What Is Your Definition of Good…I Mean GREAT Sex?

oral-sex

What’s your definition of good GREAT sex? Everyone’s answers might be different, but the goal is the same. Great sex is the type of sex that makes you want to put everything in that motherfucker’s name. Lol iKid. The dick so damn good that you would get up at 2 am in the dead of winter and run outside to turn on his car so it can heat up for his ass. Great sex is the type of sex that make you say “fuck them bitches” when your girlfriends call you to go out to the club. Great sex is the type of sex that has your legs wobbling, sweat dripping off your titty and new hair do gone to hell but you still suck his dick as a fucking “thank you” just for being fucking you. When a man knows how to do it just right it can make every sex session feel like damn Thanksgiving.

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It’s Not Hard…Literally *Vintage*

Dead ass dick just isn’t the business. Fellas that shit is a straight turn off. I’m not saying you gotta walk like a champion every time we get done with the get down. It is possible to have one off night, but when it becomes a constant then we got an issue. It makes you look stupid, and it makes me burst out in laughter. A grown ass man shouldn’t have to suffer that kind of mental abuse. Men use so many different excuses when it comes to the reason their little buddy won’t stand at attention. Just stop blaming others and just realize your dick has malfunctioned, its dead, no longer living, gone to glory.

The first time I ever saw this happen, was back in college. I had a small crush on this guy and we started getting familiar with each other. So we decided to make the magic happen and while in the middle of it, this kneegroid conked out. At first I thought “Hmm well this feels different” then he stops and pulls out. I looked down at it, and was repulsed by what I saw. The thing looked like a turtle that went back in his shell. This was the first time I had sex since my high school sweetheart so I was perplexed about the goings on. So as I sat there in amazement, this fool actually started talking to his weed whacker. I kid you not; this man was sitting there talking to it. He told his dick “You’re embarrassing me. Please get up.” I didn’t know if I should laugh or give this dude a karate chop. So I said what women in my position have said for centuries; I laughed then said “It’s ok, it happens to everyone” News Flash: It doesn’t happen to everyone and it is a big deal. That was the first and the last time I fucked with Dead Dick Deon.

I wish I could say that was the last dead dick I experienced but it wasn’t. I actually had a relationship with someone that couldn’t get it up AT ALL. Well, I don’t really care to bring back the painful memories I endured. I think it should be a requirement to tell a woman that your dick is deader than Superhead’s pussy walls. Let it be up to her to decide if she wants to fuck with you or not. Chances are she won’t even give you her fake cell phone number. If you’re having a constant problem staying erect, you may want to see a doctor cause that shit just isn’t normal. Oh and please don’t blame it on the woman, or the fact that you neglected to take your Flintstone vitamins or whatever other excuse you have. You own your dick…so whatever issues you have is on you. You can’t bust a nut with a soft sac. Get it together!

Holla at me: Have you ever experienced a man that dick dried when the wind blew left?

The Drive-by D*ck

Ladies, almost every woman has had that drive-by dick. You know that man you had a relationship with, but you’re no longer together but you still screw on occasions. That’s a drive-by dick. There’s nothing wrong with having a drive-by, but sometimes you need that motherflucker to park every once in a while. Most of the times after a break up, a woman just doesn’t wanna jump right into sex with someone new. There is a waiting process, but let that ex call her and the next thing you know your legs are slung over his shoulders and you’re begging for that dick to go deeper. SMH….damn ya’ll gotta do better.

I’ve had a drive-by before. Hell I ain’t ashamed to admit it…well maybe a little. I just had a weak ass moment and when he said he was coming over my ass started doing the happy dance. Now we were broken up, but ain’t nothing better than dick your coochie is familiar with so I knew that we were gonna f*ck. It’s actually in the handbook. Ex’s are allowed to f*ck until 1. One or both parties have found successful relationships. 2. You decide that his dick is the devil and because of it you can’t move on. 3. You decide that the sporadic fux ain’t making you feel too pretty on the inside. 4. His new girl catches you in her bed. *LOL j/k…no I’m not* 5. You wake up one morning and you’re itching like Kim K after one of her many athletic screw. Go to the doctor bitches…quick.

The sad part of having a drive-by with an ex; you still might have special feelings for him/her. This can cause a problem in the long run, because they’re looking at it as convenient sex and you’re hoping this will lead you two back together. If you’re thinking that you will get back together, maybe the drive-by isn’t for you. If you want to get the relationship back on track giving that man open opportunity pussy isn’t the best thing. You may not be able to stop cold turkey. Maybe you should ration it out, that way you’re weaning yourself off that dick and can focus on getting your relationship back. If it is over on his part, you ain’t getting yo man back so um you better move on….um k bye.

