Some women just don’t get it. They focus on the man before they focus on themselves. For example; When a woman meets a man her #1 goal is to make him fall head over heels in love. Ya’ll can pretend like I’m talking bullshit, but you know it’s true. Some women tend to want men to look at them differently than all the other chicks. So they conform to fit what they think he wants in a woman. If he’s into sports you pretend to be the biggest sports fan. If he expresses that he’s a sexual person you feel the need to blow his mind sexually. The issue is some women give it away before he has the opportunity to DESERVE the snatch. Ladies, you’re going about this all wrong. You and your coochie are very valuable. If you make the lay too easy he will not only f*ck it but he will disregard you like trash. He won’t make an easy to screw up bitch his woman.

It’s easy for us to turn to what we “know” to make a man interested. What do men want anyway? A freak with good head game?  Yea, that may want someone who’s not shy in the bedroom, but giving him the business after the first meeting does not qualify for girlfriend status. Believe it or not sex is not the only thing on a man’s mind. I mean give their asses some credit. Men love a woman that doesn’t make it too easy. I’m not saying you gotta “play” hard to get because this shit really ain’t a game. You need to understand who you are and what you bring to the table and treat it like gold. You won’t give away your precious gold to just anybody right? So why you wanna give Julian, Fred and Meta World Peace your shit like it’s government cheese?

The next man you get with needs to deserve you, not just what’s between your legs. If your coochie opens up to every dude that got a wallet and a fresh pair of Jordan’s, your shit ain’t worth a damn thing. Then you always wonder why you hold the title of “the freak.” Only getting phone calls between 11pm and whatever time the clubs close in your city. Sadly, some women will ignore the words that I’m typing. They will continue on the same path and wonder why things never change. For those of you who choose to listen I guarantee you will see a difference when you start to respect yourself and your body. He has no choice but to respect you. Now if he acts like a complete ass because you ain’t about that fast life f*ck that lame. His dick head didn’t deserve to feel your walls anyway.

I firmly believe that men cannot and will not keep their damn eyes in their heads. They are conditioned to look at any good looking chick that walks in front of their faces. Hell the chick doesn’t always have to be good looking. If her booty is sitting up like a shelf his eyes will be glued regardless of how much her face looks like it has been ran over by a garbage truck. Although men constantly do this, they feel that they can look as much as they please as long as they don’t touch…AND I TOTALLY AGREE!

I never understood why in the world women get upset when men look at other women. That’s about the most insecure shit I ever seen. Most women expect their men to just forget that other women exist when they get into a committed relationship. At the end of the day, men still got eyes and will use them bitches. Men are very visual creatures and when they see something that makes the hair on their manhood stand up they will stare. Now, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything other than stare. If they do that is the perfect time to whoop their ass. I’m just saying a look sometimes means nothing. Matter of fact how you not expect men not to look with all these chicks with their lady parts hanging out. Your walking down the street and you see a chick with her titties hanging out her dress. The only that that is covered is the bottom part of her areola. I mean come on…you would look too.

Fellas, I know I said it makes sense for you to stare but you gotta give the women a pass also. Sometimes we walk down the street and see a fine brotha and we almost always have to look. Now granted he isn’t walking down the street with his d*ck swinging from right to left, but he has something that is attractive to us. Most women may look at a man in a suit while others might look at a man with a wife beater, sweat pants and a pair of peanut butter tims on. *trails off in the distance* and sweat dripping down his firm arm while he licks his juicy lips and has to readjust his junk because his d*ck is just a little too big. I mean he looks good in a suit…so why can’t we look too?

I do find it pretty disrespectful when a man is out with his lady and he stares at a chick like his girl isn’t even there. Like I’m watching you watch this chick while you drool on your chin. There is a time and a place to do certain things. The next time you’re with your lady and you see a fine woman walking in front of you compliment her while still throwing shade at her. Say something like “Baby she looks good in that dress, but you look like a million bucks in yours. Damn I can’t wait to get your fine ass home.” I don’t know…say something like that.  Girls if your man notices you staring at a man *which he never really notices since we do that shit so slick like* make sure you say something to let him know he’s still on your mind. You can say “Babe look at his shoes. Those shoes will look good with that new shirt you bought.” Half of the time he will say “Yea it would go with that, my baby always looking out for me”. *Side eye*. Sometimes you just have to say things that make your partner know that they’re all you need. It is true, but some people think if you stare it’s cheating. That is really stupid to me.

Women you just have to calm the hell down from creating unnecessary drama in your relationship. Now if he sees a woman and literally runs to her while pushing you in the bushes, then maybe his ass needs a good sound ass kicking. If he’s willing to push you to the side for the attention of some other chick, then you don’t need to keep him around. He’s the type that will take staring to another level. If you have a good man and he admires the frame of a woman from time to time, leave his ass be. He can look but always make sure he knows the good stuff that he has at home.

Dear V.I.,

About 2 years ago i ended a very bad long term relationship…it ended very badly. I had a male friend who helped me through it all…This male friend was so good to me one thing lead to another with all the late night talking etc. We ended up sleeping together then i learned he had a woman he loved but was not in a relationship with in another state. I respected that and when she called i remained quiet besides i did not want to be in a relationship. We agreed to be fuck buddies. Things got heated up and the love word was exchanged later into the year.

