Hi V.I.,

I’m writing you because of my friend. She’s married and cheating with a guy that’s 26. She met him when he was 21. They have been seeing each other from time to time. He calls her only when he wants sex never just to talk. When she met him he had a girlfriend. Sometime he would ignore her calls. He would pretend they were gonna go out but he never called till days later. I told her that she’s his jump off. He calls and says I need to see you and she runs over. Sometimes he will not call for 3months then call and say I want to see you. I need to see you and get mad if she can’t come. When she get there he is happy to see her all kissing and fucking, 69 and liking her feet. She says she want to leave her husband because he doesn’t satisfy her or pay attention to her except in bed, and all he want in bed is his dick sucked, or to hit it from the side. I told her to get rid of them both and start over. The both using her. What should she do?

Asking… You Know…For A Friend

Dear AFAF,

I understand that you’re concerned for your friend, but there is nothing you can do to help her understand how naive she stupid she’s been in this situation. She’s grown and she has to come to the realization at some point in life. What she does is her business and if she continues to allow men to use and abuse her that’s something she’s gonna have to face on her own time. Obviously she’s oblivious or just foolish to what’s happening. Honestly she’s not because if you know all her business especially all the bad shit, she knows what’s going on but refuses to put an end to it. All you can do is be her friend, but at the end of the day she has to live her own life. You can’t fix this for her. Until she realizes that she’s being played, she’ll continue to be  in this game.

I hope one day she wakes up, but sweetie there is nothing you can do but be her friend. You telling her to leave isn’t gonna make her leave. She has to realize that when she’s hit rock bottom. It will happen one day, but right now she’s being played like lotto.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

So I might have said a few years ago in a previous blog that getting head ain’t that important to me. I officially retract that statement. I must have been on the longest contact high of my life. If a man doesn’t munch on the box then we don’t go together. I know some of you are probably saying to yourself ” If he can blow my back out the right way, that’s all I need.” Look here…if you don’t partake in the sweet nectar betwix my legs then you ghey. Well not really but maybe. Lol. I just think men need to please a woman completely and not just half ass. So golden rule #2 …Men should give head before they get the coochie.

It’s interesting how men expect to get their dome did, but wanna act like eating coochie is a sin. Really sir? You want to keep your woman happy right, well you better let your tounge do the work. Also for the dudes with the horrible ass dick game…please for the love of patron learn to eat properly. There ain’t nothing sadder than a dude who’s dick sucks, but thinks he’s adjusting wombs with that semi-functional penis. Give the damn girl something to enjoy. Your dick game ain’t shit, but your mouth game is amazing. Let her be happy about something in the relationship.

Ladies, if he says no to oral stimulation then cut his ass off from head also. Dude you can get head, but she’s starved from oral gratification? Dude kiss my ass with that bullshit. If you stopped sucking his ass off in protest I bet his ass will be singing another tune within a month.  Dick head drier than the mighty Sahara Desert. If he never ate a day in his life then he better get ta practicing.  Tell his ass to spread them legs, drop that chin and put them facial features all up and through that pussy.

Holla at me: Have you ever been with a man who refused to give oral?

Can you have a friendship with his ex? I know most of you looking at this like “This heffa must be out of her mind.” I know it’s not that common, but it’s not unheard of either. There are some people that have a friendly relationship with their significant’s other’s ex. They may not hang out and shit, but they’re cordial with each other. No bad vibes, well at least on the surface. I can say that I’ve never had a friendship or even a decent conversation with an ex of anyone I’ve ever dated. Them bitches didn’t like me. Maybe because I looked better than their ugly asses. Whatever the reasoning I never had the opportunity, not like I wanted it anyway. I do know some women that hang out, go shopping even chat on the phone. Chile that is just a little too much closeness for me. Would you be able to befriend your man’s ex even though he’s not into her anymore?

Like I said I’ve never had a friendship with an ex of someone I dated. Now maybe I became cool with someone and we later found out that we dated the same person, but never while I was in a relationship. I remember back in the day this chick and I dated the same guy…at the same time. Obviously we knew nothing about each other, until we were both deeply in “love” with the cheating ass dude. I had nothing but issues with this chick when we found out about each other. This hoe would call my house and hang up, she would stare at me whenever she saw me in public. She even told him lies about me in hopes that he would stop f*cking with me. This grimy ol ugly bitch was really aching for a whoop ass for real. Like this bitch hated my guts and I hated hers, all because of a dude that wasn’t shit in the first place.