Holla at me: Have you ever been involved in a drive-by?

Little D*cks Scare Me!!! *Vintage*

I’ve bumped into some not so right size dicks in my time, and I came to one conclusion. Little dicks scared me!! The whole thing was just odd, for the basic fact that there wasn’t really much of anything there to work with. I was perplexed in what should be done. You can’t treat it like a “regular” sized slong, so you gotta give it special care and attention. I was always afraid to sex someone with a little wee wee for fear I might not feel a damn thing. Well that theory went out the window when:

I met this guy in college and we became friends. We were both attracted to each other, but something kept stopping us from hooking up. One night he had a party at this crib and invited me over. He picked me up and we headed over to his place. The party ended really late and since he was drinking he asked me if I wanted to stay over. At first I was like… I don’t know about that, but said I ain’t got any choice in the matter. We got into the bedroom and we started to watch a movie. He started kissing on me and it felt really good. Everything started getting a little heavier and my hand started wondering down to his dick. I jumped back when I felt what I felt. MAN HE AIN’T HAD NO DICK!!! Ok, he had a dick but that shit was so small it was ridiculous. I ain’t never ever ever felt a dick that size in my life. My whole hopes and dreams were dashed out the window. I came up with the excuse “I’m not ready. This is happening too fast. Let’s stop”. Yo, I had to say something. I wasn’t fucking that thing. To tell you how small it was; it was in my opinion the size of a pinky finger on a large hand, and it was thin. I could take my thumb and my index finger and hold the whole dick. A real dick ain’t suppose to do that.

Fast forward to 3 years later…we’re both out of school and still hung out from time to time. I was somewhat still attracted to him, but I wasn’t about to let a damn thing go down. He brought up the possibility of having a relationship, but I’m sorry but my mind focused on the lack of pleasure I would receive. One night he came over to chill and watch a movie and we started pouring out the liquor. The next thing I know he kissed me. Now we hadn’t kissed since college so it brought back a whole bunch of memories. Here I was horny and with a man that had such a small dick a white girl couldn’t even get down with it. Anyway…we’re starting to getting excited and I had to make a decision. I could get over my fear of actually doing it, or stay afraid of these things forever. I got up, walked into the bedroom and he soon followed.

So now I’m calculating a strategy. What would be the best position where I would sorta feel this thing without having the completely fake the whole performance. To my surprised homie knew how to work it. I was actually moaning, and not that fake moan where you oversold the shit. The man was hitting spots that I didn’t know I had. I guess when you’re working with much of nothing; you gotta perfect your craft. He was sensual with it also. He was down for pleasing me. Hell I guess when I made him wait all this time; he wanted to savor the moment. The next thing I know he started thrusting more and more. How about my dumb ass started talking gibberish. All of this was such a surprise to me because I never thought a little dick can do what a big dick could.

The next day I came to the conclusion it must have been the liquor, so I decided to do it again. The next time was better than the first. The man made me do things I NEVER done before with a big dick brotha. Needless to say I never misjudged a man that hung short, shriveled, and to the right again.

*Side Note* This man was not at all aware that his dick was small. He kept saying…“You want this big dick”. *blank stare* What’s that about? :\ *Kanye Shrug*

Holla at me: Have you ever been with a man that was not so large? Ladies do you think that a man that is not so large tries to work harder to please you?

 

Is He A Vagina Whisperer?

sex

Girllllllllllllllllllllllll, you ever met a man that just makes your vaginal parts scream out in ecstasy? Boo doesn’t even have to touch that spot all your juices start flowing, the next thing you know you wanna rip off your clothes and force that dick out it’s little peephole. I’m not exaggerating. There are some men that just get your body racing. No matter if it’s a look, a touch or a kiss your vagina instantly reponds. He’s a vagina whisperer. He’s one of those very few men that can talk your vag off of a ledge. He has that special touch that a vagina craves. It’s just something about him that makes your vagina feel ok and comfortable, that’s why it’s so easy for women to tear open their legs right off the bat.

*Sigh* So I’ve met one or two of them there vagina whisperers in my lifetime and these men are nothing but trouble. Well let me take that back. A vagina whisperer isn’t always some dude that ain’t shit. What I meant was when you meet one of these men all your normal senses take a backseat and your pleasure has gone to the top of your list. I remember I had a run in with one of these men back in the day. Just his presence made my cooch sing his praises. Although I knew my lady parts was trying to be in control I had to pull that bitch back and regain my composure. The second you allow you vagina to think for you, you can kiss common sense out of the window. Your vagina don’t give a shit about your feelings, only the feeling between your legs. The second some men sense that power they run with it and your left with a unnaturally moist vagina and a dick that just comes around every so often.

