Hi V.I.,
I would like to say that I read your blogs all the time and was wondering if you could help my CRAZY ASS out. My ex and myself have been broken up for a year. He was abusive physically, mentally, and verbally. That’s the reason I broke up with him. He was also a serial cheater. However with all that said I still love him and cannot move on. One reason I feel this way is because I’m overweight (278 lbs) and feel as if no one wants me. I know I need to lose weight but I just don’t know where to start. I feel like this is why I still put up with his BS even though we are no longer together. We have went like 2 months with no contact but some how we always end up back talking if only for a week. When we do see each other it’s basically just sex and a little catching up. He also sends me mixed signals. Like the other week we saw each other at the club and you know what happened booty call. N E Way we were texting because he wasn’t at my house yet and I told him if he wasn’t coming he did not have to lie. He said he was getting money and would be on his way. I said whatever. He later texted he loved me. I want to believe it was true but I know better. I just cannot figure out why I still long for him. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh side note he has a car since we broke up but when we were together he drove mine but he still cannot keep a job. He’s a self proclaimed hustla…u know what I mean. Sorry so long….
Titled need some serious help!!!!
Dear NSSH,
What’s wrong is you’re not confident in yourself. Your low self-esteem is clouding your judgement. You can be 120lbs or 320lbs, if you can’t love who you are you can’t expect anyone else to love you. You cling to this loser because at least you know he’s into you in some kinda way. Even though he’s a lying cheating user. He gives you the smallest attention and you’re satisfied with that, hence the reason why you can’t move on. Your size should not determine your sexy. You need to be confident in you and others will see you for who you are not just your size. If you make your weight an issue then so will everyone else.
Now to address his ass. That dude ain’t shit. The second he put his damn hands on you, it should have been a wrap. That man still abuses you even though he no longer claims you. You give him too much power over you, that’s where you went wrong. He knows how fragile you are and using your weakness to hurt you. The fact is you know better, but you refuse to do better. It’s like you’ve given up on yourself so you just continue to take abuse. I’m scared that you will go into another relationship with the same issues and all this shit happens again. You need to understand that you’re worth it. You deserve to be happy, but you can’t rely on folks that only want to see you miserable. If he calls, don’t answer. If he texts, delete them shits. You need to remove this dude out of your life because he’s no good to you and for you. You’re hurting yourself because you know he’s no good yet you continue to let him in the door.
Now on to your weight issues. If you’re unhappy with your weight, you can always change it. You may think it’s easier said than done, but the shit is just that easy. The second you’re ready to be committed to weight lose you will be focused on becoming a healthier you. Start off slow by taking walks in your neighborhood, or walking around a park. Something to get yourself more active. If you want to join a gym find one that’s woman friendly. When I first started working out I was nervous about joining one of those big gyms. I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable working out among those fit ass people. I decided to join an all women’s gym. It was much easier to be around women that had the same issues I had, and we motivated each other. Find a workout buddy and you two can motivate each other. I think that can be a good start for you. If you really want to get all in it hire a personal trainer. That way you can also learn discipline while you try to get yourself right. Your eating habits play a bigger part in losing weight than actually working out. So certain things in your lifestyle will have to change…for the better. As long as you’re ready to lose the weight you should be fine, but complaining about it and not doing anything to change it is just complaining. You need to take action in your personal life, romantically and health-wise. Only you can make yourself into a better person. Stop hiding behind your weight and no good rotten ass men. Your using these things as an excuse and that is not going to fly with me.
I’ve really hoped I’ve helped you see things clearer in some way. I am not an expert, I just give my opinions as I see fit. The decision is ultimately yours to make, so I hope you make one that is in your best interest. Keep me posted!
