Dear VI,

I would like your opinion on my situation. I am a 25 year old woman who is currently in love with a 21 year old guy. We attend the same college and have mutual friends. Initially I did not like this guy as we could not get along at all. Strangely enough we both engaged in a “friends with benefits” relationship although I am not quite sure how that happened seeing as we weren’t even friends to begin with.
Anyways the sex started off a little bad because I was celibate for over a year and he was way beyond average, eventually it became great! Now I know the cliche of women falling for men with the good dick and how friends with benefits never work out so I prepped myself for all that. Outside of sex nothing changed about us we still argued and all that.

My situation now is I do not know if he likes me or not. When we first started out we had rules, no emotional attachment, no making love, no kissing, no oral sex. One by one we broke those rules. He said he doesn’t go down on a girl unless he likes them and he did it to me more than once (I never asked). Is it me reading too much into it or does it mean something?

We had a talk one day and he said that he doesn’t like anyone right now, he has no time for a relationship he wants to focus on school. I know when a guy says something he usually means it but sometimes they put on fronts, I have no idea if this was one of them as his actions are opposite from what he says. What should I do? move on? I think about him all the time and what makes it worse is that his best friend and I are good friends so every time she hangs out with him and I am there I get butterflies. I am too old for this fling shit, I just don’t want to give up on something that could possible go somewhere but I don’t want to waste my time either. Help please?

Confused as hell

Dear CAH,

You got hit by the dick. That is the messed up part of a “just sex” relationship, it always ends up more than sex for at least one of the parties involved. You violated the rules of the fuck buddy code and ol boy can sense the change. He already gave you the forewarning that he ain’t about that relationship life, so don’t expect it to change cause you done caught feelings. Nothing good comes from these types of relationship, trust me girl I know all too well. 

You said you two established rules for your situation, once two people start fucking on a regular the rules tend to break because of the comfort level. Now he may have always liked you, but because it was already established as a just sex relationship the feelings may have been pushed to the back. I don’t know, but I don’t see this going the way you want it to go. Now you can do one of two things: You can either tell him how you feel and check his temperature about the whole situation or you can keep your shit to yourself and keep on loving the dick. If you tell him and he says he’s not interested in you in that way, your sexual relationship needs to end. If you get all inside your feelings and he doesn’t reciprocate then you will feel like shit every time ya’ll have sex. You’ll feel used, so it makes no sense to continue. If you don’t say shit, every time the dick enters you will fall deeper and deeper in love. Or maybe you can try this, leave him alone. If you two are all wrong for each other and you just simply can’t get involved with him, the dick games ain’t worth it. Cut your loses and move on. 

In my opinion the best thing for you to do is  discuss it with him. We as women always assume we can read a man’s mind. We know what they’re thinking without asking them what their thinking. We are all guilty of that. Just have an honest discussion with him and based off of his answer you will know how this thing will go. Don’t sucker yourself with a just sex relationship knowing you want more. 

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!