I must say one of the hardest emotions to control is love. No matter what you try to cover it up with, it always seeps out of your heart. As grownups we fall in and out of something we think is love, but realized it wasn’t what we thought it was when it’s over. The worst thing about love is that it can happen when you least expect it, with someone you least expected to fall for…a friend. Now you’ve secretly fallen deep without their knowledge. You suffer through the pain while they live their lives. You’re now watching someone you love, love someone else.
Have you ever loved someone that loved someone else? It’s the toughest pill to swallow. I once had feelings for a friend. We were friends for a number of years and during that time I guess my feelings were always there. The thing was he had no clue how I felt. It’s not that I was ashamed in how I felt, my friend was a damn man hoe. The fact that we were friends I knew the games he played with unsuspecting chicks. The thing was as someone who was just my friend I got to know a different side of him, but I knew he was a man hoe so I never said anything. So a few years passed and I noticed that my feelings were getting stronger. Now by this time he has tamed his dog-ish ways and looking for something more meaningful. Basically we were both longing for the same things, but for some reason we never looked at it in each other. Well at least in my mind he never looked for it in me. Any way, after a few years I couldn’t take it anymore. The more I sat on my feelings the worse off I started to feel. I felt I needed to say something, but was afraid of the reaction. I wasn’t too afraid that he would be so uninterested that the friendship would end, I knew it wasn’t gonna go that way. I just thought the shit would be uncomfortable if we had the discussion and it wasn’t a mutual feeling. Basically I was running away from rejection, but deep down I had to know.
Just when I worked up the nerve to say something, I found out that he’s was seeing someone and by the way he spoke about her he was now in love. Ya’ll if you know how it feels to be ran over by a runaway train moving at 140 mph, that’s how I felt. Like I got knocked the f*ck over. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit HURT me to my very core. Even though I was dying inside I listened to him rant and rave about her. What a wonderful person she was, how he was so happy. I put on my fake smile and asked questions, although I’m in love I’m still the “friend.” I was watching the man I had feelings for be excited about someone other than me. I decided not to tell him at that moment. I guess it’s the fact that he seemed so different. I never heard him talk about no chick in that way. I felt defeated! All the times we did movie nights or just hung out I wished I said something to make what I felt known, but always threw those feelings in the back of my emotional closet. I didn’t want to deal with them, so I didn’t deal with it.
The more you hide your true feelings the more it will eat you up inside. It’s still killing me because I have yet to tell him. He has no clue to this day. Will I ever tell him…not sure. I decided to just let him be happy where he’s at. You never know what happens when you do express yourself. It can be the best thing you ever did or the worst. The whole thing is once you get it off your chest you feel a weight just lifted off of you. I will eventually say something one day. This whole situation reminds me of the movie “My Bestfriend’s Wedding.” Julia Roberts character finally told ol dude how she felt about him a day before he was set to get married. She kissed him and his fiance played by Cameron Diaz saw the whole thing and turned to run away. Cameron’s running, dude’s running after Cameron and Julia is running after him. Julia calls her friend played by Rupert Everett and told him what’s happening. He says and I quote “He’s chasing her, your chasing him. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Got it?” That quote alone is enough to not make you even say shit right? lol
Holla at me: Have you ever been in love with someone and they never knew it?
Cicley Gay via Facebook
Comment made on February 1, 2012 @ 7:08 pm
Wow!!! The world is full of people wanting people who want someone else. My brother JUST recently told me that. So true.
MissMeWitDaBS
Comment made on February 1, 2012 @ 9:22 pm
Hey mama luv ya blog..but yeah I know the feeling just recently I was n he same situation.I kept stuffing my feelings inside scared to let him know scared to feel that vulnerable scared of rejection. But it was killing me inside I had to tell him how I felt even if he didn’t feel the same way I needed to let him know for my own sanity just to get the what if’s out if my head. Most terrifying n liberating thing I ever did..he didn’t feel the same way n I don’t think I can just b friends with him. I don’t regret it at all tho..now that I know I can move on.
Secret crush
Comment made on February 2, 2012 @ 1:28 am
I have had a crush on my former boss for years. We live cross country from each other now, but I still fantasize that we will hook up. I tried to tell him but I never could bring myself to do so.
Joy
Comment made on February 2, 2012 @ 1:47 am
Nice blog!!! I really enjoy this site
brownie
Comment made on February 10, 2012 @ 10:42 pm
love my friend and i strongly think it’s the same on his end. no matter how long we stay away from each other we always seem to get back in contact. we both make jokes out of it but never sit to really talk it out.
LoveLost
Comment made on February 17, 2012 @ 10:17 pm
I’m in a similar but worse situation, the guy has been a friend for so long I ended up loving him harder than I could ever imagine. When I got the courage to let him know, he said he didn’t want to ruin our friendship if things didn’t work out and also wasn’t ready for a relationship. Couple of months later he tells me he’s in a relationship with a chick he met at a party. I am still burnt gosh, but I still love him.
FamFriendsShoes
Comment made on February 21, 2012 @ 1:01 pm
Wow, glad to see Im not not alone. Currently in the same boat. Everyone told me to guard my heart and not let it get there but it has and I very much care about my friend beyond a platonic friendship. It eats me alive as I spent just about everyday with him and I dont say anything. Im too afraid of the rejection and too afraid that I could lose our friendship, which I value so much currently in my life. IDK what the hell to do. Someone close to him told me to hold tight, either be patient or take some time away from away from our friendship but Im all about instant gratifcation and enjoy seeing him every single day. What is a girl to do!?!
MasterMindXd
Comment made on March 13, 2012 @ 4:50 pm
“He’s chasing her, you are chasing him. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Got it?”
That’s tough… but that’s the deal (Y)
It HURTS but I can only do so much. I’ve tried and I’m done. Love is there but don’t have the energy to keep trying…
wifey
Comment made on March 13, 2012 @ 9:36 pm
Get your own man. Period point blank. He is not yours. Being a scheming home wrecking clot is not what’s hot. If you can’t let go grab a blade and start slicing. Im sickened at all thispeanut gallery support.