So after the years passed and I dumped him, she followed suit and kicked him to the curb also. Now being the person I am I never had a problem with her because of him. I knew he was to blame for what was happening. He thought he would be slick and try to play us both. Apparently, she hated me because he loved me also. She couldn’t understand what it was about me, that made him continue to come back. So as the years past and we’ve gotten older I decided to reach out to her. All the years we’ve been beefing over this dude, now we’ve all moved on it’s time for this “beef” to be squashed. I didn’t expect us to be girlfriends and talk on the phone and shit, but I at least wanted to not have this cloud of anger every time we say each other. So I reached out to her online about 6-7 years ago. I said “we’ve had issues with each other for years over “him” and now maybe it’s time we act like adults and squash this thing. You’re not with him, and I’m not with him so why do we still have this anger? He played us both, plan and simple.” I thought that was very mature of me to say. Do you know this ugly ass bitch really tried to come at me? She basically said I always hated on her, and she was his main woman and I was just some bitch he was f*cking. Listen her…I lit in to that hoe so damn good. I swear I don’t get out of character, but if you try me I will COME FOR YOU. I was trying to be mature and bring this shit to a close, but this bitch still wanted to hold up the beef. After that I was done with the whole thing. I don’t have beef with her, but she obviously still has been with me. It’s been about 14 years and this hoe still don’t like me.

So no that whole friendship thing with a woman that dated the same guy you did can’t work for me. It’s something about two women that done screwed the same man, there ain’t nothing friendly about that situation. A bitch will always hate because what was theirs is now yours and she will want it back. If I ever got back with that guy right now do you think ol girl wouldn’t try to get him back? Then you have these chicks out here trying to befriend the new girlfriend to keep her close and go right behind her back. Where do you think that saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” came from? They keep you close and the reason you’re caught slipping you f*ck around and lose your man to some trick. Shit if you can easily lose him then maybe he wasn’t yours in the first place. You was just borrowing his ass. So if you’re cool with his ex just keep a watchful eye on that chick. The next thing you know you find her in your house sucking his dick. That’s when you’re free to whoop a bitch’s ass. I won’t judge!

Holla at me: Have you ever had a friendship with your man’s ex?

The game changes after a certain age. In your 20′s it was all about having a good time. The men/women you dated breezed in and out of your life, and although you felt hurt you just hopped on the next one to come your way. Dating in your 20′s seems a little easier because it was just a game. There were too many dicks in the sea  to be stressing out about one made absolutely no sense. This is why they say you have the best time of your life  in your 20′s. Shit seems so much easier, so free and so so promising. Then you hit your 30′s. This is where the game changing comes in, and dating goes straight to hell.

Let me tell ya’ll something right now, and my over 30′s can vouch for this…dating in your 30′s is shit-filled. If you thought dating in your twenties was fun and exciting, you don’t wanna be single in your 30′s. This is where the damn fun train stops. I’m not saying that being in your 30′s is the beginning of the end. I love being 30 something, but it’s definitely harder to find someone suitable at this stage. This is the time when a lot of people are through with playing games, and feel ready to settle down with that special someone. The issue is, damn near everybody has already paired up. Leaving the still single, still looking for someone even remotely suitable to take home to meet the family. You run into nothing but low-life, worthless ass men or men with baby momma drama and a tribe of chil’ren . Also you met the ones that can’t grasp the fact that their not in their 20′s anymore. Walking around wearing skinny jeans, cornrows and in the club searching for a late night freak. The shit is played for real. Chile there ain’t nothing but trash out cha. You have standards and you don’t wanna settle for less than what you deserve, but some folks end up settling. They rather have anybody than nobody.

Also when it comes to dating, some things that were deal breakers in your 20′s sometimes have to be overlooked in your 30′s. For instance in my 20′s I never dated men with kids. I love kids don’t get me wrong, but dating a man with that much responsibility was too much. Although seeing a man taking care of his kids is a wonderful look, but I wasn’t ready for that added pressure. If we got close and ended up in a relationship, I would automatically be step-mommy? No way honey chile. I was not ready for all that there. I wanted someone I can chill and have fun with with no drama. In your 30′s…chile it’s hard to find a man with no kids. It’s like the second you find one no matter what else is going on, all you can say is “At least he doesn’t have kids.” You want kids but some people would rather have a partner that wasn’t a parent so when that time came the experience would be new and exciting for the both of you. If you do meet someone with kids you now tend to over look it because at this age who doesn’t have kids? What you didn’t tolerate in your 20′s becomes a little more tolerable in your 30′s. That’s all I’m saying.

