. The movie was about an hour long and that’s the only scene you felt confident to show? I mean come the f*ck on academy. 

6. *sings* Tyler Perryyyyyyyyyyyyyy~ I love Tyler Perry!!! He presented something from the other and made this statement “Wow my name was said at the Oscar’s. You will never hear that again”. The Oscar’s don’t take too well with too much black folks. You see how the put all the black people in that corner? Damn shame!!!

7. Precious wasn’t so Precious~ So while writing this blog I was waiting for the category of “Best Actress”. All of my twitter friends and I were sitting on pins and needles hoping that Gabby won for her role as Precious. The excitment was short lived when we heard “And the Oscar goes to….Sandra Bullock”. I like Sandy B really I do, but what was so challenging playing a white rich woman that takes in a big black dude? I don’t get it. I never watched the movie, but I think Precious was a damn good movie. #Ontothenext1

8. Best Director…NOT PRECIOUS~ They didn’t win! The night started looking gloomy after the best actress category

9. Best Picture….Nope not them again~ You guessed it, they didn’t win. By the time this category came up I was zoned out. I knew they weren’t gonna win Best Picture. 

10. IT’S OVER AND THE BLACK FOLKS ARE CRYING~ They usually say, they were just honored being nominated. That is true, but let’s face it who really likes to loose? Precious momma done left her NYC Subway post to come to the award show and her child ain’t even won. Po Gabby.

One thing I can say about the Oscars this show is long as f*ck. I think I slept in the middle of it. I think I covered all the black folks. There were only a handful there anyway. Oh Queen Latifah’s looked great and um Oprah’s hair was flowing. Ok, I covered all 6 of the black people at the award show. Next year FreakNik the musical will be nominated for “Best Coon N*gga Shit” show. I pray to Morgan Freeman that shit don’t happen.