I know we’re off that Tiger Woods thing, but his situation made me wonder what goes through a person’s mind when they decide to cheat. What are their relationships like? Why do they continue? I’ve decided to interview 2 people that are either currently or formally in a cheating relationship. First up I decided to interview a guy that is currently in a relationship, but is also cheating on his girlfriend. The names in these blogs will remain anonymous. I don’t want nobody ass to get whopped on the count of my blogs.
1. Describe your current relationship status. I am currently in a relationship with the mother of my child. The relationship has had it fair share of ups and downs makeups and breakups, but she is the person that I would like to spend the rest of my life with.
2. How long have you been in this relationship? We have been together for almost 8 years now. Started out as friends with benefits, but became serious a few months later.
3. At what point in the relationship did you start cheating? I was cheating pretty much from the beginning. I had just made 21 at the time and was having regular sex with another female when I met her. I did let the other female know that I had met someone else, but we continued to have sex regardless.
4. Is there something your partner is lacking that made you start cheating? No there was absolutely nothing that she was missing. Actually she is everything that I could ever want in a woman both mentally and physically.
5. Are you cheating with one person or multiple partners? There have been times when it was just one other person, but for the most part it has been multiple partners.
6. Does the person you’re cheating with know that you’re in a relationship? Has your girlfriend suspected that you’re cheating? I have always made it a habit to let anyone that I talk to know that I am in a relationship. I find it much easier to tell them up front than to have them find out later on. It makes it easier to keep it a secret and this way they can make a conscious decision to deal with it or not. It works fine for a while, but women have a tendency to catch feelings or worst fall in love and that’s where I draw the line and break it off.
I think she has suspected cheating, but she has never had any concrete evidence to prove that I was.
7. Do you believe the phrase “Men will be men”? If so, is that fueling you to continue to do what you want to do? I do believe in the phrase men will be men, but I am certainly not saying that there are no men out there that wouldn’t cheat on their woman. That type of guy is just rare. I can’t speak for every guy out there, but I can speak for some of the people that I know who feel the same way that I do. When I was younger it was like a sport for me. I was trying to sleep with as many women as possible. If I had a woman at the time, I just cheated. As I got into to my late 20’s that began to change. I don’t chase after women anymore, I have no desire to. If I see a nice looking woman I would appreciate her beauty and never say a word to her, but if she approaches me that is a different story. As a man I wouldn’t turn it down. Don’t get me wrong I am not the type of guy to sleep with anything that walks, I have standards. Believe me when I tell you I have turned down many.
8. If the situation where reversed and she was the cheater, do you think you would try to make it work or leave? I could never be with a woman again if she cheated on me, I would leave.
9. Has cheating been a pattern in past relationships? It has, but this is the longest relationship I have been in and the most I have cheated on anyone.
10. Do you think at the end of the day it is all worth the hassle and the drama? It is definitely not worth the hassle and the drama. There have been times when I have stopped cheating and cut all the other women off, there was actually a sense of relief after that. I could leave my phone laying around and didn’t have to worry about who might call or text. That was actually one of the best feelings ever, but it was only a matter of time before it all started again.
Gina
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 10:45 am
I am so glad you did this. I’ve never really heard a man explain the reasons why he cheated or his thought processes.
When you asked him if the situations were reversed would he stay and he said that he wouldn’t. It’s so funny that most guys wouldn’t stay but they feel that the woman should. SMH
Excellent Blog Girl!
Princess0889
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
I think the one point that should be made is that he said he wouldn’t be with his woman if she found out she cheated. That should let women know that if they don’t tolerate it then neither should we.
As you said before men don’t think of the consequences because I’m sure he’d be hurt deep if she found out and left him.
He say his girl is fine but obviously not if he feels the need to get somewhere else.
VI
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 1:34 pm
Gina,
It’s interesting how a man’s mind works. They expect certain things from us but sometimes giving us the same benefit is just not happening
VI
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 1:36 pm
Princess0889,
You’re so right. They won’t tolerate it so why should we. Women put up with things a little too much in hopes that things will change. Sometimes you have to give up on something that you love to have a greater piece of mind.
Odara
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
Wow, appreciate the “honesty” but this kind of shit is ruthless.
“I could never be with a woman again if she cheated on me, I would leave.”
—UnfuckinBelievable….Selfish, Condescending and such an ignorant statement.
I am not the type of guy to sleep with anything that walks, I have standards. Believe me when I tell you I have turned down many
—and these superficial “standards” make you respectable how?
but what boggles me is that he claims he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. You may have genuine love FOR her, but its hard to believe that you are genuinely in love WITH her….
And V.I. I KNOW men & women cheat for very different reasons but I think it HAS to be something other than “just sex” that these dudes keep using as a cop out b/c you can be kneeling & willing and a man will STILL cheat. Its reality. Its sad.
Thx for being honest Mr. Mystery Man but get it together ok?
cola
Comment made on December 29, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
people cheat because they want to and they can.
I find it crazy that you can cheat on someone but couldn’t handle it if someone cheats on you. The same feeling u feel about someone cheating on you, is the same way the person you cheating on feels. Why do something to someone that you in return can’t handle it. Don’t dish out what you can’t eat yourself.
And if this woman isn’t giving you what you need , why don’t you tell her and if that doesn’t work leave simple as that, why make the situation worst and not just handle the situation like an adult.
this goes for men and women they not doing something you like, be an adult and do something about it, in the right way move the hell on why ruin both of your lives because you can’t move on and you selfish.
better to hurt now than hurt someone for a lifetime!
hazysin
Comment made on December 31, 2009 @ 7:09 am
so my guy and i JUST had the cheating conversation because he is a cheater. A dumb one at that….from our conversation i gained from him that cheating is not a “deal breaker”.
Basically because he “cant be trusted sexually”, he does expect much from me. wtf. I am in love with him, he claims he is in love with me. I not lacking ANYWHERE (according to him) but its just “a dick thing” and i would not understand.
Truthfully (im confessing)…i have been cheating since i found out he was…like 9 months ago. Its not one person. I mean i tried the affair thing but i cant maintain 2 relationships so i have like 2 or 3 jumpoffs…we may not always have sex but whenever im not with my man im with one of those guys. In my mind, im not doing anything wrong because he cant keep it in his pants and he keeps getting caught. At least im discreet
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Dee Dee
Comment made on September 20, 2011 @ 3:14 am
It appears that they just don't care
KDubb
Comment made on September 20, 2011 @ 9:24 am
Wow…did u interview the father of my child?? LOL. Men and women are definitely built differently….
Dee
Comment made on November 8, 2011 @ 1:03 am
When will black men and women stop playing these stupid ass games. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. i have been cheated on and have been hurt and I've been with someone who was in a relationship already and got dirt-dogged out. As the world turns, and the longer you live, you will see how complex we humans can really be. All i can say, what goes around comes around. It never fails. You nay not get it right then, but trust, the bottom will fall out soon. How long can ole dude keep backpeddling until his house of cards fall? I;m just glad they are not married, but when has marriage ever stopped cheating? Funny!