The bottom line is dating does not get better with time. Sure you’re more clear on what you want and desire, but you will quickly see how many people that disqualifies from your dating pool. If you’re lucky to find that special someone great. You better hold on to him girl cause if he’s all that and you slip up once these mature chicks out here ready to pounce. For my single ladies about to hit 30 and ready to settle down…girl keep hope alive. You gotta know what you want before you step into this arena. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, and don’t let the idea of love blind you from reality. If a man can’t give you honesty he can’t give you shit else. My sistas in the struggle: Girls we gonna make it. Shit we know what we want and settling is not an option. We know when it comes we will be ready. If it doesn’t come when we expected it to it’s ok. These things happen when it’s suppose to so just chill. Don’t let each passing year make you more and more bitter and desperate.

Hi V.I.,

Girl I need help like yesterday. I’ve been seeing this guy on a casual basis for about 3 months. I met him through a friend and we decided we were gonna get things popping. I wasn’t looking for anything too heavy because I’m actually a married woman. Well technically I’m married, but we have been separated for 6 months now. My husband is talking about making it work, but now this shit happened. I haven’t told the jump off yet because I don’t know if I want to keep this baby. I already have 3 kids with the husband so I never really wanted anymore. I’m pro life, but right now I am pro marriage so I don’t know what to do.

The jump off is a cool guy and all, but I never wanted anything too serious with him. Let me put it this way…his dick is the only thing going for him. So please give me some advice on what to do. Should I tell keep the baby and risk losing my family for good or do I have an abortion and pretend like this never happened?

Thanks,

Emotionally Unequipped to Have Another Man’s Baby

Dear EUHAMB,

Well damn! Before I begin…why oh why did you have unprotected sex with a jump off? I know sometimes condoms do break in the middle of the great ass ling, but you need to be aware of what goes into your coochie. Let’s just move on here…you f*cked and got pregnant. That is something you have to deal with. I think no matter what you decide to do you need to tell that jump off. You didn’t have sex with yourself. So he has a right to know in my opinion. He does not have the right to make the choice for you though.

So you said you’re separated, but in the eyes of God you’re still married. I understand when separated you have a little more freedom to do what you want, but if you and the husband were talking about reconciling  then that shit needed to end. You wanna have your cake and your jump off too. Now you’re in this mess. I too am pro life and I feel if you decide to open your legs you bare whatever consequences may occur. Not having a baby because you weren’t planning to have one is just selfish in my opinion. I know folks might go crazy with my pro life views, but hey I have a right to my opinion.

I think as a woman you do what is best for you. You have to somehow own up to your mistakes. If your husband finds out consider your marriage over. In this situation you will loose something. I think your mind is already made up, but your just looking for someone to validate your feelings. Own up to your responsibilities and do what you feel is best. It’s not an easy decision, but it is your decision to make.

I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!

So I was sent an “ASK V.I.” email last night and I had to address this right away. I was blown away by what the hell the letter said and that made me start to get pissed off. I’m not a parent but I do know right from wrong , and some of you single mother’s out there need to get your shit together. I’m talking about the single mothers that put a nigga *yes I ain’t bleeped that shit out* before your children. What kind of parent are you that would allow some dumb ass lame to gank you, and then talk about you still love him? Let me run down the letter so ya’ll can get a bigger picture for ya’ll.

Hi V.I.,

I’m wondering if you can give me some advice. I am involved with this man for 3 years off and on. We’ve had several issues in our relationship with cheating. I’ve tried to work things out with him, but we always seem to end up in the same situation. I’m also a mother of a 5 year old *he isn’t the father* and a 2 year old *she is his*. I worked two jobs for 4 years and recently got laid off of one of them. My boyfriend never seems to want to get a job and help out around the house.

About a month ago he asked me to lend him some money to buy a car because he was tired of asking folks for a ride. I gave him $2000 dollars of my savings which he promised to pay back. Once he got the car he stopped coming over to see me or his daughter. Every time I asked him about the money he would give me the run around. Part of that money was my rent and now I don’t have enough to pay it this month. He came over last night and all he seemed that he wanted was sex, and then he was gone again. I don’t know what to do. I need my money, but he doesn’t seem to want to pay me. Do you have any advice for me?

First of all, this shit really makes me upset. I don’t have sympathy for this type of behavior. She knew this man was no good yet she kept giving him chance after chance. Then his broke ass gonna have the nerve to ask a woman with two kids for money to buy a car? What’s worse is that she GAVE him the money and really expected it back. You have two children that you cannot properly care for because you’re taking care of a grown motherf*cker. I view that as bad parenting. I don’t care if I sound too harsh, but that shit makes me question any woman’s judgement. Now you’re about to be evicted because you can’t pay your rent. I don’t feel sorry for you one bit. I feel sorry for the children. Instead of using that money to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kids, you spending it on a nigga that ain’t got shit and treat you like shit.

