So last night I was watching my usual Monday night shows and “Let’s talk about Pep” comes on. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, it’s about Pepa (from Salt -n- Pepa) dishing with her girlfriends about men and dating.  Basically, it’s the black boojee/hood women’s Sex in the City. So I was watching the show and one of Pep’s friends Jacque starting discussing her dating downfalls. Jacque is that typical woman that is ready to settle down and instantly start a family. She’s professional and has no time for the game of bullshit. The issue is every time she meets someone, she searches for at least one thing she considers negative and immediately pushes the guy away. This is such a common issue when it comes to women. We say we’re looking for a good thing, but run when it potentially presents itself to us.
I know so many women that do this shit on a regular basis. Hell, even I’ve tried to find something wrong with a man so I can say “He’s not the one”. Sometimes I don’t think women intentionally do this, I think we just get scared of any positive possibilities. If we meet someone and the vibe is right and we feel good about it, we immediately start second guessing it. We start to think that something has got to be off with him. So we start digging and digging to find anything we can. I dated a guy and everything was clicking. We had fun together, we could talk about anything and we just enjoyed each other’s company. We seemed to be on the same page and that’s when I started to doubt it. Things about him just started bothering me. When he called I no longer got that O.M.G feeling. The shit turned into “Why the hell is he blowing up my phone”? The thing that really started getting on my nerves was this mole on his neck. I guess I never really paid attention to it, but it seems like every time I was with him the shit was getting bigger. I started feelings grossed out. I was developing flaws in mind just so I can have a reason to end it. I got scared and tried to find an out. I was too scared to get my heart broken if I went all in with him. That’s the major issue!!! Due to our pasts we’re too scared to move into the future.
Bottom line, women know what they want but are afraid when the shit finally slaps them in the face. We focus on 1 negative and disregard all the positives. Of course everyone is afraid of getting their hearts broken, but pushing away someone just because of your fears can only leave you lonely. I’m not saying women shouldn’t have standards. If a guy tells me he has 4 kids by different woman with one on the way, his ass is out the door. Too much drama waiting to happen. If a man is open and honest and tells me about his past and has learned and grown from it, I shouldn’t push him to the side because of it. I won’t judge some one’s past if it’s now made them a better person. Sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind. Boo, how can you judge folk when your ass ain’t Mother Teresa? Not everyone is perfect, but breaking down our own walls can be so beneficial in the long run. Don’t let the possibility of disappointment ruin your great chances of happiness.
Holla at me: Do you ever find yourself searching for faults and not focusing on the positive?
thatchicknik
Comment made on February 23, 2010 @ 10:18 am
All the time…if it feels even romotely right, I start digging for the wrong…but I’m not sure how to change…
Missy
Comment made on February 23, 2010 @ 10:18 am
Alot of the times VI, since other men of our past haven’t proved that men are dogs, we tend to feel some things are so good to be true. We are what we attract too often, don’t kill me for this but it has been proven to be a fact. If you are immature, you tend to seek immature mates because of the way you look at life. Alot of us females got to find ourselves and know what we are looking for before we choose to mate because too many times, we expect men to come the way we expect them to, with little or no flaws and so is not the case. Some men just need that right woman to polish his strengths and changing his negatives. Yes, there are men that won’t change, but it won’t be fair to say all and with that being said, we shape our attitudes towards them and find all kind of things wrong, when most of the things are things that are simply in our heads or things we are not accustom to…stepping outside of your box alot of the times allow you to see what some of us have been missing!
PA
Comment made on February 23, 2010 @ 9:49 pm
As a man… I can tell you that it is one of the most frustrating things you can encounter. I just went through this with a sister. I wound up half the time walking on egg shells because she was always looking for something to be wrong. She then admitted as much that she thought I was a great guy but I just was not the one for her. Then she pointed to things in her past as the reason why she felt she couldnt commit fully to me. If I made a mistake I was hanged for it. She then told me (which was the last draw, I was getting on her nerves… all because I want to simply talk)… Strange enough she still wants to be “friends” and still calls like we have something going on. I thought she was being skitzoid. She really couldnt find anything wrong so she just decided to sabotage the whole deal. I just left her alone.