Well  I got pregnant and we decided to have the baby by this time the long distance woman he loved was gone no calls no text nothing. Sadly i lost the baby at 5 months he was not there to see her because i didn’t call him …..i was hurt and shocked.I spoke to him once i was out the hospital, later that year i got pregnant again at 6 months i lost the baby once again he wasn’t there because i couldn’t call him till after.He seemed hurt but okay with not being there. After the last baby he hasn’t touched me at all its been 6 months since we had sex.He‘s is very stressed he says he has a lot going on in his life so i understood kept my pussy on lock with the exception of my hand and toys.Occasionally i suck his dick and he never makes an effort to please me once again i decided it was the stress and put my trust in him. Today i went though his things which is wrong in a sense but i am sucking your dick kissing your lips so i feel i have the right 2!! I found an instant message between him and a girl he said was his friend saying he could come over and eat her pussy at such and such time. The way they spoke it didnt seem like the first time. Should i work it out ..talk to him about what went wrong? if me losing the baby has anything to do with this? or just leave? I love him i want you to understand that but i dont wanna be his fool…

Thanks

Confused and Unsure

Dear Confused &  Unsure,

First off, I want to say you’re a strong woman. The difficulty of loosing not one but two babies will be taxing on any woman. Now…let me dissect  this and give you my honest opinion. GET THE F*CK OUT. At the beginning of the letter you stated that you were going through a rough time and you confided in him. That was his game plan. He got you at a weak moment and magically your panties came off. Men love when a chick comes to them in a vulnerable state of mind. That gives him easy access to be that “friend” yet he prays you get so weak you give up the pussy. I don’t know him, but I think having sex with you was something he wanted from the jump and that was the perfect opportunity of him to make his move.

I’m sorry to say this but you made a very common mistake. You fell in love with the rebound. YOU NEVER EVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH THE REBOUND PERSON. I think the fact that he was giving you that much needed attention and he was handing you the dick, your heart started thinking for your mind. As far as the 1st pregnancy I don’t know if it was a “mistake” or not but deep down I think you felt that was a way to keep that man. You knew the circumstances of how you got him, and you felt the need to hold onto him. The fact that you told him you lost the baby #2 and he felt okay for not being there is a red flag. I don’t think he wanted baby #2. Any man that really wanted to be there would kick themselves for not being there.

Now let’s talk about the meat of this shit, the other chick. Boo, that man is, has and will continue to cheat on you. You can talk, cry, beg until you’re blue in the face he will still do what he wants to do. You found concrete evidence that he’s not only cheating, but eating some other girl’s pussy. Naw son…that’s not the shit at all. You loosing the baby has nothing to do with him cheating. That girl that you said he was talking to long distance in my opinion was his girl. You were the chick he was cheating with, and eventually got caught up. Now you’re the main chick and of course if he disrespected that relationship that is a clear cut sign that his ass is more likely to disrespect the one with you. Having kids for him is not going to save your relationship. You can’t change a person that doesn’t want to change. This has to be something he wants to do. If you’ve been down this road with him before and he’s still doing the same shit, he doesn’t respect the relationship. Get out!!!

I hope I’ve helped you in some way. Naturally the decision is yours to make. I really do hope you get things resolved that will better suit you. Keep me updated on what happens.

V.I.

xoxoxoxoxo

If you want your questions and concerns answered click this link or email us @ vi@candydiaries.com

I know at the job we get “paid” no matter how meager it is, but we get paid to do specific things. We punch the clock and do what’s in the best interest of the organization. Ok, I get and understand that, but don’t it seem sometimes that your co-workers don’t get as much shit as you do? It’s like they dump all the work on your desk when these other people that get paid the same shitty check that you do take 2 hour lunches and shit. Is it just me that ever happened to? This shit is not fair, but hey I guess life isn’t suppose to be fair. You work hard only to be treated like a damn slave. Then they wanna cop an attitude when you request a day off. Bitch I earned this damn 8 hour pto.

You will never find an organization that treats their employees fairly. Either it’s the boss that has his favorite employee that can get away with murder or the President of the company that only invites Jim from Acquisitions to a round of golf. These employees get all the perks. Meanwhile you’re at your desk trying to stay awake, but you have no choice because you’re doing work for 3 employees put together. So what do you do? Speak up for yourself or just let it go?

Let me tell ya’ll I am quiet. I may not write quiet or tweet quiet but in person I am very quiet. I think that is the reason people always thought they could get over on me because I kept to myself. It wasn’t that I was stuck up or anything, but I learned enough to know some people who you work with are only people you work with. I don’t go to a job to make friends, I go to earn a check and hopefully pay my damn rent. At this job I worked at I had a co-worker that didn’t seemed to be pulling her weight. The only thing this bitch would do is sit in front of the computer and download ring tones and prowled the internet looking for men. Now at the time I didn’t know this but  when she didn’t want to do her shit she would give the boss some sob story then I would be asked to do it. Ya’ll I couldn’t sit silent for too long. That bitch rubbed me the wrong damn way. I went to the boss and basically cussed his ass out…professionally of course. I let the boss know that being fair was not their strong suite and I can’t work with that woman anymore. Oh I did say this “I can’t take this shit anymore”. I was mad to the point I wanted up outta there. The boss took my advice and I was no longer working with that hoe. I swear if I had to work with her another day I would sho nuff give her ass a beat down I so craved.

At the end of the day even though you’re an employee, you’re still a person. I don’t care how much you get paid you do need to stand up for your principles in a tactful way. Don’t let anyone just push you around in or outside the work place. I know we all must be grateful for having jobs in this terrible economy but that leaves no right for companies to treat their employees like field n*ggas. My ancestors picked cotton, I didn’t.  If by some reason they terminate you *which I feel if you approached the situation correctly that shouldn’t happen* as least you know you stuck up for yourself. Self pride is better than no damn pride at all. Back in the day I didn’t feel like sticking up for myself was necessary. Hell that was the stress you got from the job right? Well, I had to realize until I stood up for myself I would continuously been used and abused. Now…look at me wrong and I cuss you out. Lol