You said he’s unemployed yet you honestly thought he would pay you back? Last time I heard people don’t shit money. The sad thing is you’re not the only woman that does this. There are so many women out there that would put someone else before their kids. Is it low self-esteem? Is it lack of parenting skills? There are so many questions that need answering. Women in general need to learn how to deal with their responsibilities. We talk about men not doing what they’re suppose to do as men, but there are a lot of women out there doing the same things. As a parent your main priority is your children, not some dude with good dick. Constantly putting a man over your children will only alienate your children from you. It’s like you put up with anything because you’re scared to be alone. Is that an example you want to show your children? A man can run over you as many times as he wants and all you have to do is grin and bear it? I’m sorry but I  and a lot of woman out there wasn’t raised that way.It pains me to write this post because some people just don’t realize shit until it’s too late. I give tough love because watering down the truth doesn’t sink in all the way.

This is the time when you need to make shit right. I don’t think you will ever get your money, but you need to take this as a lesson. I know he is the father of your child, but he is useless to you and her. Don’t talk shit about “he’s her father he should be able to see his daughter”. That is true but you said yourself that he only comes over there to fuck you and doesn’t even check for her, so what’s the point of him being in the picture. If shit is broke throw it away. You need to get your shit together and focus on raising your kids, so they don’t turn out battered and bruised. Believe it or not your kids are watching every move you make and if they see mommy getting treated like pure shit, they will think it’s normal and ok for someone else to treat them that way too. Get your shit together, if not for you but for the future of your children.

V.I.

Hi V.I.~

I’ve been going back an forth with my ex for 3 years. Although he said he loved me and I loved him, I was never completely happy. We had a drama- filled relationship. When I lost my job he wasn’t supportive so I cut him off for the 10th time. The last argument we had was 4 month ago when he was trying to get back with me and I decided to lie to him about dating someone. He got mad and told me that I was only a f*ck an a bunch of other things, so now after 4 months he called talking bout how much he miss an love me. I wont lie he was the best sex I ever had, so I had sex with him last week an told him to leave after. Now he calls an texts everyday. I really don’t want to be bothered with him because he has nothing to offer me. I want to tell him but don’t know how especially since I slept with him last week. Part of me wants to keep him for when I get an urge but my common sense side wants to tell him to go to hell.

Found Love In A Hopeless Dick

Dear FLIAHD,

Dicks are good and I do mean good, but not good enough to keep around knowing the other person is nothing but drama. It’s obvious that he’s in it for the sex or else if he really gave a got damn he would be supportive. He also said you’re just a f*ck so you don’t need Stevie Wonder to see that negro ain’t right. This isn’t someone you can have a “just sex” relationship with, because he’s nothing but situations. He’s playing with your emotions to keep you around. Girl game recognizes game. If you know you’re not into him or even want him, then why would you subject your p*ssy to his ass. He doesn’t deserve it.  Kick his ass out of your life. Ignore his texts and don’t answer his calls. Good dick will come and go, but sanity needs to be forever.

I really hope I’ve helped you in some way. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make the right one that will be in your best interest. Keep me posted.

Thanks

Ya’ll know I am somewhat of a ball breaker right, so there are just certain things I refuse to tolerate when it comes to men. I firmly believe men should act like GOD gave them common sense and not make me get gutta on their asses. I am as sweet as cotton candy, but there is just some bullshit that will make me dump your ass in a heartbeat. I try to give you fair warning before you decide to try me, but I guess some people just don’t get it as fast as others. This blog is dedicated to the men I dated and dumped. These are the reasons I dumped you. This one’s for you boo. *Marlo Hampton jailhouse wink*

6. Men Don’t Nag, Bitches Do~ I hate a nagging man. Yes, men nag too. I just don’t understand the need for it. Why you kept sweating me about dumb shit was beyond me. I tell you I’m out with my girls and you accuse me of cheating. You showed too many insecurities and frankly my dear that shit was a straight turn off. You moved like less than a man and more like a bitch. I don’t do weak fellows.

5. Hoes in Different Area Codes~ For some strange reason I always attracted the n*ggas that can’t help but have more than one chick on their roster. I’m assume having different women makes them feel like the man, but you sadly…you ain’t boo. I think I am that damn good that I didn’t need to share you with random women. Hell if you were gonna cheat on me you could’ve at least cheated with a chick that can make me say “Damn I see why he did it”. Don’t cheat with a Dollar Menu Cheeseburger bitch when you got Steak’ Ums at home.

