Wobbly, Wobbly

*Snapping Fingers* Welcome to the Diary of A Mad Guest Blogger. This is a segment where we feature readers/bloggers that got thangs to say. I want you to give a special hand to “K” of Boissuq.

How important is sex to a relationship?

While on twitter, I jokingly asked, “Do I really want to wobbly wobbly drop drop it like it’s hot?” I was in the moment referring to dancing, however, I received the following response from a male follower:

“There’s a word for women who don’t “wobbly wobbly drop drop it like it’s hot” – SINGLE”

Oh boi…  We clearly were not on the same page with our line of thinking, yet I begin to ponder upon what he stated, thus asking…

How important is sex in to a relationship?  And do we often use sex as a means to an end?  Meaning… ladies, do we give up the goods in order to get the man?

My mother once told me, “Don’t start off anything you don’t expect to finish.”  And ladies, can I be truthful for a minute…

When it comes to sex, I feel that we often think we can start off the relationship in the bedroom, in hopes that it will grow beyond those four walls.  We want to be his Adina in the morning and in the evening… well, that’s until you land your man…Then all of a sudden the well runs dry.  The things you did to get him, well you might still do to keep him, yet you may do it begrudgingly…Wanting to know if your relationship is only about sex, at times feeling disposable.

I have a friend that is in a live in situation with his girlfriend (I have my own thoughts about shacking up, but that is for another place and time).  He places a lot of importance on sex, her…not so much.  Based upon past experiences and her own insecurities, she does not feel attractive, so it’s hard for her to believe that a man could find her attractive.  The problem is that he plays into her feelings of worthlessness by befriending women… flirty attractive women.  He is not getting sexual attention from home, so he seeks it elsewhere.  Even thought he is not sleeping with these women (yet), the attention he gets makes him feel desirable… and he begins to compare his girlfriend to these women… You know, the old notion of “What you won’t do, someone else will.”

After the twitter conversation and thinking about my friend’s situation, I then asked another friend…

“So how much importance do men put in relationships?”

His initial response was, “Well I can’t speak for men on a whole… but me personally it plays a significant role”

Yet, by the end of our conversation he answered the question by saying, “If I’m with her and she treats me with love and respect, I’m already happy and satisfied. Good lovemaking is just the icing on the cake.”

Now, before he got to that answer, he did mention that it depended upon how early sex happened in a relationship…

I think the problem is we too often try to use sex as a building block…

Wobbly foundation to say the least.

If you want to read more from “K” check out her blog Boissuq http://www.boissuq.com/