Holla at me: Ladies have you ever had sex with someone that just created pure moisture betwix your legs every time you saw them?

The Prettiest Peen I Ever Seen…

 

I don’t go around checking dicks to see how they look, but I sure came across one that looked amazing. I don’t even know how to really explain it, but the shit was just proportionate to everything else. It was the right girth, density, color, length, width, hell even the hair around the man bubbles looked pristine. This was when I realized that this was a rare moment in time. I have found the crescent jewel of all penises. The Michelangelo of every penis ever developed. Now to get a feel *sigh* of the dick you need to imagine who it was attached to. Imagine a tall Boris Kodjoe look alike with the body to match. If I could share a damn pic I would. That shit would be a photo finish.

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Ask V.I.~ My Penis Embarrasses Me

nude male model

Hi V.I.

I am a male who experiences a lot of spontaneous erection. It’s ridiculous, My problem is that I model nude for art classes and have difficulty preventing or getting rid of my erection. The whole thinking about something else idea never works for me. I was wondering if you could tell me of a cream or something I could use to prevent an erection or possibly make an erection go away. I tried lots of home remedies but still get an erection anyway. Is there something that numbs for a period of a few hours that I could use? I thought of using some desensitizing creams you can find at adult stores, but didn’t bother trying them because I figured they’re designed to help you keep your erection, not lose it. It would be very helpful if you could help me out.

Thanks,

My Penis Stays on Hard

Dear MPSOH,

That’s very interesting. I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to stop an erection. Usually dudes are having issues getting their dicks fully swole. I’m not sure what you can use to help you reduce your erections. I’m wondering if you get hard because folks are actually watching you. You’re a nude model, so maybe the fact that you’re nude and people are emulating you causes your dick to stand at attention.

If this is a chronic issue, you may want to see a doctor so he can guide you in the right direction as far as treatment. Unfortunately, I am not a penis specialist and I do not own or have a penis so I’m unsure as to how to help you. Like I said you may want to see a professional if the issue persists.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

 

3 REASONS GOOD DICK AND RELATIONSHIPS DON’T MIX

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature the bloggers that got thangs to say. I want you to give a special hand to The Mystery Lady.

I had an epiphany the other day. Good dick and relationships DON’T mix.

Yes you read correct and as a matter of fact let me clarify:

Good dick CANNOT be in a successful relationship.

Let me tell you why.

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Gripping On The Bed

As you all know, I promote great dick. I think great dick should be adored, and loved by those who benefit from its pleasure. If I could design and sculpt a trophy for the greatest dick I ever had I would. Hell if I could cut that shit off and keep it in my purse I would. I just loved the effect that greatness had on me.

Ladies, you ever had a peen so good you had to hold on for dear life? While he is pumping you full of lead, you’re gripping everything you can get your hands on? I call this the grab and run move. The dick is diggin into your guts so you’re trying to run away from it, and his ass is pulling you back. Not many men can experience the woman gripping for fear the dick will make her explode. It really doesn’t have anything to do with size either. *Even though size does help* It’s all about how you position yourself.

You can get a guaranteed grab and run from the back shot position. No matter the size of the dick, the woman should feel it. Well if you got a Gary Coleman dick she might not understand what you’re doing back there, but I digress. A great dick man would hit those walls and plunge his hawtness in and out of you. This is where a woman needs to have her Kegel game on point. Revert that shit and use your walls against him. Pulsate those muscles; you will see how quick his ass crumbles. This time he will be the one trying to find something to hold onto.

Holla at me: You ever been sexed to the point where you couldn’t take anymore?

The Deep Throat for…Dummies *Vintage*

deep throat

I want to think that most women are familiar with the term deep throat. If for some strange reason that you’re not; Deep throat refers to basically taking the dick to the throat. SIMPLE RIGHT? Well, the one thing that might cause some difficulty when performing this is your gag reflexes. Trust me, if you’ve never done this before you’re going to gag like shit. Once you get the hang of it, there is a chance you will still gag once in a while, but by this time you’ve learned control. Many women aren’t comfortable with having a dick in their mouths period. Well I guess this blog is for you, because the bitches that have no problem taking a stiff one to the head got this shit on lock.

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