4. Dead Dick Don’t Do Me~ Your dick didn’t work! It just laid there like a limp dish rag. Fool kill yo self…and any chick that told you, you had that good dick. Bitch wouldn’t know a good dick if it came up and slapped her in the face and did the Harlem Shake.

3. Weakness is an Acquired Taste~ I can’t stand a weak man. If you constantly showed your weakness I looked at you as less than a man. I love a confidence, and boo you never had it. How the f*ck you gonna say “I want to marry you, but I’m afraid you’re gonna cheat on me in 7 years”. First off, where the hell 7 years come from? Then you had the nerve to cry and ask me to promise not to cheat on you. Yo, when a man cries over bullshit he imagined I can’t help but chuckle. That back and forth trying to convince you otherwise mess just isn’t for me. If you don’t know where you stand with me, then maybe I’m not the woman for you.

2. Liar Liar, Dick on Fire~ I HATE LIARS. I HATE LIARS MORE THAN I HATE COMMUNISM. LOL. I just don’t understand why people gotta lie about everything. You told me “Oh that not my child. It’s my god-son. “. N*gga that’s your child. He looks like you gave birth to him your damn self.  What kind of fool you took me for. I must not have looked in the mirror often cause if I did I would have seen the word “Stupid ass” written on my forehead. One thing I hate is a man denying his child. That is some low ass shit. I’m glad that chick took your simple ass to child support. Lying for bullshit reasons.

1. Crazy Son of a Bitch~ *Blankness and Despair* It ain’t cute to be crazy. You actually dumped me and turned around and asked me why did I dump you *Taylor Swift confused look*. You seemed like a perfectly normal individual when we first met, then you started getting all “It rubs the lotion on its skin” crazy. That shit wasn’t a good look especially given the fact that you were a lot older than me and was “suppose” to be more mature. Chile stop!! Oh and by the by you had too much f*cking body hair. That shit is so gross. You looked like you were wearing a sweater…like all the time.

I can go on and on with this topic, but I have a life. I just wanted to list some of the reasons I might have left your awkward ass. I don’t know how I ever survived kicking it with you, but thank the lawd above I got the hell on. You don’t need a relationship, you need a team of doctor’s studying your stupidity. No normal woman should ever give ya’ll the time of day. All ya’ll need spiritual guidance.

Hi V.I.,

Who Knocked The Bottom Out? Chile when it comes to sex men and women can become deaf mutes if it’s being hit the right way. That powerful stroke can make your eyes roll to the back of your head and make you call out “God” in the middle of your sin-filled sexcapade. The right kinda sex ain’t no damn joke. Have you ever sat down and thought of who was the fan fav? Who was the person that gave it to you the right way. No matter how many bullshit dicks you done experienced every time you think of good peen you reflect on HIM. The one that made the pussy fuzz stand at attention by his touch or every time he kissed you the cream oozed down your right leg. Hopefully as grown ass women we have bucked up on at least 1 man that made having sex seem like the right thing to do.

I’ve discussed the “Three C’s in any successful relationships”: Commitment, Communication and Compromise. Although these three things can make or break any relationship Sexual Compatibility can also leave everything else seem like crap. Every woman and some men can think of that one person that had the bomb sex game. No matter what position he/she was able to bring it every time. Is that a good thing that you’ve had your best? In some situations I think it harms you if you really think about it. I’ve had my best and I just can’t get the feeling duplicated when I meet anyone else. It’s like you’ve had the best, so everything else just seems “ok.” Sure you’ve met some good one’s but on any rainy day you will rack your brain trying to remember the sex and just can’t. Now, when you think of the bottom knocker you remember damn near every move. How you screamed his name in the fit of ecstasy. How the neighbors complained to the leasing office cause your ass got a little too loud during the oral sex portion of the evening. The fact is when you’ve had your best you can’t really appreciate the rest.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting that “one” then I’m sorry for you and the life for which you live. I mean sex is only for a time, but spending that good hour in absolute heaven can just make all the wrong things in this world seem right. People think the best sex is just the penetration part, it’s sometimes more than that. I consider best sex is when the person isn’t trying to be the best. It’s the chemistry felt when he touched you or kissed you the right way. No matter what your mood that person can always make you feel right. For me good sex equates to good touch. I’m a touchy feely person; you touch me the right way and wala magic panties instantly removed but it has to be done by the right person. No matter how you wish the feeling of with that one can be duplicated with another person, it just doesn’t happen. He knocked the bottom out now no matter who penetrates, good sex just doesn’t feel the same.

Holla at me: Have you already met your best sex?